A young man stood on the edge of a cliff , punished by life and destiny, accused by an unseen jury of dreaming and wanting to be more than what destiny had in store for him, he was now banned from the world

[Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Squaresoft. All you probably can sue me for is writing a bad story, and I on my turn will sue Squaresoft for making FF8, which forced me to write, despite my writing skills, or should I say the lack of it. I hate disclaimers.]

The choices we make

A young man stood on the edge of a cliff , punished by life and destiny, accused by an unseen jury of dreaming and wanting to be more than what destiny had in store for him, he was now banned from the world. Banned from life among others, banned from his ideals and banned from what he thought was reality. For one so young he had lived too long and too much. His young soul filled with experiences meant for an old depraved one. Destiny's cruel twist swayed him away from fortune and fame and left him behind on this forgotten cliff, not having anything else to do but to look down at the world. Here, high up in the mountains, life down there seemed small and far away. And for the first time in his life he wished he was a part of the moving little dots in the distance, instead of being up here in darkness. All his life he wished people would look up to him and they eventually did, but he was now so high up that he wasn't more than a vague figure in the mountain mist, invisible for a mortal's eye.

The midnight wind howled over the tops of Galbadia's rash mountains, crying along with his hurt soul who was shedding invisible tears. Fate, nothing but a traitor, siding with both enemy and friend, had placed him in this place. Would he give in to its content and grief over its decision? No, he would not. No matter how he just wanted to give up and give in, he could not. It would be out of his character and that was the last thing he wanted to happen. If he didn't get a realization of his dream, at least he would still be the person who dreamt that fateful dream. The same person he used to be.

Used to be?

He still was the same. He was still the strong warrior, broken in pieces but still visible. And it was time to stop this self-pity nonsense, before it would get a hold of him, and start gluing the pieces together to what it was before, the strong and unbreakable Seifer.

A woman stared at the lonely figure who was walking towards the edge of the cliff, from behind a tree, the comfort of night embracing her in darkness and hiding her from his view. He held still to overlook the world underneath him, thrusting his hands deep in the pockets of his trench-coat, who was floating behind him in the midnight air, the wind playfully brushing its fingers through his locks. He stood there, unaware of any spectators, seeing invisible images in the air.

He seemed familiar, as if she had seen him somewhere before. Why was she standing here anyway? As she was walking in the dark plains, towards the only city in her reach, she had seen this figure hastily walking up a mountain path. Driven by curiosity and the absence of other duties, she had gone after him, but there was something in her conscious, which told her to try to be out his sight. He had started to climb up higher as the path ended and she of course climbed along. And now she was still standing here behind a tree, watching this stranger. What did she expect to see here then? Her mind failing her in giving her an answer to this question, she started to think again of what this man reminded her, when she saw him suddenly stepping a little closer to edge. In a sudden fit of worry she yelled and ran forward to pull him back by his coat. In her sudden action he misplaced his steps on some loosened rocks, making him fall over the edge. In a reflex she grabbed his hand before he could fall off in the distance below.

For a second they froze there in that position. His feet dangling down and with her arm as his only life-line and her kneeling on the rocky floor desperately trying to hold unto him. She stared at his familiar face in amazement and forgot for a moment the situation they were in, he too seemed to be shocked as he recognized her. But he recovered fast.

"Pull me up damnit" he snapped.

His words making her come back to her senses, she started to pull. She was trying her best here. The least he could do was give her a little support, he wasn't exactly what you called light as a feather.

"I can't do it alone, you have to pull yourself up"

He groaned with displeasure and placed his feet on the rocks, as Rinoa pulled him up. After what seemed an eternity she managed to pull him over the edge and due to his weight he landed on top of her.

"What the hell were you thinking, kill me? There are easier ways to do so," he hissed, glaring at her.

Heavily breathing he lay there for a while on top of her, as he thought of what just happened. He was almost gone before he was alive again. Life could flash away in an instance, before you even got the chance to live it to the fullest. She looked at girl under him. And then her, the last person he expected to see here. He felt her chest moving under his and through the beating of his own heart, he heard hers. Even though he tried to deny it, it actually felt comfortable being this close to a woman again, the same woman.

"Get of me Seifer," she said, as she pushed him off her, he landed not so soft on his back. "Don't forget I just saved your miserable life."

Still lying there on the rocks, he glanced up at her as she stood up to dust off her clothes with angry gestures. What was she doing so high up in the mountains anyway? Spying on him? Her lovebird Squally probably sent her to check up on the knight of failure, to see if he wasn't up to something fishy again.

"If that's how you save a guy, I wouldn't want to be around when you try to kill one," he remarked sardonically.

"I tried, remember?"

Yeah she did, didn't she. And he on his turn would have killed her without feeling any remorse. But that didn't happen and she didn't succeed either. At first he had been really suprised she would fight him, that she sided with the black mercenary, following his foolish purposes, after what they had together. Of course he wasn't in love or that kinda cliched nonsense, but he did however considered their time together in Timber, two summers ago, a pleasant one. If he was honest he had found it more than pleasant. It had felt . . . . right. Yes, everything seemed in place and he even did stupid things like walking in the August-rain and stealing cherries from a garden with her. And he even liked it, for a moment a future SeeD career and the Garden life wasn't the only thing which occupied him. For a moment she too had a place in his mind.

"What did you want to save me from then?" he asked, ignoring her remark. He stood up too, straightening the collar of his coat, as he watched her and waited for her response.

She paused before giving an answer. "Well, for a second there, I thought that you might . . well, it wouldn't have been so strange now, seen all the things which had happened last year. But . . "

He narrowed his eyes to get a closer look at her in the in the dark. "What are you babbling about?" But suddenly the expression in his face changed, as a thought just crossed his mind. "You didn't mean that you thought that I was trying to jump off that cliff."

She turned away from him. A laugh climbed up in his throat, showing first a small grin on his face. But soon it widened in a smile and not much later tears of laughter slid down his cheeks. The deep sound of his sincere laughter filled the silent midnight air, the forests silencing, while wondering who it was who dared to disturb them from their sleep. Despite the fact he couldn't see her face, he knew she was blushing like hell. Seifer, the former knight, throwing himself off a cliff like some kind of a desperate melodramatic b-actor.

Suddenly the laugh on his face froze. Well, maybe that was exactly how everyone saw him. A weak-hearted being, with no emotional will. Defeated and without a purpose. Did she see him like that too? It wouldn't have been strange now, she said. Now that she knew it was Seifer who might commit suicide. He was desperate afterall, defeated, deprived from any dignity. Of course he would kill himself. What else does he have left in this world? And what made it all the worse was that he actually had thought of leaving all this mess behind him, false promises, illusion fame and fortune. Not to have anything more on his mind, not to worry anymore. Just to go off to where no one was to follow him, where there were no Squall's to steal dreams, while fighting without a purpose and bringing down those who did have a purpose. Where there were no friends to betray him, where there were no exciles anymore.

But what she had just said was a major wake-up call for him. So that was what everyone expected huh? Well, he would make sure that everything but their expectations would come true. Even though he was defeated, slain and humiliated, he would resurrect again. Even if he didn't do it for himself, he would at least not give them the satisfaction of thinking they had broke him. Nor the pleasure of pitying him.

"I'm sorry for the disillusion, but I'm no where near suicidal," he said calmly, smirking to hide away his displeasure.

She turned to him. "I see that now, maybe you should be. Meany, I was just thinking about your safety."

It was a long time he had heard her say that. Meany, that was how she would call him, whenever he refused her something. Now it would be Squall who would called meany, he felt that the thought made him feel uncomfortable.

"You didn't even know that it was me, if you did you'd probably even help me do it."

She opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again. What use would it have, maybe he was right. She did fight him after all, she tried to kill him, like he wanted to kill her. People change, situations change, feelings change. She knew that more than anyone. She reminded herself that he wasn't the Seifer she met that summer, he wasn't just a boy hanging out with a girl anymore. He had become an army leader fighting the world. Sad really, how things changed without a warning. Now she wished she hadn't involved in all this from the beginning. That she hadn't met Seifer, Garden and him . . . .

"What are you doing here anyway?" Seifer asked, when she didn't respond.

Was she really so sorry about everything to even think of that? To whish she never met him? A couple of months ago she wouldn't even have dreamt of having to leave all that. Had things really changed that much to make her leave everything behind her. Did it? Couldn't she just have tried to talk things out, to see what was hidden beneath. Was it bad of her to give up without a fight?

"Don't tell me you've been so much around Squally, that you've even become like him," Seifer remarked sarcastically.

She looked up at his words. Squall? How long was it since she heard his name spoken out loud? Shaking her head she turned and ran down the mountain path, she wouldn't cry in front of this man. Wasn't she done crying yet? Did she still have tears left? Wasn't her body already drained out from sorrow and hurt? Probably not, the burning viscous tears were now trailing their down her cheeks. She ran faster through the forest, not even aware of the monsters who were following her with their hungry eyes. Blinded by tears she did not see the dead branch lying across the path, until her foot suddenly slipped under, making her fall flat on her chest. With this sudden movement, her mind snapped back to reality, away from thoughts of Squall and back to the dark mountain forest. She heard footsteps coming closer, when she looked up she saw Seifer standing in front of her, extending his gloved hand. A smile broke through her tears and she reached out to grab his hand.

*******

"Ok, this is basically the plan. If the sorceress in Squall wants to regain Rinoa's power, by taking her body over. Then we'll let her do so. But Rinoa would be within our reach, thus giving us the chance immediately sealing her powers. Odine then will force her out of Rinoa. And by that Ultimecia would finally be dead. Her body is already dead, and her spirit will follow soon, it will be over in an instant," Laguna explained.

"That is not an option, it's too risky," Squall snapped. "Forget it, there must be another way."

Laguna sighed, this kid was a hard one to get through. For the past half hour they were trying to convince him that the presence of Rinoa might make a difference. But he was just as stubborn as his mother had been. "Squall, this plan of Odine seems like a good idea. If Ultimecia wants it this way, we will beat her at her own game. We let her take over Rinoa, and after that we seal Rinoa, so Odine's got the time to kick Ultimecia out of her head. Simple, right?"

"No."

Quistis had watched this entire conversation silently, desperately trying to hold back her tears. Everyone seemed to be talking at once when they all got the news. That Squall, their courageous leader, their friend, would be dead in a month. Presenting this fact with indifference, Odine had told them what was wrong with him. What the voice in his head would eventually do to him. But his nonchalance didn't fool her, in his eyes she had seen the excitement, agitation over a new study-object, a new scientific breakthrough, he was just an object, just another life, just Squall.

But it wasn't just Squall damnit! It was her friend, her silent lover, her exalted savior who wouldn't be there anymore. It wasn't just another life, as if it wouldn't matter to the world. It should, they all should think about the horror that might occur in a month. The world had everything to loose with his death, they had Squall to loose. Why him? Why had a person so pure in character to go through all this, when others who were much lesser in heart, went through life without a thing to worry about. The scoundrels were suppose to die, not hero's. Hero were suppose to live happily ever after with their heroines in a world devoid of hurt and sorrow. Even if she wasn't the heroine in this story. They should be with the women they loved and not separated from her and lying on his deathbed. But this wasn't a story, was it? This wasn't just a game, this was a never ending viscous circle called life. A world without an end and the beginning only left to imagine.

"Squall, you should let Odine carry out this plan of his," Quistis finally spoke calmly, without looking up. Everyone in the room silenced. "I couldn't liv- . . . I mean . . . I cannot let you give up this fight . . . whatever you said to her, she will understand. Odine and President Laguna wouldn't let her do this if they didn't think it was safe . . "

"Well, zere are no guaranteez zis will vork, or zat soceress Rinoa vont die in ze process," Odine added.

A shadow stole over his face, as Squall listened to him. "Never, there is no way I will do this. I'm sorry, there has to be some other way. I will never agree with that, never, no matter what you all say."

So he would die then, right? Sacrifice his life for the only one he had ever loved, the only one who had earned herself the privilege of accessing his thoughts. Loving her so much that the thought would never cross his mind, that he wouldn't even give a try for it. Was he allowed to make that decision alone? It wasn't just his life, was it? It was hers too, Irvine's, Selphie's, Zell's and it also was that of Rinoa. Rinoa, even though she had left, she still loved him. She was sure. Quistis was never the one to give up without a fight, even if he did, she would never. She would fight till her last breath. She was trained to fight injustice, then this was what she had to do. She would battle fate's injustice, defy its being, slay its twisting grip on life. She would do everything if it would keep him alive.

She knew Squall, she knew that he would do anything for everything he stood for, once he had made up his mind it would take the world to change that. Like him, she had made her mind up too, she wouldn't let him go without a fight. And if his life lay in Rinoa's hands, then Rinoa's hands she would bring to him.

*******

Artica stared at the old man standing before him. The viscous lines of time engraved in his weary face, his motions had become slower, not much for most to notice, but enough for him to do. His voice was deeper, more uncontrollable and more unheard. The old general stood there, trying to hide the distrust and disgust in his eyes. After all these years Artica finally saw that the integrity that most people in him had admired had vanished, he was trying to be in his good books now, adjusting to his standards. There was no evidence left of his pride and his famous arrogance. Artica saw in his eyes that the general knew this too and that it was killing him, a fact which filled him with pleasure.

"So, what will you do with this kid then?" he heard him ask.

Artica chuckled. "Nothing that will be of an interest to you. But I guess you'd be more interested in something else, let's talk about the only sorceress of this era, sorceress Rinoa."

"No," the old man snapped, suprising Artica with this sudden outburst. "You will never hurt my little girl, you hear me. By Hyne's thunder you will not come near her, not as long as there's air in my lungs."

"Keep this going and there won't be any soon," Artica said with an ice-cold voice. "You're forgetting who's in charge now, Galbadia is mine now, for all that matters to you, I'm basically the God of Galbadia. You are here to answer my questions. So, where is this little girl of yours hanging out nowadays. Last thing I heard was that she was meddling with those SeeDs from Balamb Garden."

The general glared at him but not speaking a word. A viscous grin broke onto Artica's face as he grabbed the old man by his collar and punched him across the face. Clenching his teeth, refusing to scream out the pain, he fell to the floor. With a malicious smile Artica pulled a handkerchief out of his chest-pocket to rub off the blood on his knuckles.

"Never mind, I know she's there in Garden. I've heard that the commander of Garden grew very fond of my little cousin."

The general glared up at him from the floor, while trying to get up with his sore back. "Please, I'll do anything, don't . . . "

" . . . kill her?" Artica interrupted him, "Why not? Why not kill her like you killed my sister?"

*************

"Are you sure this is a good thing?" Zell asked Quistis, who was gazing at out of the window with a determent expression on her face.

"Yes, it's the only thing I've been sure about in my entire life," she replied, turning her glance to the usual elated blonde boy who's eyes were now darkened by worry. "Yes Zell, it's our obligation."

"Hm, just don't feel good sneaking away like this," Irvine added. What if Squall got angry with them? What if it was wrong to bring Rinoa? He had spent this last few days thinking about this entire situation. It seemed as if everything just came out of the sky, so sudden. Fate at least could have given a warning, instead of smashing this in their faces all of a sudden.

"I don't feel good too, but we have to . . .I . . have to," Quistis said with a sigh. Some strands of blonde hair escaped from her tight serious knot, caught his attention. Normally she would have waved them back into her knot, maybe wanting in her subconscious to present a perfect picture. He used to tease her with this habit of hers. Searching her face he saw the slight difference most would not notice. He saw a simmering fire in her eyes. A resolution which he had never seen before. Looking at her weary worn face he just realized that her feelings for Squall weren't over, instead they have grown by the thought of losing him.

"You still love him, don't you," he said, more as a statement than a question. "You always did." Quistis looked up, as if she was shocked that he knew. Looking around if any of the others were listening she said, "Of course I do, don't you?"

"No, not the way you do. I'm not into men, you see," he said with a grin.

She pushed him aside, as she went towards the elevator, bringing her downstairs. Without hesitating he ran after her, downstairs he saw her leaning to a door-post, with her back towards him.

He grabbed her by her elbow to turn her around. "I'm sorry Quisty . . ." he stopped as he saw something in her eyes which he never expected to see, tears. Qusitis, the cold Quistis who never showed any emotion, was crying. Her baby-blue eyes full tears meant for Squall. He pulled her to his chest in an embrace, while stroking her hair, he mumbled some unintelligible words to comfort her, as she continued sobbing.

"Yes, I do love him. I'm so afraid Irvine," she muttered through her tears, "I'm terribly afraid. What if he dies, he can't die, right? Tell me he won't."

"He won't Quistis, not as long as we are here to prevent that."

"Am I stupid, acting so weak for one who does not need my tears but a chance of life, which I cannot give him."

No, she wasn't. If there was anyone he knew to be strong and integer, than it would have been Quistis, along with Squall. He realized she would die for him, give everything up for the one she loved. Like Squall would do the same for Rinoa.

" You know Quisty, you can give him life," he said, "maybe we all will be able to save him. Remember I support you to the fullest here. I'll go where ever you'll go with this. I'll follow my big sister everywhere."

Quistis pulling herself back. While removing the tears with the back of her hand, she smiled at Irvine. "Thanks Irvine, but I guess we have to set our destination for now."

"Any idea on where to go?"

"I was thinking about Deling City, we could go see her father," she said. Irvine nodded. Maybe he knew where his daughter was. But he still couldn't shake this feeling of foreboding out. That there was somethingThe feeling that he didn't know all that was going on, filled him with unrest.

Qusitis turned to him before she pressed the up-button on the elevator. "You won't tell what just happened, right?"

He smiled, placing an arm on her shoulder. "What will I get in return? Perhaps a little kiss and I won't tell anyone."

She smiled, "you're impossible."

"Impossible for seeking the possible?"

"Impossible for seeking that which you can't get."

"Aahh, I love cryptical women. Now whaddya say?"

With a grin she pulled his arm away and pressed the button. "Maybe, one day, when we get out of all this," she whispered.

*************

He couldn't blame them for their incomprehension nor their hurt. Because he understood it. He had been through that himself numerous times. He knew what it was like, that the world didn't understand him. He was feeling like that right now. Did they think he didn't want to see her again? To tell her he was sorry. Didn't they know how many times he wished that would happen.

Sighing he overlooked the great fantasy city strechting out underneath his balcony. The streetlamps lighting the empty streets. No one dared to walk around at night anymore, more and more young citizens decided to leave Esthar, locked up in a city of monsters terrorizing their social lives was probably the limit. Taking advantage of Esthar's decision to be an open state, they all fled to more calmer places.

That was just how humans were. The soon things went the way they weren't used to, they run. Leaving those behind who still want to give it a try. Until even they decide to seek for places more comfortable. If everyone was like this than who the hell was fighting for this world. Who were dying in an unappreciated war?

Squall heard a knock on the door behind him. Without turning around he reluctantly called the late visitor in. Probably Quistis or someone else trying to make him change his mind. But the heavy footsteps weren't that of Quistis, when he turned he saw President Laguna standing behind him in the room, with a sheepish grin on his face.

"Why are you here in the dark like some kinda vampire or something?" he asked.

Squall shrugged. "I assume you didn't come here to talk about the lights."

Laguna smiled, stepping on to the balcony, he leant against the railing with his back, crossing his arms in front of his chest, deeply inhaling the fresh midnight air. Squall watched him while wondering what he had to say. It felt strange being around him, this man had effected his life so much, in a way it was partly because of him he had become what he was today. For the love of Laguna Ellone had decided to change Squall's live forever, even though he still wasn't pleased about it, he understood it now. Now there he was, the Laguna he heard so much about, he knew him before he had even met him. Squall still didn't think highly of him, but he understood him. Despite the fact he was a moron, he had managed to save an entire country. He had fought for the live of Sis, protecting her when he wasn't capable of doing so. For that alone Laguna deserved his respect.

"Squall, how have you been. I mean, had life been hard on you?" Laguna asked suddenly.

What is this? Life? Why does he want to know?

"Why do you want to know?" he inquired, voicing his thoughts.

Laguna grinned, shyly moving a strand of hair out his face. "I'm just curious, you seem like you've gone through so much, more than a kid of your age is suppose to."

He shrugged. "It's nothing special, I don't blame life. What happened, happened because of people and their actions. The choices people made were hard. The choice of my birth-parents to leave me, the choice to be in Garden, the choice of Ultimecia to turn against the world. Those are the choices which made me into what I am. So life nor destiny are to be blamed, since both merely are consequences of people's choices."

Squall didn't notice Laguna flinch at his words, as he turned his back to him to gaze at the stars above his head. Destiny wasn't the one controlling him, was it? He wasn't reading a script, their were no stage directions given, he wasn't just taking a role on a stage called life, right? It couldn't be that everything he went through was written in the same stars which had brightened up the lives of so many people, the same stars who were now shining exclusively for his eyes to watch. Yes, his life was just a consequence of choices, including his own. Life didn't just happen to him, he refused to think of himself as a victim when he was a culprit too.

"Just tell me when you're back," Laguna said ligheartedly.

Squall turned absent-mindly at his remark. "What?"

"Never mind, you sound so wise, you probably had a lot of practicing during all the time you spend thinking. But the reason why I came here was I . . . I wanted to make sure you were absolutely sure about your decision. I kinda hoped you would change your mind about Odine's plan."

Squall glared at him. "Never," was his short response.

Laguna smiled. "I wonder what it's like, what it's like to have such power and strength to make a descion like that. To be able to put other before yourself with all the confidence and courage you have. To do that without fearing for yourself."

"Don't make me in something I'm not," Squall said, he paused. He wasn't a God without fear. He was afraid, afraid of this sudden change in his life. To fight sorceress he could handle, leading an army too. But to be a treat himself, to have others fear him and abandon him for the second time, that was something he tried not to think of.

"Courage is not the absence of fear," he said, while looking at the stars, "but the judgement that something else is more important."

*************

[I've managed to write a chapter in which basically nothing happens, doesn't that show my talent. Sorry once again for the grammar/ spelling errors, I'm Dutch 'nuff said.]