Flame Poem Arc: Epilogue

Lost Stanza


OoOoO


Devoid of memories, I drift aimlessly through a never ending darkness.

Except…

No, that's…not entirely true, is it? There's something there–something that I'm forgetting…

Something important.

Though I may currently be drifting aimlessly, there's this incessant feeling growing inside of me that there is someplace specific that I want–no, that I need to be.

I don't remember where it is. I don't remember how to reach it. The void I find myself in is as endless as it is dark. The likelihood of actually reaching it under these dismal circumstances is quite literally a shot in the dark, and yet…

And yet.

The sense of need within me continues to build, and it gains an edge of urgency as it does so.

I–quite literally–have nothing to lose. And so, futile though it may be, I can do nought but try.

Resolve fills me.

…But where to start?

"..."

A faint sound shatters the silence of the void and reaches my ears–too faint to really make out–but still. There's something about it. Something I just can't quite…

"...Praetor."

A voice…I can hear a voice.

Clear and resonant as a golden bell. The unforgettable voice of a balletic swordswoman…and a gracious, loving ruler.

It's as if I am struck by lightning.

I remember now. I remember everything.

The burst of intense feelings that voice invokes within me…even without the sudden return of my memories, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I would recognize it as the voice of someone infinitely precious to me.

My King.

My Emperor.

My Saber.

"Are you awake?"

I try to speak–I want to reassure her that I am indeed awake and that her voice not only reached me, but also rescued me from the void. But…

No sound escapes my frozen lips.

I can't speak.

I can't move.

…Perhaps I am not as awake as I first thought.

Silence engulfs me once more, and for one brief moment I fear that she noted my lack of response and left me alone. It is an irrational fear that is swiftly chased away by a light pressure and a sense of warmth along my right side.

I then feel a hand–gentle despite the power it holds–splay out just above my knee.

"The Regalia is whole again. And our wish has come true."

She is so much closer than before, and though she speaks softly, her words clearly reach my ears.

"The Royal Authority has been restored. I am the true King of .PH, revered by all. Is that not cause for song and celebration?"

It truly is. She deserves that and so much more, and I wish I could tell her that right now. I wish that I could–in this very instant–shower her with well-deserved praise. I want to watch that beautiful smile of hers light up the dark like a blazing beacon as her emerald eyes sparkle like the most precious of jewels in delight.

"...Yes, all acknowledge me now."

I want to tell her that I'm happy for her–and I am. I am both happy, and proud.

And she should be too.

So then why…

"And by my Royal Authority…"

Why does she…

"...your Mind remains your own. Your Soul is still at large, but it has bonded with you, invisibly and unbreakably. And we were able to restore your Body. Rejoice!"

Why does she sound so…sad?

"...An entirely new Body, just for you. You are safe now."

Her soft voice is full of warm reassurance, and her comforting weight settles closer against me.

Her hand–the one resting above my knee–slowly curls in on itself until she is clutching at the thin material of my white dress. I can't help but note that there's a certain desperation to the action.

"You can open your eyes, my Praetor."

Her clear voice wavers, and she can no longer stop the bittersweet melancholy from seeping through.

I feel a sharp pang in my chest as I realise…

"Please, stand up, that I might look upon your smiling face."

…I am the cause of her sadness.

"You can take your time, though I know you'd never keep a lady waiting. How long do you expect to be? Ten seconds? Ten minutes?"

I logically know that I had no control over being comatose as my Mind stabilised and merged with my new Body, but…

"...Can you hear me, Praetor? My beloved, my only…"

…It doesn't stop my heart from breaking with each word she utters in sadness even as she clings desperately to hope.

"It's all right. Rest all you want. Wake up whenever you want."

Saber…

I'm so sorry, Saber…

Despite the pain I must have put her through, I…I can still hear the smile in her voice, tremulous though it must be.

"And someday, if the Umbral Star ever arrives…I will strike it down for you, Praetor."

My beautiful Emperor of Roses, Nero Claudius.

"...I will fight for you forever."

My beloved Nero.

Her words are more than a statement–more than a promise. Her words are a vow–a solemn oath sworn from one heart to another–and I want nothing more than to give her mine in return.

Because she's right. We belong on the battlefield, side by side.

So I should open my eyes now. I want to give her everything she desires, and everything she deserves–and the very least she deserves is a smile.

'Sorry to keep you waiting,' I should tell her. 'How long did I sleep this time?'

Just for a day, I hope. Anything longer, and she might want to punish me.

"...Praetor."

…But the sadness that clings to her voice, the fragile hope…

A week, then? A month? Any more than that, and I'll never be able to apologise.

I've left her alone all this time, or at least made her feel that way. What can I do to help her forgive me?

"Your timing is…acceptable. In fact, I feel especially generous today, so I hereby pardon you for everything."

But more importantly…

"...So…"

The body leaning against mine begins to tremble.

"...Please…"

Her soft hair spills over my bare arm as she shifts.

"...My Praetor, please…"

Her head lowers and presses into my lap.

"...Please come back to me…"

…What can I do to heal the jagged wound that I have surely left upon her heart?


OoOoO


Silence engulfs us once more, though this time her comforting presence remains pressed against me.

She's still trembling.

Preoccupied as I am with that fact–both with concern and guilt–it takes me longer than it should before I register an odd sensation originating from where her face is buried in my lap. It takes me a few moments more before I realise what the cause is.

There's a growing wetness seeping through the material of my dress.

It's…

She's crying.

Though she isn't making a sound, Saber is crying.

I never wanted to…

No.

No.

I refuse to let this go on. I refuse to cause her any more pain.

She said my Mind was still my own. She restored my Body. I can live and function just fine even with my Soul still absent. I am stable once more.

I try with all of my might to move, but my efforts gain me nothing but silent frustration.

Disappointing, but not entirely unexpected. I'm not giving up. It's time for Plan B.

Saber mentioned we have the whole Regalia once more, and though the ring sits upon Saber's hand, we are both of us the Holy Grail's victors. We are both of us the Moon Cell's Sovereigns.

It is much more than just a title.

I turn my attention inwards and search for…there! I've never been the best Wizard, but this is too important for failure and so I slowly and painstakingly follow the link that was created the moment I accepted my position as Sovereign.

I don't know if it's my desperation, the fact that the Regalia is so close, or because I'm sitting on the throne, but my gamble pays off. I access the Moon Cell with a single minded focus.

Hm…

I see.

Though my spiritrons are stable, I am still dangerously low on mana, and so I was forced into a sort of emergency standby mode to recover. The throne I am sitting on is slowly yet steadily replenishing my mana, but… Well, our room has the same mana replenishing properties, doesn't it? And though I'll be weak, I won't be in immediate danger if I send a command through the Moon Cell to forcefully 'wake up' my body. So as long as I rest in our room until I'm more fully recovered, it should be fine.

Mind made up, I execute the command.

I immediately feel the effects.

My clarity of Mind is suddenly weighed down by an overwhelming sense of exhaustion, and it takes me a few minutes to fight through it, but my resolve doesn't waver and eventually…

The fingers on my right hand twitch.

Success!

My elation helps to keep my exhaustion in check, and soon I move on to the real test. It's a struggle, but ever so slowly my eyes crack open. My vision is blurry, and I slowly blink until the world comes into focus.

I find it fitting that–due to the way my head was tilted while resting–the first thing I see clearly upon awakening is Saber. Because she is my world. And now that I'm awake, I can tell her that.

…She hasn't noticed I'm awake yet. Her head is still buried in my lap. She's still trembling. Still crying.

I'm still not entirely in control of my motor functions. Extreme mana deficiency is no joke, and I'm just barely out of the critical zone. I'm glad the Moon Cell is supplying her with mana while I can't, I'd hate for her to be even more affected by my current state.

I have to do something to get her attention, though. My resolve hasn't wavered. I don't know that I'd be able to stand up under my own power at the moment, but I woke up for her. And I can give her a smile, like she asked. I can do that at least.

Her head is close enough to my right hand that if I can just move them… My fingers twitch, then curl slightly, then stretch open. My palm slowly slides against the throne's armrest, my hand inching ever closer until…

My fingers bury themselves in silken gold.

My hand slips down to rest in my lap as Saber's head jerks up, a gasp escaping her pink petal-like lips. She stares up at me with wide emerald eyes glittering with tears, and I make sure the first thing she sees is a loving smile.

"P-Praetor…?" Her soft voice is full of tremulous hope.

I shakily move my hand up from my lap and use my fingers to gently brush away the lingering trail of moisture still staining her cheeks. My efforts prove futile, however, as a fresh batch of tears spill out. I move to brush away the new tears as well, only for my trembling hand to become trapped as Saber holds my palm against her cheek.

I'm…not going to complain. She's soft, and warm, and my hand is perfectly content to stay where it is.

"My Praetor…" Saber murmurs. "Are you truly…? Gods, as wonderful a dream as this might be, please…let this be real."

There's so much I want to say. So much I need to say. I'm not even sure where to begin. I probably shouldn't wing it, but I need to say something before this exhaustion I'm literally beating back with sheer stubborn willpower finally wins and I end up falling asleep.

"...Nero." I rasp softly, voice thick. I think I probably slurred or mumbled. But that's okay. It was a solid start. Because Saber heard me, and–if the audible hitch in her breath was any indication–she understood.

Saber's free hand reaches up, fingers brushing delicately against the corner of my smiling lips before her palm softly cups my own cheek.

"I'm sorry…" My voice trails off and my intended apology devolves into an uncontrollable yawn.

She shakes her head, her voice soft even as she tries to brush away my apology. "You are alive and here with me–anything else is inconsequential."

Still…

I shake my head slightly.

"I'm sorry," I repeat. My words come a bit easier this time.

The corner of her lips quirk up at my stubborn insistence. Gaze incredibly soft, she sighs lightly in faint exasperation, though ultimately she decides to humour me. Her words are spoken still with that same gentle voice, as if I were one strong syllable away from shattering. "Whatever do you have to be sorry for?"

I have a lot to apologise and make up for.

"I'm sorry that it took me so long to come home to you," I say with earnest sincerity. "I'm sorry that I wasn't here with you. I'm sorry that I left you alone. I'm-"

The hand that was previously cupping my cheek is now resting delicately against my lips in a successful attempt to shush me. She's gazing up at me in a gentle sort of awe–as if I personally hung the stars in the sky–even as a fresh tear streaks down and is stopped by our joined hands.

I hope she can see that I am looking at her the same way.

She doesn't like it when I compare her to the sun, but…that's what she is to me. My personal star. My brilliant sun. She is passion and beauty and burns bright enough to light my path and scorch our enemies, but at the same time she is also the gentle warmth that envelops me in love and chases away the cold of doubt and loneliness.

"I'm sorry that I made you cry," I mumble despite her still present hand. My lips tingle as they brush softly against the pads of her fingers.

I'm not sure if she heard me. She broke eye contact when I started to speak again, her emerald gaze instead dropping to stare at my lips. Or maybe she's looking at her fingers.

Yeah, that's probably it. Maybe her fingers are tingling too. My lips still are, afterall.

My tongue absently darts out to chase that tingle.

Somebody's breath hitches. I'm honestly not sure if it was her or me. Regardless, we both freeze.

I can do nothing but watch, mesmerised, as those beautiful emeralds flicker up to pin me with an intense look. Her gaze is heavy–searching–and I dare not blink as I stare back. There's hints of the usual love and passion that are present in loaded moments such as this, but they're not at the forefront this time. The burning desire that tends to rage within them when we are alone is currently overshadowed by a more gentle sort of affection.

I'm not sure what exactly she is looking for, but after a long moment she seemingly finds it and her eyes soften.

She stands up and shifts closer. Her hand slides to softly cup my cheek once more.

"My Praetor…" She murmurs. She's so close now, close enough that I can feel her gentle puffs of breath brushing against my face. I can't control the slight shiver that travels through me as I instinctively close my eyes. "My Beloved… May I?"

Dazed as I am, I can barely hear her question. I'm not exactly sure what I'm agreeing to when the first sound–a sound of confirmation–escapes my throat, but it doesn't take me long to find out.

In the span between one heartbeat and the next, something impossibly soft and warm is gently brushing against my lips. My breath definitely hitches this time, and the next sound to escape my throat is a barely audible whimper.

The fingers against my cheek twitch in response, and the barely-there pressure against my lips suddenly becomes firmer even as Saber is careful to keep things slow and gentle. She definitely heard me whimper, though–something I would be more embarrassed about if the great majority of my processing power wasn't currently overwhelmed by the simple fact that Saber and I are kissing.

Just the thought of what we're doing is enough to make me lightheaded, let alone the actual sensations I'm scrambling to process.

I'm not sure how long the gentle embrace goes on for, though I suddenly feel bereft once she pulls away, and I instinctively sway forward to chase her lips. I can't stop the slightly strangled whine from escaping me as the hand on my cheek gently stops my advance.

"Breathe, my Praetor," She orders breathlessly, a gentle hint of teasing laughter in her voice. She's close enough that I can still feel her warmth.

I suck in a breath, suddenly aware of the burning in my lungs.

"Again," Saber encourages softly.

I breathe deeply again, and this time it's a little easier.

Did I really forget to breathe? It's kind of embarrassing, but…Saber was kissing me. I don't think anyone would be able to blame me for my momentary lapse in such a situation. Though, I am glad that my cheeks were already flushed.

"Very good, Praetor." Saber's hand, stationary until now, begins lightly caressing my cheek.

…Really glad.

Breathing easier now, I slowly blink my eyes open to a wonderful sight. Saber is inches away from me still, and gazing at me with emerald eyes so full of love and affection that my heart feels like it might burst.

"Apologies, Praetor," Saber murmurs, though her smile is unrepentant. "I am aware that you require more rest, but I simply could not help myself to a brief taste. Fear not, however. I have once again found my self-restraint."

…I'm not actually sure if I'm happy about that, if I'm being completely honest with myself. I think she can stand to be a bit more greedy in this particular instance.

"Do not pout, Praetor. Though that particular expression does naturally make you even more adorable." Saber hums reassuringly. "Though I am by now well-practised with self-restraint, I am no Saint. Even one as incredible as I have my limits and it would be foolish to court them in your current state. There will be time enough to indulge in each other once you have recovered."

I keep pouting for a few moments longer, though when she does nothing more than coo at me I finally relent. I reluctantly admit through a yawn, "I guess I am pretty tired."

I'm utterly exhausted, actually, and I'm pretty sure she knows it too. But I downplay it anyway, just in case. I don't want to worry her unnecessarily.

"Umu. Come then, my Praetor." Saber stands before me and holds out a hand with a smile. "Now that you have awoken on your own, it should be safe for you to finish recuperating in our room. The bed and bath will both be particularly helpful."

Right. So I'm just…not going to mention that I used the Moon Cell to basically force my body into wake mode. Not right now, at least. And between the bed and the bath, I'm not sure which appeals to me more at the moment–especially if I am graced with such lovely company. That being said…

I shift and avert my eyes.

"Praetor…?" Saber tilts her head in confusion. "What is wrong? Do you not wish to rest in our bed? As comfortable as the Scarlet Throne is, laying entwined beneath our silken sheets would be infinitely more so."

She makes a very excellent point, and I suddenly want nothing more than to be resting in her arms.

Still…

"I…" I trail off in an unintelligible mumble.

"Forgive me, Praetor, but I did not catch that." Saber apologises.

My gaze bounces around for a moment before I finally sigh and give up. Peering up almost shyly into patiently waiting green, I clear my throat and mutter in a small voice, "...I don't think I can actually walk there?"

Within moments of my admission, Saber swoops in and, despite her shorter stature, easily scoops me up off of the throne and into a princess carry.

In hindsight, I really should have expected this outcome.

Though I'm not complaining. Far from it.

Being this close to Saber–being able to feel her soft warmth as I am cradled in her arms–it's heavenly. I feel protected. Safe. Precious. We're gently swaying as she moves, and my exhaustion seeps back to the forefront as my defences crumble. I turn my head until my face is pressed into the soft skin of her neck. I breathe in and hum as I am enveloped in her soothing scent of rose and cardamom.

Saber's voice trickles down softly and envelops my struggling consciousness in a blanket of warmth, her words a comforting balm.

"Rest now, my Praetor, and dream the sweetest of dreams. I will be right here to greet you when you awaken once more."

My eyelids flutter, then close.

Safe in Saber's embrace, I stop fighting.

I'm asleep before we even reach the bed.


OoOoO


A/N: I recently replayed Fate/Extella. I love Hakuno/Nero, and the Flame Poem Arc: Epilogue gave me all of the feelings. This was my response.

Also, my GoogleDocs corrected everything to British English and I just didn't argue.

Also Also, trying to format this for FFN almost made me cry, so, apologies if its hard to read.

Disclaimer: I own a copy of the games. That is all.