Chapter 23: Niles
Niles left Daphne's room and slowly made his way back to the couch. He couldn't sleep. His heart felt like it could shatter at any moment. He threw himself face first into the pillows, and thought back to what just happened.
God, this was not the time or way I wanted to tell her. I've fucked everything up.
But Niles felt that there still might be something there. She returned his kiss tonight, and did so passionately. This last week they had been intimate more times than he would have ever dreamed of.
And it wasn't just sex, he was sure of it. She seemed to be drawn to him. They were affectionate, genuinely enjoying each other's company. Daphne was wanting to spend time with him, wanting to kiss him, wanting to make love to him. Things he always wanted, and now she seemed to want too.
But now I've ruined it. After tonight, she won't want anything to do with me. Why would she? Once Maris is done making my life unbearable, there won't be anything left of me that she would want.
Niles rolled over and stared at the ceiling, overthinking everything. Replaying what he could remember in his head over and over. Wanting to know if he should have done things differently. Or whether it was even possible for things to have been different.
The feelings he had for Daphne always weighed heavy. And lately they felt like they were almost too great to conceal, a large load Niles carried with him wherever he went; influencing his every word or action when he was around her. This was just an inevitability, that he would reach a point where it would just spill out, unable to be contained any longer.
Maybe it was good that this was out in the open now.
If everything was laid out in front of them, well... Actually, Niles didn't know. He felt like they had something special - were building towards something special, and he had to go and complicate it with his feelings. But now, maybe he can be less cautious, less anxious, less reserved.
Maybe I can actually be genuine with how I feel...
He didn't know how long he laid there until he fell asleep.
Something wet was touching his face. Niles opened his eyes, blinking blearily in the morning light. He groaned softly, his head still hurting. The wet sensation continued, when he was suddenly able to figure out what it was - Eddie was licking him.
Niles sat bolt upright with a yelp. He glanced around, taking out his handkerchief and wiping vigorously where Eddie had been licking him. Frasier and Martin were sitting at the table, the beginnings of breakfast and coffee in front of them.
"Mornin', Niles. Sleep okay?" Martin looked over at his son.
"Oh... not too bad. Well, until the wet alarm clock here." Niles glared at Eddie disapprovingly.
"Ah, that's just his way of saying good morning. Isn't it, Eddie?"
"Coffee, Niles?"
Frasier held up the jug. He at least understood the unpleasantness of being licked awake by Eddie, having been the victim several times before.
"Uh, please."
Niles stood up unsteadily and walked over to the table. He glanced around nervously, but didn't see Daphne anywhere. Frasier poured a cup of coffee and handed it over. Niles added cream and sugar, and sipped it, barely registering the taste.
"Feeling better?" Frasier looked at his brother with concern.
"Yes. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get so..."
Frasier waved it away.
"Don't worry about it. There are few in your position who wouldn't have drunk twice what you did last night."
Niles nodded, and forced the coffee down. He looked at his watch. Damn. He was going to have to call and reschedule his appointments for today. Niles glanced around the apartment again, hoping to see Daphne just appear.
For everything to be fine, like it was before last night...
"Is... is Daphne around?" Niles tried to make it sound casual, but both Martin and Frasier knew how he felt about her, so they could instantly see the additional layers to his question.
"No, she's still asleep." Frasier glanced at his brother. "I'm not sure how your memory of last night is, but I want you to remember the talk we had. Just because you've started divorce proceedings with Maris, don't think you can just move straight to Daphne."
Whoops. If Frasier knew what had transpired over the last week, let alone last night, he would...
Last night. Niles heart sank again, remembering that absolute disaster. But there wasn't anything more he could do. He would give Daphne space, and hope that she will reach out soon.
Niles nodded at Frasier, doing his best to conceal his emotions. Whether he succeeded or not, he wasn't sure. But Frasier seemed mollified at the very least. Niles finished his coffee.
"I'm going to head off. Big day." He stood up to leave.
"Are you sure you don't want to eat anything?" Martin offered up a muffin.
"No thanks, Dad. I've got to head home, freshen up, and call my office to juggle some appointments around. Uh, please tell Daphne I said goodbye."
They nodded in agreement, and Niles grabbed his things and left.
Niles' day dragged on. Seeing patients while nursing a hangover wasn't fun, but he welcomed the distraction. What would have originally been a slower day was now a bit more chaotic as he had to move everything back a couple of hours.
A blessing in disguise, I guess.
He remembered - or at least as best as he could remember - uttering those three fateful words to Daphne. Niles had never really vocalised them before - his love was kept secret and private. Even when it was just him standing alone in his apartment, he never really dared to say them out loud. Frasier and Martin knew that he had feelings for Daphne, but he didn't think either of them thought it more than an immature crush.
Niles told himself that was all it was for years. It wasn't until the night of the Snow Ball, when he had lost himself in the moment of that night, and had really allowed his feelings to surface, even if for a moment. But that night had changed what Niles himself thought was just a crush, into something more. Since then, he really yearned for something more with Daphne. But he never had actually said the words.
No, that's not true.
Just once. He had said them just once before. Less than a year ago, after they had been left by the people they were dating at the time. They were at a bar, hearts broken, comforting each other. Niles was telling Daphne what he would have said to her if they had met there instead. It was a lie - he never would have dared to say those words to her if it was a real scenario; but in the hypothetical he was able to get close to what he truly felt.
Daphne said it first. She said she loved him, but the tone was like how you would love a friend. Niles had responded with the same words, but his sentiment ran deeper. Not that Daphne noticed.
But her words wrapped themselves around him like a blanket, and warmed him to his core. At the time, this was the most he could hope for. The love of a friend.
The last two hours of the day were slower. Niles, not able to stand time alone with his thoughts at the moment, sat with Mrs Woodson in the waiting room between appointments. He welcomed the distraction of her conversation, although he was only half listening to her synopses of the current plots of the various soap operas she watched.
His mind was elsewhere, of course, unable to think of anything else.
