Dear Uncle Mick,

Dear Uncle Mick,

Due to recent events, my father and I are not currently talking (i.e. him having my mother drugged and admitted into a mental institute so that he could get it on with a slut young enough to be his daughter; him insulting Mom at every opportunity and constantly shoving his new relationship down her throat; me buying a rival company from right under his nose; me beating him up).

Now Uncle Mick, I haven't written to you to ask for your advice in how I can reconcile with him – far from it in fact. I want to know if you can think up any more ways I can possibly piss him off.

Will you help me Uncle Mick?

Simba

Dear Simba,

Wow, this is a tough one. Not because it goes against any kind of code I have but what you've done so far, well that's a pretty tough list to beat!!

But how about stealing some of his best employees? This would make any man mad and (although this goes directly against the Agony Aunts Code of Conduct) I think I can safely reveal that I do actually know your father and this would as you so termed it, 'piss him off'. Hell, it might even make that blood vessel in his neck that's been threatening to burst for years pop this time and that would be an achievement!! Hell, even I haven't managed to do that, and I spent almost 10 years trying!!!

Now while that's a great idea (have you had any thought as to who your new Commissioner would be?) here's a better one; why don't you just team up with someone he hates?? I know the perfect guy, his name is Sto – no wait, they're "friends" now. Or how about Trip – no, he's getting on with him too at the moment. Ummm… oh heck, stuff the whole teaming-up thing and just kick him hard in the grapefruits!!

Have a Nice Day!!

Uncle Mick J