Disclaimer: I do not own Slayers. I am not making any profit from this, I am just a hopeless fan girl with no life. Minx and Glitch are my creations.
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(Onstage again. Xellos and Filia are standing, irritatedly facing each other, while two hosts Minx and Glitch are trying their best to get on with the damned show.)
Xellos: (pout) I wouldn't even be here if Zelas-sama didn't order me to!
Filia: (pout) And I won't be here if Amelia didn't drag me all the way from my pottery and teashop!
Xellos and Filia: Hmph! (Both turn their backs to each other and shrug at the same time)
Minx: (pacifying grin) Oh, come on now, you two, we haven't even gotten to the *really* good part yet!
Glitch: Yeah, we're about to show everyone some stuff found by our intelligence/research division!
Filia: (eyebrow raise) 'Intelligence/research division'?
Glitch: (sheepishly) Yeah, I know it's a cheesy name, but it's a euphimism we use for people who go poking around other people's personal background and stuff trying to find some really interesting stuff, mainly dirty little secrets--
Minx: (dangerous look, nastily sweet voice) Yes, Glitch, thank you very much...
Glitch: (sweatdrop) I wasn't supposed to say that to them, was I?
Minx: (shrugging, turning to audience) The following items we are about to showcase come mainly from this author's twisted wishful thinking and imagination! It mainly plays on some parts in the actual Try episodes themselves, but nothing more! These are what we would call 'elaborations'.
Glitch: That's a confusing introduction.
Minx: Who asked you? (calling to some unseen presence backstage) Alright guys, you can come out now and bring us the good stuff!
(Red-haired, flat-chested sorceress appears, followed by a blond swordsman, carrying a sack of some as yet unidentifiable items)
Glitch: (scratching chin thoughtfully) Hey Minx, they kinda look familiar...
Minx: (bonking him yet again) Of course, you dope! (to audience) Ladies and gentlemen, may we present to you, the official chairperson of our intelligence/research division, the beautiful genius sorceress herself, Ms. Lina Inverse!
Lina: You sure took your sweet time introducing me, Minx. But since the omnipotent author of this horrible fic has put me under her total control (i.e. OOC), I wouldn't Dragon Slave you or the stage this time. (turns to audience, grins, flashes victory sign)
(CLAP OR DIE sign appears on a corner. Studio erupts in cheers, whoops, claps and catcalls)
Minx: (sweatdrop) ^_^
Glitch: (lightbulb sign over his head) Oh! So the blond guy carrying the sack must be--
Minx: (to audience) Gourry Gabriev, the hunky beefcake with jellyfish for brains!
Gourry: (waving happily) Hello, everybody.
(loud clapping and cheers from female fans)
Glitch: That wasn't a nice thing to say, Minx.
Minx: (sweatdrop) Hehe. I sorta got carried away.
Filia: Lina? Gourry? What are you two doing here?
Xellos: ? ^_^
Lina: (scratching the back of her head in embarrassed manner) Heh, this is our part-time job, you know.
Gourry: Actually, Amelia made us do it. She made a very moving speech about true love and bringing two destined lovers together-- OW!!! Lina, why'd you do that?!
Lina: (sweatdrop) Jellyfish brains.
Xellos: (sweatdrop smile) Lina, as much as I appreciate how you and your gang try so hard to pair me up with a selfish Ryuzoku--
Filia: (glare) Who are you calling selfish?! (to Lina, pleading look) Miss Lina, how could you do this? Isn't it enough that there are hordes of hopeless romantics out there willing to write me up with that namagomi?
Lina: (sweatdrop) Yeah, well...
Minx: (grinning at Xellos and Filia, who sweatdrop) Actually, I just ordered them to, um, look around a bit. (to Lina) So, what did you two come up with?
Lina: (brightening up) Oh, that! (to Gourry, about the sack) Put that down, Gourry!
(Gourry obliges, Lina rummages through the sack, comes up with a collection of rather frayed sheets of notebook paper)
(Note Xellos, who pales considerably upon seeing the sheets of paper, while retaining a decent trickster smile)
Lina: (handing it triumphantly to Minx) Here you go!
Minx: Thanks, Lina!
Lina: (grin) My pleasure. (grins wider as she remembers the all-you-can-eat banquet waiting for them as payment for the job) Well, Gourry and I gotta go! Ja ne! (waves goodbye, grabs Gourry, exits stage and heads for the restaurant)
(CLAP OR DIE sign reappears. Studio resounds with audience's cheers)
Minx: Well, that's all for the brief cameo appearance of the wonderful Miss Lina Inverse! Now to continue... (holds up the sheets of notebook paper, evil grin at Xellos) Exhibit A... Look familiar to you, Xellos-san?
Xellos: (strained smile) Eh.... ? ^_^*
Filia: (questioning look at Xellos, then at Minx) Huh? What's that?
Minx: This is... (pauses dramatically as sweatdrop invariably appears on Xellos' head) Xellos' Morning Glory Report!
(camera zoom on the sheets of notebook paper, video of it appears in background)
(cheers from audience)
Glitch: Yeah, as I recall, in Episode 11 of Try, a.k.a the infamous marriage ball episode, Xellos and Filia are paired up as each other's perfect match!
Minx: Yeah, and as expected, they really get upset over that. They even reply the exact same thing! Anyway, Xellos is quoted to have said that if he were to be paired up with Filia for life, he'd rather study morning glories, as well as write a report on them!
(Note Xellos, who's trying hard to keep his smiling facade and not squirm in his seat)
Minx: (continuing, grinning evilly at Xel) Well, guess what's written here!
Glitch: (on cue) According to A Very Reliable Source Who Wishes His Or Her Identity To Remain Hidden For Quite Obvious Reasons, (pauses to catch breath) Mr. Xellos had none too long ago drafted a report by orders of Lord Beast Master Zelas herself. The said essay, which originally consisted of the title and one short sentence, summary of which was 'Sorewa himitsu desu', was rewritten quite a few times to a more lengthy and informative form. The report describes the plant aforementioned, the morning glory, and consisted of four handwritten pages. The first page tackles the different varieties of the morning glory plant, giving note to its scientific name, location of growth, as well as a cite on several indigenous species--
(cut off by sounds of snoring from audience)
Minx: (sweatdrop) Uh, Glitch, do you think you really need to read the full report?
Glitch: (noticing dazed looks on the audience's and guests' faces) Oh. Gomen.
Minx: Just your style, making something quite intriguing into a boring mini-biology class. (prepping up) OK, PEOPLE! SNAP OUT OF IT!!!
Studio Speakers: OHOHOHOHOHO!!!!!!!!
(recording of Nahga's laugh resounds through the hall, waking the sleeping daylights out of everybody)
(lively enough cheer from audience)
Minx: (grin back in place) Good. (whips out another CD of Nahga laughing unabashedly on the cover) And that recording was brought to you again by Sailune's Genki Justice Productions! Guaranteed to get all sleepy heads up and out of the bed in the early morning! Also a very good way to scare off pesky salesmen and other unwanted visitors! All for only $99.99, plus shipping and handling!
Glitch: (weak smile) Well, at least we found a way to play and promote Nahga's single, Minx.
Minx: (hand on forehead) I was hoping not to. (to Xellos) Now, Xel-kun, fess up. How and why did Lord Beastmaster make you write this report (waves sheaf of papers again) ?
Xellos: (who previously looked hopeful Glitch's little speech would use up air time) Ah, Minx... (grin) Sorewa hi--
(cut off by Minx loudly singing her own version of Life Is Wonderful)
Glitch: (looking worriedly at Xellos' pale face) Ne, I didn't know you could sing, Minx.
Filia: (sweatdrop)
Minx: (wider grin) Neither did I. (sweetly) Xellos-san, you were about to reply--?
Xellos: (super sweatdrop) Ne, let's just say Lord Beast Master has the most... unique sense of humor. ^_^***
Minx: Eh? Couldn't it be because ahem Zelas-sama once caught you ogling Filia while she was--
(cut off by Xellos gloved hand over her mouth)
Filia: (perplexed) ....... Ogling... (enraged) WHAT?!
Xellos: (Smile TM, hand muffling Minx's protests) Ah, Minx, that was quite a story! Perhaps we should move on now, ne? ^_^*
Filia: (death glare) What?!? What?!!! Not until you explain that, namagomi!!!
Xellos: (sweatdrop) Some other time, Filia-chan. (releasing death grip on the young host) See, Minx is about to come up with the next exhibit... (open-eyed I Am A Mazoku You Won't Want To Mess With smile) Right, Minx? ^_^
Minx: (nervous sweat drop, catching breath) R-right. On to the next item!
Glitch: (rummages through sack left by Lina and Gourry, comes up with a familiar golden ball) Here it is, Minx!
(camera zoom, video screen of the round duh ball)
(note Filia, who gradually blushes as camera closes up on the object)
Minx: Yes, the infamous Marriage Ball of episode 11!
Filia: (deeper blush) T-that's...
Xellos: (brief glance at Filia who steadily goes redder, grin) Ne, Filia-chan, that wouldn't be... ? ^_^
Minx:(smile) Who would have known charming Filia was a sentimental person?
Glitch: Uh, but I think it's highly predictable of her character, Minx.
Minx: Whatever. (to audience) Whatever happened to those cute marriage balls from the marriage gods, you say? Well, our dear Filia apparently had kept hers hidden in the vanity drawer of her room! Wanna elaborate on that, Filia?
Filia: (deeper blush) .... I just... It was...
Xellos: (leer grin again) Yess, dear Filia? ^_^
Filia: (glare) Just a souvenir, namagomi! And don't smile like that!!!
Minx: Just a souvenir, eh? Couldn't it be you kept it because you have some, shall we say, deep-seated feelings for Xellos, and since the marriage gods themselves decreed that you should be together--
Filia: (blushing furiously) No way! Anyway, I just thought it would be worth keeping, as a memento of the time I spent with Miss Lina and the gang...
Minx: And Xellos.
Xellos: (obviously enjoying Filia's embarrassment) Why, I didn't know you cared, Filia-chan. ^_^
Filia: (sly, pointed smile) And I didn't know you had a particular interest in morning glories.
Xellos: (twitch) It was orders! I never would have bothered to study the stupid things!
Glitch: Well, if you didn't peep on Ms. Filia while she was--
(cut off by Minx's placating hand over his mouth)
Minx: Nah, Glitch, later on, off the air, OK?
Glitch: (behaved nod)
Xellos: (Smile TM back) Good. ^_^
Minx: Oh, well. (dusting hands off and handing each of the featured items to their respective owners) It is indeed fun to know you each have a treasured possession commemorating each other... (romantic sigh)
Filia: (glare, blush) This is NOT romantic and my keeping it has nothing to do with that Mazoku!
Minx: Whatever you say, Filia-san.
Glitch: (recovering) Uh, Ms. Filia, can I ask you a question?
Filia: (smiling) Of course.
Glitch: Why do you hate Xellos so much?
Filia: (strained smile) You mean, aside from the fact that namagomi massacred nearly my entire race a thousand years ago?
Xellos: (twitch, sweatdrop) ^_^*
Minx: (sweatdrop) Talk about all the insensitive things to--
Glitch: (thinking very hard, nodding) Uh, yeah, aside from that.
Filia: You mean aside from the fact he is a total fruitcake?
Glitch: (nodding) Um, yes...
Filia: And that his favorite past time is annoying the hell out of everybody, especially me?
Glitch: (sweatdrop) Uh-huh...
Filia: As well as the fact that our two races have been mortal enemies since the beginning of time?
Glitch: (major sweatdrop) .... I guess so.
Filia: And that he is a two-faced, double-crossing, immature, irritating je--
Minx: (sweatdrop) I guess we see your point, Filia.
Xellos: Ah, how well you describe me, Filia-chan. ^_^*
Filia: (whipping out tea set to stay calm) Whatever, namagomi.
Glitch: Ne, but Mr. Xellos isn't all that bad a guy, is he?
Minx: (looks at Glitch with something like 'Are you serious?')
Filia: (setting down teacup, loking at Glitch sweetly) Oh, really?
Xellos: ^_^
Glitch: I meant to say that even if he does act like a fruitcake almost all the time, he did save you from those falling rocks, and the two of you were even able to save the world together. Plus you got to help each other when it really mattered. I mean, you're like complete opposites of each other, but there's no denying the chemistry between the two of you.
Filia: (looking down, blushing) Well, I guess...
Xellos: (open-eyed glance at Filia) Um...
Minx: (grin) They did say opposites attract.
Glitch: (thoughtful look again) Come to think of it, though, you and Mr. Xellos aren't as different as you may seem to be.
Minx: (nodding) Yeah, I noticed that. First of all is your thing for tea.
Filia: (grudgingly) I have to admit, it's probably the only thing I have in common with that namagomi.
Xellos: (Smile TM) I do enjoy a good cup of tea. But I do find Filia's anger so much more delicious. ^_^
Filia: (death glare) You would.
Minx: But that's not the only thing. The two of you seem to think and act the same way most of the time. In fact, there are quite a few episodes where you say the exact same things, at the same time. One would almost think you were, I dunno, *soul mates* or something. (grin)
Xellos and Filia: (twitch, sweatdrop at the same time, pointing at each other) I do not in any way act like her/him!
(sweatdrop again, glaring at each other)
Xellos and Filia: Stop imitating me! ............ (sweatdrop)
Minx and Glitch: (sweatdrop) Your point is?
Xellos: (pout) Fine. It's Filia who keeps doing that, anyway.
Filia: (twitch, glare) Nani?! It's you who always has to embarrass me in front of all these people!!!
Minx: (placating smile, getting between the two) See? The two of you aren't that different from each other!
Filia: (defeated sigh) I suppose so.
Glitch: Well, given if Mr. Xellos actually liked you, Ms. Filia, would there be a chance the two of you could be together?
Filia: (blush) What? That would never happen.
Glitch: I mean, if you could work out a relationship--
Filia: (shaking her head) No, it would never work. Xellos is a Mazoku, I am a Ryuzoku.
Glitch: So if Mr. Xellos wasn't a Mazoku, would that mean he'll have a chance, Ms. Filia?
Filia: (blushes) W-well, that's beside the point...
Xellos: (eyebrow quirk) You were saying, Filia-chan? ^_^
Filia: (glares at Xel a moment before shyly turning to the hosts) I mean, Xellos is, and always will be, a Mazoku. It's what he is. It's an important part of what makes Xellos, Xellos. Just the same as I am true to my Ryuzoku heritage. Both of us can't just throw that out the window. It's who we are. If ever either of us is to fall for someone, that person should be accepting of what we are, whatever differences there may be.
Glitch: (momentarily transfixed by Filia's speech, looks up in admiration) ....... That was.... very beautiful, Ms. Filia.
Minx: (nodding, amazed) Very deep, very insightful.
Xellos: (scratching the back of his head in an embarrassed manner) Yare yare, I never thought you could come up with something so profound... I'd say that was quite impressive... For a Ryuzoku... ^_^
Filia: (too busy blushing to reply to Xellos' half-hearted insult) ..... Um, well...
Glitch: (looking from Filia to Xellos) Um, I got another question... It's for Mr. Xellos this time.
Xellos: For me, eh? What do you want to know? ^_^
Glitch: Oh, but Mr. Xellos, why do you like teasing Ms. Filia so much?
Xellos: (smile, finger waggle) Now that's a se--
(cut off yet again by the recurring strains of Life Is Wonderful from the speakers)
Xellos: (hurt puppy look at Minx) Not even in English?
Minx: (evil grin) Orders.
Xellos: Fine. (to Glitch) Ne, but Filia-chan is so amusing when she's mad! Not to mention how cute it is when her tail pops out like that! And how her skirt lifts up to reveal her shapely leg when she goes for her mace! ^_^ (pauses to sigh) The fire in her eyes! The waves of anger radiating from her slender, well-proportioned body! How extremely arous-- err, *interesting* she gets when she chases me--
Filia: (fuming, steadily getting redder since the comment about her tail) Hentai!!! Namagomi!!!
Minx: (desperately pacifying Filia) Uh, Filia dear...
Glitch: You know it's a widely accepted belief in school that a boy teases the girl he likes.
Xellos: (sweatdropping) Um, Glitch-kun, don't you think it's time for another commercial break right now? ^_^*
(Filia has gotten up, murder figuratively written in her eyes, mace raised threateningly at Xellos' sweatdropping form)
Glitch: (sweatdrop, eyeing Filia cautiously) ... Y-yes, looks like it is.
Minx: (desperate, grind-teeth grin) We'll be back after these messages! See ya in two minutes!
(break music, screen fade)
-COMMERCIALS 3-
(screen shifts to a local inn, a white-hooded, stone-skinned figure sat behind one table, rather uncomfotably staring down at a cup of coffee)
Voice Over: Zelgadis loves to drink coffee.
Zelgadis: (staring stiffly at the screen) Yeah, I do.
Voice Over 2: But not just any coffee would do.
Voice Over: (cheery) Introducing... Chimera Brew coffee!
(really cheery, catchy but tuneless music plays on)
Zelgadis: (sighing) Why am I doing this again?
Someone's Perky Voice: Ne, but Zelgadis-san, you should be happy they awarded you your very own coffee brand! The least you could do is endorse it.
Zelgadis: Right...
(camera zoom to Zel taking a sip off a steaming cup of Chimera Brew coffee)
Voice Over 2: Chimera Brew contains only the finest blend of coffee beans, roasted to perfection for that unique aroma and smooth, rich taste...
SPV: Zel-san?
Zelgadis: What?
SPV: The script, remember?
Zelgadis: Oh, that. (staring/glaring at the screen) All you people out there... (without emotion) Drink this coffee. I love it.
SPV: Um, can't you put a little more heart to it?
Zelgadis: (almost pleading look at unseen someone) But Amelia, I drank this eleven times already. And it has a lot more sugar than I would normally like--
SPV/Amelia: Alright, alright... Just perk up a bit, ne?
(Zelgadis curtly nods, does a really... unique version of a smile)
Voice Over: Chimera Brew... The coffee to warm the coldest of hearts.
Zelgadis: (taking another odd sip) Whatever.
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Author's Rants: So? How many times did the characters sweatdrop in this chapter? Tell me and I'll send you a prize! (Just kidding) Don't worry, this torture is about to end. Just one more chapter to go! Thanks for bearing with me!!!
AND THUS WE MOVE ON TO THE FINALE... --_--*
