Disclaimer: I don't follow Boruto.
Chapter 1
An ideal world. Everyone had seen something different while under thrall of the Moon.
Which was why the Sixth Hokage, Hatake Kakashi, was pretty much tearing his hair out trying to maintain a modicum of sanity as he kept receiving the darndest news.
"You want to quit being a ninja to be a what?"
"A dancer. I was born to dance, Hokage-sama." And the special jounin in front of Kakashi began to flail his arms and legs about in seizure-like motions.
"And I, an operatic singer," the Chunin standing beside the 'dancing' jounin chimed in. "I would also sing for your Hokage-ship but my vocal teacher has cautioned me not to overtax my fragile vocal cords."
"In my ideal world I realized my dream of being an ace gardener," a heavily tattooed ANBU beside the timid Chunin and spastic jounin took various items from holsters strapped to his body and began to demonstrate, "as you can see, I have modified all my kunai into trowels and my ninja toolbelt now doubles as a gardener's belt."
Kakashi opened, then shut his mouth, which no one noticed since he still kept up his mask-wearing in case of a pandemic.
"Well, I suppose I could manage a short aria," the Chunin who had realized his calling was the opera finally gathered his courage and commenced a piercing caterwauling that broke every piece of glass in the Hokage's office.
Over the noise, Kakashi thought he could hear Tsunade, retired Fifth Hokage, cackling somewhere from a long way off, celebrating her freedom after finally turning over the reins of command to the son of The White Fang.
"All right. ENOUGH," Kakashi thundered, silencing the Chunin's ululations and halting the convulsions that the jounin called 'dancing'. "EVERYONE who is suddenly considering a career change after being placed under the Infinite Tsukuyomi is mandated to spend one hour in meditation every day for the next thirty days then return to me with their final decisions. Send the instructions out to everyone." He gestured to his clerk, "Got that, Ton-ton?"
"It's TENTEN, Hokage-sama, and when did I become your secretary?!" Tenten's grip on the handlebars behind Gai's wheelchair tightened to the point that the metal creaked, leaving imprints of her fingers behind.
"Shizune is taking a few well-deserved days off to stop nagging me- I mean, to rest and recharge, so Gai is standing in as my trusted assistant, and you are here to be his assistant – ergo: his gopher – ergo: my clerk." Kakashi adjusted his Hokage hat with finality, "I have decreed it and so it shall be."
"That doesn't make sense, I don't have to push your wheelchair while you go around walking on your hands like he does—"
"I have DECREED it, and SO IT SHALL BE."
Gai and Tenten exchanged befuddled glances. Kakashi was a lot less easygoing now that he was Hokage.
===/===
"EH? Why do I have to meditate, 'ttebayo?" at Ichiraku Ramen, Naruto was trying to blend back into his old life, or adjust to a new life where people treated him much better now than they had in the past. Saving the world in the most unmistakable way tended to have that effect. Obviously, he loved the attention, but fundamentally he still enjoyed the same things. Ramen. Ramen. And, oh yes, more ramen.
Truly, Naruto entered into a nigh-transcendental state when he supped upon a bowl of ramen. He scratched his head, no doubt contemplating that he wouldn't mind an hour of meditation if he was pensively consuming ramen the entire time.
"I think you're exempted, since you weren't placed under the genjutsu of Madara's Moon-Eye Plan," Tenten crossed Naruto's name off the checklist with a short scribble. She paid no heed to the group of poorly-concealed giggling girls who seemed to follow the Hero of Konoha around wherever he went nowadays. She observed that aforesaid Hero appeared utterly oblivious that he had fans unless they actively threw themselves at him.
She heaved a long-suffering sigh, "Naruto, please hurry up and become Hokage already. Gai is driving me nuts with his self-appointed role as adviser to Hokage, hanging around Kakashi-sama all the time and making me and Lee - Naruto? Why are you laughing?"
Naruto was rolling on the floor, guffawing fit to burst. "Kakashi SAMAAaaa!" Tears began to stream down his face, "I still can't get over it!"
Tenten sighed again, wondering if she would ever go a day without the sight of manly tears.
Behind them, the same group of girls also sighed at the sight of the rock star who saved the world having such a carefree moment that only increased his sex appeal.
It was an orchestra of sighs, punctuated by the hysterical laughter of alleged ninja rock star, who remained oblivious to their adoration.
Placing both hands on her hips, Tenten stared hard at Naruto. "You're not helping, you know. If you don't become Hokage soon, Shikamaru will probably be appointed next."
"Hey," Shikamaru complained from where he had been sitting minding his own business at the far end of Ichiraku.
"Go meditate, Shikamaru. Hokage's orders," Tenten said.
"Geez," he moved off the chair, "Women. I'm never getting married."
"Neither am I!" declared Naruto, loudly enough for the fangirls to hear. Their disappointed cries matched the look of concern that Shikamaru and Tenten exchanged.
"Uh, Naruto, never?" Tenten asked.
"Come on, Naruto, the reason I'm not getting married is because there's no one in this village that I like or who likes me in that way. But you…" Shikamaru gestured vaguely at what could be: a) the sobbing fangirls, or b) the direction of the Hyuuga compound.
"Naaaaw," Naruto drawled, crossing his arms and shaking his head. "I mean, who'd want me?"
Tenten and Shikamaru again exchanged looks, this time of exasperation.
"Let me foretell you future, Naruto," Tenten admonished. "Fortune telling being a hobby of mine and all that. Until you wise up on matters of the heart, you're NEVER going to become Hokage."
Shikamaru smirked at Naruto's extended, "Ehhhhhh?" and "Tenten, so mean!" and "Tenten, take back your prophecy!"
He watched Tenten walk away to deliver more scrolls with a complaining Naruto following her. The shadow jutsu user had no strategic capability, romance-wise, as such ambiguous matters escaped his intellect. Even he could see, though, that little by little, everyone was going to have to shove knuckle-headed Naruto down the road into realizing the obvious.
Meanwhile, he had to complete some alliance contracts with Sand Village and talk to the Kazekage's sister again about a few final issues on the treaty provisions. How troublesome.
===/===
Tenten knocked smartly on the door to the entrance of the Hyuuga compound, Naruto still whining behind her. He'd grown up into a fine young man and, as already mentioned, saved the world quite a number of times, but sometimes the Kyuubi host was given to bouts of being a general annoyance. She was glad for his company, though, when facing Hyuuga clan members. While they were very kind to her, they all did remind her of Neji. He'd died most honorably, but he was still dead, and Tenten missed him.
"These are the Hokage's orders for an hour's meditation once a day for a month for those still experiencing the after effects of the Tsukuyomi illusion," Tenten handed over the scroll to the answering attendant. Before she could turn away, however, an elder Hyuuga woman who seemed to be in charge of household affairs had already scanned the scroll and called Tenten back to return it.
"We're a clan of Byakugan users. The Infinite Tsukiyomi would have no lasting influence on us," the woman said. She seemed offended by the very notion.
Naruto was about to butt in and call out the snotty lady for disrespecting the direct orders of the Hokage but Tenten raised a hand to stop him, and nodded her head to indicate a scene unfolding before them.
A frail old Hyuuga man dressed as a clown could be seen cycling around the courtyard behind the housekeeper , on a unicycle, while juggling multicolored rubber balls, and honking a small horn held between his left armpit.
He cycled to the far end, then swerved round, and could be seen studying the height of the opposing courtyard wall. He then made a rush for it, pedaling furiously on the tiny solo wheel, building up speed and clearly intending to make a heroic leap to freedom, honking and juggling with all his might.
It was hilariously frightening, or frighteningly hilarious, depending on what you thought about clowns. Other clan members were running to intercept him.
"You can't stop me! Because of my vision, I've finally found the courage to make my dream of running away to the circus become my reality!" he screamed as a few other clan members jyukened him into submission.
Tenten pushed the scroll, courteously but firmly, back into the elder lady's hands.
"Meditation. Hokage's orders."
===/===
With some clever maneuvering, Tenten convinced Naruto to stay and chat a bit with a red-faced Hinata, who had come out to see what the commotion was all about, while the former made her excuses to deliver the other scrolls elsewhere.
"I blame technology," Ebisu sniffed, taking the scroll with disdain from Tenten. "The proliferation of this 'interwebz' thing or whatever you call it, and television, and movies- it exposes shinobi who should be concentrating on their life's mission to be the best ninja they can be and to serve the village in the best way possible to unnecessary distraction, giving them strange ideas about different careers and such."
Tenten looked stoic, having been doing this the entire day. Most of the jonins and higher level ninja were exempt from Kakashi's instructions. By the time one got to that level in the ninja hierarchy, those who weren't sure about what they wanted to do with their lives had usually been weeded out. Becoming a ninja required dedication.
But you could never tell, at a certain level of accomplishment, one could also become tired of duty, and want to do other things like sell insurance or something. So she'd saved the hard ones for last, the ones you couldn't tell if they were going through some sort of mid-life crisis or whatever.
"And couldn't Kakashi's summoned dogs be delivering these for him?" Ebisu thoughtlessly disparaged the kunoichi messenger.
Then he caught sight of her expression, "I mean, not that it's the kind of errand fit for dumb beasts, but really, maybe he just didn't want dog slobber on the scrolls so a human delivery service was more appropriate, or…?"
"Sorry, I gave you the wrong form, that's an old draft. The Hokage wants FIVE hours of meditation per day, due to the severity of these occurrences." Tenten whipped out another document and snatched the earlier order from Ebisu's hands.
"WHAT? That's impossible, I have so many other duties—"
"Five. Hours." Tenten would justify it to Kakashi-sama later. "Such a small thing wouldn't affect your ability to perform your functions if you weren't still bothered by the Tsukuyomi, yes?"
"Well, of course, I am always able to perform my duties, but five hours…"
"Good to hear. The Hokage also said that anyone who approaches him with any complaints will get an additional hour for every protest made."
She left Ebisu spluttering to himself.
===/===
"Sorry to hear that," Pakkun said, trotting alongside Tenten as he helped her track down Leaf ninja who were actually hiding from her to avoid being notified of Kakashi's decree. "We dumb beasts get a lot of similar comments. 'And couldn't a cute girl deliver this instead?' They're always complaining about something."
"Ha." Tenten followed him as he leapt up into the trees and sprang from branch to branch. "Ebisu did give me a good idea when he mentioned the ninken though. It was worth the trip back to the Hokage Tower to ask Kakashi-sama for your help. You're making my task so much easier now. And frankly, I have actually gotten the comment 'Couldn't a cute girl deliver this instead?' today as well."
"Oh, that's rough," Pakkun's intonation made the last word come out like an actual 'ruff'.
"It's fine," Tenten waved a negligent hand, "I hadn't gotten my target practice in today, so that was a good opportunity."
Pakkun barked a laugh, "I've heard Gai wax poetic about your perfect aim."
"That's nice of you to say, Pakkun. You should hang around the Hokage more often to say nice things and cheer him up too, it might put him in a better mood." Tenten grinned at the memory of Kakashi looking much put-upon at her demand that he lend his ninken to help her with a task he had dumped on her.
Deep inside, she had some sympathy for the Sixth Hokage. It looked like an extremely stressful job for such a laid-back ninja. But she was being ordered to basically tell everyone that the Hokage was doubting their sanity and enforcing meditation on them. He seemed to be dealing with stress by delegating it to her.
Pakkun grunted, pausing as he sniffed the air, "He summons us when he gets home from work. Cuddles, scritches, belly rubs, and everything." He veered to the left and Tenten followed, mouth open.
"Whoa… cuddles? He cuddles the eight of you?"
"No, we cuddle him. Give him all the scritches, belly rubs…" Pakkun snorted, looking askance at Tenten as she lost her footing and nearly fell off a branch, "I'm kidding. Yes, he gives us much love and affection when he can."
Tenten regained her balance and huffed at being so easily duped by a dog, "Oh, okay. I guess he'd be in a worse mood during the day if you weren't there for him, then. I would have asked you what particular way he likes to be cuddled so I could pass it on to Gai-sensei if you were serious though."
Pakkun snorted like, well, a pug would, "Kakashi would NOT appreciate that. He has a better tolerance level for Gai than most, but I think cuddling would tip him over breaking point."
"Hmmm," Tenten was noncommittal.
They had arrived at a heavily wooded area. Pakkun stopped at a particular tree, sniffing this way and that. Tenten halted at the branch beside him, waiting.
He raised a paw, motioning to the east. "You'll find her hiding among some of those goji berry bushes. She remembers, I've got allergies to those plants. I can't get too near."
Tenten thanked him and he poofed off back to his home land.
"Anko," Tenten called.
There was an eerie silence in the woods. No birds sang nor could any wildlife be heard.
Tenten sighed, and brought out a scroll.
===/===
"What is this?" Kakashi rifled through the report of the successfully-delivered executive orders for daily meditation and found a billing invoice.
"Out-of-pocket expenses for purchasing dango to lure out Anko, pocky to lure out Genma, and compensation for the psychological damage inflicted on me by having to listen to both of them tell me in great detail about the sexual paradises they envisioned while in their respective Tsukuyomi-induced delusions," Tenten gritted.
Kakashi blinked at her slowly. "Oh?"
"O is right. It's all they talked about," Tenten was turning bright red despite herself. "Anko said the meditation would give her more time to fantasize! Ang Genma…" She slammed a fist on the table, unable to even articulate what Genma did or said. "It was a hard mission, Hokage-sama!"
Kakashi regretted telling Gai to go ahead home and rest. He was alone with an angry Tenten and apparently holding the highest position in all of Konoha was not a deterrent when she was mad.
He raised his hands placatingly. "It could not have been that bad." Then his eyes narrowed, "Or did Genma…?" Kakashi felt a chill as he realized both Anko and Genma were exactly the kind of people who could take a joke too far.
"It was terrible!" Tenten stopped short of grabbing Kakashi and shaking him like she would with Lee. She scrunched up her face and Kakashi winced, dreading what she was about to reveal.
"Genma said he was a virgin and had never done it, and the Tsukuyomi finally let him fulfill his greatest desire, and then when he woke up he realized he was STILL a virgin and started crying after telling me!" Tenten covered her face, reliving the horror, "I didn't need to know that! He was CRYING, Kakashi. That was NOT the kind of springtime of youth I'm used to."
Kakashi had to bow his head – usually a no-no according to Hokage etiquette when in front of subordinates – but he couldn't help it. His shoulders began to shake.
Tenten's voice was deathly soft. "Are you… laughing at me, Hokage-sama?"
Head still bowed, making sure that the Hokage hat shielded his eyes from her view, Kakashi shook his head as solemnly as he could. Pocky, had she said? He would send an entire basket of Pocky to Genma tomorrow. All the flavors, even.
Then he giggled. He couldn't help it. He replayed what she had said again and imagined Genma squeezing out crocodile tears as Tenten recoiled from a veteran jonin's tragic recounting of his sad sexual fantasy, and found himself wheezing and unable to stop.
When he finally looked up, Tenten was seated on the chair across his table, fists clenched, staring stonily straight ahead of her at a blank wall. It was highly improbable she could even slightly injure Kakashi on her best day and him on his worst, but it was clear she was nevertheless contemplating murder.
"Sorry it was so traumatizing to deliver my orders," he offered, willing his voice not to crack or he would start sniggering again.
She turned her head and fixed him with a level gaze. "You shouldn't apologize, it's not seemly for a Hokage."
"Nonsense," he countered, always quick to disabuse notions that one could be arrogant just because of power, "I'd even prostrate myself in front of another Kage if it could help our village."
Tenten sighed, then reached out and plucked the invoice from the sheaf of papers. "Fine. I'll delete the billing for the emotional damage and just leave the actual expenses. It was worth it to be able to see you relax a bit."
Kakashi wiped a few errant tears of laughter from his eyes, and smiled, "I appreciate your concern."
"You're welcome," she crossed out the third item on her reimbursements list, and wrote something else before handing it back to him. He read the newly-added expense and raised an eyebrow. "Popcorn?"
"You're going to have more visits from ninjas who are reconsidering their career paths tomorrow," she grinned at him. "I'll be here to watch."
===/===
It was an entire circus of shinobi that paraded through his office the next day. What took the cake though was the Hyuuga senior citizen who literally did want to run away to the circus.
"I have no objections to your decision," Kakashi stated with a resigned air, returning the red rubber nose that the old man had earnestly asked him to honk as a demonstration of his comedic prowess. "But you're a branch member, and the Hyuuga clan will have to decide how you can follow your dream while protecting their bloodline."
"You're Hokage, surely you can talk to them," the elderly man begged. To Kakashi's discomfiture, the man began to croon, "You know you want to. It's not a secret you try to hide. And you can help me, so don't keep saying your hands are tied."
From behind him, Gai clamped a hand on the man's shoulder, "The Hokage will try his best, I'm sure."
When the Hyuuga hesitated, Tenten took the man's hand soothingly, "It's not up to you, it's not up to me. For now they get to tell you what you can be."
"But it's not impossible," he cried.
"I'd say it's possible," she nodded.
She led him away gently, and they could hear a plaintive, heartbreaking, "Why don't we reee-write the staaaars.." of the old man fading away, with Tenten providing a pleasant harmony.
Gai remarked, "She dealt with that kind of thing a lot while Neji was still alive."
Kakashi sighed, and dipped his hand into the popcorn bowl.
===/===
And so the years passed with the world entering into a new era of peace and prosperity.
Kakashi did a bang-up job as Hokage but relinquished the title easily and a little too eagerly, some would say, to Naruto when the time came. Rather early on, Lee and Tenten found themselves reassured that Gai was none the worse for permanently losing the use of one leg, and stopped hovering over their sensei, and denied they had ever even worried about him.
Lee sired a son, and Tenten established a weapons store, which was a rather strange business decision during peace time. The weapons store, not the begetting of offspring.
The remainder of Team Gai honored the memory of Neji and capably performed their respective duties as shinobi when circumstances called for it, although the need for active ninja had lessened drastically.
All was well.
Except –
Tenten straightened at the sound of the bell signaling the entrance of a customer into the store.
Not a customer, really. The customer. It was always just one.
"Rokudaime Hokage-sama," she plastered on a smile before turning around to face him. "What an honor. Again."
"It's just Kakashi," he affably waved off the honorifics. "I don't even get a security detail as a former Hokage while I'm in the village."
He did not mention it was mostly due to the fact that he was still so powerful that assigning him security was mostly a superfluity.
"Did you have a weapon you wished to exchange, again?" Tenten asked sweetly. He had only ever bought one kunai. And brought it back. Once a month. Due to some perceived flaw or change of preference, or some other excuse. Who knew Kakashi was so picky about his weaponry?
Tenten was not about to enforce her strict policy on return and exchange limits on the Sixth Hokage, Son of the White Fang, formerly the Copy Nin of Konoha, etcetera, etcetera. Besides, she obviously saw through the ploy as an excuse to check in on her since Gai or Lee would drop by the shop every other week that Kakashi didn't.
"Oh no, just wanted to hand over this mission order," he plopped a scroll in front of her. She unrolled it, opting not to comment on what an 'honor' it was to have a former Hokage himself deliver a mission scroll to her personally, and, after reading, raised an eyebrow.
"… So," she looked at Kakashi, then at the scroll, then back at Kakashi, "Will you be doing anything about…?" she gestured to his distinctive hairstyle and mask.
He shook his head, "Our cover is sufficient. We don't have to be in disguise to go on a few well-deserved days off to travel to the hot springs."
Tenten shuddered at the sudden memory of the last time she'd heard Kakashi use the phrase "well-deserved days off", then pulled herself together.
"So, you and Gai will be investigating some missing girls, under the pretext of inspecting the border between the Land of Fire and the Land of Hot Water, under the pretext of a vacation, is that it?"
"That about sums it up," Kakashi was pleased with her grasp of this subtle plot. Tenten sighed, tracing the meandering route on the map that her former sensei and Kakashi intended to take, which included an area famous for being the location shoot for the Icha Icha Paradise live action film. At least as far as cover stories went, their vacation itinerary looked pretty solid.
"Well, take this then," she checked the cabinet behind her and handed him a few scrolls with weapons and supplies fit for a twenty-day journey.
"Ah, always so ready for any eventuality." He stopped short of calling her preparedness 'extremely convenient' as he'd learned she detested being described that way.
"Anything you need, Kakashi-sama." She looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to exit her shop, having concluded their exchange of information. He couldn't quite pinpoint it, but she seemed to deliberately be giving off "side-character vibes" to erase herself from his consciousness.
"Please, it's just Kakashi," he repeated.
"Okay," she nodded. As he turned to go, she mumbled beneath her breath, "Sixth Hokage, former Copy Nin, eternal rival of the Beautiful Green Beast of Konoha."
"What was that?" He spun back to regard her with a placid expression.
"I said, all right. Okay. Whatever you need," she beamed at him. "Good luck to us!" She refrained from giving a thumbs up, but the gesture was heavily implied.
"Tenten."
"Yes?"
He approached again and leaned on the desk with his elbows supporting him, "Anything you want to share? An opinion about the mission, perhaps?"
Tenten blinked at him, "Other than the fact that you and Gai are over-qualified for this mission and I suspect you really just want to visit the Icha Icha Paradise shooting location and relax in the hot springs? No opinion whatsoever." She paused, and then added, "Kakashi."
"Hmmmm," he narrowed his eyes. Tenten practiced her own wide-eyed ingenue stare at him and batted her eyelashes for extra effect.
He straightened, pointing a finger at her. "Aha!"
"Aha?"
"You're jealous!"
"You bet I am!" Tenten snapped, dropping the pretense of amiability, "Kiba and Choji and I have to muck about pretending to be naïve tourists in different towns to gather intel while you two amble along enjoying the hot springs like the oldsters you are!"
"Oldsters?!"
"Dotards! Geezers! Senile. Old. Fart-Oh, what a pleasant surprise. How are you doing today, Kurenai?" Tenten switched expressions lightning-fast at the jingling of the bell and entrance of a second customer. This officially counted as a busy day for the weapons shop.
"Are you discussing Mirai's upcoming mission or is this a private conversation?" Kurenai's scarlet eyes took in how Kakashi and Tenten drew apart from being nearly nose to nose in their heated discussion.
Kakashi pointed again at Tenten, "She was calling me and Gai—"
"Hey," Tenten hopped lightly to sit on the display glass and nonchalantly covered his mouth as she turned her full-wattage grin at the older kunoichi, "You are so right! We WERE just talking about Mirai's mission and about how wonderfully skilled your daughter's turning out, just like her beautiful, talented, mother. And if I may say, you could really be mistaken for Mirai's older sister and not her mom." She swiveled her head, "Right, Kakashi?"
Kakashi pointed to Tenten's hand, which was still on his face, and she withdrew it with alacrity. "Sure," he groused. "She looks young enough to pass off as Mirai's older sister. Meanwhile, you were just saying that I was-"
"Very competent. Extremely competent. To an abnormal, ridiculously overpowering level. Whatever concerns Kurenai has about the mission, you'll be able to allay her worries, right?"
Kakashi glowered at her for a moment longer, then composed himself. Brat. He shifted his gaze to Kurenai, "What's the matter?"
The jonin smiled, "Just that I played a bit of a trick on my daughter while she was recalling the contents of the mission scroll to test her genjutsu detection skills and she fell for it. She's only packed supplies good for a few days, instead of the three weeks that the mission is going to take."
Tenten and Kakashi both sweat-dropped, each thinking "Evil mother!" and retracting all the nice things they had been thinking about Kurenai in their minds.
Kakashi recovered first. "Well," he nodded to Tenten, "You might get a chance to enjoy a hot springs vacation too, after all. You can bring us the extra supplies Mirai needs when the time comes."
"Yosh!" Tenten fist pumped. Then she caught the looks of the other two and ducked her head in embarrassment.
===/===
As Tenten thought, it had been a relatively light mission. The remnants of the Jashin cult were swept up and Mirai had grown in wisdom to realize her place as a ninja during peace time. Tenten magnified her usual bubbly, easygoing self to the tenth power to make sure she left an indelible impression of having done her part in the main story and she estimated it would be some time before another mission would come her way.
Which was perfect. She had been looking for some free time to concentrate on her other hobby.
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A/N: So this is what would happen if, instead of being in the shonen category, we replaced the tags in the manga with "josei", "romance", "slice of life", "age gap".
Haaaai reader. Narutopedia is my source of all appearances of Tenten in Boruto and so forgive my shoehorning these incidents to sort of fit the timeline, but don't expect any sort of faithfulness to the developments in the original story. I basically read up on Tenten's page and just thought, "She must have a lot of free time. Lucky her."
I've been pleased to discover some fine kakaten fics out there since I was last on this site, but there are also some sadly dead fics that I have been willing the authors to revive, to no avail. This is the result of my overpowering nostalgia. Felt cute, might delete later.
Just kidding. We're here, might as well indulge in some wish fulfillment. Tbc.
