Chapter 3 – There's always got to be a morning after

Chapter 3 – There's always got to be a morning after

Max felt herself awake more slowly than normal as she stretched, she felt her hand connect against skin, as she turned round she saw Zack lying on the bed, looking for all the world like a little boy, with his face relaxed in sleep, he looked so young and innocent. A part of her deep down knew he wouldn't be this relaxed with anyone else. Just like she wouldn't feel this safe with anyone else. She didn't sleep much, never had the need to but last night she had fallen asleep just to allow herself the pleasure of waking up with the man she loved. Loved. She had admitted it she loved Zack, probably always had, and not like a brother, that had been an excuse as much to appease herself as anyone else. After their kiss last night it felt like a switch had been released in a sort of dreamlike state they had ended up back at the apartment and before long they had ended on the bed, losing themselves in each other and their passion, over and over again.

Facing the daylight now she knew there would be repercussions, Logan for one of them, but she could face it, with Zack on her side, she felt like she could face anything She'd just have to tell Logan, hope he understood.

"Oh God Logan" Max whispered. As she felt a movement on the bed, Max turned her around

Max smiled as she watched her lover awaken.

"Hey you" she whispered

Zack opened his eyes with a start, as he sat upright Zack felt like kicking himself. He felt the hot sting of shame sweep his body at what he had done. This wasn't supposed to happen, he was leaving today, and how the hell was he supposed to tell her that now. Zack angrily started to pull his clothes on, fighting desperately against the images of last night and ho they had ended up on the floor where they lay. He felt the heat rise in his body and when he felt Max's soft hand touch his arm, it was almost more than he could bear. He pulled away angrily.

"Zack? What's the matter? Zack, Talk to me"

"Nothing's the matter Max I'm just getting ready"

"Nothing is the matter? If nothing is the matter, then why the hell can't you look at me? Zack"

"How can I?" Zack replied "How can I look at you after what I've done"

"WE Zack, What we did Zack! And there's nothing wrong with it, it was good it was special"

"It should never have happened" Zack said with force

"How can you say that, how can you just write it off as if it were nothing"

"Because I have to Max, I was leaving today, I AM leaving today, last night was a mistake, it shouldn't have happened, I shouldn't have allowed it to happen.

"Leaving" Max said dully "you're running away again, running away from me, from us"

"Dammit there is no us Maxie and if there were what do you think your loverboy would think, how are you going to explain this to your precious Logan? Huh, have you thought about that Maxie"

"Logan has nothing to do with this" Max exclaimed

"Of course he has, you love him don't you? Don't You? How are you going to explain this to him?"

"God you're impossible! I don't even know why I bother"

"Well don't" Zack replied, "I don't remember asking you to"

Max looked at him with surprise

"Fine then I wont"

"Fine!"

"Fine" Max glared at him before she stormed out and slammed the door.

Zack looked at the closed door, he hadn't meant to be so rough on her. He defiantly hadn't intended telling her he was leaving like this.

He knew she would be feeling guilty this morning over what had happened, but he had meant to talk to her, to tell her it was all right, that they were all right, but then she'd mentioned HIM. His gut always crawled with jealousy whenever he thought about Logie Boy, he would never understand just what made him think that HE the spoilt little rich boy was worthy of Max. In the end though, he's what Max wants and that was something he would just have to accept.

Oh well, Zack thought, better go and face the music.

Max busied herself in the kitchen, she could feel the anger welling up in her and tried to force it down, what was it about Zack made him act like that, so cold, so hard. But then sometimes there was something so soft, so gentle about him she could almost believe …. God how could he have written off last night so easily, like it meant nothing, she knew how much it had meant to him, she had seen it in his eyes, had felt it in his soft caresses…

"Smells good"

Max turned around with a start, she had been so lost in her thoughts, she hadn't even heard Zack approaching, she gave herself a shake, it wasn't like her not be alert, on guard, with any luck he hadn't noticed.

"Your letting yourself go Soldier, I could have been behind you and snapped your neck before you even realised what was up"

*Oh well so much for the not noticing, she should have known better*

"Look don't start me Zack, I was thinking, and I've already warned you once about the soldier cracks, I won't warn you again"

Zack snorted "thinking about what, Loverboy? Yeah that seems about right, you had that gooey look on your face" Zack shook his head in disgust "You know how many times have I got to tell you Maxie, We don't ….."

"Yeah, Yeah I know" Max broke in angrily "We're soldiers, we don't feel, we don't care, we don't get attached, we don't love, God how many times do I have to hear this speech Zack? I'm sick of it, I'm sick of you expecting me to act like A robot, no feelings no emotions, I want those feelings Zack, I want to be loved, I …."

"You are loved Maxie, you know that, I…we all love you"

Max looked at him " I don't mean like that Zack, I want to be Iin/I love, I want someone to be in love with me, I want the roller coaster, the starbursts, I want all of it"

"And what happens when the roller coaster crashes Maxie, when the Starbust dies out, or worse blows up in your face, then what do you have, you're left hurt….. broken"

"That's a chance you take Zack" Max stated angrily "It comes with the territory, when you love like that you take the chance of getting hurt…"

"Yeah, well I don't want you taking that chance" Zack shouted.

As he saw the hurt look on her face, he let his voice soften, he didn't want to hurt her

"He doesn't love you Maxie, look don't butt in, I know you think he feels the same but he doesn't. He doesn't know you, he's a spoilt rich boy who sooner or later will either find another new toy, or you wont be any use to him and he'll leave you in the Dust Max, I don't want that for you. He…."

"I'm not talking about Logan"

Zack looked at her "What do you mean, who are you talking about?"

"It doesn't matter, look let's just forget about it ok"

Max turned to walk into the living room, just as she got to the door Zack grabbed her arm.

"Look Maxie…."

"No!" Max retorted angrily "You look, I'm sick of this, sick to the back teeth of it, you want to pretend it didn't happen, well it did! We kissed, we made love. Like it or lump it you have got to face up the fact that we have feelings for each other, I'm sick of hiding it, I'm sick of pretending, we're family, we're not Zack, we never were. Blood didn't put us together, fate did, and there had to be some reason behind it"

Max felt her voice soften as the rage left her, it had taken her so long to get this far, so long and she couldn't back out now, it was now or never.

"I love you Zack, I think a part of me always has, and I know you care about me, you can deny it till the day you die but you do, and if you walk away from this now…."

Max felt the rage leave her completely as she saw Zack's face, she could see the longing in his eyes, but she could also see the nerve ticking in his jaw, it was now or never and a part of her knew that knowing Zack, it was probably never.

"I cant do this Maxie, I cant be what you want me to be"

"I don't want you to be anything but what you are, I Lov…"

"WILL YOU QUIT SAYING THAT"

Max jumped at the tone in his voice, Zack never shouted, even when he was angry he had never seen the need to shout.

"Zack…"

"No look Max, I cant take this, I've got to get out of here" Zack turned and headed towards the door

"Zack!" Max called out gently; she'd come this far, no point in backing out now.

Zack paused at the door. He couldn't bring himself to turn round. He couldn't look at her; if he did he knew he wouldn't leave.

"I hope it's worth it, keeping up the walls, holding yourself in, because I don't think you really know what you're losing"

Zack turned the knob "I guess that's a chance I have to take" Zack walked out and felt the door shut behind him, as he walked away he pretended it was for the best and he pretended he couldn't hear the quiet sobs of the woman he had left behind.