Chapter 13: Tears and Anger
Asuka remembered...
... being in her mother´s arms...
... visiting her mother at hospital after the breakdown...
... her mother telling her to come with her to heaven...
... the pain when her mother opened her wrists with the knife...
... her mother dangling from the ceiling with empty, broken eyes
"No! I don´t want to remember!"
... her aunt Ann laying on her bed, face white as chalk, to weak to even wave at her to
say good bye...
... her uncle, telling her that her aunt had died...
... a cementery... the grave of her mother...
... the deep scars covering her wrists...
... blood, red blood... her own blood...
"No, why do you show me this?"
... Rei she had played several bad pranks...
... Rei running away with tears in her eyes after watching her going to kiss Shinji...
... EVA-03 pressing the hand against it´s empty eye socket...
... EVA-03 having the arm ripped out of the shoulder socket by the exploding bullet...
... Touji, laying unconscious inside of the entryplug covered with his own blood...
... Touji´s empty eye socket staring at her with accusation...
... blood shooting like a fountain out of Touji´s shoulder...
"My work... I can only destroy... Why can I only destroy? I don´t want to be reminded!"
Again the hospital, again her mother, playing with a doll, calling it Asuka with monotonous
voice...
Hands at her throat...
Cold stell touching, cutting her wrists
Tear...
Loneliness...
"You bloody bastard! Why doesn´t anybody help me?"
Rei embracing Shinji...
Shinji, after Rei´s return...
Those were good memories, since she had felt happy for them.
"I have to cling to those, there are not only bad things..."
Her uncle and herself practicing shooting...
Her uncle, her aunt and herself at the North Sea´s coast...
Asuka heard herself laughing...
Misato greeting Asukas happily when she came home...
Rei, giving her support...
Touji telling her that he´s not angry...
Hikari telling her that she likes Touji...
"You are not alone" a voice whispered from the deeth of the EVA, giving her strenght and
confidence.
"Do you like this? Do you want to see this? Willst du mehr davon?"
(trans.:"Do you want more of it?")
All the anger and tensing that had built up within her during the last months finally
erupted, targetting the angel still hovering above.
"I am Asuka Soryu Langley, foster-child of Ann and Wolf Larsen. And at the moment my whole
existence has just one meaning - to kick your ass until your light comes out of your ears!"
EVA-02´s AT-field started to glow, formed spines like a hedgehog´s. And one of those spines
disconnected, fired into the sky like a burning arrow, piercing the angel´s AT-field and
Asuka´s tormentor itself.
Arael went silent...
Asuka felt as if she no strenght left anymore. The same moment EVA-02 went down unto it´s
knees the black giant of EVA-03 appeared at the surface, catching her from falling.
"Who...?" Asuka whispered weakly.
"It´s me..." Shinji answered. "Rest..."
The words carried with her into unconsciousness...
***
When she awoke she was breathing fresh air instead of LCL, the hatch had been opened and
Misato was standing by her side, looking at her questionly.
"Are you alright?"
"Yes... I think so... only a headache. At least it´s silent again..."
"We were afraid of you greatly. Shinji even piloted EVA-03 to rescue you... but it hadn´t
even been necessary. How did you do this? How did you destroy the angel by manipulating
your AT-field in such an aggressive way?"
"I was... angry... very angry..."
"You´ve been angry before, most of the time..."
"Now I feel no anger anymore. The last time I was that calm had been just before my mother
died..."
"Ritsuko wants to run a few checks."
"Ja." (trans.: "yes")
***
"Are you okay?"
Asuka looked up, Shinji stood in front of her, still wearing his plugsuit. She nodded.
"You went out to save me..."
"Ritsuko had problems to overwrite EVA-03´s programs or I would have been there faster..."
"Good."
"What´s good?"
"To know that they wouldn´t have sacrificed me."
"Asuka, please don´t talk this way."
"Why not? It weren´t your memories the angel dissected."
"..."
"Gone home, go to her. Rei will be waiting for you already."
"Asuka, if you need somebody to talk..."
She smiled.
"I´ll make it. Did you already forget that I´m Asuka Soryu Langley? Whatever happens,
I will alway get up again."
"As you wish. But you are not alone."
"I know, Rei told me the same some time ago. You two are quite similiar in certain ways."
Akagi entered the corridor.
"Asuka, would you please come in?"
"Yes, at once. - See you at home, Shinji."
***
Again and again Asuka looked at the belly of Rei who sat next to her.
"What is?" Rei finally asked, her cheeks turning slightly red.
"Ah... when will it happen?" Asuka couldn´t stay silent any longer.
Shinji choked.
Rei blushed deeply.
"You know about it?"
"Yes, Ritsuko couldn´t keep her mouth shut... she´s quite rotating."
The young Ikari coughed, Rei moved around the table and patted him on the back.
"So, Rei, when will it happen?"
"I... in a little more than seven months."
"Wait, let me recapture... It did happen night before the angel smashed it´s way into the
geofront, didn´t it?"
"Yes", Rei answered and lowered her eyes.
Asuka grinned.
"Did you already come up with a name?"
"Uhm, no", Shinji said
"So... if it is a girl... Asuka would be a nice name, wouldn´t it?"
She stroke a pose.
"With this name it surely will become a really petty girl!"
Shinji and Rei stared at her with amazement. Then Rei started laughing softly with Shinji
joining her a second later.
"Hey, why are you laughing?"
"It´s just... Touji can a similiar suggestion yesterday, only about Touji being the right
name for a strong and good-looking boy..." Shinji giggled.
"Argh! Suzuhara and his big mouth!"
Asuka joined the laughter, feeling free.
When all three heavy breathingly stopped laughing Asuka placed an arm around Rei´s
shoulders.
"It´s quite... unexpected... very unexpected... but if you... if the two of you need my
help, you can count on me."
"Thank you, Asuka" Rei whispered with emotion. "I´m sorry to be unable to fullfill my
pilot duties anymore."
"You don´t have to."
"I didn´t want to have you carry the burden alone... it just happened..."
"Ah, Rei, such a bloody angel is no problem for Asuka Soryu Langley. I kicked his sorry
ass from here right to Berlin!"
"Good to see that you are alright."
"Hm, maybe we could talk about that later, yes? I don´t want to spoil my own positive mood
right now. Are the two of you planning to... eh, well, before..."
"What?" both asked synchronly.
"Well, I don´t know how you do it here in Japan, but shouldn´t you be married before the
child is born?"
Shinji looked at Asuka thoughtfull.
"Uhm... that´s right..."
He turned towards Rei and took her hand.
"Rei-chan... Rei Ayanami, uh, would you... you now in about six months I will turn sixteen
and you a few days later, too... and with parent´s permission... ah... would you..."
Asuka hit her forehand with her open hand.
"Shinji, do it the right way or don´t do it! No half things!"
He swallowed, looked into Rei´s scarlett eyes.
"Rei, would you marry me?"
Asuka started breathing again, couldn´t help but smile while watching the scene.
Rei felt tears in her eyes, blinked a few times.
"Yes..." she whispered softly.
***
The next day Armisael hovered over the city.
Gendo Ikari ordered all three EVAs to deploy, just EVA-01 stayed frozen. The program of
EVA-03 was rewritten with Shinji´s data while the dummyplug was tested for the first
time with unit zero.
Shinji wasn´t feeling well inside EVA-03´s entryplug, to strong were the memories of Asuka
and himself finding Touji after fighting the possessed EVANGELION. And he also feared that
EVA-03 could be possessed again or somehow else leave his control.
One the other side EVA-03 reacted without problems to his commands, it seemed to have no
personality of it´s one, as Shinji sometimes thought to have felt one within EVA-01.
"Asuka, are you alright?" he tried change his line of thoughts by opening a comlink to
EVA-02."
"I... no problems. It´s just strange to see EVA-03 again. Look after yourself, Shinji,
will you? I don´t want to have to bring Rei any bad messages."
He swallowed and felt even worse.
"Yes..."
"On position!" Misato ordered. "Fire at the angel as soon it is within reach. Unit zero
will act as lead to bait the enemy!"
The plan was perfect, too perfect...
Hidden by a cloak of shadows the whitehaired wanderer watched, gaze fixed on the angel
while weaving arcane patterns with his hands into the air.
Suddenly he did a step backwards, having recognized the sigil upon the umbrood.
"Alessando..." he whispered. "So, it is your doing..."
He tried to establish mental contact with the creature from the spirit realms to learn
more about it´s origins and the way it as come into the mundane realm, felt a pure primal
desire. The angel´s mind was like a child´s, looking for someone to play.
His eyes widened with terror. Forcefully he reached out towards the angel, pushed it away
with all his might just before it touched his own mind, raised his mental shields to the
limit, started praying...
The angel rotated, looking for a new target, finding one in the baiting unit one with it´s
lowered AT-field. It swooped down from the sky upon EVA-00, started to connect to the EVA,
transforming it´s tissue after it´s own pattern. The dummyplug reacted unsteady, at the
same time at of the 47 remaining Rei-clones within terminal dogma opened their eyes and
started to wail with pain, but nobody heard them...
"The angel starts to take control of EVA-00. We are losing contact to the dummyplug!"
Misato´s tactical assistant, Makoto Hyuga, shouted.
"What shall I do? Dismember unit zero?" Asuka asked via radio.
EVA-00 stumbled with outreaching arms towards the other EVAs.
"I guess it wants to unite with EVA-02 and -03 now!" Ritsuko shouted.
Gendo frowned.
"Initiate selfdestruction sequence."
"You want to sacrifice EVA-00?" Misato asked.
"Just do it. Give orders to the other two units to use their AT-fields to damp the explosion!"
EVA-00´s selfdestruction destroyed the angel too and layed waste to more than a quarter
of the city.
"We now only have two ready EVAs left as long as EVA-01 stays deepfrozen", Fuyutsuki
mumbled.
"I know." Gendo folded his hands. "Another pilot was found, he´ll arrive in short time."
"Why wasn´t I informed earlier?"
"SEELE sends him."
"I see. A spy."
"Or worse..."
"Ikari, you are not thinking about... we can´t eliminate a child!"
***
Winter diArgio found himself near the shaft into the geofront opened by Zeruel.
His head was aching, without his mastery of air itself, his mystic shields and spells
of protection the explosion would surely have ripped him apart.
The whole city was in chaos. He sensed his chance to enter the geofront unseen.
A small gesture made him hovering a few inches above the ground, then he stepped into the
abyss, levitating slowly downwards followed by his raven familiar, his animal companion,
cloaked in shadows, invisible for cameras and sensors...
---
nearly everything and everyone is in place for the final, just a little bit more...
next: Kaworu...
Asuka remembered...
... being in her mother´s arms...
... visiting her mother at hospital after the breakdown...
... her mother telling her to come with her to heaven...
... the pain when her mother opened her wrists with the knife...
... her mother dangling from the ceiling with empty, broken eyes
"No! I don´t want to remember!"
... her aunt Ann laying on her bed, face white as chalk, to weak to even wave at her to
say good bye...
... her uncle, telling her that her aunt had died...
... a cementery... the grave of her mother...
... the deep scars covering her wrists...
... blood, red blood... her own blood...
"No, why do you show me this?"
... Rei she had played several bad pranks...
... Rei running away with tears in her eyes after watching her going to kiss Shinji...
... EVA-03 pressing the hand against it´s empty eye socket...
... EVA-03 having the arm ripped out of the shoulder socket by the exploding bullet...
... Touji, laying unconscious inside of the entryplug covered with his own blood...
... Touji´s empty eye socket staring at her with accusation...
... blood shooting like a fountain out of Touji´s shoulder...
"My work... I can only destroy... Why can I only destroy? I don´t want to be reminded!"
Again the hospital, again her mother, playing with a doll, calling it Asuka with monotonous
voice...
Hands at her throat...
Cold stell touching, cutting her wrists
Tear...
Loneliness...
"You bloody bastard! Why doesn´t anybody help me?"
Rei embracing Shinji...
Shinji, after Rei´s return...
Those were good memories, since she had felt happy for them.
"I have to cling to those, there are not only bad things..."
Her uncle and herself practicing shooting...
Her uncle, her aunt and herself at the North Sea´s coast...
Asuka heard herself laughing...
Misato greeting Asukas happily when she came home...
Rei, giving her support...
Touji telling her that he´s not angry...
Hikari telling her that she likes Touji...
"You are not alone" a voice whispered from the deeth of the EVA, giving her strenght and
confidence.
"Do you like this? Do you want to see this? Willst du mehr davon?"
(trans.:"Do you want more of it?")
All the anger and tensing that had built up within her during the last months finally
erupted, targetting the angel still hovering above.
"I am Asuka Soryu Langley, foster-child of Ann and Wolf Larsen. And at the moment my whole
existence has just one meaning - to kick your ass until your light comes out of your ears!"
EVA-02´s AT-field started to glow, formed spines like a hedgehog´s. And one of those spines
disconnected, fired into the sky like a burning arrow, piercing the angel´s AT-field and
Asuka´s tormentor itself.
Arael went silent...
Asuka felt as if she no strenght left anymore. The same moment EVA-02 went down unto it´s
knees the black giant of EVA-03 appeared at the surface, catching her from falling.
"Who...?" Asuka whispered weakly.
"It´s me..." Shinji answered. "Rest..."
The words carried with her into unconsciousness...
***
When she awoke she was breathing fresh air instead of LCL, the hatch had been opened and
Misato was standing by her side, looking at her questionly.
"Are you alright?"
"Yes... I think so... only a headache. At least it´s silent again..."
"We were afraid of you greatly. Shinji even piloted EVA-03 to rescue you... but it hadn´t
even been necessary. How did you do this? How did you destroy the angel by manipulating
your AT-field in such an aggressive way?"
"I was... angry... very angry..."
"You´ve been angry before, most of the time..."
"Now I feel no anger anymore. The last time I was that calm had been just before my mother
died..."
"Ritsuko wants to run a few checks."
"Ja." (trans.: "yes")
***
"Are you okay?"
Asuka looked up, Shinji stood in front of her, still wearing his plugsuit. She nodded.
"You went out to save me..."
"Ritsuko had problems to overwrite EVA-03´s programs or I would have been there faster..."
"Good."
"What´s good?"
"To know that they wouldn´t have sacrificed me."
"Asuka, please don´t talk this way."
"Why not? It weren´t your memories the angel dissected."
"..."
"Gone home, go to her. Rei will be waiting for you already."
"Asuka, if you need somebody to talk..."
She smiled.
"I´ll make it. Did you already forget that I´m Asuka Soryu Langley? Whatever happens,
I will alway get up again."
"As you wish. But you are not alone."
"I know, Rei told me the same some time ago. You two are quite similiar in certain ways."
Akagi entered the corridor.
"Asuka, would you please come in?"
"Yes, at once. - See you at home, Shinji."
***
Again and again Asuka looked at the belly of Rei who sat next to her.
"What is?" Rei finally asked, her cheeks turning slightly red.
"Ah... when will it happen?" Asuka couldn´t stay silent any longer.
Shinji choked.
Rei blushed deeply.
"You know about it?"
"Yes, Ritsuko couldn´t keep her mouth shut... she´s quite rotating."
The young Ikari coughed, Rei moved around the table and patted him on the back.
"So, Rei, when will it happen?"
"I... in a little more than seven months."
"Wait, let me recapture... It did happen night before the angel smashed it´s way into the
geofront, didn´t it?"
"Yes", Rei answered and lowered her eyes.
Asuka grinned.
"Did you already come up with a name?"
"Uhm, no", Shinji said
"So... if it is a girl... Asuka would be a nice name, wouldn´t it?"
She stroke a pose.
"With this name it surely will become a really petty girl!"
Shinji and Rei stared at her with amazement. Then Rei started laughing softly with Shinji
joining her a second later.
"Hey, why are you laughing?"
"It´s just... Touji can a similiar suggestion yesterday, only about Touji being the right
name for a strong and good-looking boy..." Shinji giggled.
"Argh! Suzuhara and his big mouth!"
Asuka joined the laughter, feeling free.
When all three heavy breathingly stopped laughing Asuka placed an arm around Rei´s
shoulders.
"It´s quite... unexpected... very unexpected... but if you... if the two of you need my
help, you can count on me."
"Thank you, Asuka" Rei whispered with emotion. "I´m sorry to be unable to fullfill my
pilot duties anymore."
"You don´t have to."
"I didn´t want to have you carry the burden alone... it just happened..."
"Ah, Rei, such a bloody angel is no problem for Asuka Soryu Langley. I kicked his sorry
ass from here right to Berlin!"
"Good to see that you are alright."
"Hm, maybe we could talk about that later, yes? I don´t want to spoil my own positive mood
right now. Are the two of you planning to... eh, well, before..."
"What?" both asked synchronly.
"Well, I don´t know how you do it here in Japan, but shouldn´t you be married before the
child is born?"
Shinji looked at Asuka thoughtfull.
"Uhm... that´s right..."
He turned towards Rei and took her hand.
"Rei-chan... Rei Ayanami, uh, would you... you now in about six months I will turn sixteen
and you a few days later, too... and with parent´s permission... ah... would you..."
Asuka hit her forehand with her open hand.
"Shinji, do it the right way or don´t do it! No half things!"
He swallowed, looked into Rei´s scarlett eyes.
"Rei, would you marry me?"
Asuka started breathing again, couldn´t help but smile while watching the scene.
Rei felt tears in her eyes, blinked a few times.
"Yes..." she whispered softly.
***
The next day Armisael hovered over the city.
Gendo Ikari ordered all three EVAs to deploy, just EVA-01 stayed frozen. The program of
EVA-03 was rewritten with Shinji´s data while the dummyplug was tested for the first
time with unit zero.
Shinji wasn´t feeling well inside EVA-03´s entryplug, to strong were the memories of Asuka
and himself finding Touji after fighting the possessed EVANGELION. And he also feared that
EVA-03 could be possessed again or somehow else leave his control.
One the other side EVA-03 reacted without problems to his commands, it seemed to have no
personality of it´s one, as Shinji sometimes thought to have felt one within EVA-01.
"Asuka, are you alright?" he tried change his line of thoughts by opening a comlink to
EVA-02."
"I... no problems. It´s just strange to see EVA-03 again. Look after yourself, Shinji,
will you? I don´t want to have to bring Rei any bad messages."
He swallowed and felt even worse.
"Yes..."
"On position!" Misato ordered. "Fire at the angel as soon it is within reach. Unit zero
will act as lead to bait the enemy!"
The plan was perfect, too perfect...
Hidden by a cloak of shadows the whitehaired wanderer watched, gaze fixed on the angel
while weaving arcane patterns with his hands into the air.
Suddenly he did a step backwards, having recognized the sigil upon the umbrood.
"Alessando..." he whispered. "So, it is your doing..."
He tried to establish mental contact with the creature from the spirit realms to learn
more about it´s origins and the way it as come into the mundane realm, felt a pure primal
desire. The angel´s mind was like a child´s, looking for someone to play.
His eyes widened with terror. Forcefully he reached out towards the angel, pushed it away
with all his might just before it touched his own mind, raised his mental shields to the
limit, started praying...
The angel rotated, looking for a new target, finding one in the baiting unit one with it´s
lowered AT-field. It swooped down from the sky upon EVA-00, started to connect to the EVA,
transforming it´s tissue after it´s own pattern. The dummyplug reacted unsteady, at the
same time at of the 47 remaining Rei-clones within terminal dogma opened their eyes and
started to wail with pain, but nobody heard them...
"The angel starts to take control of EVA-00. We are losing contact to the dummyplug!"
Misato´s tactical assistant, Makoto Hyuga, shouted.
"What shall I do? Dismember unit zero?" Asuka asked via radio.
EVA-00 stumbled with outreaching arms towards the other EVAs.
"I guess it wants to unite with EVA-02 and -03 now!" Ritsuko shouted.
Gendo frowned.
"Initiate selfdestruction sequence."
"You want to sacrifice EVA-00?" Misato asked.
"Just do it. Give orders to the other two units to use their AT-fields to damp the explosion!"
EVA-00´s selfdestruction destroyed the angel too and layed waste to more than a quarter
of the city.
"We now only have two ready EVAs left as long as EVA-01 stays deepfrozen", Fuyutsuki
mumbled.
"I know." Gendo folded his hands. "Another pilot was found, he´ll arrive in short time."
"Why wasn´t I informed earlier?"
"SEELE sends him."
"I see. A spy."
"Or worse..."
"Ikari, you are not thinking about... we can´t eliminate a child!"
***
Winter diArgio found himself near the shaft into the geofront opened by Zeruel.
His head was aching, without his mastery of air itself, his mystic shields and spells
of protection the explosion would surely have ripped him apart.
The whole city was in chaos. He sensed his chance to enter the geofront unseen.
A small gesture made him hovering a few inches above the ground, then he stepped into the
abyss, levitating slowly downwards followed by his raven familiar, his animal companion,
cloaked in shadows, invisible for cameras and sensors...
---
nearly everything and everyone is in place for the final, just a little bit more...
next: Kaworu...
