[Disclaimer: All the characters and the Final Fantasy belong to Squaresoft, no infringement is intended and no money is made, so please don't sue me, besides my make-up collection I've got nothing to offer you]
Maybe some day
Squall plumped on his bed. He was tired and felt his head aching. But he also felt as if he lost some of the emotional burden he was carrying. He was so relieved that they didn't want to get Rinoa back, he wasn't sure he could resist the idea of seeing her again, no matter how terrible that would be. To feel the energy that surrounded her, to see her smile, to have a chance of undoing what he had done.
Damnit Rinoa, I didn't ask for this. He didn't want any of this. It had always been like this, people forced him into situations, but he knew that he asked for it, by rejecting responsibility others forced it on him. He had found himself comfortable taking other people's orders, obeying others and let them decide his life, so he didn't have to do it himself. For the first time, he saw this as a weakness, he knew why he wanted others to decide everything for him. Should something go wrong with himself or others, it wasn't his fault and he wouldn't have to bear with something as his oh so dominating conscious. But this situation he was in now, the reason why he had to hurt someone he cared for, all this, made him want to go back to his old self. He now remembered why he didn't want to decide for himself in the first place. He had decided and look what his decision had brought him.
In a sudden fit of rage, Squall stood up and rushed towards the door taking his gunblade. He felt his feet walking faster and faster, until he began to run. The party had ended hours ago and the hallways were empty. He increased his pace, to be ahead of the shadow of thoughts that was following him. Suddenly a noise behind him made him turn around. He found himself in the trainingcentre and behind him stood a T-Rexaur. He pulled out his Lionheart, narrowing his eyes to get a closer look at him in the dark.
"You were waiting for me huh," Squall muttered, "Well I won't disappoint you then."
But before he could take out a strike, he felt the tail of the enormous beast blowing him away, drastically lowering his hit points. Squall didn't bother to use a cure spell, instead he prepared himself to give out a Renzokuken. He ran towards the suprised T-Rexaur and kept striking him hit after hit. All the rage and frustration within him were concentrated in his blows.
This is for all the misery you've caused.
Another hit, not aware that his face was covered in the giant beast's blood.
This is for all the sleepless nights.
He prepared himself for the finishing blow.
This is for Rinoa
And he gave out the final strike that made the T-Rexaur scream out his last breath. He stood there and watched the enormous beast crumble into a pathetic pile of flesh, there was no evidence left of his once glorious strength. Squall stood there silently gazing at the lifeless T-Rexaur. He felt nothing, there was this total emptiness in him, as if all the feelings he had inside were drained out of him, with every blow he had given out. It felt good, it felt so good not to feel anything, not to have anything to think about. That was his last thought before he collapsed.
Quistis knew he was out there, she'd seen him running out the dorms. Without thinking for a second, she left her own room, not aware of the fact she was still wearing her sleeping gown and her gold blonde hair unbrushed falling lose beside her face. She narrowed her eyes to see trough the darkness of the trainingcentre. Thanks to Diablo's enc-none she'd equipped, she didn't ran into any enemies. She didn't have the time to be dealing with those pathetic little Grats who were commonly found here.
Just when she was about to give up, thinking he'd gone back to his room, she saw something glitter near a tree. As she walked closer Quistis noticed it was a gunblade, The Leonheart. Next to this precious weapon she saw the motionless body of Squall.
"Oh my God, Squall," she cried out. She kneeled besides him to see if he was still alive. He moaned as she turned his face towards her. Quistis let out a sigh of relieve. He's alive, I have to get him out here.
She pulled him up over her left shoulder, showing an unexpected strength, seen her delicate exterior. While staggering under his weight, she managed to carry him to her room. Quistis decided to let him sleep here as she didn't know the code to his room. She tried to lay him on the bed as gently as she could, but she lost her grip on him, and Squall plumped on the bed, making him moan a little.
Quistis tucked him in, making sure she didn't hurt his injuries. He needs a cure spell. It wasn't allowed to use magic inside the Garden, but she didn't have any potions left, so she stood up to close the door and casted a curaga on him. She saw his deep blue eyes open slowly, hypnotizing her. He opened his mouth to say something, but she laid her finger on his lips.
"Sssh," she whispered, "You have to rest now, tomorrow will be an early day for you." He nodded and fell at sleep almost immediately. Her finger still softly pressed against his lips. Without realizing what she was doing, her finger almost automatically followed the contours of his beautiful lips. His hair fell in front of his face and for the first time she saw him as an innocent little boy, in the safety of a home, instead of a courageous warrior. His familiar frown disappeared. He seemed tired, tired of the world?
She felt a familiar feeling in her stomach, the feeling of million butterflies fluttering. No, I'm over this. Was she? Yes. She knew she didn't stand a chance, once Rinoa came in picture, and even if they'd never met, the possibility that Squall would be interested in her was very unlikely. Especially after the way she had treated him earlier. Letting him down when he needed her the most. Of course she was hurt. She knew he never thought of what she had told him, back then in the orphanage, that she had feelings for him, but he did suddenly remember when he needed an excuse, that was what had hurt her. That she was just an excuse, coming handy in time to talk his way out. But she knew it wasn't true, Squall wasn't so calculating, Seifer perhaps, but not Squall. Now she knew what the cause was of what he had said, that it was Ultimecia's doing, she had felt ashamed for all the harsh things she said to him. How could she let him down. She felt a familiar hurt inside as she thought of his face when she yelled at him. She glanced down at his sleeping face, it was now neutral. Captured in the dreamworld, where there was no such thing as a resurrection of a sorceresses or Quistisses to betray him, the only man she had ever loved.
No, I mistook my protective feelings towards Squall as love, but it was just a memory of the feelings I always had in the orphanage.
Right, why was her heart beating so fast now, why was all her blood rushing towards her veins when she touched him like this, why . .?
Stop it. I have to help him get Rinoa back, instead of musing here about stupid fantasies.
Ok, let him go then, stop gazing at him, stop touching him and enjoying the feeling of his soft skin. She shook her head.
I'm not in love, I'm over him, I'm glad that he's found someone he's happy with and I have to get him back to her.
What if only you could kiss him, to know what the feeling is like?
No.
To just know how his lips taste.
I can't take advantage of him like that.
To get a glimpse of how things could have been.
He'd be disgusted by me if he knew.
He doesn't have to know, it will be your own memory.
He doesn't love me, what use will it have.
You would remember, you'd have something to cherish.
I'd be betraying Rinoa, who's one of my closest friends.
It would be a closure of your feelings, to seal them forever.
I love him so, but . . . .
This one last expression of a feeling he'll never know . . .
She leaned over to him, gazing at his beautiful sleeping face. She felt his chest moving under her own, breathing softly. She closed her eyes and pressed her lips softly against his. They felt like fire burning against her delicate crimson lips, a fire welcomed by her cold and dusty heart. After what seemed an eternity she managed to pull herself back, her eyes widened in realization of what she'd just done and the thought of the incredible feeling of his lips against hers. Squall started to move in his sleep, his eyes opened slowly and gazed for a second at her. Her heart skipped a few beats, but he smiled and closed them again. Quistis stood up, removing the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand. As she turned to leave, she felt how suddenly a hand grabbed hers.
"Don't leave me", he muttered in his sleep.
Quistis froze, did he know what she just did? She turned to him, gazing at his beautiful face. Did he even know what effect these words had on her? I love you Squall, more than you'll ever know. I'll never leave you, I'll never betray you again, I'll always be there. She kissed him on cheek and turned to leave the room once again, before he'd wake up and see her beside his bed. But before she closed the door behind her, she heard him mutter something.
"Never leave me Rinoa, always hold me like this."
***********
Everyone was already waiting for Squall, when he reached the Garden's gates. His head was aching and he tried not to look as if a bulldozer had chrashed him.
He was suprised to wake up in Quistis room this morning, she'd told that she'd found him unconscious in the trainingcentre. After he had thanked her, he went off to his own room, to refresh himself, and he made sure no one saw him coming out of his room, he didn't want to raise any questions.
"Ya late, we've been waitin all day," greeted Zell.
"You just got here yourself Zell," Selphie said laughing.
Zell scratched the back of his head with his gloved hand. "Had to stand in line for the hotdogs, ya know," the energetic blonde boy grimaced.
Squall shrugged and boarded the Ragornak, once everyone was on board, the Ragornak took off to Esthar. After the defeat of Ultimecia, Balamb Garden received the Ragornak from Esthar as a gift. And it became their most common form of transportation, as it could reach everywhere in the world in a few hours.
Squall sat alone in the meeting room in one of the chairs, gazing out of the window. The landscape changed as they passed several regions. He enjoyed these moments alone, when he was free to think, without someone staring at him, wondering what he could be thinking. But he'd give up all these moments alone for a second with her.
He couldn't help wondering where she was or what she was doing. He knew she hadn't gone back to Timber, because he'd been there quite a few times to check up on the Timber's situation.
Squall was afraid of seeing her again, the first time he went back to Timber. He tried to get out of the mission, but Cid refused. There weren't any SeeDs left, as they were all on different missions, rebuilding Trabia Garden, being the most important.
But when he caught up with the former chief of the Forest Owls, now the president, he learned that Rinoa hadn't returned to Timber, after the night she left Garden. He'd felt relieved, yet disappointed she wasn't there. Afterwards he'd convinced himself that it was all for the best.
Maybe he would be able to undo what he had done, maybe dr. Odine could find a solution, maybe Rinoa was able to forgive him one day. He shook his head, all he had was some unfounded maybes, none reliable enough to set his hopes on.
The door behind him opened and Irvine walked in with his beloved Exeter casually resting on his shoulder. He took place in the seat next to Squall.
"It's been a while since we went to Estar huh?" said Irvine in order to start a conversation, but Squall only shrugged, still staring out of the window.
"Squall, can I ask you something?" Irvine asked.
Squall looked annoyed up. "What is it?"
Should he ask this? Maybe it was nothing, and he didn't want Squall to think that he didn't trust him. Maybe trust was the thing Squall needed the most right now.
"Nah, it's nothing. It's that I hoped everything would be better with Ultimecia out of the way, you know." He said instead.
"That's what we all thought." Squall sighed.
"Prepare for arrival in Esthar," Selphie's voice sounded over the intercom, "We should be landing in 10 minutes at Esthar's Airstation."
*************
"So, they'll finally be here huh," Kiros said.
"Yeah." Laguna said, while he was staring out of the window.
"What are you gonna say then?" Kiros asked.
Everything he wanted to say for 18 years, but he didn't know the words. I'm sorry? I'm proud of you? I love you?
"I have to know what's wrong first. Why do they want to see that crazy 'ol Odine?"
"I guess we'll soon find out then. They should be arriving at the presidential residence in 5 minutes."
They both turned around when they saw a man coming in Laguna's office. "President, the SeeDs have arrived."
Laguna nodded. "Let them in." He stood up to welcome them when he saw Irvine, Selphie, Zell, Quistis and finally Squall walking into the room. He noticed that girl in blue, Rinoa hadn't join them.
"Welcome guys, it's really nice to see ya again." He greeted. The SeeD saluted for him.
"So why do you guys wana see Odine for?" Laguna asked. They looked at eachother and as if he understood their expectation, Squall stepped to front.
"We have reasons to believe that sorceress Ultiemecia is alive and still remains a treat to us." Squall said directly.
He must have got that from Raine, she never was one to turn around matters, Laguna thought smiling.
"I don't understand why that is funny," Squall said.
"Uhm, no it's definitely not, please continue." Laguna said. Everything about him reminded him of Raine. They both had the same eyes, but the boy got a face of his own and even the serious expression was something unfamiliar.
"Strange things had happened after we've defeated Ultimecia,"Squall continued, "I've heard a voice, I'm pretty sure it's Ultimecia's. It's likely she has plans to regain the powers of R . . . , miss Heartilly, who once received the powers of both Edea and Ultimecia. We're hoping dr. Odine might know a solution to this problem."
"And miss Heartilly, where is she?" Laguna asked. Suddenly he realized what the boy was saying. Ultimecia? Wasn't she suppose to be dead. Was it starting all over again? He had thought this would be the occasion to have a talk with Squall, to sort things out he should have done 17 years ago. Ellone would also be so happy to see him, he knew her only chance to start a life of her own would be when she stopped feeling guilty about what happened in Winhill all these years ago. Ellone? Oh my God, Ellone could be in danger then. And Rinoa, wouldn't she be in danger as well. Was Squall possessed?
Squall looked away. "I don't know where she is, but I believe it's for the best if her location remains unknown."
"I think you should see Odine in his lab then, I'll notify him that you'll be coming. Oh yeah, you don't mind me coming right, this kinda got me worried big time."
"Sure, whatever."
***
Squall walked behind everyone, looking around at Esthar's remarkable architection. Even though he had come here several times, Esthar's advanced technology always seemed to leave him in awe. But considering he grew up in places like the orphanage and Balamb Garden, his fascination of this fantasy-like city wasn't that strange to be considered. Laguna's page directed them to the round-shaped elevator in the middle of the road. Quistis, Irvine and Selphie went first, as the elevator could only carry three persons at a time. Laguna, who had refused to go with the presidential elevator, seated on the next together with Squall. The floor underneath them began to glow as the elevator lifted and sized trough the tube-like roads. Both of them remained silent as they passed by Esthar's flashy buildings.
Laguna felt awkward, sitting next to Squall, the son he had abandoned for so many years, silently. He had so much to tell him, so much he needed to get off his chest, but yet he couldn't get a decent word out of his throat. He was meaning to ask him, how he has been over the years, the question he didn't get the opportunity to ask before, when he hired them to defeat Ultimecia. Speaking of that, what a hell of a job has he done. Surely he had help of his friends, but it was the courage and the mental strength he had seen within Squall's metal-blue eyes that pulled them trough the hole thing, that saved world from a fatal damnation. But another feeling crept up to him, a feeling he despised more than he despised himself, the feeling of guilt. Yes, knowing that he had sent Squall, his own flesh and blood after the most disastrous sorceress in the history of the future and past. The feeling that he could have lost him before he even had him.
"Hey, we're here," he heard Squall's voice say. He snapped his thoughts back to the present and watched Squall standing there impatiently with his hands resting on his hips.
"Oh yeah, got lost in the dreamworld I guess," he said smiling as he got up and walked in front of Squall towards the lab's entrance.
Dreamworld. Squall thought of how Ellone used to take them to that irresistible dreamstate, or as they would say, the dreamworld. What was it almost a year ago when he first got dozed and was shipped off the Laguna's highly intellectual mind. Time went fast. To think they were trying to fight time itself, while it was so far behind them and even more farther ahead of them. Amazing, how well they got out of it's struggle, that they had outlived it's swifts and twists, what was even more remarkable is that they managed to return to theirs, without changing the past or the future. That they managed to find eachtother.
They both entered the lab, and Squall noticed that the rest of his team were already waiting for Laguna and him. A short man, an unmistakable stereotypical kind of scientist, dressed in Esthar's style approached him. Squall glanced down at him to meet his curious look.
"Ah, zere is ze szudy-object," Odine said as a greet, as he curiously sized him up.
"We've already explained the matter to him," said Quistis.
"And, do you know what you can do about it?" Squall asked.
"It iz not like I have a pozion for zis. I muzt examine you and have a few anzwers firzt."
"Sure, fire away." Squall said.
Odine turned to the others standing in his lab. "Can I be alone wiz him, I can not ztudy him vhen everybody iz here."
Everyone nodded and left the room. Squall turned to Odine again.
"Tell me vhaz happened?"
Squall sighed and told everything over again. Of how he heard the ice-cold voice in the infirmary, how he became so fascinated in Rinoa's powers, his mysterious feelings of rage. He told him everything he could tell and tried his best to answer Odine's questions. His mind cleared up a bit, knowing that maybe there would be an happy end to all this.
Odine was vigorously writing everything down in his notebook. After aimlessly examining things of minor value this past six months, he was agitated now that he was a part of something big again. He had to use a brain-detector to have a full insight how this was processed in the boy's head.
He motioned Squall to take place on a dentist-like chair and to take off his shirt. Squall glanced suspiciously at the machine hanging above the chair. Millions of wires hang loose around the cubic-like metal box with numerous buttons on it.
"What's that?" he asked, pointing to the machine.
"Zat izt ze brain-dezeczor, it will regizter unusual ztimulations from your brain."
Squall placed his gunblade aside and took off his jacket and shirt and seated, though with some reluctance. "Don't you try something," he warned him.
Odine just nodded and placed a metal helmet-like machine on his head and pulled the machine down to right above his head. He snapped on a screen to follow the process.
"You zoon will be azleep,"he assured Squall, "Iz vill not be long." And after what seemed five minutes Squall finally dozed off and the light buttons on the machine came to live. The screen showed a 3-d scale model of his brains and different colors to mark different fields of brain stimulation. All the while Odine watched this in fascination.
After a while Odine turned away from the screen with a pensive look on his face. There was something not right here. Sorceresses didn't just come back from the dead, not without help. And then there was this time-issue. Ultimecia was from the future, how did she managed to get stuck in this time. Even though everything in this boy's story seem to be believable at first, his instinct supported with 30 years of experience as a scientist specialized in sorceresses, told him that there was something not logic there. He couldn't put his finger on it, but there was something fishy about this, and it could be of a vital importance.
He gazed back at the screen. The parameters were standard, but there was something strange here. Even though his brain showed no signs of the presence of a force from outside. But it did however show all the signs he had seen in the last case he examined, that of sorceresses Rinoa. And her statistics had been quite unusual, obviously there had been an alien mind controlling her brains. Her body-functions weren't controlled by stimulations coming from the brain, but another force that wasn't inside the body itself, stimulated the body-functions. The brain became actually useless, it didn't do anything. If his theory was right, sorceress Rinoa couldn't have felt or thought anything. With Squall it was the same thing, but he wasn't controlled or there was no signs of outside forces, however there was indeed a force inside his mind. And that was what disturbed him, he was manipulated by a force in his mind and that was something he never came across in his entire science career. There was another thing, he thought as he studied the screen more carefully. The waves were changing rapidly, from over one side to another, like oil drifting around the surface of water and it was growing, fast even.
Now he knew, he was mistaken, Squall was indeed controlled, by a force inside of him, leaving the brain useless like it was with sorceress Rinoa. Odine's eyes widened as a thought suddenly crossed his mind. If a human brain was left inactive for a long period of time, it would paralyze and eventually die out. So, that would mean that if this force was left to continue manifesting itself in his brain, Squall eventually die out and seeing the pace in which this force developed itself, he gave him thirty days at the most.
[Author's note: The reason why Squall's acting so neutral towards Laguna is that they never had that talk in the Ragornak, when Kiros remarks that he kinda looks like his mother. I've never seen that conversation as I was eager to finish the story, so Squall didn't have that talk either. That's why Laguna needs to tell him now, as there wasn't a chance to do it earlier. It wouldn't have made sense anyway, Laguna ordering his child to fight till he drops and pays him for that and vaguely adding that he is his father, leaving the poor boy in confusion, besides his other problems. I don't refer in this story to things I haven't experienced myself in the game (so no specific card gaming (man that was a hard thing, I've only played it once and I lost, so I never bothered to do it again), no Omega beating (or the Ultima Weapon, I've had this unwritten rule, Never fight unless you really have to. I know, but I get scared easily, and with all this wicked monsters out there….*shivers*…anyway, I only play because I can go on with the story), unless I eventually do that)]
