Disclaimer: I do not own Slayers. I am not making any profit from this, I am just a hopeless fan girl with no life. Minx and Glitch are my creations.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

(Onstage, Filia, Xellos, Minx and Glitch are seated comfortably, conversation-talk-show style. No trace of the imminent destruction apparent from the intro of the show, thanks to an amazingly fast and efficient reconstruction, er, production crew and the modern wonders of make-up and television lighting. Note however the rapidly healing mace dents on Xellos' purple head)

Glitch: (to audience, shy, polite smile) OK We're back in everyone's favorite make-believe talk show, 'Slayers Revealed: Are They Or Aren't They?'! Guest-starring our most talked-about couple, Filia and Xellos!
(cheers and claps from unseen audience)

Xellos: ^_^

Filia: (Trying to inch away as far as possible from where she was *persuaded* to sit beside Xellos while retaining a good-natured, well-bred lady's smile)

Minx: So could you two tell us your personal feelings over the pair-ups with each other?

Filia: (One hand over forehead, head bowed despairingly, background shifting into soft pink lacy, twinkling shades) It's really painful, all those fanfics pairing me up with that namagomi. (dramatic pose, hands clasped together, starry eyed) What have I done to deserve such ridicule? That I, a former priestess of the Fire Dragon King, should be tormented in such a horrible way?

Xellos: (still smiling, but visibly twitching since the 'namagomi' comment) Oh, is that so? And what do you think *I* feel, getting stuck with a violent dragon?

Filia: (ignoring him) That I, a creature of Light --

Minx: -- Ah, thank you very much for those, um, enlightening words, Filia.

Filia: (recovering, pink dreamworld shifts to normal, smiles politely) Why, you're welcome.

Glitch: How about you, Mr. Xellos?

Xellos: (Smile TM) I must say that while I find such things highly amusing, some fics just get too overboard and mushy for my tastes. The lemons, though, I can relate wi-- OWW!!! (rubs head where Filia bonked him not-too-gently) Filia, what did you do that for?

Filia: (struggling to retain a civil smile) Hentai... We're on national television, namagomi...

Xellos: Don't you know it's rude to interrupt a person when he's speaking?

Filia: Hmph. Not when it's you, pervert.

Minx: (sweatdrop) Um, guys...

Xellos: (Smile TM) As I was saying, the mere idea of Filia-chan and me together is very unlikely. Laughable, even. One simply can't shift to romantic overtures with such a violent, selfish dragon waving a mace over your head all the time. Nobody has, for that matter. ^_^

Filia: And what do you mean by that?

Xellos: I mean that somebody's going to be an old maid because of her violent, uncontrollable temper. ^_^

Filia: (arms crossed, nose stuck in the air) I'd rather remain single forever, than be with someone like *you*, namagomi...

Glitch: Ah, thank you for that insight, Mr. Xellos.

Xellos: (infuriating grin at Filia) Nothing to it. ^_^

Minx: Now what's a Xellos-Filia show without that one memorable scene where the two meet each other for the first time?
(audience cheers in anticipation)

Minx: That's right! We're gonna show you a video clip of Slayers Try, when Filia met Xellos! Do the honor, Glitch!

Glitch: Roll, VTR!

Scene opens, mark Episode 4 of Slayers Try...
Xellos: Ano, Filia, is it? So tell me, how is the Fire Dragon King these days?

Filia: AAAAAAHHHHH!!!! Cockroach!!!! Namagomi!!!!! (screaming, puts up barbed wire fence)

Xellos: (twitch) Namagomi?!?!

Filia: Miss Lina!!! (To Xellos) Don't try to follow us or you'll regret it!!!!!! (Filia runs off in a cloud trail of dust, leaving Xellos, still twitching)

Xellos: ..... Namagomi... ?!!

cut back to studio...
Minx: Ah, yes, who could forget that, eh?

Glitch: Personally, it's one of my favorite scenes in Try...

Xellos: (smiling, but eyebrow twitching visibly, sweatdrop appearing on the side of his head) Ah, *that* scene...

Filia: (peacefully sipping a cup of tea she pulled out who knows where throughout the whole ordeal) You deserved that, namagomi...

Minx: Of course, it's common knowledge that Filia is the only one to actually get on Xellos' nerves. That scene is one blatant demonstration.

Glitch: (shrugging) Hey, ANYBODY would be offended if somebody called them raw garbage...

Minx: Yeah, Glitch, but it's XELLOS we're talking about here! The definition of genki-ness (on the outside, anyway)!

Glitch: Oh, OK.

Minx: (looking up at Filia in admiration) Filia, I must say, irritating Xellos is quite an accomplishment! Why do you think it is you, and only you, to actually make Xellos react in such an indignant, human manner?

Glitch: I think it's because of the 'namagomi' comment. It's even become a very popular nickname for Xellos in some sites, aside from the Trickster Priest. There's even a brief shot of a pile of garbage intermingled with a shot of Xellos in the opening sequence of Try...

Filia: (proud smile) I only tell what comes to mind when I look at that filthy Mazoku's face.

Xellos: (twitch) How assertive of you, Filia-chan... ^_^*

Minx: (cheerful) Anyway, as part of our program, we'll be recounting some of the more... significant moments Xellos and Filia have together, as well as analyze, prod and eventually make these two admit they have feelings for each other!
(Xellos and Filia sweatdrop simultaneously, while still retaining polite, smiling demeanor)

Glitch: (sweatdrop) Yeah, basically that sums it up, Minx. And now that we're through recounting Mr. Xellos' rather demeaning encounter, we'll be moving on!

Minx: (grinning) Yes, it's Filia's turn now, ne?

Glitch: (to audience) This next scene is a cut in episode 26 of Try, in which we see Filia actually bestowing her beautiful, angelic, golden smile to none other than Xellos himself!
(quick cut to episode 26, where Filia smiles at Xellos)

(cut back to studio)
Minx: And that after he teased her! (to Filia) What do you have to say about that, eh, Filia?

Xellos: (leer grin) Yeesss, what do you have to say about that, Filia-chan? ^_^

Filia: (nearly undetectable blush) I was only caught up in the moment, namagomi!

Glitch: I think that's the defining scene that in the end of the show, Xellos and Filia finally tolerate each other. They did combine their dark and light powers to defeat Valgarv/Dark Star, right?

Minx: That scene was pretty cool, too. And what did Xellos say, right before they did that? 'Now that's the Filia I know.' You know, in the dub version, it's 'That's the Filia I love.' (excited look at Xellos) Wanna tell us more on that, Xellos?

Xellos: Yare yare, most things I say get so easily misinterpreted. ^_^

Filia: That's because you *want* to be misinterpreted, as how things turn out thanks to your half-truths fit your sick idea of fun.

Xellos: How did you know, Filia-chan? ^_^

Glitch: And speaking of tender moments, how about the time Xellos saved Filia from those falling rocks? We've never heard you explain that, Mr. Xellos.

Xellos: (Smile TM) Sorewa --
(cut off by a recording of Amelia singing 'Life Is Wonderful' from studio speakers)

Xellos: (frowns, turning green) Oh dear, anything but that!

Minx: (smiling to audience) And that recording came from Saillune's Genki Justice Productions, care of Princess Amelia Wil Telsa Saillune. A Tried and Tested effective tool for Mazoku interrogation!

Glitch: (holding up a cd of the song, Amelia on the cover with a microphone, flashing a victory sign) Limited edition, get a copy now! Available for only $99.99, plus shipping and handling!

Minx: (turns off recording, smiling sweetly at Xellos' convulsing form on the floor) Now will you answer our question?

Glitch: (to Filia) The sponsors told us to use this if he doesn't cooperate.

Filia: Great idea.

Xellos: (picking himself up off the floor) So cruel... (settles back on seat, plasters Smile TM back in place) I like that! (to Minx) You wouldn't be interested in joining up with us, are you?

Minx: (flashing sly smile) I *have* thought about that...

Glitch: (sweatdropping) Uh, Minx...

Minx: Oh, yeah... Don't change the subject, Xellos. Why exactly did you save Filia, huh?

Glitch: (scratching his head thoughtfully) But then he *did* drop her later to distract the enemy...

Xellos: (finding his easy way out) Oh yes, indeed! I did drop her, ne? ^_^*

Filia: (arms crossed, nose stuck up in the air) That demonstrates typical Mazoku behavior. Two-faced, temperamental, rude...

Xellos: (starting to twitch) I don't remember you actually thanking me for saving your life, Filia-chan. ^_^***

Filia: (not budging) And then you dropped me. I could have died anyway...

Xellos: (obviously twitching, nerve appearing on head) That was only to distract the enemy! And you wouldn't have died! I made sure-- (pause, sweatdrop)

Minx: (smiling coyly) Nani? You made sure what, Xellos?

Xellos: (continuing to twitch) I meant-- I thought -- I meant -- !

Filia: (raising eyebrow, puzzled) Hm?

Minx: (pats Xellos' back) Yeah, we understand, Xellos. You were sure Filia would be safe when you dropped her to hide the fact that you saved her because you actually --

Xellos: (major sweatdrop) Ah, that's not--

Minx: (continues, ignoring him) -- CARED. How *sweet* of you, Xellos.

Filia: (beginning to blush) Eh? But that's... that's... ridiculous.

Xellos: (smiles with both eyes open, sideways glance at Filia) Yare yare, for once I have to agree with her. (eyes close again) That is just ridiculous! ^_^

Glitch: (thoughtful look again) And then there's that scene where Xellos threatened to kill Filia...

Filia: (fuming) Don't remind me...

Minx: Glitch does have a point there...

Xellos: ^_^

Glitch: Yeah, as I recall, Mr. Xellos threatened to kill Filia if Saichuro-sama wouldn't go along with his plans... But hey, Saichuro didn't cooperate anyway, did he?

Minx: ... No. And Xellos let Filia go afterwards instead of keeping to his threat... (sly smile appears again) Wanna elaborate on that, Xellos?

Xellos: (sweatdropping) It just occurred to me that I had overestimated her importance to Saichuro. But then, dragons are too selfish to care for anyone but themselves, so I should have known my threat wouldn't work. ^_^

Filia: (glare of death) What?!!!!

Glitch: Uh, then why didn't you kill her, Mr. Xellos?

Xellos: Sore --
(cut off as Minx waves the Life Is Wonderful CD in his face)

Xellos: (pout) No fair. I don't just kill without a reason. Anyway why should I expend even a fraction of my powers just to get rid of one insignificant dragon? ^_^

Filia: (getting redder, grabs Mace-sama) Nani?!?! I'm insignificant?!!! I was a priestess of the Fire Dragon King, and helped Miss Lina save the world--

Xellos: With my help. And now that you mention it, you couldn't have done it without me. ^_^

Filia: (prepares to brandish Mace-sama) Namagomi!!!

Minx: (laughs nervously, gives Glitch the Meaningful Look) Now, now, Filia...

Xellos: (infuriatingly cute smile with matching finger wag) Ma, ma, Filia-CHAN, we're on national television, remember? You don't want to set a bad example to all the young and impressionable minds out there-- (phases out as Filia takes a swing for his head)

Filia: Xellos!!!

Xellos: (appearing behind Filia) --Do you? ^_^

Filia: (prepares another swing) Stay away, baka!!!

Glitch: (getting the hint) Oh, time for another commercial break! See you people after these messages from our sponsors!
(break music, screen fade)

-COMMERCIALS 2-
(camera zoom to a mysterious, mist-covered island, wolves howling mournfully in the background)
(screen flashes Attention All Mortals in italicized letters)
Sexy Female Voice Over: Need a break? Let us take you to a place of (eternal) rest and relaxation...
Sexy Female Voice Over2: Take your vacation...
(camera zoom closer to island, revealing outlines of a mountain, surrounded by dark woods)
SF Voice Over2: ... In Wolfpack Island!
SF Voice Over: Revel in the misty air of the abode of the Beast Master herself!
SF Voice Over2: Take a walk and marvel at the natural beauty of the forests...
SF Voice Over: Relax and unwind at the spacious hotel rooms provided at the castle overlooking the deep blue sea...
(camera shifts depicting various areas of the island, with a brief shot of Zelas lounging seductively on her settee, wine glass in hand, taking a drag out of her cigarette)
SF Voice Over: All these and more in Wolfpack Island...
SF Voice Over 2: Wolfpack Island... You can check in any time you like...
SF Voice Over: But you can never leave...
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Author's Rants: Still more coming! What do you think? Aside from my cheesy excuse for a commercial (I suck with those things). If there's ever a scene or situation described here that isn't right, tell me! Chapter 3 at your doorstep if I hear from you people!!!

SHALL THIS POINTLESS FIC CONTINUE???