A/N: Now it's Harry's turn…
Once upon a time Harry was walking aimlessly around the
Hogwarts grounds, wallowing in self-pity, when he came upon a hut. A sign on
the door informed Harry that it was:
NAGINI'S THERAPY HUT
(BECAUSE I'M NOT A COW)
Harry was baffled, but he figured he could use some
therapy, so he went inside. He found a large snake curled up on the floor with
a clipboard, sitting next to one of those funny therapy couch things.
HARRY: Nagini? Is that you?
NAGINI: Harry! Oh how you've grown! And you look so much better—last time I saw you you were tied to a gravestone, right? You didn't look so well back then. Oh, and I see your cut has healed!
HARRY: Er, yeah, it has. (awkward silence) So, why aren't you trying to kill me?
NAGINI: Oh, THAT! Yeah, I quit that job! Voldie—that scum of the earth—he called me a cow!!! (acts appalled)
HARRY: Oh, okay. That's nice. Let's change the subject…
NAGINI: What's your problem?
Harry: Excuse me?
NAGINI: You know, your problem! Why did you come to this hut in the first place?
HARRY: Well, I had never seen it before, and the cow sign made me kind of curious…
NAGINI: Forget the cow! WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?????
HARRY: Well, there's this girl….
NAGINI: Oooh! That seems to be the popular problem around here, maybe I should of opened a dating hut instead! I just love playing matchmaker!
HARRY: No! My problem is not a crush on her—the problem is her crush on me! She is totally obsessed with me!
NAGINI: And… that's a bad thing?
HARRY: YES!
NAGINI: (*sniff*) Nobody was obsessed with me when I was a teenager. In fact.. nobody even likes me now! (bursts into song a la Shrek) I'm all alone! There's no one here beside me… I'M ALL ALONE! (A/N: Did anyone get that??)
HARRY: SHUT UP! Can we get back to my problem??
NAGINI: Of course, of course! Now, what is her name??
HARRY: Ginny
NAGINI: I see. So, what's wrong with her liking you?
HARRY: Because she's my best friend's little sister and I just don't like her in that way!
NAGINI: Of what way are you speaking of?
HARRY: You know…
NAGINI: Maybe I don't know! Hmmmm, have you thought of THAT possibility? Anyway, it doesn't matter. I suggest you send her a Howler saying that you despise her.
HARRY: But that would break her heart!
NAGINI: Do I sense FEELINGS for this girl? (*hint hint nudge nudge wink wink*)
HARRY: NO! I already told you!
NAGINI: Hmmmm, this is a very interesting problem indeed. Bottled-up Passions, Self-denial… this would make a great soap opera. Or, I could write a book: The Raging Hormones of Hogwarts Teens! I can see it now…
HARRY: You wouldn't dare!
NAGINIL: Great idea! We should play truth or dare! Let's see, I dare you to… wear a girdle over top of your robes all week! That should get rid of Ginny's little crush!
HARRY: THIS IS STUPID! YOU ARE A NUTCASE!
NAGINI: Feisty, aren't we?
HARRY: I have an idea: why don't I dare you? Let's see… I dare you to slither around the school mooing and wearing a sign that says 'free milk'! Hmm, how about it?
NAGINI: I think I should take Hermione's advice and deep-fry you!!!
HARRY: Herm said that? But I like her!
NAGINI: You DO?????
HARRY: No, not that way!
NAGINI: There you go again! More denial… tsk tsk. Just like the others…
HARRY: What others?
NAGINI: Herm and Ron of course! By the way… Ron likes Herm too! Oh, and Herm likes you! Come to think of it, I think Ron likes you too. Waaait a minute…
Harry was so appalled that he ran out of the hut
screaming incoherently about love triangles and da Nile.
THE END
A/N: Get it? Da Nile?? (say it aloud)… pleez review, more will come soon J
