As Buffy and Melissa burst through the windows they heard the cold voice from the back scream "Get them, you fools! Get them!"
Buffy saw three gangers in front of her. Over to the side, behind a counter, was a dismembered corpse clad in a robe covered in astrological signs. Dead eyes stared in horror from a severed head that still wore a pointed hat covered in similar signs.
Their enemies were recovering from their blindness was terrifying speed and one rushed her screaming nonsense incantations. Buffy met him with a snap-kick to his stomach. Her blood seemed to sing as he went flying across the room and slammed against a wall.
Two others approached her more warily, and in the back she saw a figure leaving. The two in front pulled knives, leaving no further time for anything but fighting.
*****
Melissa reversed the shotgun and, in deference to Buffy's sensibilities, smashed a ghoul in the solar plexus as he clawed at his flash-blinded eyes. He uttered a choking sound and she smashed him a couple more times in the back of the head to send him down for the count. The light from the grenade had faded leaving only a bare bulb which threw shadows all over the shop.
"Shadows?" muttered Melissa, who then recalled one important bit of information. "Oh, fu-!"
Like the tentacles of some prehistoric octopus the shadows, now solid lashed for her. Their master stood behind them, fangs exposed in a vicious grin. "I'm gonna eat well, tonight!" he said. "Young blood is so tasty when it's cold."
"I always thought I was kinda hot, myself," she replied and dove over the shadows at him. Or tried to. One of them seized her and she fell short. She could feel them tightening around her arms and legs, holding her helpless. The Lasombra approached her mouth open and ready to feed.
*****
Another figure stepped from the back room. It was tall and beautiful in a cold, alien way if one ignore the spiked ridges of bone that spread like a fin from his, she guessed it was a he, bald head. The figure licked his lips and twitched clawed figures eagerly. "Time to play!" he said in a high-pitched longing voice.
"Let me guess, not Pinhead." said Buffy. "I know, Bonehead!"
One of the gangers swung his knife at her. She twisted and hurled his away. He stumbled into Bonehead who hissed. "Clumsy fool!" and shoved him aside. At his touch the ganger started shifting and twisting and screaming in helpless agony. His bones erupted through the flesh of his arms and legs, spurs of skull tore through his ears and nose, teeth grown horribly long shredded his bleeding lips. Finally as his internal organs were torn asunder, he fell in a pool of spreading blood.
Buffy just swallowed bile at the sight. The other ganger had had enough and bolted for the door. A spear of bone lashed from the vampires hand and stabbed into the guy's back. With a sound like wet paper tearing, the vampire yanked back his spear. It came out, ripping a huge gout of blood and flesh with it. Torn meat glistened on the multiple barbed tips of the bone spear, which flowed back into the vampire's hand like water. He licked his hand clean of the red mess and smiled. "Tasty."
*****
Melissa struggled without success as the vamp neared her. She felt something in her hand as he bent toward her, glistening fang exposed. Twisting her body, she managed to pull the trigger of the shotgun. The force of the shot tore through some of the binding shadow. That freed her arm enough to act. She plunged the object in her hand, a tattoo needle, into the vampire's eyes. He fell back screaming as the needle, which was turned on, shifted and buzzed in his eye socket. The shadows faded with his concentration. "You bitch! What did you do to me?!" he roared in agony.
"I dunno." said Melissa, bringing up the shotgun. "Tried to write 'Ruby' on the inside of that empty freakin' skull of yours." She pulled the trigger again and blew away part of his chest. He lay there trying desperately to force himself to heal when she grabbed a "Wizard's" staff from a corner, snapped it in two over her knee and rammed the splintered end of it into his heart.
She pointed a black-painted fingernail at him. "Now, stay!"
As Melissa struggled to free herself, Buffy had her own problems. She grabbed a stake a threw at the thing's heart, but it bounced off an ultra-hard bone shield. The thing smirked. "Not even sticks and stones will break my bones."
"Yeah, right, Bonehead." said Buffy. It growled at her. "I guess words do hurt you though, huh?"
"You don't know the meaning of pain, little ghoul-child. But you will," A spear of bone stabbed at her, she moved but the spear pierced her jacket and shirt. More spear hurtled toward her and she tore free, leaving her covering behind. I am so glad Xander's not here to see this, she thought, he'd go into hormone overload. She still had a bra, for all the protection tha* offered.
The vamp licked its fangs again. "So much lovely flesh, aching to be cut!" it whispered in vile anticipation.
Buffy looked around for a weapon. Aha! she thought. Gonna have to time this just right.
Buffy had backed into a corner laden with tools. The thing smiled happily. "Nowhere to run, now. I shall cut you apart of consume you, piece by quivering piece!"
"Consume this!" snarled the vampire Slayer. In her left hand was a cigarette lighter, in her right a can of paint cleaner. Flammable paint cleaner. She pressed the sprayer and flicked her Bic. Whoosh! Like the hand of a vengeful god the flame swept out and enveloped the vampire. It started running and screaming, but the fire was all-consuming. He fell near some rags and more cleaner.
Melissa looked up and saw the growing fire. "Oh shit! We gotta go!"
Buffy fled with her. They fled down the street as the store exploded into a fireball.
"Oh great." said Buffy. "I lose my shirt and we still get nothing."
Melissa concentrated and a shirt appeared in her hands. "Told you I could conjure stuff," she said, forestalling Buffy's question.
Buffy held the shirt out. On the front it said "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil."
Buffy stared at it. "Nice, but somehow it doesn't quite seem you, though."
"Check the back." said Melissa.
Buffy turned it over and sighed as she read it. "For I am the meanest motherf***ing bitch in that valley!"
As Buffy pulled on the shirt, a car sped past them. A car with a man in a business suit driving it. The man Buffy had seen fleeing out the back.
"That's him! That's the guy!" Buffy cried, pointing at him.
They ran to the Harley. "Well, come on!" said Melissa "Let get him!"
Buffy gunned the engine and they sped off in pursuit.
With a roar of power, the Harley sped in pursuit. Buffy concentrated on staying behind the car and felt Melissa bring something up beside her. Blam! A pistol shot sounded and Buffy swerved at the noise.
"Goddammit it!" Melissa yelled peevishly, "Keep it steady!"
"Try warning me before opening fire next time," Buffy responded.
"Consider that a warning shot."
The driver fired at them from his car, and Buffy swerved, cutting in front of a Mazda that had just pulled out into the road. With a honk and screech, the Mazda hit the brakes and was immediately rear-ended by a Camry.
Melissa fired a couple more rounds, shattering the rear window but doing little else. Ahead, traffic was starting to back up. "Yes!" cheered Buffy, "We got him."
"Not yet we don't!" said Melissa. The other car spun and turned into the mall parking lot. Many cars were gone because of the nearness to closing time, so he had room to maneuver.
Buffy turned to follow, gunning the engine and narrowly missing a pickup truck. Honk! "Sorry!" yelled Buffy.
"Stop the bike!" yelled Melissa.
"Stop?!" yelled Buffy. This is a car chase! We can't just stop"
"Very Playing God! Stop anyway!"
Growling, Buffy stopped. Melissa aimed the shotgun, which seemed to have an extra, larger barrel attached to it.
"Oh no. That's not what I think it-" started Buffy. It was. Fooosh! Something black and round was shot from the barrel. It hit under the car and exploded! The car flipped over in midair, smashing to the ground on its hood and skittering down the lot to crash in to Ferrari. The car alarm went off, filling the air with noise.
Slowly, they approached the wreck on the bike.
"Is he dead?" asked Buffy.
"I don't- Oh, fu-!" said Melissa. Suddenly the tortured metal burst asunder and a huge wolflike thing ripped free of the wreckage. Scraps of a business suit clung to its form. Unlike Scratches' wolfman form, this thing looked unhealthy, patches of fur seemed to have rotted away and been replaced by a greenish rash. Drool dripped from the beast's lips as it let out a hellish, baleful howl.
The beast glared at the squealing Ferrari and slammed its clawed hand into the hood. With a pitiful, last beep, the alarm died.
"Whoa!" said Buffy. "Score one for mighty dog!"
"Yeah," agreed Melissa. "Always hated those car alarms."
It growled venomously at them and shifted itself in an eyeblink to the form of a huge, prehistoric wolf form. "Uh-oh," said Melissa. "Remember those Black Spiral Dancers we told you about before, the corrupted Garou, that's one of 'em. He's not as strong in that form, but he's faster."
"Lovely." commented Buffy. "I don't suppose you brought a really big Milkbone with you, huh?"
"Fresh out." Melissa replied.
"Guess we do it the hard way then." sighed Buffy.
The thing started toward them, then sniffed the air. It seemed to grin, almost. Then, with a burst of speed, it turned and dashed for the mall. It burst through the glass doors and flashed inside. Screams erupted from within.
"C'mon!" yelled Melissa. "If we don't stop him, that whole mall's gonna be a food court!"
Buffy gunned the engine and sped the bike toward the entrance. "Oh man," she said. "If Mom finds out about this, I won't get my license 'til I'm wearing adult diapers!"
Melissa sped-dialed the cell-phone and Andru's voice came on the line. "I'm patchin' in a mall map and the security feed from the cameras! Go get that puppy!" Where the hologrphic map of Memphis he'd sent them had been, a map of the mall replaced it. Included on the map was a feed which told where the Dancer was on it.
The bike burst through the shattered doorway, narrowly missing some people running for the exit. "Sorry," yelled Melissa. "She's a student driver!"
"Mommie!!!" a child's voice rang out from ahead. The creature was stalking a girl of about six, anticipating the kill. Blam! A shot from the pistol stung its side.
"No din-din tonight there Fido!" yelled Melissa as she fired again, this time missing.
"-to the Jungle, we got fun an games…" the lyrics interrupting the earlier muzak.
"Andru!" demanded Melissa. "What the hell are you doing?!"
"…we got everything you want, how do we know you names…" Axl Rose shrieked.
"Just tryin' to give you babes appropriate theme music. That's all. You can't do a high-speed chase to 'Feelings'. It's unnatural!" came the surfer voice. "What? I thought you liked Guns and Roses!"
The beast leapt again, crashing into a Kodak film stand that had been unoccupied.
"Look, Marge!" yelled a man. "It's the Wolf Camera mascot!"
A woman near him nodded. "Boy, they are really getting aggressive with their advertising these days!"
It growled at them and they hauled. It turned and pointed a claw at the approaching bike. A glob of greenish energy shot from its paw. Buffy swerved as it narrowly missed them, striking instead the You are Here Map and dissolving it into hissing slime.
"Oh yeah," said Melissa. "The really powerful Black Spirals can shoot Balefire, too."
"Thanks for the timely tip," said Buffy, proud of the lack of irony in her voice.
"You're welcome," Melissa replied.
The wolf snarled in rage and headed for the stairs. It took them four at time. Buffy gunned the engine. "Hold on! It's gonna get bumpy!"
The bike jounced its way up the stairs. The wolf reached the top first and seized a trash can. He hurled it down the steps at them. Pushing her Slayer-endowed skills to the limit. Buffy popped the bike into a wheelie, and when the can bounced in front of them, used it to leap to the top of the stairs on the bike. Melissa clung to Buffy through the leap. "Ohmygod! Where's ET when you really need him!"
The bike hit the floor and bounced once, but Buffy swiftly regained command and spun it to face the enemy.
"Oo-ee-oo-ee-oo-oh, wah-wah-wah" came the theme from The Good, The Bad and the Ugly over the mall speakers.
"Nice choice, Andru," said Melissa "Lemme guess, Buffy's the good, and I'm the bad, 'cause that sucker over there is definitely the ugly."
"Not touchin' that one!" said Andru.
"Grrr-erp!" the thing broke off in mid-growl, it's attention caught by something to its side.
Melissa and Buffy looked that way too. "Oh, that is so tacky!" said Buffy.
Standing near a Christian bookstore was a giant effigy of the crucified Christ. A Roman soldier had stuck a spear in His side and was mechanically pulling it in and out. As he did, Christ's eyes lit up and flashing words on his chest read "Give to the Televangelists' Criminal Defense Fund!" The words blinked on and off with each pull of the spear.
"I'm not normally repelled by crosses," said Melissa. "But, damn…"
The werewolf shook off his reverie and charged. Buffy gunned the cycle. They passed each other, Melissa's pistol missing and the wolf's claw scratching paint. Melissa pulled out the shotgun as Buffy circled the bike. Melissa reloaded as the thing unleashed another blast of balefire. It missed them, but smashed into the effigy. The head fell off and hit the floor with a crunching noise. A worker inside the bookstore ran out. "Oh my Gawd!!" she shrieked. "Those hooligans and their dawg just decapitated our Lord 'n Savior!!"
The wolf charged again. This time Melissa was ready. She discharged the gun at near point-blank range. A blast of white-hot fire exploded from the barrels and seared into the beast's body. It was thrown back, its fur aflame.
"Dragonbreath rounds," smirked Melissa.
It attacked again, howling with rage and smashed into the motorcycle. Melissa and her guns went flying and Buffy rolled into a crouch. The fire was dying down on the thing but it still looked wounded. It had assumed Crinos form again, the bookstore people fainting at the sight of it.
The wolf grabbed the motorcycle and advanced toward Melissa, preparing to crush her with it. Near Buffy was Melissa's pistol. She grabbed it and fired. It hit, but the wound began healing instantly. Growling, the demon-wolf turned. It raised the bike above its head preparing to squash the Slayer with it. "Buffy! Get down!" Buffy hit the ground as the Jesus head bounced over her, apparently controlled by Melissa, who held her hand outstretched. The head smashed into werewolf, knocking against the railing. He still gripped the bike and was attempting to rebalance when Buffy fired.
She shot through the rest of the clip. Several bullets wizzed by the wolf, a couple hit him and one hit the gas tank. Ka-phoom! The tank exploded and the head, its paper-mache form covering the wolf went up as well. Buffy and Melissa covered their heads but the debris passed them by. The wolf gave forth a last despairing howl and fell over the rail.
Buffy and Melissa looked over the edge. The wolf had landed on a display announcing that Jessica Paine, of "All My Restless Children" fame would be signing copies of her book, Having It All My Way, tomorrow.
Apparently, the actress had been watching the setup as a short, breathlessly venomous woman was screeching at a man nearby.
"How could this *happen? This was supposed to perfect!" she shrieked. "Now there's, -there's burning dog all over my books! This whole signing tomorrow is ruined, do you hear me, ruined!"
The wolf had burned down to a blackened skeleton which seemed to decompose by magic.
Buffy turned and looked at the destroyed Jesus and the stand. "Well, at least nothing of value was damaged," she noted.
Down below, Jessica Paine shook a tiny fist at the sky. "This is your fault Sarah! Somehow you did this to me!!!"
"Whoa, whoa, Jess. It's not the show. Live in the now. Breathe in the now." said a soothing, theraputic voice.
"Oh shut the hell up you quack! You're all fired! I am Jessica Paine and I will survive!"
"Yeah," said Melissa. "Butcha still won't get that Emmy!"
"Who said that! Come back here!" she squealed.
"I don't know about you," said Buffy with a shudder. "But I'd rather face the wolf than work with her!"
"No kidding." They left the store by a differing exit. Police cars were pulling into the lot.
"Now what?" asked Buffy.
"Now," said Melissa. "We get dirty."
