Dear Uncle Mick

Dear Uncle Mick

I am so ashamed at my recent behaviour. What I have been thinking has been immoral, wrong and unacceptable. To think that I was so close to behaving in such a wanton and unseemly way!

But let me explain. Uncle Mick, over the last few weeks I have been fighting these, these… urges I have been getting about my leader and good friend. I know that I should suppress them as they are wrong, but Uncle Mick they keep getting stronger. I don't know how to cope with them – may God forgive me for saying this, but I find myself actually wanting to dress provocatively in the hope that he will notice me and find me attractive. I want to wear a low-cut, brightly coloured top and short skirt with my thong showing.

I can't believe that I just admitted that!! Uncle Mick, if you knew me then you would know that this goes against everything my friends and I stand for. This is exactly the kind of immoral, unacceptable behaviour that we are trying to drive out, my close friend especially. How can I even think of dressing like that when I know how much he despises it? But how else can I get his attention?

Uncle Mick, please help me,

Wannabe-Mrs-White-Socks

Dear Wannabe-Mrs-White-Socks,

Fear not, Uncle Mick is here once again to save the day!!

Now, about your 'friend'. I sense that you two are quite close and that you would be willing to do anything for him. Willing enough to strip for him on national TV? No, only joking! Not only would he disapprove but I also have a feeling that you would be giving the sisterhood of puppies a bad name!

Seriously though, why don't you just tell him because who knows, maybe he feels the same way about you! After all, behind every great (and not so great) man there is a powerful woman and you are… a woman.

And while we're not on the subject, why do you think that woman should be denied their right to dress how they want? I know that everyone, right here reading this problem-page (SX: crowd cheering) love to see scantily-clad women (bring back the hos!) – why can't you and your friends just accept this?? Maybe if you could bring your comrades round to the popular way of thinking (i.e. less is more) then you could also dress like the divas of the world and actually be able to get your man.

Have A Nice Day!

Uncle Mick J

Author's Notes: Sorry for all the cheap pops but I can't help it!!!! "Foley, Foley, Foley……" – We've missed you Mick!!!!!