Title: T'was the Night Before Christmas
Author: Nauta Iupiter
Pairings: a hint of 2x1
Warnings: Extreme Relina bashing (hee, hee ^_~), goofyness, death, um.... and this is my first fic so heh, you are WARNED!!! Disclaimer: No I don't own Gundam nor do I own the "T'was the Night Before Chrismas" poem so don't sue me!!
Author's notes: Ok, this is what happens from having a boring math class, one over active imagination, and a little too much holiday spirit!C&C are welcome, flames will just be used to light my yule log! ^_^ And as I affore mentioned, this is my first Gundam Wing fic, in fact my first fic in 3 years, so please be kind! Also, note, this is from Duo's perspective.


"T'was the Night Before Christmas"

T'was the night before Christmas and all through the base,
not a creature was stirring which was rarely the case.
The mines were all lain in the field with care,
in hopes that Relina would not venture there.
The pilots were nestled, all snug in their beds,
while visions of battle plans danced in their heads.
Heero in his scowl and I in my cap,
had just settled down for a well deserved nap.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
gave the luster of mid-day to objects below.
And, to what to my wondering eye should appear,
but a Barbie pink limo driving over my fake reindeer.
With an ugly blonde driver so stupid and thick,
I knew in a moment it must be THAT chick!
More rapid than eagles my curses did came,
and I grunted and hawlered a ton of bad names.
"Now Slasher! now, Trancer! now Bitcher and Vixen!
On Vomit! on Stupid! on Dumber and Shitzen!
To the top of the mines! To the top of the wall!
Now blow away! blow away! blow away all!"
As bodies that before the deadly Gundam fly,
when she meets with an obsticle and fails to die.
So, up to the house that darn limo drew
with a sinking feeling and nausia too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard at the door,
the prancing and pounding of that retarded bore.
As I drew in my fist and was turning around,
my beautiful koi in his bed made a small sound.
He was dressed in red jammies from his head to his foot,
in the shadows his brown hair looked the color of soot.
A bundle of blankets he had clung to his back,
and he looked like a child with his muscles so slack.
His face how it softened when alseep and so merry,
while when awake, so intense that it was almost quite scary.
His kawaii little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
and the warmth in his cheeks made his whole face glow.
Then in a slump, I stormed out, grinding my teeth,
threw open the door and almost knocked down the wreath;
There stood Relina with her fat little belly,
And that blasted perfume that was just too damn smelly.
She was chubby and plump just like an old elf,
and I laughed when I saw her, in spite of myself.
A wink of her eyes and a cock of her head,
soon gave me to know I had SOMETHING to dread.
I spoke not a word but went straight to my work,
And grabbed the revolver and turned with a jerk.
And laying my finger on the trigger I'd chose,
And traveling quickly the bullet tore threw her cloths.
She fell to the floor like a plane by a missile,
and I smiled to myself and let out a small whistle.
And I merrily exclaimed as I hid her from sight,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"