Chapter 4: The Last Leaves

A/N Yep, last chapter of this trash-of-a-fic... sequel coming soon! HP
on Broadway in the making! Rita fic on hold for a while! Check back later
for more updates!

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It was the end of the year feast. Harry had stayed away from the
magical plant ever since his last unpleasant encounter, and was content
to party cleanly at the celebration. Gryffindor, of course, had won the
house cup, and even though everyone (except the Slytherins) was happy,
Fred and George Weasley were bored.

"What's wrong, you two?" Harry asked.

"Yeah, dig in!" Ron advised, stuffing his face.

"We've run out of dung bombs," George informed them.

"Not to mention farting pills, wart growers, fireworks--" Fred
continued to name every single, um, "toy" they'd ever used in their
favorite hobby, pranks, in their whole lives. It took a while.

"Hey, guys, I have an idea!" Harry whispered. He pulled the
half-plucked leaf out of his pocket.

"Whoa, Harry, we don't do drugs!" said George, a bit
alarmed. (As if he's never been stoned before???)

"It's not for you guys! Unless you want it-" Harry started. The
twins shook their heads. "Okay, fine, that's what I thought. So what
you can do is Hi there professor."

Harry stuffed the leaf inside his robes as Professor McGonagall
passed their table. When the coast was clear, he pulled it back out.

"Okay, listen," Harry whispered, handing the leaf to Fred. "Ground
this up into a powder, okay?"

"Why?" George asked, staring at the dangerous magical plant with
caution, as if looking at it would make him high.

"Because, it's easier to... take in that way, without anyone
seeing... like, you could even DRINK it, if you wanted to..." he hinted.
The twins looked at each other, muttering indistinct phrases such as
"Okay..." and "Riiiight..." and "Mental..." ... then they got it.

"OOOOOOOOH!!" they gasped, a little too loud. "Be right back!"
they hissed, and ran out the door. Dumbledore looked after them with
mild curiosity, not even bothering to stop them.

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Fred and George reentered the Great Hall about fifteen minutes
later. They had a whole bottle full of powder.

*Wow, they work fast,* thought Harry. *They must have gotten
more from Greenhouse 5...*

The twins snuck up to the Slytherin table and positioned themselves
behind Malfoy. Fred winked at Harry, who was cracking up under the
table, much to the worry of his already confused friends.

"What do you want?" drawled Malfoy to George.

"Are you gonna eat those peppermint humbugs?" George asked, a
little too casually. Malfoy started making rude comments to him, giving
Fred the perfect opportunity to dump the powder in Malfoy's goblet of
pumpkin juice unnoticed. He then nodded at George and they left back for
the Gryffindor table to watch the fun from a distance.

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About two minutes later, our dearest Draco took a sip of his drink.
He swallowed slowly, a disgusted look on his face. He studied his goblet for
a minute or so, critical look on his face. The three pranksters looked like
they were going to explode from trying not to laugh.

"I won't even bother asking," Hermione huffed, although she did
look quite amused.

Malfoy took another tentative sip of juice. This time, his eyes lit up
and he drained his goblet in one ravenous gulp. He looked so funny, Fred
almost spat out his own pumpkin juice. This wasn't even the best part.

"Hold on, ladies and gents," Fred muttered, checking his watch,
"Just waiting a few moments for the drugs to take affect..."Everyone sniggered.
Only the really stupid ones had no idea what was going on now. Then, all of a
sudden.....

"YAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!! I FEEL SO PRETTY!!!!" Draco screeched in a
Pansy Parkinson style voice, leaping on the table and starting to do a
ballet dance. He was quite the graceful dancer, actually, even though he
managed to knock over every dish on the table.

"Right... he *feels* pretty..." muttered George as everyone goggled at
Malfoy as if he had three heads. As if to say "WHAT were you smoking?"... even
though TECHNICALLY he didn't smoke it, he drank it.

"Who wants to join me in the magical land of yellow submarines?"
Malfoy invited dreamily. (I DO I DO!! shouted the author... oh, wait, I wasn't
supposed to type that...) He then started to sing "Yellow Submarine". He
sounded like a cross between Barry Manilow and Celine Dion.

"Are you sure it was just pot?" Harry asked, a little shocked. Then
he remembered what he'd done under the influence...

"I thought it was," Fred said innocently. Both of the twins started
cracking up. Harry waited until they stopped to ask again.

"We.... added.... a few.... ingriedients...." wheezed George. "Such...
as... LSD... and.... other... special.... magical.... chemicals...."

Hermione looked shocked. "YOU DRUGGED UP DRACO MALFOY?"
she thundered, looking like a crazed angry rhinocerous. Then she started
laughing insanely at something behind the Weasley twins.

"Yo dudes, what's shakin'? I'm feeling some bad vibes, man,"
Snape said. He was wearing tie-dye robes and his oily hair hung over his
face.

"Yes we did, Hermione," George whispered, "But we didn't stop at
just ONE little Slytherin first year... we had lots of powder left, why waste it?"
Everyone who heard this statement either eyed their goblets suspiciously or
spat their pumpkin juice out in horror.

"Whoa, dudes!" Snape jumped in alarm as everyone sprayed him with
their spat-out pumpkin juice, "Love and peace, man, love and peace." With this
Snape strode out of the Great Hall to get the pumpkin juice off his robes.

After this, things became utterly chaotic. Dumbledore seemed to think
he was Leonardo DeCraprio (not a typo) and kept quoting "Romeo and Juliet".
Professor McGonagall was in her cat form, rubbing up against peoples' legs.
Professor Sprout was doing the Lollipop Kid's dance. Cho Chang was practicing
kung-fu (I didn't spell that right, did I? Oops...) on Cedric Diggory, who thought
his wand was a broomstick and kept trying to fly. Dean had somehow joined
the KKK and was wearing white robes and a hood. Percy was poking himself
on the head and giggling stupidly. Hagrid was treating Professor Flitwick like
a hackysack, kicking him around as Flitwick said "Wheee....".... Crabbe and Goyle
had figured out (!!) how to conjure up flowers with their wands and had
surrounded themselves with them. Filch was dancing around the maypole
with Peeves. Hermione was spinning around, her Transfiguration book on
her head, ripping out all of the pages in her Potions book. Harry was signing
people's faces and drawing lightning bolt scars on everyone. Everyone in the Great
Hall was acting in much the same way, except one woman....

Professor Trelawney had a puzzled look on her face. These people were
acting strange. Very strange. You see, our favorite Divination professor was in no
way affected by the drugs because she was constantly breathing the fumes in her
classroom. So it's no suprise that she was in her right mind, well, as right as her
mind gets, trying to figure out how to un-crazify her collegues. Except Minerva.
Minerva was better as a cat, in Trelawney's opinion.

"Alright," she muttered, "It's time for Trelawney to TAKE ACTION!" She
stood up, banged on the table, cleared her throat several times, and realized
no one was paying attention. Finally she set off a bunch of fireworks from her
wand, causing an "Ooooooh, pretty colors..." to come from everyone, followed
by entranced silence. Trelawney spoke.

"People of Hogwarts!" she called, "I am your god--dess! I can easily
destroy all of you!" With this, she squashed a passing ant. Everyone gasped.

"No, love is the way!" cried Seamus.

"Love and peace!" Snape added, coming back into the Great Hall.

"Right! Love and peace is what you'll get if you listen to me!"
Trelawney continued. "If you do my bidding, in a thousand years a
spaceship will come down and take you to the planet Fanfiction.net,
a happy world where everything is peace and love! Understand?"

Everyone nodded. "Peace and love and fanfiction.net!" they agreed.

"Now," ordered Trelawney, smile creeping onto her face. This was too
easy. "You will all sit down and shut up until the drugs wear off. Then I shall put a
memory charm on all of you and you will surely live in love and peace forever." she
finished, sitting down again. Everyone obeyed.

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"It's been a great year, hasn't it, Harry?" Hermione asked. They were
on the Hogwarts Express, on their way back home, and not to mention drug-free.

"Yep. I can't wait til next year, even though this year we all almost got killed,
in my case three times!" (A/N Quidditch, forest, ending... you might say Norbert & Fluffy
almost killed them too, if you want...) Harry agreed contentedly.

"Same here," Ron said. The trio of friends played wizarding games until they reached
King's Cross Station.

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"So it's you, boy," Vernon Dursley growled at Harry as way of greeting.

"Uh huh," Harry replied dully. Mr. Dursley sniffed.

"You smell funny," he barked. "I warn you, no FUNNY STUFF this summer,
all right? I WILL NOT have THAT in my house."

Harry sighed. He had no idea what his uncle was talking about in the
first sentence, but he understood the last part perfectly. It was gonna be a long
summer...

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A/N *strikes pose* Well, it's over! Rejoice and be glad! Review and I'll be glad!
I know I sort of exaggerated the effects of pot... but remember, this is MAGICAL
weed............ and stuff.

Byezles! Homework calls

Further A/N to Flamers, of which I expect very many: I, personally, hate this fic. It's dumb, cheap, pointless "humor" that I simply scribbled down due to severe writer's block. I'm only keeping it up because I would be massacred if I took it down... and I am very proud of being the first to post a Harry Pothead fic. ^-^ Anymoo, like I said, the effects of pot are overly exaggerated... let's just steal JKR's lame excuse for all of HER mistakes and say that it's *MAGICAL* pot! So, with no further ado, leave yer bleedin' review, and if I get more than 10 people demanding that I take this fic off I gladly will. ^-^