Reluctantly, my eye cracked open to be greeted with pitch black

Chapter Eighteen

Reluctantly, my eye cracked open to be greeted with pitch black. I could immediately feel the pressure of walls around me. It was like they were squeezing all the air out of my lungs without even touching me. I was suddenly aware that my breathing had hastened. I deliberately slowed it again, not wanting to hyperventilate. I could feel another presence in the room with me.

Duo was watching me carefully. Just by the way he held himself I could tell he knew I was conscious, he was just giving me a little time to adjust. I was more than a little grateful for that. I had a long history of claustrophobia to come to terms with in that little room.

Yeah, I know what you're saying right now. "How do you cope with claustrophobia in a mobile suit?" Well there's light in the cockpit of a mobile suit. Trust me, it makes the difference.

I opened both eyes and took a deep breath before closing them again. "What did I miss?"

"Not a lot. Straight from there to here."

I took this in. "How long ago?"

"I don't know. It feels like hours, but it could've been minutes." A slight pause filled the room. As though to banish the silence, Duo continued. "You okay?"

"Me?" I gave a nervous laugh. "Sure, never been better." I struggled into a sitting position. I looked at Duo. Even in the dark I could see concern in his blue eyes. "They do anything to you?"

He shook his head. "Not a thing. You took the brunt of it."

"Good." I'd said it without thinking. Back in the camp I'd been the leader in a way. I'd had to look out for everyone else's welfare. If anything happened to any of them, I held myself responsible. That kind of habit is hard to shake.

Duo frowned. "It's not good. How can you let me just sit there and watch them do that?"

"What were you going to do?" I added dryly, "Maybe we can try your way next time? Maybe it would turn out better?"

He looked away from me and sighed in despair. "That's not what I mean. Do you even know what they did to you?"

"What?"

He put a hand to his own cheek to illustrate where I should look. I brought my hand up and traced the cut down my cheekbone and over onto the bridge of my nose. My finger actually went into it as I did so and rubbed raw bone. I took my fingers away and, although I couldn't see too clearly in the darkness, I could still feel the slick blood on my fingertips.

"It looks a lot worse than it feels," muttered Duo darkly. "It'll scar."

"I've had worse." I put my cuffed hands into my lap.

"Have you? You keep saying that."

I looked towards him challengingly. "You think I haven't?"

He shrugged. "I'm just curious to know what could possibly be worse than this."

I shook my head. "You don't want to know."

"Try me."

"I'd rather not wipe away your little boy tears. If it's all the same to you."

"Fine, fine. But don't say I didn't try." He manoeuvred himself so that he was lying on his back on the floor, staring up at the ceiling. "Just thought you'd appreciate a pair of ears."

"The ones I've got are fine, thanks."

"Ha. Ha." He retorted dryly. "Your funny jokes are killing me."

"I'll have to stop telling them, then."

That invoked a long silence. And it got longer and longer, pressing down and pushing all feeling out of the room. The only feeling we got off each other was tense apprehension, making us uncomfortable.

I tried to ignore the walls. I tried to tell myself that they were no scarier than the people that put them up. But they kept pressing in, tighter and tighter.

I gasped convulsively, suddenly realising that I had been holding my breath for several minutes. No wonder my head was swimming. I could barely think straight. I steadied my breathing and tried to pull myself together. This wasn't going to be my failing, a phobia. I was only going down when I'd been hacked apart, not before. Not to the mercy of some stupid walls.

Suddenly a huge sob shook my body. I was more surprised than anything else. What was that? Then another and another. I only realised the tear when it had run down my cheek and was over my lips. I licked it away and dared others to follow. And they came thick and fast. I managed to calm the sobs to tiny hiccups, but the tears wouldn't stop. They just ran down my cheeks like my eyes were leaking.

The most irritating thing was that I didn't see a reason to be crying. I wasn't feeling particularly weepy, just really mad and confined.

I looked down at Duo, who seemed to be sleeping. How could he sleep right now? I mentally checked myself. He didn't have an erratic fear of walls. That's how.

I sat where I was and shivered. Which was stupid considering that it wasn't even cold. But then again, I was crying too. Maybe my body was biting back for being ignored in the past.

I sat still, letting the silence wash over me. There's nothing wrong, you're imagining things. I forced myself to stop shivering, and somehow managed to slow the tears to a trickle. I was in control. Or so I kept telling myself.

Eventually I forced myself in a shallow sleep.