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In other words - please don't sue me, I need my
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****************************************************************
Smiling Tears
Part VI
By Shioru Sutherlands (aka. Kotoshin)
****************************************************************
i can't say / i can't say the words right / i can't stay /
i can't stay past tonight / i'm afraid /
i'm afraid to give forever away /
i'm afraid i can't say i will stay / since i've met you -
learned the soul behind those eyes / since i've known you -
my, how fast time does go by /
i broke your walls once i heard your lies /
you lent me strength to see beyond the sky /
we gave the same dream wings of hope to fly /
... but i just can't seem to say the words right.
i can't say / i can't say the words right / i can't stay /
i can't stay past tonight / i'm afraid /
i'm afraid to leave and tell you goodbye /
i'm afraid i can't say i will stay / you're the place -
i'll be missing on my own / you're the place -
i'll return to and call home / i can't make promises tonight /
because i'm gone with first sunlight /
but i'll be back to say the words right /
... i will come back to say the words right.
- "the right words"
-- Taikoubou - Fuugen Shinjin
================================================================
OUTSIDE
He knew he was a wicked creature ... a wicked, wicked creature.
Sometimes, his own capacity for mischief surprised even himself.
/Well, being with a certain person was very ... educational, in
this area./
He didn't know when he had become the person he is, but when he
realized the kind of person he /was/, this was ...
/Me, myself and I./
... himself.
The sennin who was a peace-loving, gentle soul. An innocent
dreamer who believed in compromise and forgiveness. A sweet
young man who disliked violence, bloodshed, and conflicts.
An angel with doe-soft eyes of violet-blue, and an ever-present,
brilliant smile. An eternal optimist who genuinely /believed/
that if everyone made the effort to understand one another, they
would get along.
At least, that was the person most of the world saw.
He knew what others said of him, and he maintained the false
image they believed in. It wasn't even particularly hard to
accomplish the feat, for that /was/ him. That /was/ the person
he had once been. Past tense, the person he was.
He was no longer that person.
He was no longer that innocent soul - the simple creature he
once was no longer existed. Or rather, existed only as the mask
he wore. That simple creature existed only as the mask he lived.
The reality beneath the mask was not only that simple creature.
The reality beneath the mask was more than that simple creature.
... much, much more.
It was a relief to know that some people did not take things at
face value. That some knew the mask for what it was, that some
could see beneath the mask. /His/ mask.
/Thank you, Taiitsu-shixiong./
Listening to the conversation echoing inside Taiitsu Shinjin's
spacious lab, Fuugen Shinjin waited for a suitable entrance.
================================================================
IN THE AIR
He was nearing the Gyokukyo Kyu, the residence of Genshitenson.
Sitting sideways atop Kotenkun, Youzen found himself in a very
good mood, as he contemplated the breath-taking scenary of
Konron and the pleasant subject of ...
/... Fuugen Shinjin./
No, not Fuugen Shinjin. Not Fuugen Shinjin to him. Not anymore.
Never Fuugen Shinjin, or 'susuu' to him.
/... Fuugen./
Fuugen had accepted him.
"Fuugen."
The name was beautiful, the combination of vowels of consonants
that rolled easily, musically off the tip of his tongue.
/... MY Fuugen./
He was the best - he had always been the best - he IS the best.
There was no one who was better than him.
//... can you be so certain?//
He had to admit that he was not perfect. But without a doubt, he
was the closest thing to perfection. While there WERE others who
surpassed him in areas where they excelled, he was still the
best - overall.
/Anything ANYONE can do, I can do better./
That was where /he/ excelled. Once he had seen the skill that
another was capable of, he could learn that same specialized
skill, master and perfect and make it his own.
/... he will never give Taikoubou-susuu a second thought again./
Youzen laughed out loud, startling himself with the sound of
his own laughter. It had been a long time since he laughed. It
had been so long, he couldn't remember the last time he laughed.
/... Fuugen./
Fuugen was his. /His/ Fuugen.
/... MINE./
He laughed again at the realization. The wind laughed with him,
brushing the locks of deep-blue hair back from his face, pulling
the the long strands away in a sensual, carefree dance.
Life was wonderful, and about to get better.
================================================================
KENGENSAN, KINKOU DOU
"Taiitsu-shixiong, may I come in?"
There was the slightly embarrassed silence that always followed
a private conversation after the entrance of the subject matter
of that conversation.
"If you are finished with it, I've come to pick up my
Taikyokufuin."
"Oh, hi, Fuugen!" Taiitsu chirped brightly, waving a hand.
It was the hand that held the laser.
"Taiitsu-shixiong!"
"TAIITSU!"
"OOPS - Watch out!"
Both Fuugen and Gyokutei ducked as Taiitsu shot the lighting
fixture down.
*CRASH*
================================================================
IN THE AIR
"Good morning, Hakutsuru Douji." Youzen smiled at the white
crane flying towards him.
"I heard that Genshitenson-sama is looking for me ... would you
mind announcing me in?"
Nothing could spoil his good mood.
"Good morning, Youzen." The youkai-doushi changed the beat of
wings so that he flew side by side of Kotenken. "We have been
waiting for you (for quite some time now, if I may add). His
Exaltedness - Genshitenson-sama - seems to have an important
assignment for you."
//... nothing?//
"Assignment ..." Youzen did not like /that/ particular choice of
words.
While the tenzai-doushi was eager to accept the Houshin Keikaku,
he disliked being told to. Especially in a manner which implied
he had no choice in the matter.
================================================================
KENGENSAN, KINKOU DOU
"... *cough cough* ... is *COUGH* everyone alright?"
Amidst the falling cloud of debris, the three sennin stood up,
dusting themselves off and inquiring after each other's welfare.
"... *cough* ... I'm fine, Taiitsu-shixiong. What about you and
Gyokutei-shixiong?"
"I'm alright ... *COUGH COUGH COUGH* ..." Gyokutei somehow
managed to convey his brand of dry humour despite coughing fits.
"... but my dignity *cough* isn't."
"... *cough* ... same here." Taiitsu said mournfully. "... my
*cough cough* ... hair, and I /just/ washed and rinsed it
yesterday for the /longest/ time to bring out that *COUGH COUGH*
particular shine ..."
Trust the attention-loving sennin to mind his appearances at a
time like this. There was the sound of a smothered laugh from
Fuugen, and a low groan from Gyokutei.
"... *cough* ... Taiitsu-shixiong," Coughing and wiping the dust
from watering eyes, Fuugen chided. "You really must remember what
you're holding before gesturing like that."
"... *cough* ... *cough* ... I must agree, Taiitsu." Gyokutei
spat little pebbles and stone dust from his mouth. "That was
/not/ the first time."
"Gomen nasai, gomen nasai yo~~" Taiitsu was as attentive as a
dejected puppy which had just misbehaved, inadverently. "I'm so
sorry ... I'll try to remember next time. Gomen da yo~ (_)"
"It didn't damage anything in the lab," Fuugen surveyed the
disaster zone, searching for his Taikyokufuin. " ... or did it?"
"AAAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH~~~!!!" With a shriek that could have woken
the dead, Taiitsu threw the laser aside, scrambling madly about.
"My babies! My projects! My paopei~~!!!"
"Calm down, TAIITSU!" Gyokutei caught ahold of the laser before
it could do any more damage. "You're just making the situation
worse."
"Gyokutei-shixiong is right." Fuugen agreed. "Why don't we go
outside, and wait for the dust to settle a bit before restoring
the lab?"
================================================================
GYOKUKYO KYU
"Genshitenson-sama," Hakutsuru Douji fluttered down the wide
stone halls of Gyokukyo Kyu ahead of him. "The doushi, Youzen,
is here."
"Youzen ..."
Seated, the leader of Konronsan raised his eyebrows slowly, to
regard the young doushi kneeling before him. Meetings with
Youzen were always terse, since he was one of the few who knew
Youzen's true identity ...
"You still call yourself a doushi ..." the eldest one began,
"... but you already have the right, and the ability to rank
among the sennin."
... Genshitenson was well aware of that fact that Youzen did
not trust him. Youzen did not trust anyone, with the possible
exception of Gyokutei Shinjin, his teacher.
"Why do you refrain from taking the exam for the sennin
license? Why do you still call yourself a doushi?" [1]
"I know I will qualify as a sennin should I choose to take the
exam." Youzen's voice was calm. "I choose not to do so,
because I choose not to declare myself sennin."
Calm ... and guarded. Genshitenson knew what he was only by
virtue of association - the leader of Konronsan was part of the
reason that he stood here today, a member of the Konron sendou
and the student of Gyokutei Shinjin.
"According to the laws of the Senkai, a sennin must have at
least one pupil."
Genshitenson had been the one who arranged for Gyokutei to be
his mentor. While the tenzai-doushi supposed that he should have
appreciated that fact, he could not find it in him to like, much
less /trust/ the elder sennin.
/I trust you not, for you are a wily old fox who does NOTHING
without reason./
"If I become one of the sennin - if I refer to myself as a
sennin, I must therefore take on a student."
Youzen let his words fall, one by one, like dropping stones into
a pool of still water.
/The only reason I receive preferential treatment is because of
my skills - my skills, and WHO I am. You have uses for me, as a
carpenter has uses for his tools - some of those 'uses' this
'tool' has no care to./
"Frankly, I would rather use the spare time to perfect my own
skills - rather than waste it on teaching a mere beginner."
Genshitenson gazed at the tenzai-doushi thoroughout the entire
explanation. Finally, he let out a long, windy sigh.
"In the Senkai, you are a genius whose power is even greater
than that produced by powerful paopei ... " Genshitenson knew
Youzen's true reason for choosing to remain a doushi. "Even so,
you never cease to push yourself to the utmost in training ...
Genshitenson knew what Youzen's true reason was: ... fear.
Youzen was afraid. Afraid to let anyone come as close to him as
was required in the relationship of master and disciple, afraid
of revealing himself - revealing what he was - afraid of
rejection should his true identity be known.
/... and his fear is not without cause./
Eventually, the truth would have to come out. But not now.
"... nevermind. The matter for which I summoned you here today
for, is something else entirely."
"What is it?"
Hiding anticipation, Youzen waited for the answer he knew.
================================================================
KENGENSAN, KINKOU DOU
/... how did I get drafted into this chore?/
Gyokutei Shinjin wondered, as he carried several pieces of
heavy 'important equipment' to destinations given by Taiitsu
Shinjin's specific directions.
"No, no, no!" Taiitsu stamped his foot, frazzled. "Don't hold it
like that - yes, that's right, like that. That's it. A little
more to the right - oops, a bit more to the left - back a bit -
yeah, perfect."
Very specific directions.
"Taiitsu-shixiong," Having found Taikyokufuin, Fuugen was busy
reassembling the molecules of 'sensitive apparatus' to their
former states. "Was the original structure of the proton-
antiproton collider Type A5-JQ23 or B7-LS21?"
"Uh - the B7." Taiitsu frowned, peering at the schematics
diagrams Fuugen had called up on the Taikyokufuin. "We're lucky
that the rocks didn't crack open the interior of the particle
accelerator ... only the outer casing is damaged."
The 'proton-antiproton collider', or 'particle accelerator',
whatever it was that the two sennin were busy tinkering with -
looked to Gyokutei like nothing more than a huge metal cylinder
with legs, lying on its side.
"... didn't that happen the last time?"
Fuugen referred to the time when Taiitsu's entire cave collapsed
in on itself, burying the sennin alive. It had taken the Konron
sendou three days to realize Taiitsu Shinjin was missing (and
then, only because Taiitsu had never skipped teaching HIS
lectures more than two days in a row), and another two to dig
the accident-prone sennin out.
During the month's time Fuugen had spent in rebuilding Taiitu's
residence, Konron's residents had to put up with the scientist-
sennin in the public laboratories - a most hapazard period of
time indeed, especially for the doushi who had to share those
labs with him.
"Ehehehh...." Taiitsu laughed, embarrassed. "Don't worry,
Fuugen, you worked so hard in building this lab of mine - and
such a GOOD lab it is too! I'll take VERY good care of it. I
promise."
"You'd better, shixiong." Fuugen chuckled, good-naturedly. "I'll
actually charge you a fee the next time."
"OUCH. Be nice to your shixiong, Fuugen-/shitei/!"
Ah, yes, he remembered.
Gyokutei watched the other two sennin exchange terms he had
headaches just thinking about. The reason he stayed was because
of Fuugen.
He stayed for an excuse to talk to Fuugen.
/Perhaps you're right, Taiitsu./
He could trust the scientist-sennin with his life.
/... but I still must know for myself./
He could not trust Youzen's life to anyone other than himself.
================================================================
GYOKUKYO KYU
He could not believe the words he heard.
"I have a student ... my first ranking pupil: Taikoubou. I have
need of your strength in the execution of a very important
project."
/How can this be?/
Youzen was stunned.
/I am NOT the person chosen to execute the Houshin Keikaku?!/
The tenzai-doushi did not know how he managed to contain the
rage that burst inside him, the rage that seethed and threatened
to burn him open. Somehow, he managed. Somehow.
/... why? What does he have that I do not?/
"... you mean ... the Houshin Keikaku?"
"So ... you already know of it."
"....."
Youzen did not speak.
It was the first time he was NOT the first choice.
It was the first time he had been thought less than the best.
It was the first time he had ever been considered second-best.
Youzen found that a very difficult fact to believe in, much
less accept.
/... why? What does HE have that I have not?/
It was the first time the tenzai-doushi had doubts that he might
NOT be the best.
"Genshitenson-sama, forgive me for interrupting ..." Hakutsuru
spoke up in his defense. "...but, isn't it unfair to Youzen, for
him to work UNDER Taikoubou-susuu?"
"Hakutsuru, do you think that Youzen's ability is greater than
that of Taikoubou's?"
"Everyone thinks so!"
/Not EVERYONE think so./
Youzen knew at least two people who didn't. The second was
Genshitenson-sama, while the first ...
/... why? Why? WHY?/
"It's a terrible mistake to make susuu Youzen's superior!"
/... I'll show them./
The thought came, unbidden.
/I'll show them ALL./
"Hakutsuru, that's enough." His voice was so cold, that the
white crane clacked its beak shut in surprise. "I accept this
assignment.
"But - only under one condition."
He would prove it. He would prove it to them. He would prove
to everyone that he was the most suitable person - the only
person meant to carry out the Houshin Project.
"... one condition?"
"I do not know what that doushi - that doushi named Taikoubou
is capable of." Purple eyes gazed out the open halls of Gyokukyo
Kyu, into the misty clouds beyond.
Deep purple eyes settled, finally, on the back of a meditiating
figure atop a slender column of rocks.
"I would like to see for myself - if he has the right and
ability to be considered my superior."
================================================================
KENGENSAN, KINKOU DOU
Fuugen breathed a sigh of relief as last displaced molecule was
fitted back into place.
"Thank you so much~" Taiitsu hugged the younger sennin in
gratitude. "I could kiss you both for your help."
"Thanks, but no thanks." Gyokutei sagged in the corner of the
bench he sat on, resting elbows on a cleared lab top, chin
cupped in both hands. Taiitsu had picked on him as being most of
the manual labor, since he was NOT proficient in the why and how
of science.
"I second that." Fuugen smiled.
"You know," Taiitsu regarded Fuugen thoughtfully. "If you were
a woman, I'd marry you just to have all the requirements of
living solved."
/... WHAT?!/
"Think about it - you're organized, you're an excellent cook -
and you understand what I talk about -" Taiitsu sighed. "You
would have made a good wife."
Gyokutei had to clutch at the counter to keep himself from
falling over.
"Taiitsu-shixiong, I had provided those services freely for a
lazy, unproductive and non-paying tenant who eats the shares of
any three sendou." Fuugen only laughed. "A tenant whom I just
evicted today. I am in no hurry to repeat the experience."
"WHAT?!" Taiitsu stared at Fuugen. "You - you kicked Taikoubou
out?"
"... if you put it that way, yes."
================================================================
IN THE AIR - (again)
He did not want to go anywhere in particular. Especially not
where there were other ... people.
/Impossible./
Sensing his inner turmoil, Kotenken took a roundabout path.
Rather than heading straight home - home, to Gyokuizumisan,
Kinkasumi Dou - Kotenkun headed toward the outskirts of the
various sub-peaks orbiting about Koronsan main.
/It's not possible./
He rushed past peaks, the green of foliage and brown of rock
blurs of colour as Kotenkun made a circular orbit about one of
the uninhabited peaks of the mountain range.
/IMPOSSIBLE./
The wind rushed by him, tearing sound away from hearing, filling
his ears with its cries as he urged his paopei-beast onwards,
faster, faster.
/He can't possibly be BETTER than I am./
As if merely by increasing speed, he could outrun demons ...
/He can't. He can't be. He CAN'T./
... leave his personal demon behind.
"Uaahh-!" Youzen strangled his own vocalized frustration. "No.
... it's not possible. It just ... isn't."
//... is it? Is it really impossible?//
Wasn't that what he once thought of Fuugen?
Didn't he think the SAME of Fuugen, until the sennin proved
otherwise?
/He can't. I can best him, I KNOW I can./
... Fuugen had not even been TRYING to prove himself, when the
sennin pulled that stunt with the water twenty years ago. Fuugen
had only been being ... himself. Fuugen Shinjin. Fuugen.
/Fuugen .../
================================================================
KENGENSAN, KINKOU DOU
"I can't BELIEVE you kicked Taikoubou out." Taiitsu Shinjin
repeated again, in disbelief.
/... Taikoubou? Why does that name sound familiar ...?/
Gyokutei frowned. If he remembered correctly, Fuugen had only
a single student, like himself.
/The child's name should be Mokutaku .../
"I mean, the two of you are like, practically TWINS. Joined at
the hip. /INSEPARABLE/ ever since you both enrolled under
G-sama's tutelage sixty years ago!"
/... How could I have forgotten? (|||||bbbb)/
================================================================
Ah. Now the name registered. Currently the top-ranking pupil of
Genshitenson, Taikoubou held the dubious distinction of being
the MOST troublesome doushi numbered among Genshitenson's
students in a thousand years. Well did Gyokutei recall the prank
Taikoubou pulled at Fuugen's initiation ceremony as a member of
the Konron Jyu Ni Sen.
/I had not known the two of them to be this close .../
Gyokutei looked carefully at Fuugen, as if he could read the
younger sennin's thoughts by scrutinizing his appearance.
"People change, Taiitsu-shixiong."
Now THAT was an evasion, if Taiitsu had ever heard one.
"... what did he do this time?" Cobalt-blue eyes blinked. "You
are the most tolerant and forgiving soul I know - he must have
DONE something."
"Something like that." Fuugen only smiled.
"Ach, whatever." Taiitsu threw up his hands, and puttered away.
"If I pry further, I'd only sound more the nosy old aunt.
Whatever happened between the two of you, what /is/ between the
two of you should remain private unless you wish otherwise ..."
/... whatever is between the two of them?/
Gyokutei bit back his surprise. Were Fuugen and Taikoubou merely
best friends, or ...
"I might have overreacted a little, but it was necessary, in my
humble opinion." Fuugen replied. "Did you not know that Bou-chan
was the one chosen to execute the Houshin Project?"
/... Taikoubou ... the executor of the Houshin Project?!/
Gyokutei Shinjin pressed his lips tightly together. If it had
come as a shock to him, it would have been even more of a shock
to Youzen.
How? Why? What was Genshitenson-sama thinking?
/... come to think of it, Fuugen never once said that Youzen
was to be the executor, only that Youzen would play a "major
role" in the Houshin Keikaku .../
He had to look into the matter. And he had no doubt that he
would find most of the answers from Fuugen.
"NOW I see." Taiitsu nodded. "If you didn't kick him out, given
his attitude, he might never leave."
"Something of the sort." Fuugen sighed. "I /have/ spoiled him to
his creature comforts ... and Bou-chan being the most suitable
person to carry out the Project - I thought it best."
"Ach," Taiitsu scoffed. "Give Taikoubou some credit. He might
be irresponsible when it comes to small things, but when it
comes to the REALLY important things ..."
"Taiitsu-shixiong." Fuugen shook his head. "I didn't do it for
Bou-chan's sake."
What did Fuugen mean by that? Gyokutei and Taiitsu looked at
the younger sennin, whose tousled forelocks hid the expression
of blue-violet eyes.
"... I did it for my own."
/... are Fuugen and Taikoubou MORE than best friends?/
Gyokutei knew that he would have a LONG talk with Fuugen, as
soon as possible.
================================================================
A NAMELESS PEAK ON THE OUTSKIRTS OF KONRON
Kotenken had stopped, come to land atop a forested peak. He
got off the shaggy beast, patting the white dog absent-mindedly
on the head before willing his paopei into storage mode.
"I'm just trying to fool myself, aren't I?" Youzen said, to no
one in particular. "'Tenzai-doushi' indeed. Hah."
/... 'tenzai-doushi' ... a 'tenzai-doushi' who did not even RATE
against that - THAT -/
He could not bear it. There HAD been truth to Fuugen's words.
//... he has something that no one else has.//
//... what does he have that I have not?//
"What does he have?" Youzen could not understand. "What is so
exceptional about him?"
He did not understand - was it because he did not want to?
What it because he didn't even want to admit the mere
possibility - the possibility of someone else being BETTER than
himself? Was it because if he did, he would have to admit that
he was less than the best - less than the person he considered
to be "no competition at all"?
//Something that I cannot explain to you - yet.//
Why was he so afraid?
No, he wasn't afraid. He was only ... only uncertain. Just a bit
shaken. It wasn't like him - not like himself at all, to be so
easily disturbed, so unsure of himself.
//You did not answer my question.//
Better than anyone else, Youzen KNEW how insecure he really was.
He had to be better than anyone else - he must be, else there
would be no point to his existence. By proving himself the best,
he proved his own worth not just to himself, but to everyone
else. Remaining the best was his way of justifying himself in
his own eyes.
//... I could not answer in a way that you would understand.//
Fuugen had promised him the truth. The sennin did not lie.
Perhaps Fuugen had anticipated his reaction. Perhaps, Fuugen had
known his disbelief. Perhaps that was why Fuugen refused to tell
him all of the truth.
"... what am I going to do?"
================================================================
OUTSIDE KENGENSAN, KINKOU DOU
"What is Taikoubou to you, Fuugen-shitei?"
Direct, the question asked as soon as Taiitsu had gone back
inside, out of hearing.
"......." Fuugen returned his gaze without the quaver of guilt.
"Fuugen-shitei ... what are you going to do?"
They both knew what the real question was.
//Are you going to hurt Youzen, Fuugen?//
"Gyokutei-shixiong." Fuugen spoke, words soft sighs as gentle as
the wind. "As I have told you, I have no intention of hurting
Youzen-kun. Ever."
Gyokutei looked at Fuugen sharply.
"Taikoubou is your ... lover, is he not?" The elder sennin had
seen much, in his days as a mortal. "It would not be fair ... to
him, at least."
"Gyokutei-shixiong ..." Smiling, there was a faint hint of
wistfulness in the expression. "... you are a very perceptive
man."
/I will kill you, if you dare hurt Youzen./
"Then ..."
While uncommon, love between those of the same gender was not
unheard of. While loving one of the same gender was not his ...
preference, Gyokutei harboured no prejudice who did.
/If you are not faithful to Taikoubou, how can I expect you to
be faithful to Youzen?/
What Gyokutei could not forgive was infidelity.
"Gyokutei-shixiong." Fuugen looked at him, unsmiling. "You are
the person who knows Youzen-kun best. Tell me, what would it
do to him, if I had refused him outright?"
"... what would refusal do to Youzen?" His eyes widened,
comprehending.
"He has never been refused before, has he?" Fuugen sat down on
a nearby rock, motioning for Gyokutei to sit as well. "He has
never been anything less than the best, the center of attention,
the genius who always got what he wanted. You know, better than
anyone, what rejection would do to someone as proud as him."
/... it would have broken Youzen's heart./
"You know, for you are the only person Youzen permits past that
perfect facade of his - the person who knows him - all his
faults, his weaknesses, the fraility of his soul. His heart is
a fragile thing -"
/If you know where to cut the thread - which thread to cut -/
"- as fragile as a spun crystalline web of glass. If you cut
the right thread, it will shatter. Come apart in pieces."
Falling, fallen. Breaking, broken. Shards. Shards and pieces.
A million shards of glass. Fuugen's words grated on Gyokutei's
ears, falling like shards of broken glass.
"I could not do that to him, even if I did not love him."
================================================================
KOKYUSAN, HAKKUSHIRU DOU
Standing before the smooth wooden doors, he swallowed, ready for
confrontation. He straightened his back, attempting to instill
a more confident manner into his posture, into himself.
No, he wasn't frightened.
He wasn't frightened, exactly. He wasn't frightened at all,
really. No, REALLY. He was only ... nervous.
/Yeah, right. (||||||bbb)/
He couldn't even convince himself that he wasn't. And of course,
knowing /him/ - knowing how the other knew him better than
himself -
/... he'd be able to smell it a mile away./
The doors had never seemed SO intimidating, so heavy and thick
and unwelcoming. Resting a gloved hand on the door, he almost
fell over in surprise as the door swung inwards.
/... what the?/
Picking himself up, he stared. He'd pushed the door open - it
wasn't barred or even shut. How odd. He'd have thought that the
door would have been closed, for him. To him.
Still, that was one complication out of the way.
/Well, better get it over with then./
Squaring his shoulders, he turned, to shut the doors behind him.
"Taikoubou-susuu?"
Turning around, he saw the last person he expected to see.
"Taikoubou-susuu." Mokutaku blinked, holding a large handbasket,
woven of strips of cured bamboo. "You shouldn't be here."
"Shhhh." He hissed. "You trying to let Fuugen know that I'm
here?"
"But ..." Mokutaku spread his hands, helplessly. "I think
shishou is still mad at you. You - er, well, I don't think
it would be a good idea -"
"That's what I'm here for," he interrupts, hoping to shush the
doushi. "I know I've been an ass, so I'm here to apologize.
"See, I'll be leaving the Senninkai soon. And - well, you
know that your shishou and I are best friends. I don't want
us to part like this ..."
"I see," Mokutaku nodded. "It's like when Nii-sama and I argued.
It was before shishou took me on as a student, and Nii-sama
was coming here to be taught by Monjyu-susuu. You want to say
you're sorry because you know you won't see him for a long, long
time, ne?"
"Yeah, like that." Oh, if the kid only knew.
"I'll pretend I haven't seen you on my way out." The doushi
had a finger hovering over the lip in a 'hush-hush' position,
and winked. "Shishou's in the kitchen making supper.
Keh - the cheek! If he didn't know better, he'd swear that the
kid was getting as opportunistic and manipulative as a certain
smiling sennin among his acquaintance ...
"Good luck, susuu-chan."
"Thanks, I'll need it."
/Wait a minute ...!/
"Mokutaku, I didn't need to be called by that nickname!"
/This kid IS getting too MUCH like a "certain smiling sennin"./
"... and where do you think you're going?"
"Shishou gave me a shopping list." Mokutaku grinned. "We're out
of some staples like flour and sugar, so I'll be going down to
the Ninkai for supplies."
/... out of staples? ... like sugar? ... uh-oh./
Fuugen must STILL be angry at him.
================================================================
KOKYUSAN, HAKKUSHIRU DOU
Watching the back of the sennin working at the stove, Taikoubou
hesitated before clearing his throat, self-consiously.
"Yo, Fuugen."
"... Bou-chan?" The mop of tousled blue hair did not turn. "It's
usually customary for /visitors/ to knock before coming into a
room."
"... er ... are you ... um ... do you have time to talk now?"
"I always have time for you," Wiping hands on a clean cloth to
the side, the owner of blue-violet eyes looked back at him.
/He isn't going to make this easy./
"... Bou-chan."
/Yep, he's STILL angry./
"I ... well," He shifted uncomfortably, moving the weight from
one foot to the other. "I just wanted to apologize."
"Whatever for?" Fuugen's smile looked puzzled.
"... you're still mad, aren't you?"
"No. I'm not mad." Smiling, Fuugen walked toward him.
"... I'm sorry. Fuugen. I'm really really REALLY sorry." Heart
in his mouth, Taikoubou tried not to move back from the smiling,
approaching sennin. "Will you please forgive me?"
"There's nothing to forgive, Bou-chan." Hands cupped his
face, and a light kiss was placed on his cheek.
"... Fuugen, you ARE still mad at me."
He knew the other too well.
"Here."
Reaching into a pocket on the inside of his jacket, he thrusted
a small box into Fuugen's hands.
"... what's this?" Fuugen looked at the small gift-wrapped box
curiously.
"I was hoping to give you this ..." He was burning, his cheeks
felt that hot. " ... I was /going/ to give you this next month.
It /was/ going to be our 30th anniversary ... together, you
know."
Taikoubou was very careful to not look at Fuugen.
"Oh?" Fuugen was surprised. Bou-chan must have been planning
this for a long time ...
He pulled the string loose, fingers slowly pushing aside the
textured and colored paper, careful not to tear it. One never
knew when extra wrapping paper may come in handy.
A lifetime's habit of thriftiness was hard to break.
"I was trying for a pair, but this was the only stone I found
like this. And since I won't be here ..."
Inside the box rested a single earring. The kind that was a
smooth, round stone held in a simple pin setting.
"Do you like it?"
A stone the vivid colour of burning emerald. Living emerald ...
No, not emerald, for as Fuugen took it out of the box, the
slight change in the angle of light transmuted the brilliant
emerald to a deep, aquamarine jade.
Startled, Fuugen almost dropped the earring, altering the angle
of light refraction yet again.
A blazingly pale turquoise - the colour of running waters - was
the result, followed smoothly by a bright sapphire of the center
of a fierce forge fire, and finally, a soft, hazy blue-violet -
an amethyst jewel that was the stuff of dreams.
"... the colours of our eyes ..." Those were the first words
Fuugen could find, after a long search.
Deceptively simple, the gift. The gift was simple, but he could
tell what it meant. He could tell that Bou-chan had made the
gift with his own hands, polished the stone until it shone,
worked the metal of pin and clasp until it was a perfect fit.
"Well, yeah." Taikoubou looked away, embarrassed. "I found this
by accident - kicking little pebbles around - when I skipped
lecture a couple years back. Figured it would be perfect as a
set of earrings, but couldn't find another like it. Weird."
"Bou-chan." Fuugen smiled. "I only have /one/ pierced ear." [2]
"Not my fault your hair's so messy that it always covers your
ears." Taikoubou's face twitched. "I couldn't tell."
"Really?"
"... Okay, so I wanted to be on the safe side. (|||bb)"
"Thank you, Bou-chan." Fuugen took off the small gold hoop he
usually wore. "Put it on for me?"
"Lemme take my gloves off first."
Bending over Fuugen, he pushed the wild locks of azure aside
to reveal the left ear.
"... wrong side, Bou-chan."
Someone found it very amusing.
"Forgive me for not knowing." He snaps back, fumbling fingers
clumsily sliding the pin through.
After a brief scuffle, the vibrant speck of emerald-shifting-to
amethyst gleamed, nestled snugly between locks of heaven's blue.
"How does it look on me?"
Fuugen was fishing for compliments.
"... it makes me want to ..." Covering his mouth with a hand,
pretending to consider the smiling sennin, Taikoubou hid the
smirk.
"... makes you want to?" The sennin leaned close, trying to
catch the softly spoken words.
After all, he still haven't paid Fuugen back for chaining
him to the bed AND then evicting him this morning.
"... it makes me want to kiss you."
"...!!...mmmmm. Mmmmm-mmmh."
================================================================
KOKYUSAN, HAKKUSHIRU DOU
Taikoubou had pushed Fuugen over the kitchen table, and the
sennin could not resist - for fear of knocking over the various
ingredients and kitchen utensils used for the meal currently in
the progress of preparation.
"... Bou-chan, you're playing dirty."
"... and you don't?"
"... well-mmmn! Mmm~~mmm."
Red-faced, Mokutaku ducked out of the kitchen. And to think that
he had been /worried/ about those two ...
Well, he HAD been worried, and he HAD slipped in after susuu to
make sure that Fuugen-shishou and Taikoubou-susuu were making
peace with one another. Only to find shishou and susuu-chan a
little ... um ...
... a little TOO at peace with one another.
"What were you saying again?"
"... !!! ... Bou-chan, now is not the time nor place to - mmm!"
He had no idea. He had NO idea that shishou and susuu were ...
/... lovers?/
That scene he just saw - that KISS he just witnessed - that -
/They're more than friends, THAT'S for certain./
That had NOT been a 'friendly' or 'chaste' kiss. If it was
anything, it was utterly uninhibited. Yet, the fevernt intensity
of the action had not been mere 'lust'. It was more than simple
'passion' or 'sex'.
It was not spontaneous. It was something that - something that
hadn't disgusted him at all, now that he thought about it. There
was something so /pure/, so /right/ about the scene he'd just
witnessed that the sameness of gender hadn't mattered to him.
It was something very special, something full of joy, something
enduring that asked for much and gave even more in return. It
was something that would make people do anything to possess.
Dimly, Mokutaku wondered if it was the same thing that had
brought his parents together, the force that had engendered him
and his Nii-sama.
Outside, the doushi took a deep breath of the cool, pure
Senninkai air. Staring up at the sky, wondering if he would ever
find out.
It had completely involved the two ... participants. Body, mind
and soul.
/... was that love?/
================================================================
KOKYUSAN, HAKKUSHIRU DOU
Short, quick, and sweet.
Sometimes, the fulfillment of intimacy was best expressed in the
form of a quick but thorough cuddle. [3]
"... if this happens every time I am angry," Fuugen mused, one
hand on the back of Taikoubou's neck, doing a little finger-
walking. "Perhaps I should be angry at you more often."
"If you were often angry at me," Taikoubou retorted, resting his
chin on the sennin's collarbone. "It wouldn't happen."
They grinned at each other, in perfect accord.
"I should thank you for such a lovely present ..."
Fuugen's fingers were doing a bit more walking than necessary.
"... Fuugen, what's that smell?" Taikoubou seized the
distraction quickly, pushing himself off of Fuugen on the
kitchen table.
"My yam porridge!" Fuugen hurried over to the stove to rescue
the overflowing pot and its contents.
================================================================
KOKYUSAN, HAKKUSHIRU DOU - OUTSIDE THE BACK DOOR
/At least they're ... happy./
Hearing the laughter in the kitchen, Mokutaku tried not to
blush. He'd been shishou's student ever since he was a child of
seven. While he remembered his parents, visiting them as often
as his studies allowed - he could not deny that it was shishou
who was the closest person to him.
It was shishou who who taught him the knowledge of the Immotals.
It was shishou who helped him when he struggled to master that
knowledge.
It was shishou who smiled and encouraged him when he despaired.
It was shishou who spent time with him, listening to him - all
his joy at learning, all the answers he wanted to know, all the
things he wanted to do - all the dreams he wanted to come true.
It was shishou who was there, when he needed someone.
Fuugen-shishou had always been the one who was /there/, for him.
Fuugen-shishou, who was not merely his teacher, but almost like
both a mother and a father at the same time.
He giggled, struck by a sudden image of Mama-shishou and
Papa-susuu.
/Well, Taikoubou-susuu is a lot like a - *snicker* - "husband"
with the reins of power held by the "wife" .../
Fingers brushed against the smoothness of cured bamboo.
/... I nearly forgot!/
Mokutaku stared at the empty basket in dismay.
/I must hurry, or I won't be back in time with the groceries!/
================================================================
KOKYUSAN, HAKKUSHIRU DOU
"... (if only time stopped, now ...) ..."
Nimble hands cleared away the spilled, soggy mess with a wet
rag. It was warm inside the kitchen. A warmth that made one
linger, made one wish to stay still and savor, never leaving.
The warmth of a place called 'happiness.'
"Did you say something, Fuugen?" Taikoubou looked up from the
carrots he was chopping up.
"Hm?" Blue-violet eyes blinked innocently. "No, why did you ask,
Bou-chan?"
"Keh. I AM going to catch you out, one of these days."
"I really don't know what you're talking about ..."
Taikoubou shrugged, and proceeded to change the subject. Fuugen
never talked until he was good and ready to.
"Would you like me to tell you about how I took the Houshin
Project? You never asked, but ... well, I'm gone first light
tomorrow."
"... that late? I thought you should have left two days ago."
"... # ... couldn't wait to kick me out, could you?"
"Bou-chan ... you're an idiot."
"AM NOT."
A soft sigh. They understood each other very well.
"I'm afraid I'll keep you if you stayed, baka no Bou-chan."
"I kinda guessed." Taikoubou grimaced. "Did you wanna hear about
how I pissed the old man off or not?"
There was a loud, resounding *WHAP* as the knife chopped the
root neatly into many thread-like pieces, hitting the cutting
board hard.
"Do go on." Fuugen smiled. He /had/ wondered how Genshitenson
had presented the Project to Bou-chan - but it wasn't his way
to make Bou-chan talk unless Bou-chan wanted to.
/... most of the time./
================================================================
ENROUTE TO THE NINGENKAI
As he made his way down the mountain, Mokutaku could not help
but think. He thought a lot, mostly about susuu and shishou. He
thought about what susuu and shishou were to each other, and
what they were to him.
/What is susuu to me?/
His susuu was like a friendly, mischievious uncle or big
brother. He remembered times when his susuu would "show him
something really neat" - and promptly get scolded by shishou for
"corrupting the young".
He remembered all those times susuu took him on outings -
climbing trees or fishing or digging for crickets, making and
teaching him to make grass-pipes and leaf-whistles and
bamboo-water-guns, or even just lying down on the grass, gazing
heavenwards, naming the stars and watching the clouds go by.
He remembered times when susuu would sneak treats to him,
leaving candies and peaches in his desk drawer when shishou
didn't notice.
//You're a kid. Kids need to have SOME sweets other than the
disgusting health-crap Fuugen's been feeding ya - or it's not
much of a childhood at all.//
//... shishou doesn't cook 'disgus-disguwhazzit' food.//
//Bou-chan, what are you telling Mokutaku again?//
//NO-THING~ *whistling* NOTHING at all ...//
//... you ARE teaching him one of your pranks.//
//Spoilsport. Like you never pulled any when YOU were a
doushi.//
//I am a sennin now, Bou-chan. I have to set an example for my
pupil.//
//Fake saint. Fuugen's a fake saint!//
//Bou-chan no baka.//
Yes, both shishou and susuu were like his family.
"... as long as they are happy together ..."
================================================================
KOKYUSAN, HAKKUSHIRU DOU
"... can't you be a little more enthusiastic about hearing it?"
Taikoubou moved on, from mutilating carrots to skinning potatos.
"You know that the kuso-jiji -"
"Bou-chan." Fuugen's voice, while reproving, held a note of
laughter.
"Okay, just 'jiji' then. He showed me the Houshin Dai where the
souls are supposed to be sealed, and tossed this at me."
The thump of a falling object. An official-looking scroll,
tightly rolled-up and tied together with a crimson rope, landed
atop the kitchen counter.
"... is that ...?"
"Yep. The Scroll of Houshin - THE List of youkai-sennin to go
'ping!', according to the jiji. I want you to make a copy and
keep that copy you make for yourself."
"... you want me to do research on the people on the list."
It wasn't a question.
"Hell, yeah. It's gonna be a long and tedious bit of work, and I
knew even with your hacking and data-processing speed, it can't
be done within a month, maybe more. So ..."
Fuugen finished his sentence for him.
"So, you'd like me to work on that, while you excute the Project
with what knowledge you have at hand."
"Yeah. The old man's hiding something from me, I know it ... but
still, all that work of making it look like I did NO work at all
must've worked. It'll be something like a trial period, testing
me out before he decides to give me the information." [4]
Bou-chan had that devil-may-care grin on his face again.
"Of course, since you have other sources ..." Fuugen laughed.
"Yep. Well, gotta 'husband' all my resources wisely, ne?"
The two burst out in a fit of laughter at the pun.
"... (snicker)... you're TERRIBLE, Bou-chan."
"I know. (You KNOW I'm a naughty, naughty boy~)"
"... teeheeheehe ..." Fuugen wiped another tear away from the
corner of his eye. "So, how do you want me to send the
information to you? Via backup?"
"Of course." Taikoubou shrugged, starting to chop up the
potatoes. "You can't expect /him/ to let me run around
unsupervised and muck up the Project, right? There WILL be
someone spying on me, and I'm counting on it."
"I think I can find out who it is." Fuugen tasted the porridge,
and decided it was done. "You do realize, that the spy will
likely be your replacement should you be considered unfit to
continue the Project."
"Then I'll just have to win 'em over to my cause." Bou-chan
grinned, cockily. "It'll be good for me, working my butt off
without you to cover for me."
"Why am I not surprised?"
"Stop teasing." Taikoubou set the two bowls of 'processed'
vegetables in front of Fuugen. "Now cook."
"Yes, Master Commander of the Houshin Project."
"Hmph. Oh, in case you were worrying, I played dumb about the
Houshin Keikaku - can't have the geezer picking on you for
giving out 'confidential info' - and royally suckered him into
thinking I don't want the assignment.
"I wanted some quality time to say 'goodbye', so I told him to
give me three days to think about it. Tomorrow is when I'm
giving him my answer."
"And here I was, worried that you were finding it too
comfortable here to leave ..."
"Hey, you did the right thing." Taikoubou sighed, watching
Fuugen stir-fry the potato and carrot strips. "I sure will miss
your cooking."
"Is THAT all you will miss?"
"What would happen if I said 'yes'?"
================================================================
A SMALL VILLAGE IN THE NINGENKAI
"Come visit us again soon, doushi-sama!"
"Hai!" Mokutaku laughed as he bid the peasant woman farewell,
a little embarrased at the honorific.
He was not used to the reverence which the people of Ninkai
showed the sendou. Every time he came down from Mount Konron, to
exchange Fuugen-shishou's herbal remedies for supplies, it was
the same type of welcome.
/Well, I suppose it could have been worse. It could have been
fear rather than respect./
Mokutaku remembered how frightened the people were, ten year
ago, when Fuugen-shishou had accompanined him down to this
village the first time.
/They ran from us, thinking we were youkai-sennin until
Fuugen-shishou set the broken leg of a girl who could not run
from us, handicapped by her leg./
That young girl was now a grown woman, married and with three
children - the same peasant woman he had just bartered supplies
from.
/... she was MY age then./
He bit his lip. Fuugen-shishou had explained to him that this
was one of the drawbacks of choosing the life of sendou - that
mortal acquaintances would age and die before their time.
/Dear Kami, what must I look like to her? I haven't changed at
all, at least in appearance.../
Perhaps it was not so hard to understand why the people treated
sendou as gods. Even if he was beginning to understand, it was
not a comfortable thought.
/Fuugen-shishou, this is why you dissuaded me from becoming a
doushi, isn't it?/
When he had met shishou for the first time ... their first
meeting ... he had known his father was a doushi, and both he
and Nii-sama had inherited sennin-kou from his father. Before
him, Nii-sama had already been taken to Konronsan, to train
as a doushi.
So when a sennin had come down from Konronsan, seeking a
student, he was not surprised.
//My name is Fuugen Shinjin. What is yours, young one?//
//... Mo - Mokutaku. Er, how do you do?//
He remembered the gentleness in blue-violet eyes, his
fascination with the ethereal creature before him - he had
thought that Fuugen was sennyo.
/Well, what I saw of Monjyu-susuu, when he fetched Nii-sama
away, gave me the impression that sennin were all strangely
dressed folks who talked about incomprehensible things./
Fuugen had been very clear, very down-to-earth - for the
seven-year-old child he had been - even in the questions he
asked.
//I am well, thank you for inquiring my welfare. How do you
do, Mokutaku?//
//... I am well, sennin-sama, thank you very much.//
//You don't have to call me that, Mokutaku.//
//What should I call you, then, sennin-sama?//
//You may call me Fuugen.//
And then, because he could not think of anything else to say:
//What are you doing down here, Fuugen?//
//I am here to find a student, Mokutaku. Do you know what it
means to become a sennin?//
Feeling greatly daring, he had answered.
//No ... but I would like to be a sennin.//
//Why?//
He had shook his head, surprised by the question.
//Well ... well, because my father is training to be one, and
so is my Nii-sama. I want to be like them.//
//You'll have to give me a better reason, Mokutaku.
The hardest thing to do, is to be yourself.
That, and to be better than yourself.
Do not use other people to measure YOUR worth.
Only ask yourself this: am I a better person than I was
yesterday?//
It had made sense, Fuugen's words. He had thought hard over the
answer to give.
//If I was a sennin, I would learn a lot of things.//
Fuugen had nodded.
//I ... I am only a child who does not know a lot. But I know
that there are things I can only learn if I was a sennin. Things
that no one who is not sennin can tell me. I want to know the
answers ...//
//What are your questions?//
And they came pouring, the questions he had asked, but was
always answered with "it just is so" or "it had always been so"
and "children should be seen and not heard" ...
//Why is the sky blue? How do the dragons bring rain? How
far is the distance between heaven and earth, and what are the
stars made of? Why can't you mix water and oil? Why is it when
you cry to the mountains, they answer with echoes? How does ...
//I want to know these things, all these things and more, and I
do not know anyone who can tell me.//
Instead of bading his tongue still, Fuugen had listened,
solemnly and intently, and nodded, smiling.
//That is a good reason. But ... to learn the answers, you would
have to give something up. Something very precious. Do you know
what that is?//
//... no. What?//
He had not known. He could not have understood the concept of
"mortality", or of the sacrifice it meant to give it up - but
Fuugen had told him, in terms that a seven-year-old child
would understand.
//Sennin live for a long, long time - not forever, but very
close to it. And we do not grow old as fast as mortals do.
If you become a sennin, you will see all your human friends and
relatives grow old, and die before you do - everyone who is not
sennin or doushi.
//Everything, everyone. The city you grow up in might have
fallen into ruins, been rebuilt or even changed names. People
you think you KNOW will not be the people you know, but their
children, or their children's children, or THEIR children's
children's children.
//People who know you, you may not recognize, they would have
grown so different, so old. They might even have forgotten you,
it's been that long since you left. A boy you used to play with
may be a old man when you return. Can you bear that? Do you want
the answers that much?
//I will be your teacher only if you wish, truly, to become one
of the sendou. I will take you as a student only if you still
wish to become a sennin despite knowing this.//
He had thought over Fuugen's words. And answered.
//... yes.//
//Are you sure?//
//Yes.//
//What will you do, when the things I told you of happens?//
//I'll worry about it when it happens.//
//... Mokutaku?//
//It won't happen for a long time, yet, right? I DO want to know
the answers that much ... and Father and Nii-sama are doushi -
so I won't be lonely. I won't be the only one. And I will also
be there to make sure they won't be alone, that they won't be
lonely, when that happens ...//
//You are a thoughtful child, Mokutaku.//
Fuugen had patted his head.
//I will be your teacher.//
Later, much later, when he understood what he had given up ...
he did not regret. He had known a world that was open to the
eyes of sendou, a world of knowledge that he could not have
turned away from, even after knowing the cost.
//Mokutaku ... you are still young.
Someday, you will grow to need someone special - you will fall
in love. Be careful, when you do love ...
Because if you loved a mortal, you will not have much time
with them before you lose them.//
Fuugen had told him this. It made him wonder if shishou had
been speaking from past experience.
/... who had shishou loved?/
Shishou's words always made him think, and they were always
sound advice once he puzzled out what shishou was trying to tell
him. The girl ... now the woman he saw today, drove that point
home to him, deeply.
//Happiness is a fleeting moment, gone, in the blink of an eye,
as all mortal things do.//
================================================================
KOKYUSAN, HAKKUSHIRU DOU
"... Bou-chan."
Interesting, how Fuugen could convey the dangerous note of
"you're-DEAD-just-you-wait-I'll-deal-with-you-later" with a
single word.
"I'm kidding, I'm kidding!" Taikoubou threw up his hands
hastily, up and down, in a conceding gesture of defeat. "I
shouldn't have said that, I've been bad, I'm sorry, I'm
really really sorry, I'm ..."
As expected, it made Fuugen laugh.
"Silly Bou-chan." The sennin made quick work of the dish he
prepared, and scooped the stir-fried vegetables onto a plate.
"Well, you're not angry any more, right?" He knew he was
asking for it - but oh, it was such fun, baiting and
counter-baiting each other like this. "Fuugen is very
easy to please, if you know the right words to say and the
right things to do and ..."
"... that reminds me." That dangerous note was in Fuugen's
voice again, as the sennin doused the fire of the stove. "I
have not said I would forgive you yet."
"Wait a second - you said that 'there was nothing to forgive' -"
Uh-oh. Fuugen did had him there.
There was nothing to forgive, but he was not forgiven.
/... FUUGEN, so I'm 'nothing' now?! (||||||bbbb)/
"Found the hole in that train of thought yet?"
Ouch. THAT tone. The "we will talk. NOW." tone.
"Fuugen ... I'm sorry." The tone that could be alleviated
by only one means. "I am /really/ sorry ..."
Taikoubou dropped his fool's manner, and turned serious.
"... you know me too well."
================================================================
KOKYUSAN, OUTSIDE HAKKUSHIRU DOU
Mokutaku let out a long whoosh as he sat down, taking a rest
from the ardous climb up the moutain side. The doushi wiped his
brow, feeling the wind's chill touch against feverish skin.
/... strange. I'm happy, just resting in peace like this ... /
He thought a lot. Sometimes, Fuugen-shishou had to tell him to
do things rather than just think about them, giving him a
little push, a nudge to make him ACT rather than think.
For Mokutaku, quiet, still moments like these were the best
moments to roll thoughts over in his mind, turning them this way
and that to fully examine them. They are also the moments when
he tended to experience an abrupt appreciation of happiness.
//... happiness is a rare thing. It is even rarer to find
someone to share it.//
Who had told him that? Was it ... yes, it /was/ shishou who
had told him that.
"... as long as they ARE happy together ..."
To him, Fuugen-shishou and Taikoubou-susuu no less "family
members" than relatives sharing the same blood. They were as
dear to him as Niisama and Kaasan and Tousan were.
"... it matters to me, that they are happy - together."
Somehow, Mokutaku knew that these idyllic days would not last
much longer. Something was about to happen.
//See, I'll be leaving the Senninkai soon.//
It was something serious, for his susuu to leave the realm of
the sendou.
/... something is going to happen .../
He looked up in the sky, seeing a streak of light cross the
afternoon sky. A falling star, burning so fiercely that it was
visible even in the light of the setting sun.
================================================================
KOKYUSAN, HAKKUSHIRU DOU
"... Bou-chan?"
Taikoubou had his arm about the Fuugen's waist.
"I'm sorry, Fuugen." Green eyes gazing earnestly into his,
unusually serious. "I've ... I've taken you for granted, these
days. I know that this - well, talking like this isn't like me,
but there is so much I want to say, so much I want to tell you
and either I can't not yet or I don't have the time to say them
or say them the way I want to ..."
The doushi trailed off in a self-conscious laugh.
"I'm rambling, aren't I?"
"I'm listening, Bou-chan." Fuugen smiled. "Sometimes, I simply
like to listen - it helps me to see things the way you do."
"Yeah. That's one of the things I like about you ..." Bou-chan's
voice shifted to his usual, the one with the casual, lazy drawl.
"But you know what I like best about you?"
"Bou-chan ...?" Startled, Fuugen looked up.
It was a mistake.
"I like your smile the best of all."
Mesmerized, held by the light in brilliant emerald eyes.
"When you smile, it's as if the sun is shining."
He could not look away.
"Bou-chan ...?" Tentatively, heat crawling up his cheeks, he
smiled.
"Hey, not THAT smile." Bou-chan pulled one of those demented
faces - one of those incrediblily SILLY faces that had never
once failed to tug the corners of his mouth upwards, making him
smile.
"The other one." Emerald eyes smiled at him, the warmth of them
defined /his/ definition of sunlight. "Yeah, THAT one."
"... when you really are smiling."
================================================================
KOKYUSAN, OUTSIDE HAKKUSHIRU DOU
Thoughtfully, Mokutaku watched the trailing blaze of a star
divide the sky in two.
//Hey, Mokutaku. There's a shooting star. Make a wish before it
disappears.//
//I wish ... I wish everyone would live happily ever after.//
//Mokutaku, there are limits to what any one person can do.
Wish for something possible.
Wish only for something that you can accomplish yourself.
That would be far more worth wishing for than an empty
promise.//
//Oi, Fuugen, must you turn everything into a philosophy
lesson?//
//What did you wish for, Bou-chan?//
//Me? I wished that I'd be able to figure out the pass codes to
the stores.//
//... are you going to fetch more peaches again, susuu?
Can I come too? PLEASE?//
//BOU-CHAN.//
//Ah- hahahahahhah. I dunno what you are talking about,
Mokutaku. Peaches? What peaches?//
No, this idyllic state will not last - this happiness will not
last.
/... something is going to happen .../
Mokutaku wasn't stupid. He knew the rumours of unrest in the
Ningenkai as well as any other doushi. And with his infrequent
visits to the Ningenkai, Mokutaku knew that they were not only
rumours.
They were fact.
While the terrible conditions had not yet reached Chintou Kan,
where his parents lived... Mokutaku knew it would only be a
matter of time before it did.
/Kaasan, Tousan ... how are you now?/
Shishou was right. There were only so much he can do. So he
wished for something that was not impossible. Something within
his reach. Something for the happiness of those he cared for.
Those who were his family.
"... I wish happiness for shishou and susuu."
It was a selfish wish. But ... it was something he could help
accomplish.
"That's close enough, Fuugen-shishou, ne?" Mokutaku smiled
after the comet.
================================================================
KOKYUSAN, HAKKUSHIRU DOU
"Just listen to me, Fuugen ... I sound like a blithering idiot.
But this - this may be the last time we have together, to talk
together like this - and I want to make the most of it."
Taikoubou knew it sounded like a monologue. But Fuugen ...
Fuugen /listened/. He was good at that. If he had asked, the
sennin could have repeated what he said, word for word.
"I know that it sounds silly, coming from me - especially since
I haven't been really making the most of the time we have to
talk. It's as much my fault as it is yours ... "
Talking out loud to Fuugen helped him ORGANIZE his thoughts,
helped him string the rambling, quicksilver slippery ideas into
a tight line that held strong against further distractions.
"... because you know me too well. You know me too well, so well
that you know me better than myself. You know me so well that I
... I don't have to choose words around you. I guess that's why
I've gotten careless and took you for granted lately, and I'm
sorry about that."
It wasn't even half of what he wanted to say, what he needed to
say, what he wanted to tell Fuugen, what he NEEDED to tell
Fuugen. What Fuugen needed to hear ...
"Now that I have to go, I don't want to. I don't want to go,
even though this is the chance I've worked so hard for, what we
BOTH worked so hard for - I'm afraid. I'm afraid to tell you how
much I am afraid ..."
And there were things that they both wanted to hear, but neither
of them would say to each other. For the best of reasons, the
best of intentions, those words must not be spoken.
/Not here, not now - not the right time./
"I am afraid, too, Bou-chan." Fuugen nodded, slowly. "I ... know
this feeling, I knew that you would feel this way, that /I/
would feel this way. To have wanted something for so long, and
put so much of yourself into attaining that singular goal -"
"The fear that it's all unreal," Taikoubou pressed his forehead
to Fuugen's. "The fear that it's only a dream, that it's not
really happening ... that's part of it, but not all of it."
"Bou-chan, I would be lying if I said that I wanted you to go."
Fuugen's arms hugged him back, tightly. "I /can/ make you stay.
I have the power to make you stay, I would like you to stay -
but I can't. And we both know why."
"Why?" It almost ruined the moment. "Stop laughing, Fuugen! You
know it's a joke."
"... Bou-chan." Cheek against Bou-chan's, Fuugen closed his
eyes.This might be the last time he would be able to do this, to
rest his head in the hollow of this familiar shoulder, to speak
of the naked truth on his mind so freely to the other half of
his soul.
"Yes. I ... I can't stay." Bou-chan's voice was shaking. "You
know I can't stay. And I know I can't. This Project - the
Houshin Keikaku - is what we both worked so hard for, and I
can't give it up. We would both be disappointed if I did."
"It doesn't make having to let go easier ..."
"It doesn't make having to go away easier ..."
"We /have/ worked too much for this to hold back, now." Fuugen
was trembling in his arms. "I am afraid - I /am/ afraid for you.
I know you will do your best, but it is a possibility - the
possibility that you may die in this venture."
"That's what this morning was all about, wasn't it?"
Fuugen only nodded.
"I know /you/ - that was your way of dealing with that fear, to
drive me away - to do everything you can to drive me away, to
make sure I would go before you changed your mind.
"Fuugen, what I'm going to do IS gonna be dangerous. I don't
intend to die, but I know the risks I'm taking - I know that I'm
putting my life on the line, accepting this Project.
"I won't do foolhardy things, but I have to take the risk, I
have to go on this Project. This is my /life/, the path I chose
to dedicate myself to. This is our dream. We've both gone too
far to turn back now.
"It IS dangerous. It's dumb to pretend otherwise - but, do I
look to you like someone who'd die so easily?"
"It doesn't make the fear any easier to bear." Fuugen sighed,
deeply. "I ... I knew that it had to be one of us, and I know
that /I/ can't be that person. I would go instead of you, if I
could - but you're far more suited than I would ever be as the
executor of the Houshin Project."
"... What are you talking about? You're intelligent, you're as
sneaky and manipulative as I am - and you CAN pull dirty tricks
if you had to. What do you mean you're not as capable?"
Fuugen laughed.
"... the only reason I can match wits with you is because I KNOW
you."
"Explain, Fuugen. I don't understand ..."
"Bou-chan, the only reason I'd be able to guess what others
would do would be because I know YOU. By watching what you do,
how you think, I can tell how others will react to YOUR actions.
On my own, I cannot predict the motivations and actions of other
people.
"It is through your eyes, your words, your very action and deed
that I am able to. You are the strategist. I am merely someone
who understands how that strategist thinks."
There was silence as Taikoubou digested this revealation.
"Fuugen ... you became Jyuu Ni Sen, for me, didn't you?"
"It was something entirely unsuited for your nature. But it was
necessary, there must someone with the inside information,
accessible only to the ranked-sennin. It had to be me, just as
it had to be you - I am the one more suited to this task, as you
are suited to yours."
/You always were a free soul. You should not be chained to any
place or anyone./
"Thank you, Fuugen. I ... I don't know how to thank you."
He wondered how he would manage without Fuugen.
/I have to./
"Thank me, then."
"Hn?"
"Thank me by telling me about 'us'."
".... (gulp)... Fuugen."
"Is it that hard?"
The forbidden words. The words that must not be said, truths
that must not be heard, promises that must not be made.
"... I can't make any promises - I just can't." If he did, if he
made a promise ... "Because I can't be sure I'd be able to keep
them, if I made them. Because I might have to break promises I
made. Because I don't want to break any promise I make, any
promise made to you.
"But ... when this is all over ... I'll come back."
/I will come back to you./
The words he could not say. If he said them, he would have had
no reason to come back. If he said them, he was afraid that he
would not come back, having already said what he wanted to say.
/'I love you' .../
"Shhh. Bou-chan."
Fuugen was telling him to 'stop right there.'
"I'll come back to you. You know I will." Taikoubou refused to
take the hint. "You know why I will. I can't say it - I can't
say the words now ... but I will when I come back. It'll be the
reason I /have/ to come back to."
"Bou-chan, shut up."
Taikoubou did not like the way Fuugen was eyeing a metal pot by
the side. So he did.
"Thank you, Bou-chan." Fuugen smiled. "That's all I wanted to
hear. If you tried making promises more binding than this, I
would have kept you from saying the words."
/I would have stopped you, using force if necessary./ [5]
"Help me clear all these dirty pots and pans away, Bou-chan."
"Eh?" The abrupt shift in Fuugen threw Taikoubou for a loop.
"And set the table, Bou-chan, it's dinner time."
"... Fuugen?" Was he missing something there?
"Mokutaku, aren't you going to come in for dinner?"
It took all of Fuugen's control to keep from laughing out loud
at the resultant blushes of those two.
================================================================
~tbc~
================================================================
[1] The premise of getting a "sennin license" much like getting
a "driver's license", as shi imagines it. ^_^
[2] See Fuugen's first manga appearance in vol. 13. He DID have
an earring like that on his right ear that mysteriously
disappears later in the control room of Koronsan. Hmmmm.
Where did it go?
[3] Gomen for those of you looking for H. ^^;
Those two only - er - cuddled and kissed a bit.
Dinner IS still in progress, you know ...
[4] ... writing Bou-chan talk is like writing tongue-twisters,
sometimes. He has a very carefree and slangy style of
speech.
[5] Fuugen and violence ... it actually works. (sweatdrops)
================================================================
Shin no Freetalk:
SWEEET~
(debate to self: should shi have subtitled this MFO -
aka "Mokutaku Finds Out"? ^^;;;;;)
Looks like the rest of "Gyokutei interrogating Fuugen's motives"
would have to be moved to part vii.
As well as the scene where Youzen gets Fuugen, and the start of
the Houshin Keikaku ... lots of other scenes.
Mmmm. The idea of Fuugen inspiring fear ... ^^; -- shi like~~
Well, both Youzen AND Bou-chan are treading veddie, veddie
carefully about him, ne?
Request. More specifically, readers' requests. Yes, there are
those. On one end, there are people telling shi to be 'nicer'
to ouji-sama. On the other, there are people asking for more
Youzen-torture scenes.
... shi is a very self-centered person.
AS PLANNED IN SHI'S PLOT, BOTH OF THE ABOVE WILL HAPPEN.
... MWAHAHHAHAHAHAHA.
AND STOP SINGING IN SHI'S BRAIN, BOU-CHAN-SUSUU. *growls*
The fuu/tai scene in this part is all HIS fault.
Well, his fault, and nyan's, and Deep Blue's, and Ushi's.
Why? Go look at the freetalk in the poem by itself. _
And very oddly, shi's gaining the urge for Mokutaku to have the
nickname of "susuu-chan" for Taikoubou ...
The child thinks over much.
Fuugen's taught him that way - to figure out the answers which
apply to himself on his own.
(Mokutaku: ^_^ I'm still learning. What's good for the goose
isn't necessary good for the gander, you see.)
Shi had NOT planned for that to happen. AT ALL.
... *weeps* ... Shi has a budding philosopher in her brain.
MUCH LATER:
You're dead, Bou-chan. You're SO dead.
Taikoubou forced shi to tack another +20K worth of
heart-to-heart chat w/ Fuugen on, making this part even longer
than it's supposed to be. It's broken 60K!
It WAS done on the 19th of November, but just to organize all
the things he wanted to say ... ugh. Shi has a 20% report due
shi must work on now. In 3 hours. _
Noooooo~~~~ *wails*
Wish me luck. LOTS of it.
mail shi-chan at kichin@doushi.org with any comments! ^o^
================================================================
Sneak previews of what's going to happen next:
Bou-chan plys Fuugen w/ alcohol.
Midnight rendez-vous.
... and Youzen gets to hear Fuugen sing.
================================================================
First Edition: November 19th, 2000 at 10:15 PM
Last Revised: November 23th, 2000 at 1:12 PM
================================================================
All rights and privileges to Houshin Engi belong to Ryu
Fujisaki, JUMP Comics; Shueisha Inc., and TV Tokyo. Characters
from HE are used without permission for the purpose of
entertainment only. This work of fanfiction is not meant for
commercial use. No infringements of rights are intended.
In other words - please don't sue me, I need my
allowance to buy HE merchandise and make you guys rich!
****************************************************************
Smiling Tears
Part VI
By Shioru Sutherlands (aka. Kotoshin)
****************************************************************
i can't say / i can't say the words right / i can't stay /
i can't stay past tonight / i'm afraid /
i'm afraid to give forever away /
i'm afraid i can't say i will stay / since i've met you -
learned the soul behind those eyes / since i've known you -
my, how fast time does go by /
i broke your walls once i heard your lies /
you lent me strength to see beyond the sky /
we gave the same dream wings of hope to fly /
... but i just can't seem to say the words right.
i can't say / i can't say the words right / i can't stay /
i can't stay past tonight / i'm afraid /
i'm afraid to leave and tell you goodbye /
i'm afraid i can't say i will stay / you're the place -
i'll be missing on my own / you're the place -
i'll return to and call home / i can't make promises tonight /
because i'm gone with first sunlight /
but i'll be back to say the words right /
... i will come back to say the words right.
- "the right words"
-- Taikoubou - Fuugen Shinjin
================================================================
OUTSIDE
He knew he was a wicked creature ... a wicked, wicked creature.
Sometimes, his own capacity for mischief surprised even himself.
/Well, being with a certain person was very ... educational, in
this area./
He didn't know when he had become the person he is, but when he
realized the kind of person he /was/, this was ...
/Me, myself and I./
... himself.
The sennin who was a peace-loving, gentle soul. An innocent
dreamer who believed in compromise and forgiveness. A sweet
young man who disliked violence, bloodshed, and conflicts.
An angel with doe-soft eyes of violet-blue, and an ever-present,
brilliant smile. An eternal optimist who genuinely /believed/
that if everyone made the effort to understand one another, they
would get along.
At least, that was the person most of the world saw.
He knew what others said of him, and he maintained the false
image they believed in. It wasn't even particularly hard to
accomplish the feat, for that /was/ him. That /was/ the person
he had once been. Past tense, the person he was.
He was no longer that person.
He was no longer that innocent soul - the simple creature he
once was no longer existed. Or rather, existed only as the mask
he wore. That simple creature existed only as the mask he lived.
The reality beneath the mask was not only that simple creature.
The reality beneath the mask was more than that simple creature.
... much, much more.
It was a relief to know that some people did not take things at
face value. That some knew the mask for what it was, that some
could see beneath the mask. /His/ mask.
/Thank you, Taiitsu-shixiong./
Listening to the conversation echoing inside Taiitsu Shinjin's
spacious lab, Fuugen Shinjin waited for a suitable entrance.
================================================================
IN THE AIR
He was nearing the Gyokukyo Kyu, the residence of Genshitenson.
Sitting sideways atop Kotenkun, Youzen found himself in a very
good mood, as he contemplated the breath-taking scenary of
Konron and the pleasant subject of ...
/... Fuugen Shinjin./
No, not Fuugen Shinjin. Not Fuugen Shinjin to him. Not anymore.
Never Fuugen Shinjin, or 'susuu' to him.
/... Fuugen./
Fuugen had accepted him.
"Fuugen."
The name was beautiful, the combination of vowels of consonants
that rolled easily, musically off the tip of his tongue.
/... MY Fuugen./
He was the best - he had always been the best - he IS the best.
There was no one who was better than him.
//... can you be so certain?//
He had to admit that he was not perfect. But without a doubt, he
was the closest thing to perfection. While there WERE others who
surpassed him in areas where they excelled, he was still the
best - overall.
/Anything ANYONE can do, I can do better./
That was where /he/ excelled. Once he had seen the skill that
another was capable of, he could learn that same specialized
skill, master and perfect and make it his own.
/... he will never give Taikoubou-susuu a second thought again./
Youzen laughed out loud, startling himself with the sound of
his own laughter. It had been a long time since he laughed. It
had been so long, he couldn't remember the last time he laughed.
/... Fuugen./
Fuugen was his. /His/ Fuugen.
/... MINE./
He laughed again at the realization. The wind laughed with him,
brushing the locks of deep-blue hair back from his face, pulling
the the long strands away in a sensual, carefree dance.
Life was wonderful, and about to get better.
================================================================
KENGENSAN, KINKOU DOU
"Taiitsu-shixiong, may I come in?"
There was the slightly embarrassed silence that always followed
a private conversation after the entrance of the subject matter
of that conversation.
"If you are finished with it, I've come to pick up my
Taikyokufuin."
"Oh, hi, Fuugen!" Taiitsu chirped brightly, waving a hand.
It was the hand that held the laser.
"Taiitsu-shixiong!"
"TAIITSU!"
"OOPS - Watch out!"
Both Fuugen and Gyokutei ducked as Taiitsu shot the lighting
fixture down.
*CRASH*
================================================================
IN THE AIR
"Good morning, Hakutsuru Douji." Youzen smiled at the white
crane flying towards him.
"I heard that Genshitenson-sama is looking for me ... would you
mind announcing me in?"
Nothing could spoil his good mood.
"Good morning, Youzen." The youkai-doushi changed the beat of
wings so that he flew side by side of Kotenken. "We have been
waiting for you (for quite some time now, if I may add). His
Exaltedness - Genshitenson-sama - seems to have an important
assignment for you."
//... nothing?//
"Assignment ..." Youzen did not like /that/ particular choice of
words.
While the tenzai-doushi was eager to accept the Houshin Keikaku,
he disliked being told to. Especially in a manner which implied
he had no choice in the matter.
================================================================
KENGENSAN, KINKOU DOU
"... *cough cough* ... is *COUGH* everyone alright?"
Amidst the falling cloud of debris, the three sennin stood up,
dusting themselves off and inquiring after each other's welfare.
"... *cough* ... I'm fine, Taiitsu-shixiong. What about you and
Gyokutei-shixiong?"
"I'm alright ... *COUGH COUGH COUGH* ..." Gyokutei somehow
managed to convey his brand of dry humour despite coughing fits.
"... but my dignity *cough* isn't."
"... *cough* ... same here." Taiitsu said mournfully. "... my
*cough cough* ... hair, and I /just/ washed and rinsed it
yesterday for the /longest/ time to bring out that *COUGH COUGH*
particular shine ..."
Trust the attention-loving sennin to mind his appearances at a
time like this. There was the sound of a smothered laugh from
Fuugen, and a low groan from Gyokutei.
"... *cough* ... Taiitsu-shixiong," Coughing and wiping the dust
from watering eyes, Fuugen chided. "You really must remember what
you're holding before gesturing like that."
"... *cough* ... *cough* ... I must agree, Taiitsu." Gyokutei
spat little pebbles and stone dust from his mouth. "That was
/not/ the first time."
"Gomen nasai, gomen nasai yo~~" Taiitsu was as attentive as a
dejected puppy which had just misbehaved, inadverently. "I'm so
sorry ... I'll try to remember next time. Gomen da yo~ (_)"
"It didn't damage anything in the lab," Fuugen surveyed the
disaster zone, searching for his Taikyokufuin. " ... or did it?"
"AAAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH~~~!!!" With a shriek that could have woken
the dead, Taiitsu threw the laser aside, scrambling madly about.
"My babies! My projects! My paopei~~!!!"
"Calm down, TAIITSU!" Gyokutei caught ahold of the laser before
it could do any more damage. "You're just making the situation
worse."
"Gyokutei-shixiong is right." Fuugen agreed. "Why don't we go
outside, and wait for the dust to settle a bit before restoring
the lab?"
================================================================
GYOKUKYO KYU
"Genshitenson-sama," Hakutsuru Douji fluttered down the wide
stone halls of Gyokukyo Kyu ahead of him. "The doushi, Youzen,
is here."
"Youzen ..."
Seated, the leader of Konronsan raised his eyebrows slowly, to
regard the young doushi kneeling before him. Meetings with
Youzen were always terse, since he was one of the few who knew
Youzen's true identity ...
"You still call yourself a doushi ..." the eldest one began,
"... but you already have the right, and the ability to rank
among the sennin."
... Genshitenson was well aware of that fact that Youzen did
not trust him. Youzen did not trust anyone, with the possible
exception of Gyokutei Shinjin, his teacher.
"Why do you refrain from taking the exam for the sennin
license? Why do you still call yourself a doushi?" [1]
"I know I will qualify as a sennin should I choose to take the
exam." Youzen's voice was calm. "I choose not to do so,
because I choose not to declare myself sennin."
Calm ... and guarded. Genshitenson knew what he was only by
virtue of association - the leader of Konronsan was part of the
reason that he stood here today, a member of the Konron sendou
and the student of Gyokutei Shinjin.
"According to the laws of the Senkai, a sennin must have at
least one pupil."
Genshitenson had been the one who arranged for Gyokutei to be
his mentor. While the tenzai-doushi supposed that he should have
appreciated that fact, he could not find it in him to like, much
less /trust/ the elder sennin.
/I trust you not, for you are a wily old fox who does NOTHING
without reason./
"If I become one of the sennin - if I refer to myself as a
sennin, I must therefore take on a student."
Youzen let his words fall, one by one, like dropping stones into
a pool of still water.
/The only reason I receive preferential treatment is because of
my skills - my skills, and WHO I am. You have uses for me, as a
carpenter has uses for his tools - some of those 'uses' this
'tool' has no care to./
"Frankly, I would rather use the spare time to perfect my own
skills - rather than waste it on teaching a mere beginner."
Genshitenson gazed at the tenzai-doushi thoroughout the entire
explanation. Finally, he let out a long, windy sigh.
"In the Senkai, you are a genius whose power is even greater
than that produced by powerful paopei ... " Genshitenson knew
Youzen's true reason for choosing to remain a doushi. "Even so,
you never cease to push yourself to the utmost in training ...
Genshitenson knew what Youzen's true reason was: ... fear.
Youzen was afraid. Afraid to let anyone come as close to him as
was required in the relationship of master and disciple, afraid
of revealing himself - revealing what he was - afraid of
rejection should his true identity be known.
/... and his fear is not without cause./
Eventually, the truth would have to come out. But not now.
"... nevermind. The matter for which I summoned you here today
for, is something else entirely."
"What is it?"
Hiding anticipation, Youzen waited for the answer he knew.
================================================================
KENGENSAN, KINKOU DOU
/... how did I get drafted into this chore?/
Gyokutei Shinjin wondered, as he carried several pieces of
heavy 'important equipment' to destinations given by Taiitsu
Shinjin's specific directions.
"No, no, no!" Taiitsu stamped his foot, frazzled. "Don't hold it
like that - yes, that's right, like that. That's it. A little
more to the right - oops, a bit more to the left - back a bit -
yeah, perfect."
Very specific directions.
"Taiitsu-shixiong," Having found Taikyokufuin, Fuugen was busy
reassembling the molecules of 'sensitive apparatus' to their
former states. "Was the original structure of the proton-
antiproton collider Type A5-JQ23 or B7-LS21?"
"Uh - the B7." Taiitsu frowned, peering at the schematics
diagrams Fuugen had called up on the Taikyokufuin. "We're lucky
that the rocks didn't crack open the interior of the particle
accelerator ... only the outer casing is damaged."
The 'proton-antiproton collider', or 'particle accelerator',
whatever it was that the two sennin were busy tinkering with -
looked to Gyokutei like nothing more than a huge metal cylinder
with legs, lying on its side.
"... didn't that happen the last time?"
Fuugen referred to the time when Taiitsu's entire cave collapsed
in on itself, burying the sennin alive. It had taken the Konron
sendou three days to realize Taiitsu Shinjin was missing (and
then, only because Taiitsu had never skipped teaching HIS
lectures more than two days in a row), and another two to dig
the accident-prone sennin out.
During the month's time Fuugen had spent in rebuilding Taiitu's
residence, Konron's residents had to put up with the scientist-
sennin in the public laboratories - a most hapazard period of
time indeed, especially for the doushi who had to share those
labs with him.
"Ehehehh...." Taiitsu laughed, embarrassed. "Don't worry,
Fuugen, you worked so hard in building this lab of mine - and
such a GOOD lab it is too! I'll take VERY good care of it. I
promise."
"You'd better, shixiong." Fuugen chuckled, good-naturedly. "I'll
actually charge you a fee the next time."
"OUCH. Be nice to your shixiong, Fuugen-/shitei/!"
Ah, yes, he remembered.
Gyokutei watched the other two sennin exchange terms he had
headaches just thinking about. The reason he stayed was because
of Fuugen.
He stayed for an excuse to talk to Fuugen.
/Perhaps you're right, Taiitsu./
He could trust the scientist-sennin with his life.
/... but I still must know for myself./
He could not trust Youzen's life to anyone other than himself.
================================================================
GYOKUKYO KYU
He could not believe the words he heard.
"I have a student ... my first ranking pupil: Taikoubou. I have
need of your strength in the execution of a very important
project."
/How can this be?/
Youzen was stunned.
/I am NOT the person chosen to execute the Houshin Keikaku?!/
The tenzai-doushi did not know how he managed to contain the
rage that burst inside him, the rage that seethed and threatened
to burn him open. Somehow, he managed. Somehow.
/... why? What does he have that I do not?/
"... you mean ... the Houshin Keikaku?"
"So ... you already know of it."
"....."
Youzen did not speak.
It was the first time he was NOT the first choice.
It was the first time he had been thought less than the best.
It was the first time he had ever been considered second-best.
Youzen found that a very difficult fact to believe in, much
less accept.
/... why? What does HE have that I have not?/
It was the first time the tenzai-doushi had doubts that he might
NOT be the best.
"Genshitenson-sama, forgive me for interrupting ..." Hakutsuru
spoke up in his defense. "...but, isn't it unfair to Youzen, for
him to work UNDER Taikoubou-susuu?"
"Hakutsuru, do you think that Youzen's ability is greater than
that of Taikoubou's?"
"Everyone thinks so!"
/Not EVERYONE think so./
Youzen knew at least two people who didn't. The second was
Genshitenson-sama, while the first ...
/... why? Why? WHY?/
"It's a terrible mistake to make susuu Youzen's superior!"
/... I'll show them./
The thought came, unbidden.
/I'll show them ALL./
"Hakutsuru, that's enough." His voice was so cold, that the
white crane clacked its beak shut in surprise. "I accept this
assignment.
"But - only under one condition."
He would prove it. He would prove it to them. He would prove
to everyone that he was the most suitable person - the only
person meant to carry out the Houshin Project.
"... one condition?"
"I do not know what that doushi - that doushi named Taikoubou
is capable of." Purple eyes gazed out the open halls of Gyokukyo
Kyu, into the misty clouds beyond.
Deep purple eyes settled, finally, on the back of a meditiating
figure atop a slender column of rocks.
"I would like to see for myself - if he has the right and
ability to be considered my superior."
================================================================
KENGENSAN, KINKOU DOU
Fuugen breathed a sigh of relief as last displaced molecule was
fitted back into place.
"Thank you so much~" Taiitsu hugged the younger sennin in
gratitude. "I could kiss you both for your help."
"Thanks, but no thanks." Gyokutei sagged in the corner of the
bench he sat on, resting elbows on a cleared lab top, chin
cupped in both hands. Taiitsu had picked on him as being most of
the manual labor, since he was NOT proficient in the why and how
of science.
"I second that." Fuugen smiled.
"You know," Taiitsu regarded Fuugen thoughtfully. "If you were
a woman, I'd marry you just to have all the requirements of
living solved."
/... WHAT?!/
"Think about it - you're organized, you're an excellent cook -
and you understand what I talk about -" Taiitsu sighed. "You
would have made a good wife."
Gyokutei had to clutch at the counter to keep himself from
falling over.
"Taiitsu-shixiong, I had provided those services freely for a
lazy, unproductive and non-paying tenant who eats the shares of
any three sendou." Fuugen only laughed. "A tenant whom I just
evicted today. I am in no hurry to repeat the experience."
"WHAT?!" Taiitsu stared at Fuugen. "You - you kicked Taikoubou
out?"
"... if you put it that way, yes."
================================================================
IN THE AIR - (again)
He did not want to go anywhere in particular. Especially not
where there were other ... people.
/Impossible./
Sensing his inner turmoil, Kotenken took a roundabout path.
Rather than heading straight home - home, to Gyokuizumisan,
Kinkasumi Dou - Kotenkun headed toward the outskirts of the
various sub-peaks orbiting about Koronsan main.
/It's not possible./
He rushed past peaks, the green of foliage and brown of rock
blurs of colour as Kotenkun made a circular orbit about one of
the uninhabited peaks of the mountain range.
/IMPOSSIBLE./
The wind rushed by him, tearing sound away from hearing, filling
his ears with its cries as he urged his paopei-beast onwards,
faster, faster.
/He can't possibly be BETTER than I am./
As if merely by increasing speed, he could outrun demons ...
/He can't. He can't be. He CAN'T./
... leave his personal demon behind.
"Uaahh-!" Youzen strangled his own vocalized frustration. "No.
... it's not possible. It just ... isn't."
//... is it? Is it really impossible?//
Wasn't that what he once thought of Fuugen?
Didn't he think the SAME of Fuugen, until the sennin proved
otherwise?
/He can't. I can best him, I KNOW I can./
... Fuugen had not even been TRYING to prove himself, when the
sennin pulled that stunt with the water twenty years ago. Fuugen
had only been being ... himself. Fuugen Shinjin. Fuugen.
/Fuugen .../
================================================================
KENGENSAN, KINKOU DOU
"I can't BELIEVE you kicked Taikoubou out." Taiitsu Shinjin
repeated again, in disbelief.
/... Taikoubou? Why does that name sound familiar ...?/
Gyokutei frowned. If he remembered correctly, Fuugen had only
a single student, like himself.
/The child's name should be Mokutaku .../
"I mean, the two of you are like, practically TWINS. Joined at
the hip. /INSEPARABLE/ ever since you both enrolled under
G-sama's tutelage sixty years ago!"
/... How could I have forgotten? (|||||bbbb)/
================================================================
Ah. Now the name registered. Currently the top-ranking pupil of
Genshitenson, Taikoubou held the dubious distinction of being
the MOST troublesome doushi numbered among Genshitenson's
students in a thousand years. Well did Gyokutei recall the prank
Taikoubou pulled at Fuugen's initiation ceremony as a member of
the Konron Jyu Ni Sen.
/I had not known the two of them to be this close .../
Gyokutei looked carefully at Fuugen, as if he could read the
younger sennin's thoughts by scrutinizing his appearance.
"People change, Taiitsu-shixiong."
Now THAT was an evasion, if Taiitsu had ever heard one.
"... what did he do this time?" Cobalt-blue eyes blinked. "You
are the most tolerant and forgiving soul I know - he must have
DONE something."
"Something like that." Fuugen only smiled.
"Ach, whatever." Taiitsu threw up his hands, and puttered away.
"If I pry further, I'd only sound more the nosy old aunt.
Whatever happened between the two of you, what /is/ between the
two of you should remain private unless you wish otherwise ..."
/... whatever is between the two of them?/
Gyokutei bit back his surprise. Were Fuugen and Taikoubou merely
best friends, or ...
"I might have overreacted a little, but it was necessary, in my
humble opinion." Fuugen replied. "Did you not know that Bou-chan
was the one chosen to execute the Houshin Project?"
/... Taikoubou ... the executor of the Houshin Project?!/
Gyokutei Shinjin pressed his lips tightly together. If it had
come as a shock to him, it would have been even more of a shock
to Youzen.
How? Why? What was Genshitenson-sama thinking?
/... come to think of it, Fuugen never once said that Youzen
was to be the executor, only that Youzen would play a "major
role" in the Houshin Keikaku .../
He had to look into the matter. And he had no doubt that he
would find most of the answers from Fuugen.
"NOW I see." Taiitsu nodded. "If you didn't kick him out, given
his attitude, he might never leave."
"Something of the sort." Fuugen sighed. "I /have/ spoiled him to
his creature comforts ... and Bou-chan being the most suitable
person to carry out the Project - I thought it best."
"Ach," Taiitsu scoffed. "Give Taikoubou some credit. He might
be irresponsible when it comes to small things, but when it
comes to the REALLY important things ..."
"Taiitsu-shixiong." Fuugen shook his head. "I didn't do it for
Bou-chan's sake."
What did Fuugen mean by that? Gyokutei and Taiitsu looked at
the younger sennin, whose tousled forelocks hid the expression
of blue-violet eyes.
"... I did it for my own."
/... are Fuugen and Taikoubou MORE than best friends?/
Gyokutei knew that he would have a LONG talk with Fuugen, as
soon as possible.
================================================================
A NAMELESS PEAK ON THE OUTSKIRTS OF KONRON
Kotenken had stopped, come to land atop a forested peak. He
got off the shaggy beast, patting the white dog absent-mindedly
on the head before willing his paopei into storage mode.
"I'm just trying to fool myself, aren't I?" Youzen said, to no
one in particular. "'Tenzai-doushi' indeed. Hah."
/... 'tenzai-doushi' ... a 'tenzai-doushi' who did not even RATE
against that - THAT -/
He could not bear it. There HAD been truth to Fuugen's words.
//... he has something that no one else has.//
//... what does he have that I have not?//
"What does he have?" Youzen could not understand. "What is so
exceptional about him?"
He did not understand - was it because he did not want to?
What it because he didn't even want to admit the mere
possibility - the possibility of someone else being BETTER than
himself? Was it because if he did, he would have to admit that
he was less than the best - less than the person he considered
to be "no competition at all"?
//Something that I cannot explain to you - yet.//
Why was he so afraid?
No, he wasn't afraid. He was only ... only uncertain. Just a bit
shaken. It wasn't like him - not like himself at all, to be so
easily disturbed, so unsure of himself.
//You did not answer my question.//
Better than anyone else, Youzen KNEW how insecure he really was.
He had to be better than anyone else - he must be, else there
would be no point to his existence. By proving himself the best,
he proved his own worth not just to himself, but to everyone
else. Remaining the best was his way of justifying himself in
his own eyes.
//... I could not answer in a way that you would understand.//
Fuugen had promised him the truth. The sennin did not lie.
Perhaps Fuugen had anticipated his reaction. Perhaps, Fuugen had
known his disbelief. Perhaps that was why Fuugen refused to tell
him all of the truth.
"... what am I going to do?"
================================================================
OUTSIDE KENGENSAN, KINKOU DOU
"What is Taikoubou to you, Fuugen-shitei?"
Direct, the question asked as soon as Taiitsu had gone back
inside, out of hearing.
"......." Fuugen returned his gaze without the quaver of guilt.
"Fuugen-shitei ... what are you going to do?"
They both knew what the real question was.
//Are you going to hurt Youzen, Fuugen?//
"Gyokutei-shixiong." Fuugen spoke, words soft sighs as gentle as
the wind. "As I have told you, I have no intention of hurting
Youzen-kun. Ever."
Gyokutei looked at Fuugen sharply.
"Taikoubou is your ... lover, is he not?" The elder sennin had
seen much, in his days as a mortal. "It would not be fair ... to
him, at least."
"Gyokutei-shixiong ..." Smiling, there was a faint hint of
wistfulness in the expression. "... you are a very perceptive
man."
/I will kill you, if you dare hurt Youzen./
"Then ..."
While uncommon, love between those of the same gender was not
unheard of. While loving one of the same gender was not his ...
preference, Gyokutei harboured no prejudice who did.
/If you are not faithful to Taikoubou, how can I expect you to
be faithful to Youzen?/
What Gyokutei could not forgive was infidelity.
"Gyokutei-shixiong." Fuugen looked at him, unsmiling. "You are
the person who knows Youzen-kun best. Tell me, what would it
do to him, if I had refused him outright?"
"... what would refusal do to Youzen?" His eyes widened,
comprehending.
"He has never been refused before, has he?" Fuugen sat down on
a nearby rock, motioning for Gyokutei to sit as well. "He has
never been anything less than the best, the center of attention,
the genius who always got what he wanted. You know, better than
anyone, what rejection would do to someone as proud as him."
/... it would have broken Youzen's heart./
"You know, for you are the only person Youzen permits past that
perfect facade of his - the person who knows him - all his
faults, his weaknesses, the fraility of his soul. His heart is
a fragile thing -"
/If you know where to cut the thread - which thread to cut -/
"- as fragile as a spun crystalline web of glass. If you cut
the right thread, it will shatter. Come apart in pieces."
Falling, fallen. Breaking, broken. Shards. Shards and pieces.
A million shards of glass. Fuugen's words grated on Gyokutei's
ears, falling like shards of broken glass.
"I could not do that to him, even if I did not love him."
================================================================
KOKYUSAN, HAKKUSHIRU DOU
Standing before the smooth wooden doors, he swallowed, ready for
confrontation. He straightened his back, attempting to instill
a more confident manner into his posture, into himself.
No, he wasn't frightened.
He wasn't frightened, exactly. He wasn't frightened at all,
really. No, REALLY. He was only ... nervous.
/Yeah, right. (||||||bbb)/
He couldn't even convince himself that he wasn't. And of course,
knowing /him/ - knowing how the other knew him better than
himself -
/... he'd be able to smell it a mile away./
The doors had never seemed SO intimidating, so heavy and thick
and unwelcoming. Resting a gloved hand on the door, he almost
fell over in surprise as the door swung inwards.
/... what the?/
Picking himself up, he stared. He'd pushed the door open - it
wasn't barred or even shut. How odd. He'd have thought that the
door would have been closed, for him. To him.
Still, that was one complication out of the way.
/Well, better get it over with then./
Squaring his shoulders, he turned, to shut the doors behind him.
"Taikoubou-susuu?"
Turning around, he saw the last person he expected to see.
"Taikoubou-susuu." Mokutaku blinked, holding a large handbasket,
woven of strips of cured bamboo. "You shouldn't be here."
"Shhhh." He hissed. "You trying to let Fuugen know that I'm
here?"
"But ..." Mokutaku spread his hands, helplessly. "I think
shishou is still mad at you. You - er, well, I don't think
it would be a good idea -"
"That's what I'm here for," he interrupts, hoping to shush the
doushi. "I know I've been an ass, so I'm here to apologize.
"See, I'll be leaving the Senninkai soon. And - well, you
know that your shishou and I are best friends. I don't want
us to part like this ..."
"I see," Mokutaku nodded. "It's like when Nii-sama and I argued.
It was before shishou took me on as a student, and Nii-sama
was coming here to be taught by Monjyu-susuu. You want to say
you're sorry because you know you won't see him for a long, long
time, ne?"
"Yeah, like that." Oh, if the kid only knew.
"I'll pretend I haven't seen you on my way out." The doushi
had a finger hovering over the lip in a 'hush-hush' position,
and winked. "Shishou's in the kitchen making supper.
Keh - the cheek! If he didn't know better, he'd swear that the
kid was getting as opportunistic and manipulative as a certain
smiling sennin among his acquaintance ...
"Good luck, susuu-chan."
"Thanks, I'll need it."
/Wait a minute ...!/
"Mokutaku, I didn't need to be called by that nickname!"
/This kid IS getting too MUCH like a "certain smiling sennin"./
"... and where do you think you're going?"
"Shishou gave me a shopping list." Mokutaku grinned. "We're out
of some staples like flour and sugar, so I'll be going down to
the Ninkai for supplies."
/... out of staples? ... like sugar? ... uh-oh./
Fuugen must STILL be angry at him.
================================================================
KOKYUSAN, HAKKUSHIRU DOU
Watching the back of the sennin working at the stove, Taikoubou
hesitated before clearing his throat, self-consiously.
"Yo, Fuugen."
"... Bou-chan?" The mop of tousled blue hair did not turn. "It's
usually customary for /visitors/ to knock before coming into a
room."
"... er ... are you ... um ... do you have time to talk now?"
"I always have time for you," Wiping hands on a clean cloth to
the side, the owner of blue-violet eyes looked back at him.
/He isn't going to make this easy./
"... Bou-chan."
/Yep, he's STILL angry./
"I ... well," He shifted uncomfortably, moving the weight from
one foot to the other. "I just wanted to apologize."
"Whatever for?" Fuugen's smile looked puzzled.
"... you're still mad, aren't you?"
"No. I'm not mad." Smiling, Fuugen walked toward him.
"... I'm sorry. Fuugen. I'm really really REALLY sorry." Heart
in his mouth, Taikoubou tried not to move back from the smiling,
approaching sennin. "Will you please forgive me?"
"There's nothing to forgive, Bou-chan." Hands cupped his
face, and a light kiss was placed on his cheek.
"... Fuugen, you ARE still mad at me."
He knew the other too well.
"Here."
Reaching into a pocket on the inside of his jacket, he thrusted
a small box into Fuugen's hands.
"... what's this?" Fuugen looked at the small gift-wrapped box
curiously.
"I was hoping to give you this ..." He was burning, his cheeks
felt that hot. " ... I was /going/ to give you this next month.
It /was/ going to be our 30th anniversary ... together, you
know."
Taikoubou was very careful to not look at Fuugen.
"Oh?" Fuugen was surprised. Bou-chan must have been planning
this for a long time ...
He pulled the string loose, fingers slowly pushing aside the
textured and colored paper, careful not to tear it. One never
knew when extra wrapping paper may come in handy.
A lifetime's habit of thriftiness was hard to break.
"I was trying for a pair, but this was the only stone I found
like this. And since I won't be here ..."
Inside the box rested a single earring. The kind that was a
smooth, round stone held in a simple pin setting.
"Do you like it?"
A stone the vivid colour of burning emerald. Living emerald ...
No, not emerald, for as Fuugen took it out of the box, the
slight change in the angle of light transmuted the brilliant
emerald to a deep, aquamarine jade.
Startled, Fuugen almost dropped the earring, altering the angle
of light refraction yet again.
A blazingly pale turquoise - the colour of running waters - was
the result, followed smoothly by a bright sapphire of the center
of a fierce forge fire, and finally, a soft, hazy blue-violet -
an amethyst jewel that was the stuff of dreams.
"... the colours of our eyes ..." Those were the first words
Fuugen could find, after a long search.
Deceptively simple, the gift. The gift was simple, but he could
tell what it meant. He could tell that Bou-chan had made the
gift with his own hands, polished the stone until it shone,
worked the metal of pin and clasp until it was a perfect fit.
"Well, yeah." Taikoubou looked away, embarrassed. "I found this
by accident - kicking little pebbles around - when I skipped
lecture a couple years back. Figured it would be perfect as a
set of earrings, but couldn't find another like it. Weird."
"Bou-chan." Fuugen smiled. "I only have /one/ pierced ear." [2]
"Not my fault your hair's so messy that it always covers your
ears." Taikoubou's face twitched. "I couldn't tell."
"Really?"
"... Okay, so I wanted to be on the safe side. (|||bb)"
"Thank you, Bou-chan." Fuugen took off the small gold hoop he
usually wore. "Put it on for me?"
"Lemme take my gloves off first."
Bending over Fuugen, he pushed the wild locks of azure aside
to reveal the left ear.
"... wrong side, Bou-chan."
Someone found it very amusing.
"Forgive me for not knowing." He snaps back, fumbling fingers
clumsily sliding the pin through.
After a brief scuffle, the vibrant speck of emerald-shifting-to
amethyst gleamed, nestled snugly between locks of heaven's blue.
"How does it look on me?"
Fuugen was fishing for compliments.
"... it makes me want to ..." Covering his mouth with a hand,
pretending to consider the smiling sennin, Taikoubou hid the
smirk.
"... makes you want to?" The sennin leaned close, trying to
catch the softly spoken words.
After all, he still haven't paid Fuugen back for chaining
him to the bed AND then evicting him this morning.
"... it makes me want to kiss you."
"...!!...mmmmm. Mmmmm-mmmh."
================================================================
KOKYUSAN, HAKKUSHIRU DOU
Taikoubou had pushed Fuugen over the kitchen table, and the
sennin could not resist - for fear of knocking over the various
ingredients and kitchen utensils used for the meal currently in
the progress of preparation.
"... Bou-chan, you're playing dirty."
"... and you don't?"
"... well-mmmn! Mmm~~mmm."
Red-faced, Mokutaku ducked out of the kitchen. And to think that
he had been /worried/ about those two ...
Well, he HAD been worried, and he HAD slipped in after susuu to
make sure that Fuugen-shishou and Taikoubou-susuu were making
peace with one another. Only to find shishou and susuu-chan a
little ... um ...
... a little TOO at peace with one another.
"What were you saying again?"
"... !!! ... Bou-chan, now is not the time nor place to - mmm!"
He had no idea. He had NO idea that shishou and susuu were ...
/... lovers?/
That scene he just saw - that KISS he just witnessed - that -
/They're more than friends, THAT'S for certain./
That had NOT been a 'friendly' or 'chaste' kiss. If it was
anything, it was utterly uninhibited. Yet, the fevernt intensity
of the action had not been mere 'lust'. It was more than simple
'passion' or 'sex'.
It was not spontaneous. It was something that - something that
hadn't disgusted him at all, now that he thought about it. There
was something so /pure/, so /right/ about the scene he'd just
witnessed that the sameness of gender hadn't mattered to him.
It was something very special, something full of joy, something
enduring that asked for much and gave even more in return. It
was something that would make people do anything to possess.
Dimly, Mokutaku wondered if it was the same thing that had
brought his parents together, the force that had engendered him
and his Nii-sama.
Outside, the doushi took a deep breath of the cool, pure
Senninkai air. Staring up at the sky, wondering if he would ever
find out.
It had completely involved the two ... participants. Body, mind
and soul.
/... was that love?/
================================================================
KOKYUSAN, HAKKUSHIRU DOU
Short, quick, and sweet.
Sometimes, the fulfillment of intimacy was best expressed in the
form of a quick but thorough cuddle. [3]
"... if this happens every time I am angry," Fuugen mused, one
hand on the back of Taikoubou's neck, doing a little finger-
walking. "Perhaps I should be angry at you more often."
"If you were often angry at me," Taikoubou retorted, resting his
chin on the sennin's collarbone. "It wouldn't happen."
They grinned at each other, in perfect accord.
"I should thank you for such a lovely present ..."
Fuugen's fingers were doing a bit more walking than necessary.
"... Fuugen, what's that smell?" Taikoubou seized the
distraction quickly, pushing himself off of Fuugen on the
kitchen table.
"My yam porridge!" Fuugen hurried over to the stove to rescue
the overflowing pot and its contents.
================================================================
KOKYUSAN, HAKKUSHIRU DOU - OUTSIDE THE BACK DOOR
/At least they're ... happy./
Hearing the laughter in the kitchen, Mokutaku tried not to
blush. He'd been shishou's student ever since he was a child of
seven. While he remembered his parents, visiting them as often
as his studies allowed - he could not deny that it was shishou
who was the closest person to him.
It was shishou who who taught him the knowledge of the Immotals.
It was shishou who helped him when he struggled to master that
knowledge.
It was shishou who smiled and encouraged him when he despaired.
It was shishou who spent time with him, listening to him - all
his joy at learning, all the answers he wanted to know, all the
things he wanted to do - all the dreams he wanted to come true.
It was shishou who was there, when he needed someone.
Fuugen-shishou had always been the one who was /there/, for him.
Fuugen-shishou, who was not merely his teacher, but almost like
both a mother and a father at the same time.
He giggled, struck by a sudden image of Mama-shishou and
Papa-susuu.
/Well, Taikoubou-susuu is a lot like a - *snicker* - "husband"
with the reins of power held by the "wife" .../
Fingers brushed against the smoothness of cured bamboo.
/... I nearly forgot!/
Mokutaku stared at the empty basket in dismay.
/I must hurry, or I won't be back in time with the groceries!/
================================================================
KOKYUSAN, HAKKUSHIRU DOU
"... (if only time stopped, now ...) ..."
Nimble hands cleared away the spilled, soggy mess with a wet
rag. It was warm inside the kitchen. A warmth that made one
linger, made one wish to stay still and savor, never leaving.
The warmth of a place called 'happiness.'
"Did you say something, Fuugen?" Taikoubou looked up from the
carrots he was chopping up.
"Hm?" Blue-violet eyes blinked innocently. "No, why did you ask,
Bou-chan?"
"Keh. I AM going to catch you out, one of these days."
"I really don't know what you're talking about ..."
Taikoubou shrugged, and proceeded to change the subject. Fuugen
never talked until he was good and ready to.
"Would you like me to tell you about how I took the Houshin
Project? You never asked, but ... well, I'm gone first light
tomorrow."
"... that late? I thought you should have left two days ago."
"... # ... couldn't wait to kick me out, could you?"
"Bou-chan ... you're an idiot."
"AM NOT."
A soft sigh. They understood each other very well.
"I'm afraid I'll keep you if you stayed, baka no Bou-chan."
"I kinda guessed." Taikoubou grimaced. "Did you wanna hear about
how I pissed the old man off or not?"
There was a loud, resounding *WHAP* as the knife chopped the
root neatly into many thread-like pieces, hitting the cutting
board hard.
"Do go on." Fuugen smiled. He /had/ wondered how Genshitenson
had presented the Project to Bou-chan - but it wasn't his way
to make Bou-chan talk unless Bou-chan wanted to.
/... most of the time./
================================================================
ENROUTE TO THE NINGENKAI
As he made his way down the mountain, Mokutaku could not help
but think. He thought a lot, mostly about susuu and shishou. He
thought about what susuu and shishou were to each other, and
what they were to him.
/What is susuu to me?/
His susuu was like a friendly, mischievious uncle or big
brother. He remembered times when his susuu would "show him
something really neat" - and promptly get scolded by shishou for
"corrupting the young".
He remembered all those times susuu took him on outings -
climbing trees or fishing or digging for crickets, making and
teaching him to make grass-pipes and leaf-whistles and
bamboo-water-guns, or even just lying down on the grass, gazing
heavenwards, naming the stars and watching the clouds go by.
He remembered times when susuu would sneak treats to him,
leaving candies and peaches in his desk drawer when shishou
didn't notice.
//You're a kid. Kids need to have SOME sweets other than the
disgusting health-crap Fuugen's been feeding ya - or it's not
much of a childhood at all.//
//... shishou doesn't cook 'disgus-disguwhazzit' food.//
//Bou-chan, what are you telling Mokutaku again?//
//NO-THING~ *whistling* NOTHING at all ...//
//... you ARE teaching him one of your pranks.//
//Spoilsport. Like you never pulled any when YOU were a
doushi.//
//I am a sennin now, Bou-chan. I have to set an example for my
pupil.//
//Fake saint. Fuugen's a fake saint!//
//Bou-chan no baka.//
Yes, both shishou and susuu were like his family.
"... as long as they are happy together ..."
================================================================
KOKYUSAN, HAKKUSHIRU DOU
"... can't you be a little more enthusiastic about hearing it?"
Taikoubou moved on, from mutilating carrots to skinning potatos.
"You know that the kuso-jiji -"
"Bou-chan." Fuugen's voice, while reproving, held a note of
laughter.
"Okay, just 'jiji' then. He showed me the Houshin Dai where the
souls are supposed to be sealed, and tossed this at me."
The thump of a falling object. An official-looking scroll,
tightly rolled-up and tied together with a crimson rope, landed
atop the kitchen counter.
"... is that ...?"
"Yep. The Scroll of Houshin - THE List of youkai-sennin to go
'ping!', according to the jiji. I want you to make a copy and
keep that copy you make for yourself."
"... you want me to do research on the people on the list."
It wasn't a question.
"Hell, yeah. It's gonna be a long and tedious bit of work, and I
knew even with your hacking and data-processing speed, it can't
be done within a month, maybe more. So ..."
Fuugen finished his sentence for him.
"So, you'd like me to work on that, while you excute the Project
with what knowledge you have at hand."
"Yeah. The old man's hiding something from me, I know it ... but
still, all that work of making it look like I did NO work at all
must've worked. It'll be something like a trial period, testing
me out before he decides to give me the information." [4]
Bou-chan had that devil-may-care grin on his face again.
"Of course, since you have other sources ..." Fuugen laughed.
"Yep. Well, gotta 'husband' all my resources wisely, ne?"
The two burst out in a fit of laughter at the pun.
"... (snicker)... you're TERRIBLE, Bou-chan."
"I know. (You KNOW I'm a naughty, naughty boy~)"
"... teeheeheehe ..." Fuugen wiped another tear away from the
corner of his eye. "So, how do you want me to send the
information to you? Via backup?"
"Of course." Taikoubou shrugged, starting to chop up the
potatoes. "You can't expect /him/ to let me run around
unsupervised and muck up the Project, right? There WILL be
someone spying on me, and I'm counting on it."
"I think I can find out who it is." Fuugen tasted the porridge,
and decided it was done. "You do realize, that the spy will
likely be your replacement should you be considered unfit to
continue the Project."
"Then I'll just have to win 'em over to my cause." Bou-chan
grinned, cockily. "It'll be good for me, working my butt off
without you to cover for me."
"Why am I not surprised?"
"Stop teasing." Taikoubou set the two bowls of 'processed'
vegetables in front of Fuugen. "Now cook."
"Yes, Master Commander of the Houshin Project."
"Hmph. Oh, in case you were worrying, I played dumb about the
Houshin Keikaku - can't have the geezer picking on you for
giving out 'confidential info' - and royally suckered him into
thinking I don't want the assignment.
"I wanted some quality time to say 'goodbye', so I told him to
give me three days to think about it. Tomorrow is when I'm
giving him my answer."
"And here I was, worried that you were finding it too
comfortable here to leave ..."
"Hey, you did the right thing." Taikoubou sighed, watching
Fuugen stir-fry the potato and carrot strips. "I sure will miss
your cooking."
"Is THAT all you will miss?"
"What would happen if I said 'yes'?"
================================================================
A SMALL VILLAGE IN THE NINGENKAI
"Come visit us again soon, doushi-sama!"
"Hai!" Mokutaku laughed as he bid the peasant woman farewell,
a little embarrased at the honorific.
He was not used to the reverence which the people of Ninkai
showed the sendou. Every time he came down from Mount Konron, to
exchange Fuugen-shishou's herbal remedies for supplies, it was
the same type of welcome.
/Well, I suppose it could have been worse. It could have been
fear rather than respect./
Mokutaku remembered how frightened the people were, ten year
ago, when Fuugen-shishou had accompanined him down to this
village the first time.
/They ran from us, thinking we were youkai-sennin until
Fuugen-shishou set the broken leg of a girl who could not run
from us, handicapped by her leg./
That young girl was now a grown woman, married and with three
children - the same peasant woman he had just bartered supplies
from.
/... she was MY age then./
He bit his lip. Fuugen-shishou had explained to him that this
was one of the drawbacks of choosing the life of sendou - that
mortal acquaintances would age and die before their time.
/Dear Kami, what must I look like to her? I haven't changed at
all, at least in appearance.../
Perhaps it was not so hard to understand why the people treated
sendou as gods. Even if he was beginning to understand, it was
not a comfortable thought.
/Fuugen-shishou, this is why you dissuaded me from becoming a
doushi, isn't it?/
When he had met shishou for the first time ... their first
meeting ... he had known his father was a doushi, and both he
and Nii-sama had inherited sennin-kou from his father. Before
him, Nii-sama had already been taken to Konronsan, to train
as a doushi.
So when a sennin had come down from Konronsan, seeking a
student, he was not surprised.
//My name is Fuugen Shinjin. What is yours, young one?//
//... Mo - Mokutaku. Er, how do you do?//
He remembered the gentleness in blue-violet eyes, his
fascination with the ethereal creature before him - he had
thought that Fuugen was sennyo.
/Well, what I saw of Monjyu-susuu, when he fetched Nii-sama
away, gave me the impression that sennin were all strangely
dressed folks who talked about incomprehensible things./
Fuugen had been very clear, very down-to-earth - for the
seven-year-old child he had been - even in the questions he
asked.
//I am well, thank you for inquiring my welfare. How do you
do, Mokutaku?//
//... I am well, sennin-sama, thank you very much.//
//You don't have to call me that, Mokutaku.//
//What should I call you, then, sennin-sama?//
//You may call me Fuugen.//
And then, because he could not think of anything else to say:
//What are you doing down here, Fuugen?//
//I am here to find a student, Mokutaku. Do you know what it
means to become a sennin?//
Feeling greatly daring, he had answered.
//No ... but I would like to be a sennin.//
//Why?//
He had shook his head, surprised by the question.
//Well ... well, because my father is training to be one, and
so is my Nii-sama. I want to be like them.//
//You'll have to give me a better reason, Mokutaku.
The hardest thing to do, is to be yourself.
That, and to be better than yourself.
Do not use other people to measure YOUR worth.
Only ask yourself this: am I a better person than I was
yesterday?//
It had made sense, Fuugen's words. He had thought hard over the
answer to give.
//If I was a sennin, I would learn a lot of things.//
Fuugen had nodded.
//I ... I am only a child who does not know a lot. But I know
that there are things I can only learn if I was a sennin. Things
that no one who is not sennin can tell me. I want to know the
answers ...//
//What are your questions?//
And they came pouring, the questions he had asked, but was
always answered with "it just is so" or "it had always been so"
and "children should be seen and not heard" ...
//Why is the sky blue? How do the dragons bring rain? How
far is the distance between heaven and earth, and what are the
stars made of? Why can't you mix water and oil? Why is it when
you cry to the mountains, they answer with echoes? How does ...
//I want to know these things, all these things and more, and I
do not know anyone who can tell me.//
Instead of bading his tongue still, Fuugen had listened,
solemnly and intently, and nodded, smiling.
//That is a good reason. But ... to learn the answers, you would
have to give something up. Something very precious. Do you know
what that is?//
//... no. What?//
He had not known. He could not have understood the concept of
"mortality", or of the sacrifice it meant to give it up - but
Fuugen had told him, in terms that a seven-year-old child
would understand.
//Sennin live for a long, long time - not forever, but very
close to it. And we do not grow old as fast as mortals do.
If you become a sennin, you will see all your human friends and
relatives grow old, and die before you do - everyone who is not
sennin or doushi.
//Everything, everyone. The city you grow up in might have
fallen into ruins, been rebuilt or even changed names. People
you think you KNOW will not be the people you know, but their
children, or their children's children, or THEIR children's
children's children.
//People who know you, you may not recognize, they would have
grown so different, so old. They might even have forgotten you,
it's been that long since you left. A boy you used to play with
may be a old man when you return. Can you bear that? Do you want
the answers that much?
//I will be your teacher only if you wish, truly, to become one
of the sendou. I will take you as a student only if you still
wish to become a sennin despite knowing this.//
He had thought over Fuugen's words. And answered.
//... yes.//
//Are you sure?//
//Yes.//
//What will you do, when the things I told you of happens?//
//I'll worry about it when it happens.//
//... Mokutaku?//
//It won't happen for a long time, yet, right? I DO want to know
the answers that much ... and Father and Nii-sama are doushi -
so I won't be lonely. I won't be the only one. And I will also
be there to make sure they won't be alone, that they won't be
lonely, when that happens ...//
//You are a thoughtful child, Mokutaku.//
Fuugen had patted his head.
//I will be your teacher.//
Later, much later, when he understood what he had given up ...
he did not regret. He had known a world that was open to the
eyes of sendou, a world of knowledge that he could not have
turned away from, even after knowing the cost.
//Mokutaku ... you are still young.
Someday, you will grow to need someone special - you will fall
in love. Be careful, when you do love ...
Because if you loved a mortal, you will not have much time
with them before you lose them.//
Fuugen had told him this. It made him wonder if shishou had
been speaking from past experience.
/... who had shishou loved?/
Shishou's words always made him think, and they were always
sound advice once he puzzled out what shishou was trying to tell
him. The girl ... now the woman he saw today, drove that point
home to him, deeply.
//Happiness is a fleeting moment, gone, in the blink of an eye,
as all mortal things do.//
================================================================
KOKYUSAN, HAKKUSHIRU DOU
"... Bou-chan."
Interesting, how Fuugen could convey the dangerous note of
"you're-DEAD-just-you-wait-I'll-deal-with-you-later" with a
single word.
"I'm kidding, I'm kidding!" Taikoubou threw up his hands
hastily, up and down, in a conceding gesture of defeat. "I
shouldn't have said that, I've been bad, I'm sorry, I'm
really really sorry, I'm ..."
As expected, it made Fuugen laugh.
"Silly Bou-chan." The sennin made quick work of the dish he
prepared, and scooped the stir-fried vegetables onto a plate.
"Well, you're not angry any more, right?" He knew he was
asking for it - but oh, it was such fun, baiting and
counter-baiting each other like this. "Fuugen is very
easy to please, if you know the right words to say and the
right things to do and ..."
"... that reminds me." That dangerous note was in Fuugen's
voice again, as the sennin doused the fire of the stove. "I
have not said I would forgive you yet."
"Wait a second - you said that 'there was nothing to forgive' -"
Uh-oh. Fuugen did had him there.
There was nothing to forgive, but he was not forgiven.
/... FUUGEN, so I'm 'nothing' now?! (||||||bbbb)/
"Found the hole in that train of thought yet?"
Ouch. THAT tone. The "we will talk. NOW." tone.
"Fuugen ... I'm sorry." The tone that could be alleviated
by only one means. "I am /really/ sorry ..."
Taikoubou dropped his fool's manner, and turned serious.
"... you know me too well."
================================================================
KOKYUSAN, OUTSIDE HAKKUSHIRU DOU
Mokutaku let out a long whoosh as he sat down, taking a rest
from the ardous climb up the moutain side. The doushi wiped his
brow, feeling the wind's chill touch against feverish skin.
/... strange. I'm happy, just resting in peace like this ... /
He thought a lot. Sometimes, Fuugen-shishou had to tell him to
do things rather than just think about them, giving him a
little push, a nudge to make him ACT rather than think.
For Mokutaku, quiet, still moments like these were the best
moments to roll thoughts over in his mind, turning them this way
and that to fully examine them. They are also the moments when
he tended to experience an abrupt appreciation of happiness.
//... happiness is a rare thing. It is even rarer to find
someone to share it.//
Who had told him that? Was it ... yes, it /was/ shishou who
had told him that.
"... as long as they ARE happy together ..."
To him, Fuugen-shishou and Taikoubou-susuu no less "family
members" than relatives sharing the same blood. They were as
dear to him as Niisama and Kaasan and Tousan were.
"... it matters to me, that they are happy - together."
Somehow, Mokutaku knew that these idyllic days would not last
much longer. Something was about to happen.
//See, I'll be leaving the Senninkai soon.//
It was something serious, for his susuu to leave the realm of
the sendou.
/... something is going to happen .../
He looked up in the sky, seeing a streak of light cross the
afternoon sky. A falling star, burning so fiercely that it was
visible even in the light of the setting sun.
================================================================
KOKYUSAN, HAKKUSHIRU DOU
"... Bou-chan?"
Taikoubou had his arm about the Fuugen's waist.
"I'm sorry, Fuugen." Green eyes gazing earnestly into his,
unusually serious. "I've ... I've taken you for granted, these
days. I know that this - well, talking like this isn't like me,
but there is so much I want to say, so much I want to tell you
and either I can't not yet or I don't have the time to say them
or say them the way I want to ..."
The doushi trailed off in a self-conscious laugh.
"I'm rambling, aren't I?"
"I'm listening, Bou-chan." Fuugen smiled. "Sometimes, I simply
like to listen - it helps me to see things the way you do."
"Yeah. That's one of the things I like about you ..." Bou-chan's
voice shifted to his usual, the one with the casual, lazy drawl.
"But you know what I like best about you?"
"Bou-chan ...?" Startled, Fuugen looked up.
It was a mistake.
"I like your smile the best of all."
Mesmerized, held by the light in brilliant emerald eyes.
"When you smile, it's as if the sun is shining."
He could not look away.
"Bou-chan ...?" Tentatively, heat crawling up his cheeks, he
smiled.
"Hey, not THAT smile." Bou-chan pulled one of those demented
faces - one of those incrediblily SILLY faces that had never
once failed to tug the corners of his mouth upwards, making him
smile.
"The other one." Emerald eyes smiled at him, the warmth of them
defined /his/ definition of sunlight. "Yeah, THAT one."
"... when you really are smiling."
================================================================
KOKYUSAN, OUTSIDE HAKKUSHIRU DOU
Thoughtfully, Mokutaku watched the trailing blaze of a star
divide the sky in two.
//Hey, Mokutaku. There's a shooting star. Make a wish before it
disappears.//
//I wish ... I wish everyone would live happily ever after.//
//Mokutaku, there are limits to what any one person can do.
Wish for something possible.
Wish only for something that you can accomplish yourself.
That would be far more worth wishing for than an empty
promise.//
//Oi, Fuugen, must you turn everything into a philosophy
lesson?//
//What did you wish for, Bou-chan?//
//Me? I wished that I'd be able to figure out the pass codes to
the stores.//
//... are you going to fetch more peaches again, susuu?
Can I come too? PLEASE?//
//BOU-CHAN.//
//Ah- hahahahahhah. I dunno what you are talking about,
Mokutaku. Peaches? What peaches?//
No, this idyllic state will not last - this happiness will not
last.
/... something is going to happen .../
Mokutaku wasn't stupid. He knew the rumours of unrest in the
Ningenkai as well as any other doushi. And with his infrequent
visits to the Ningenkai, Mokutaku knew that they were not only
rumours.
They were fact.
While the terrible conditions had not yet reached Chintou Kan,
where his parents lived... Mokutaku knew it would only be a
matter of time before it did.
/Kaasan, Tousan ... how are you now?/
Shishou was right. There were only so much he can do. So he
wished for something that was not impossible. Something within
his reach. Something for the happiness of those he cared for.
Those who were his family.
"... I wish happiness for shishou and susuu."
It was a selfish wish. But ... it was something he could help
accomplish.
"That's close enough, Fuugen-shishou, ne?" Mokutaku smiled
after the comet.
================================================================
KOKYUSAN, HAKKUSHIRU DOU
"Just listen to me, Fuugen ... I sound like a blithering idiot.
But this - this may be the last time we have together, to talk
together like this - and I want to make the most of it."
Taikoubou knew it sounded like a monologue. But Fuugen ...
Fuugen /listened/. He was good at that. If he had asked, the
sennin could have repeated what he said, word for word.
"I know that it sounds silly, coming from me - especially since
I haven't been really making the most of the time we have to
talk. It's as much my fault as it is yours ... "
Talking out loud to Fuugen helped him ORGANIZE his thoughts,
helped him string the rambling, quicksilver slippery ideas into
a tight line that held strong against further distractions.
"... because you know me too well. You know me too well, so well
that you know me better than myself. You know me so well that I
... I don't have to choose words around you. I guess that's why
I've gotten careless and took you for granted lately, and I'm
sorry about that."
It wasn't even half of what he wanted to say, what he needed to
say, what he wanted to tell Fuugen, what he NEEDED to tell
Fuugen. What Fuugen needed to hear ...
"Now that I have to go, I don't want to. I don't want to go,
even though this is the chance I've worked so hard for, what we
BOTH worked so hard for - I'm afraid. I'm afraid to tell you how
much I am afraid ..."
And there were things that they both wanted to hear, but neither
of them would say to each other. For the best of reasons, the
best of intentions, those words must not be spoken.
/Not here, not now - not the right time./
"I am afraid, too, Bou-chan." Fuugen nodded, slowly. "I ... know
this feeling, I knew that you would feel this way, that /I/
would feel this way. To have wanted something for so long, and
put so much of yourself into attaining that singular goal -"
"The fear that it's all unreal," Taikoubou pressed his forehead
to Fuugen's. "The fear that it's only a dream, that it's not
really happening ... that's part of it, but not all of it."
"Bou-chan, I would be lying if I said that I wanted you to go."
Fuugen's arms hugged him back, tightly. "I /can/ make you stay.
I have the power to make you stay, I would like you to stay -
but I can't. And we both know why."
"Why?" It almost ruined the moment. "Stop laughing, Fuugen! You
know it's a joke."
"... Bou-chan." Cheek against Bou-chan's, Fuugen closed his
eyes.This might be the last time he would be able to do this, to
rest his head in the hollow of this familiar shoulder, to speak
of the naked truth on his mind so freely to the other half of
his soul.
"Yes. I ... I can't stay." Bou-chan's voice was shaking. "You
know I can't stay. And I know I can't. This Project - the
Houshin Keikaku - is what we both worked so hard for, and I
can't give it up. We would both be disappointed if I did."
"It doesn't make having to let go easier ..."
"It doesn't make having to go away easier ..."
"We /have/ worked too much for this to hold back, now." Fuugen
was trembling in his arms. "I am afraid - I /am/ afraid for you.
I know you will do your best, but it is a possibility - the
possibility that you may die in this venture."
"That's what this morning was all about, wasn't it?"
Fuugen only nodded.
"I know /you/ - that was your way of dealing with that fear, to
drive me away - to do everything you can to drive me away, to
make sure I would go before you changed your mind.
"Fuugen, what I'm going to do IS gonna be dangerous. I don't
intend to die, but I know the risks I'm taking - I know that I'm
putting my life on the line, accepting this Project.
"I won't do foolhardy things, but I have to take the risk, I
have to go on this Project. This is my /life/, the path I chose
to dedicate myself to. This is our dream. We've both gone too
far to turn back now.
"It IS dangerous. It's dumb to pretend otherwise - but, do I
look to you like someone who'd die so easily?"
"It doesn't make the fear any easier to bear." Fuugen sighed,
deeply. "I ... I knew that it had to be one of us, and I know
that /I/ can't be that person. I would go instead of you, if I
could - but you're far more suited than I would ever be as the
executor of the Houshin Project."
"... What are you talking about? You're intelligent, you're as
sneaky and manipulative as I am - and you CAN pull dirty tricks
if you had to. What do you mean you're not as capable?"
Fuugen laughed.
"... the only reason I can match wits with you is because I KNOW
you."
"Explain, Fuugen. I don't understand ..."
"Bou-chan, the only reason I'd be able to guess what others
would do would be because I know YOU. By watching what you do,
how you think, I can tell how others will react to YOUR actions.
On my own, I cannot predict the motivations and actions of other
people.
"It is through your eyes, your words, your very action and deed
that I am able to. You are the strategist. I am merely someone
who understands how that strategist thinks."
There was silence as Taikoubou digested this revealation.
"Fuugen ... you became Jyuu Ni Sen, for me, didn't you?"
"It was something entirely unsuited for your nature. But it was
necessary, there must someone with the inside information,
accessible only to the ranked-sennin. It had to be me, just as
it had to be you - I am the one more suited to this task, as you
are suited to yours."
/You always were a free soul. You should not be chained to any
place or anyone./
"Thank you, Fuugen. I ... I don't know how to thank you."
He wondered how he would manage without Fuugen.
/I have to./
"Thank me, then."
"Hn?"
"Thank me by telling me about 'us'."
".... (gulp)... Fuugen."
"Is it that hard?"
The forbidden words. The words that must not be said, truths
that must not be heard, promises that must not be made.
"... I can't make any promises - I just can't." If he did, if he
made a promise ... "Because I can't be sure I'd be able to keep
them, if I made them. Because I might have to break promises I
made. Because I don't want to break any promise I make, any
promise made to you.
"But ... when this is all over ... I'll come back."
/I will come back to you./
The words he could not say. If he said them, he would have had
no reason to come back. If he said them, he was afraid that he
would not come back, having already said what he wanted to say.
/'I love you' .../
"Shhh. Bou-chan."
Fuugen was telling him to 'stop right there.'
"I'll come back to you. You know I will." Taikoubou refused to
take the hint. "You know why I will. I can't say it - I can't
say the words now ... but I will when I come back. It'll be the
reason I /have/ to come back to."
"Bou-chan, shut up."
Taikoubou did not like the way Fuugen was eyeing a metal pot by
the side. So he did.
"Thank you, Bou-chan." Fuugen smiled. "That's all I wanted to
hear. If you tried making promises more binding than this, I
would have kept you from saying the words."
/I would have stopped you, using force if necessary./ [5]
"Help me clear all these dirty pots and pans away, Bou-chan."
"Eh?" The abrupt shift in Fuugen threw Taikoubou for a loop.
"And set the table, Bou-chan, it's dinner time."
"... Fuugen?" Was he missing something there?
"Mokutaku, aren't you going to come in for dinner?"
It took all of Fuugen's control to keep from laughing out loud
at the resultant blushes of those two.
================================================================
~tbc~
================================================================
[1] The premise of getting a "sennin license" much like getting
a "driver's license", as shi imagines it. ^_^
[2] See Fuugen's first manga appearance in vol. 13. He DID have
an earring like that on his right ear that mysteriously
disappears later in the control room of Koronsan. Hmmmm.
Where did it go?
[3] Gomen for those of you looking for H. ^^;
Those two only - er - cuddled and kissed a bit.
Dinner IS still in progress, you know ...
[4] ... writing Bou-chan talk is like writing tongue-twisters,
sometimes. He has a very carefree and slangy style of
speech.
[5] Fuugen and violence ... it actually works. (sweatdrops)
================================================================
Shin no Freetalk:
SWEEET~
(debate to self: should shi have subtitled this MFO -
aka "Mokutaku Finds Out"? ^^;;;;;)
Looks like the rest of "Gyokutei interrogating Fuugen's motives"
would have to be moved to part vii.
As well as the scene where Youzen gets Fuugen, and the start of
the Houshin Keikaku ... lots of other scenes.
Mmmm. The idea of Fuugen inspiring fear ... ^^; -- shi like~~
Well, both Youzen AND Bou-chan are treading veddie, veddie
carefully about him, ne?
Request. More specifically, readers' requests. Yes, there are
those. On one end, there are people telling shi to be 'nicer'
to ouji-sama. On the other, there are people asking for more
Youzen-torture scenes.
... shi is a very self-centered person.
AS PLANNED IN SHI'S PLOT, BOTH OF THE ABOVE WILL HAPPEN.
... MWAHAHHAHAHAHAHA.
AND STOP SINGING IN SHI'S BRAIN, BOU-CHAN-SUSUU. *growls*
The fuu/tai scene in this part is all HIS fault.
Well, his fault, and nyan's, and Deep Blue's, and Ushi's.
Why? Go look at the freetalk in the poem by itself. _
And very oddly, shi's gaining the urge for Mokutaku to have the
nickname of "susuu-chan" for Taikoubou ...
The child thinks over much.
Fuugen's taught him that way - to figure out the answers which
apply to himself on his own.
(Mokutaku: ^_^ I'm still learning. What's good for the goose
isn't necessary good for the gander, you see.)
Shi had NOT planned for that to happen. AT ALL.
... *weeps* ... Shi has a budding philosopher in her brain.
MUCH LATER:
You're dead, Bou-chan. You're SO dead.
Taikoubou forced shi to tack another +20K worth of
heart-to-heart chat w/ Fuugen on, making this part even longer
than it's supposed to be. It's broken 60K!
It WAS done on the 19th of November, but just to organize all
the things he wanted to say ... ugh. Shi has a 20% report due
shi must work on now. In 3 hours. _
Noooooo~~~~ *wails*
Wish me luck. LOTS of it.
mail shi-chan at kichin@doushi.org with any comments! ^o^
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Sneak previews of what's going to happen next:
Bou-chan plys Fuugen w/ alcohol.
Midnight rendez-vous.
... and Youzen gets to hear Fuugen sing.
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First Edition: November 19th, 2000 at 10:15 PM
Last Revised: November 23th, 2000 at 1:12 PM
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