Author: Barbara Graf
Summary: Harry wonders about what could have been
Rating: PG-13 for slash undertones and mild cursing
Disclaimer: Not mine, never have been. They belong to J.K. Rowling. I just want Harry and Draco to play together for a while.
A/N: Thank you all for my nice reviews for Remember Me. Since I'm being begged to do a sequel, this is the sequel to Remember Me. If I get good reviews on this one, I might make it into a series. The song, "Where are you Now," is by Britney Spears and is on the Oops....I Did It Again CD.
Dedication: To the love of my life, may I never have to ask myself where are you and may I never lose sight on how much I love you.
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Calling out your name
Your face is everywhere
I'm reaching out to you
To find that you're not there
How many times in the last 5 years have I woken up at night, reaching for you, yet finding you not there? How many times have I had the urge to Apparate to wherever you are, but known that it's useless, because I don't know where you are. I'm reaching for you now, Draco. I need you. I may not have known it at the time, but I need you. You are my heart, my mind, my soul, my everything. I wish that I could tell you these things now, but I can't. I'm reaching Draco, but I can't find you.
I wake up every night
To see the state I'm in
It's like an endless fight
I never seem to win
I wake up every night, the same as I went to bed, alone. If anyone could see me now, they would never recognize me; I am not the same person I was when I was with you. It's an endless fight to keep my sanity. It's an endless fight to keep my mind active and working, to keep my mind from turning to thoughts of you, of our time together.
Remember when I first told you that I loved you? You might not, but I do. It was sometime in our third year, we were out on the Quidditch field and we were sitting there, not saying anything. I suddenly just looked at you and blurted, "Draco, I'm in love with you." You couldn't say anything, couldn't do anything but lean over and take me into your arms, kissing me. I've never been kissed like that. You put your feelings into that kiss.
I sigh, trying to block out the memories that have bombarded me. I will never win this fight without knowing where you are.
I can't go on as long as I believe
Can't let go when I keep wondering
I keep believing that I can find you. I keep believing that you are out there. I am not stupid enough to think that you are still alone after all this time. I can't let you go, Draco. God knows I've tried. The long war with Voldemort, all the killing I had to do, I just want it to end. I want to be back in your arms, in your heart, where I belong. Why do I still believe that you're out there? For all I know, you could've died in the war. For all I know, you could be married, have children, have some other life unknown to me. I can't go on as long as I believe you're alive and I can see you one more time. I can't let go when I keep wondering where you are.
Where are you now, what have you found
Where is your heart, when I'm not around
Where are you now, you gotta let me know
Oh baby, so I can let you go
Where are you, my love? What have you found in all our years apart? Where is your heart? Mine is still with you, where I left it all those years ago when I walked out of your dormitory. We should've never been together, I said that day. I said it was all a mistake. You were Slytherin, I was Gryffindor. I was on the Good side, you were a Death Eater's son. I was destined for great things. You were destined to be Voldemort's right hand. How could we've survived that? I know now that if I would've had an iota of faith in us, we could've survived it. Our love was that strong, or my love for you was that strong.
Where are you Draco? Please, let me know, please, because I need to know. I need to let you go, I have never let you go in all this time we've been apart. You're still a part of my heart, my mind, my body, my soul. I should've believed the promise you made me. I have to let you go, Draco. Please, let me know where you are. I've got to let you go.
I can hear your voice
The ring of yesterday
It seems so close to me
But yet so far away
I can still hear your voice the day we carved our names in the tree in the Forbidden Forest. You looked at me and said, "I believe in us, Harold James Potter, and I promise you my love, on this day, April 7, 1994." You then carved our initials into the tree and looked at me with the most serious expression I have ever seen, looked right into my eyes and said, "Also, I promise you, Harold James Potter, that I will never go to the Dark side, that I will stay to the Light."
I kissed you then and there and the passion that I felt, the love that I felt at that moment, so overwhelmed me that I was speechless. No one had ever promised me so much, and I knew then that what you were promising me was hard for you to do, because you were turning your back on your upbringing, what your Father had groomed you for. You were turning your back on that for me, the one person who was supposed to be your mortal enemy.
Dammit, I wipe away the tears that course down my face, wondering why they are coming, why I am thinking about all this. Why did I let you walk away from me? Why? You seem so close to me, but yet so far away. I need you, Draco Malfoy, I need you here. You seem so close, but yet you're far away from me.
I should let it out
To save what's left of me
And close the doors of doubt
Revive my dignity
I should let this out, and come and find you, come and see you, to save what's left of me, which, since I left you, has not been much. I want to die, knowing what I know, seeing what I've seen. I have to close these doors of doubt, to try and find you, try and see where you are. I need to revive my dignity, what little dignity I will have left after I find you and tell you everything. I need to revive my dignity, or what little I will have left.
But, I can't go on as long as I believe
Can't let go when I keep wondering
I can't go on, my love, I've tried. I keep wondering, if you remember everything. I keep wondering if you remember the nights I came to you, trembling, sweating, my scar hurting. I remember all the times you came to me, shaking, nightmares keeping you up at night, the nightmares about your father. I can't go on as long as I believe that you didn't die in the war, I know you didn't. I would've felt it, my whole soul would be gone, instead of the half that is already missing.
Remember when Snape found out about us? He fainted when he caught us kissing and then when he woke up, he went and took a shower. First time I think he ever came in contact with soap and water. How can I go on, my love? How? How can I let you go when I keep wondering where you are?
I should let it out, it's time to let you go
Oh baby, I just want to know
I need to let you go, my love. Its time, but yet, I can't let you go, let you out of my life, I have tried. So instead, I'm walking up the steps of Malfoy manor, hoping against hope that you're here, just so I can see you one last time. I just want to know you're okay, you're happy, you're alive. I hope I'm not making a mistake by coming here. I need to know where you are, my love, so I can let you go.
I walk up the steps, heart pounding in my chest. I knock on the door and want to turn and run. I can't turn and run, however, I have come to far to find you my love. I knock on the door.
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A/N2: Cliffhanger, I'm so mean, ain't I? R/R.
