Dear Uncle Mick,

Author's Notes: Thanks to Annie for the idea behind this!!

Dear Uncle Mick,

My boyfriend and I (like any normal newly got-together couple) enjoy making out and do it as much as we can. The only problem is that his brother is constantly around and, well, it's kinda annoying having a spectator around all the time.

Now don't get me wrong, Skittles is my best friend, but I want to date his brother and NOT him. We've tried everything to keep him away from us so we can have some private time but nothing seems to be working. We've set him up on countless blind-dates, locked him out of our hotel room; hell we've even tried to get him so mad he couldn't stand to be around us (we, umm, dyed his hair brown) but nothing seems to be working.

Uncle Mick, what can we do??

The Thong Queen

Dear Thong Queen,

Have you ever thought of just telling him nicely to stay away from you? I'm sure this Skittles wouldn't mind if he knew the strain he's causing on yours and his brother's relationship.

However, if this doesn't work, then I'm afraid there's only one course of action left to you – kill him. Perhaps you could use one of your thongs to strangle him or something.

Anyway, make sure all of you have a Nice Day!!!

Uncle Mick J