Dear Uncle Mick,

Dear Uncle Mick,

Sometimes in life, things can appear to be something completely different to what they actually are. Take for example that goon Mick Foley – on the surface he appears to be a nice, friendly, not-all-there, FAIR man but when you get to know him, boy what a change!! Now I'm sorry to have to inform you people, but your former "Commish" is nothing more then a lazy, fat wacko who should be institutionalised. Oh it's true good citizens of America and the world, it's true.

But I didn't write in to talk about that jackass, nahh he doesn't even deserve an inch of your column space. The real reason I wrote in is to correct the apparently commonly believed rumour that Kurt Angle, our Olympic hero, tapped out a couple of Monday nights ago to Chris Benoit and his idiotic cross-face thingy. This is a terrible slander and completely not true. Now I realise that none of you have the perfect 20-20 vision that your Olympic hero and I share, but come on people!! Are you really that blind that you couldn't see that he was reaching for the ropes and NOT tapping out??

Also, there are those who believe that the cross-face is a better submission hold then the ankle lock. Well all I've gotta say to those people is how would they like to be put in the ankle lock? And another thing, what kind of name is the cross-face anyway?? I mean hello, the name's meant to tell you what it actually is, not the attitude of the person who applies it. It sounds just like the kind of thing that those net-nerds who read this column would probably make up. Is Kurt Angle afraid of the Cross-face? Please.

I.I.I.

Dear I.I.I.,

You really are stupid aren't you??? The only reason I'm printing this is to show the world what a doofus you really are. Also, you were the only one who wrote in this week, but that's beside the point.

I.I.I., I think you need to get your vision checked out cause I just re-watched the tape and it definitely looked to me like Kurt tapped out. Now call me a wacko, but doesn't hitting the mat a number of times on the same spot while screaming out "Let me go!! Let me go!! I want my mummy!!!" count as a tap-out??? But I have to agree with you about Kurt not being scared of the Cross-face – I mean that 'I'm-gonna-pee-my-pants-cause-I'm-that-scared' look means nothing!

Oh, and one more thing I.I.I. – can you pass on to Kurt how much of a hero he is to so many Americans; I've heard that he has helped tons of men accept themselves for who they are. His 3 I's are an inspiration to us all – it's great to see a high-profile man admit that he is Impotent (apparently Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley can testify to that one), Infuriating (ask any of the fans of the WWF and they'll tell you that) and Idiotic (hell, the whole world will confirm that!) Oh that's true Kurt, it's damn true.

Have a Nice Day!

Uncle Mick J