Body Title: The most pointless Gundam Wing fanfic ever created

Author: Deatman

Warning: This fic contains pointless violence and alot of pointless profanity.

Note: I do not own any rights to anything Gundam Wing. I do own the rights to this fic, however.

Once upon a time in the middle of nowhere, the five gundam pilots were crowding around an M-60 machine gun, seeing who could hit a beer can from one-hundred feet away.

Duo: I betcha I can hit that can.

Quatre: No you can't

Duo: Shut up, bitch. I can hit it.

Heero: Both of you shut the fuck up! I'm trying to concentrate on this magazine!

Heero then pulls out the centerfold of the newest issue of Playboy.

Meanwhile, Trowa is sitting quietly on a rock, listening to the amusing conversation.

Wufei: The weak should not fire guns.

Duo: Oh yeah? Watch me, motherfucker.

Duo opens fire with the M-60, but all of the bullets hit the ground around the can.

Duo: What the fuck is this happy horse shit?

Duo proceeds to jump up and down, shouting various obscenities in about 9 different languages.

Quatre: This is how it's done.

Quatre starts firing the M-60 and somehow loses control, and ends up hitting the ranting Duo. Duo gets blown back with numerous bloody holes in his chest.

Heero: That is fucking it! I told you to shut up, but you didn't!

Quatre: You don't give a shit if I killed Duo?

Heero: Duo? Know, I don't give a flying fuck if that dirty rat-bastard is dead!

Heero spits on Duo's corpse

Heero: What I care about is that you're not letting me concentrate on my fucking magazine! I oughta stomp all over your face with my combat boots.

Quatre looks down at Heero's feet and sees a gigantic pair of steel toed combat boots that went up to his knees.

Quatre: That? Hahahaha! Nothing stands a chance to the mighty eastern sword!

Suddenly, Quatre pulls out a very long scimitar and gets into a menacing stance, while Wufei and Trowa are still observing.

Wufei: All of you fuckers are weaklings!

Wufei runs away screaming like a banshee.

Trowa: I'll get you for that!

Trowa runs after Wufei.

Quatre: All right, Heero, I'm gonna turn you into a big pile of bloody slices!

Heero: And I'm gonna stick my foot so far up your ass that you leave a pile of internal organs on the ground.

Quatre swipes at Heero with his sword, but it is deflected off of Heero's steel toed boot.

Heero tries to kick Quatre, but he blocks it with his scimitar.

Both of them look at each other for a moment, then whip out guns and shoot each other in the head at the same time.

Meanwhile, Trowa used his speed of skill to catch up with Wufei and he shot Wufei in the back once... Well, let's just replace "speed of skill" with "Wufei tripped flat on his face one-hundred feet in front of Trowa", and "shot in the back once", with "repeatedly".

Trowa was feeling mighty fine with himself for being a cheap bastard, but as he walked, he was so deeply involved in his own splendor that he did not see the Oz mobile suit ahead of him.

Trowa ended up being crushed by the suit.

Oz soldier: My bad

The soldier continues whistling and walks away in the suit, with a bloody mess of Trowa stuck to the bottom of the right foot.

There you have it, the end to the most pointless situation in all of history.

Note: No animals were harmed in the production of this fic.