Chapter 30: Daphne


Daphne stood in the kitchen, pretending to wipe down the bench as Niles and Frasier walked out.

That was close.

Daphne chided herself for letting herself slip like that.

But... it was fun.

The two of them washed the dishes together, standing closer together than they had for weeks. And what started as idle small talk became a slightly deeper conversation; sharing guilty pleasures and secrets. They both seemed to be genuinely enjoying themselves, laughing and playfully shoving each other.

Then Daphne asked Niles what his deepest secret was, and was surprised when he told her she already knew. It took her a moment, but then realisation hit her, and Daphne felt like a fool for not seeing it.

I'm his deepest secret. Or, at least the fact that he loves me is.

That killed the conversation, but Daphne contemplated her feelings again. She was sure that it was more than friendship.

But is it love?

She was broken out of her thoughts at Niles' voice.

"There. Nothing like a clean kitchen."
"Thank you for your help..." Daphne found his name slipping out before she could stop it. "...Niles."

Saying it feels so right.

Niles had turned to her in surprise, and Daphne looked at him, trying to read what he was thinking. She noticed his tie, thrown over his left shoulder to keep it out of the way while Niles washed dishes, making him look somewhat disheveled. The rolled up sleeves, showing his surprisingly hairy arms created a knot in her stomach that ached for her to touch him.

Daphne reached out and fixed his tie, still looking into his blue eyes, as if seeking permission. Not wanting to stop touching him, she smoothed the tie down, patting it a couple of times. Her hand remained there on his chest, and she could feel his heartbeat quicken from her touch.

Niles reached out and brushed some of her hair aside, and let his hand rest on her cheek. It was warm and soft, and she leaned her face into it. She wanted him to kiss her – right then – and he looked like he wanted to. The sexual tension between them was electric, and it felt similar to that first night they spent together.

"Niles, would you like a nightcap?"

Frasier's voice brought them both back to reality, hard. Daphne pulled her hands away, and stepped back, turning so she was facing away. Niles did the same.

Frasier entered the kitchen, and stopped. Daphne couldn't see what was happening behind her, but from the awkward silence, she was sure that Niles must have looked guilty enough to warrant suspicion.

She heard Niles clear his throat, and answer.

"Um, yes. Thank you, Frasier. Sherry?"

They both made their way out of the kitchen. Daphne turned and saw them head around to the other side of the kitchen shelf. She stayed where she was for a moment, and watched discretely from the kitchen as Frasier poured Niles a sherry. Niles stared back at Daphne through the shelving for a moment, the same longing in his eyes, before taking the sherry and walking with Frasier back to the couch.

Daphne put the cloth down and exited the kitchen. She headed to her room, closing the door behind her.

What the hell am I doing?

It was like she forgot where she was, who could see them. She had lowered her guard, the intoxicating pull of lust towards Niles had overridden her senses. Daphne threw herself onto the bed. It was too easy to be seduced by him, especially now. She had been doing her best the last few weeks to ignore everything, and it was eating her up inside. She wanted him, badly. Daphne rolled over and stared at the ceiling.

Damn it. Maybe it is love.

She was thinking about him constantly, and for Daphne, sex was never as good as it was with someone she loved. It was one of the reasons she didn't really have casual sex. Daphne needed an emotional connection.

Wasn't that why I went to Niles in the first place?

But if this was love, why did it feel so different than the other times she was in love? Was she fooling herself, and this wasn't love, but just lust? Or, were the other times she thought she was in love just a cheap imitation of the real thing? In any case, it didn't matter. As far as she was concerned, Daphne was so below Niles in status, it wouldn't be realistic to think a relationship could happen.

The help doesn't end up with the upper crust.

That was the way things were. She was working class, looked down upon by anyone with money.

He wants you. The voice in the back of her head was loud, and nearly constant nowadays, making it harder for her to push these thoughts away.

Yes, Niles did want her. Badly, it seemed. And Daphne had to admit she wanted him – had wanted him for the past several weeks. But could this be a long term thing? Would he want a relationship?

Yes. He's leaving his wife for you.

Was that true? Niles was going through with the divorce, even though it left him struggling financially. He seemed like someone who cared about status, but was giving up so much with his divorce.

Not wanting to think about it she went to fetch her book. Reading had been a temporary distraction the last couple of weeks. Not seeing it in her bedroom, she headed out to the living room. Martin had gone to bed a while ago, and Frasier had brought Niles humidifiers, cot and blankets, which were now set up near the couch. They were talking, and didn't notice Daphne enter.

"...saying that you need to wait. You are in the middle of a divorce for God's sake."

Niles didn't seem impressed with what Frasier just said.

"Oh, you're always telling me to wait. You kept telling me to give it one more day a few months ago, and she went out and met that Rodney-"
"And that clearly didn't work out because she wasn't ready! Niles, just have some patience. Maybe wait until you're no longer married."

Niles sighed.

"I am. You are blowing things out of proportion. Nothing untoward happened in the kitchen earlier."
"Then why did you look so guilty?"
"Because it's Daphne! It takes very little for her to fluster me! You of all people should know that!" Niles sounded exasperated at Frasier's line of questioning, as if he had heard it all before.

Frasier seemed satisfied.

"All right. Well, I'm going to bed. Good night Niles."
"Good night Frasier."

Daphne slipped back down her hallway out of sight. It seemed like Frasier knew how Niles felt about her, but not about what had transpired the last few weeks. She wondered how long he had known. At least since last fall, when she dated Rodney briefly.

It hit Daphne suddenly at how similar Rodney was to Niles. How did she not see it before?

Rodney wasn't as kind though. Or as courteous, or loving, or passionate… Or as good looking. Actually, they weren't alike at all.

Daphne went back into her room and changed for the night, before realising she still didn't have her book. Now she would need to go out with just Niles in the living room. Daphne contemplated just leaving it, but also considered talking to Niles about what she had just heard.

She went back out and poked her head round the corner. Niles wasn't there, probably getting changed in the bathroom down the other hall. She slipped out and grabbed her book.

"Daphne?"

She hadn't heard him come out. He stood at the end of the hall in his pyjamas and robe.

"Oh, hello Dr Crane. I was just fetching my book." She held it up.

Niles looked at her, and nodded. Daphne felt the knot in her stomach tighten.

Damn. I want him. I really want him.

They stood there a few moments, staring at each other, trying to guess what the other was thinking.

"Daphne, I'm sorry about before. I know you want to have some space, and I hope I didn't make you too uncomfortable."

She realised he was speaking about earlier in the kitchen. Daphne shook her head.

"No, no. No need to apologise. I had fun, and... it was as much my fault for that slip." She stared at him again, and took a chance. "Do you mind coming with me to my room? I want to talk to you about something in private."

The effect that request had was immediate. Niles' eyes lit up and he seemed excited, before he tamped his emotions down slightly.

"My pleasure, Daphne."

They both headed back towards her room, Daphne turning off the light to the living room as she went. They entered and she shut the door. They seemed so close to each other.

Daphne swallowed.

"Um, I overheard you and your brother earlier." Niles reacted to that, looking a bit embarrassed. "How long has he known?"

Niles' eyes widened.

"He doesn't know about... us, if that's what you're worried about. He only knows that I have feelings for you."
"How long has he known that?"

Niles looked at her curiously, wondering where this line of questioning was going.

"Um, since the beginning, essentially."

Daphne processed this.

"What about your father? Does he know?"

Niles licked his lips, a little nervous.

"Yes. I'm not sure how long he's known, but at least the last couple of years. And he knows that I've had feelings for you since we met."

Daphne sighed.

"Well, that's awkward. Does Dr Crane usually lecture you about me?"
"Constantly." Niles grimaced at the thought.
"Why?"

This seemed to throw Niles a little. He thought about it for a minute, before answering.

"Well, probably because I'm married. Because you work for him and if you rejected me, or if I was open about how I felt things could become awkward. So I guess to protect us."
"And your father?"
"Stays out of it mostly. I know he doesn't approve because I'm married. He's tried to give me advice, or lecture me about a couple of times. Like before the Snow Ball."
"What did he say then?"

Niles looked guilty.

"Well, I didn't tell you immediately that my date cancelled. We, um, continued dance lessons for a week after I found out. He didn't approve of that. And he didn't want me going to the dance with you. He actually gave me a lecture about it, warning me about letting my feelings slip and making things awkward between us." Niles let out a nervous laugh. "He was half right at the time."
"Which half?"

Daphne knew the answer, but decided she wanted to hear Niles say it.

"I let my feelings slip." He looked away, towards the ceiling, running his hand through his hair nervously. "I was petrified the minute it happened, but you immediately returned the words. Then I was elated. After, you said that you thought it an act, so... I went along with that. To save myself the embarrassment. Even though it hurt..." He trailed off.

Daphne looked down at her feet, her heart beating quickly in her chest. She remembered that night like it was yesterday. Daphne remembered the momentary thrill she felt when Niles said he adored her, then panic after she repeated his words, unsure what had come over her. She covered afterwards by implying both their statements and following actions were an act. And Daphne had suppressed her actual feelings of the night until she only remembered it as an act.

Daphne remained silent for a while.

"Daphne?"

She looked up.

"Are you okay?"

Daphne realised there were tears in her eyes, and she went to wipe them away. Niles stepped forward and swept her into a hug. Daphne let him, burying her face into his shoulder and let the tears fall. She could hear him apologising to her. She shook her head, sniffling.

"Don't apologise, you didn't do anything wrong. I should be apologising. I've been leaving you hanging for weeks trying to work things out by myself."
"And with Roz," Niles added wryly.
"And with Roz," she agreed with a small laugh.

Daphne wiped her eyes against his bathrobe.

"You haven't left me hanging." Niles said quietly. "I always thought actually telling you would be the hardest part, but I never even considered how difficult it would be for you. That it might take you some time to process." He laughed sadly. "Sorry excuse for a psychiatrist I am."
"Rubbish. You are a brilliant psychiatrist. You've always listened, and been patient with me – no matter what I came to you for. And you're still doing that, even though this must be torture for you."

Niles was quiet for a moment.

"The worst thing for me wouldn't be you not returning my feelings. It would be losing you as a friend."

Daphne pulled out of the hug and stared at him. Niles looked back at her, suddenly very self-aware.

"I mean, it would be the best thing to happen to me if it did turn out that you did return them. But, the thing I've realised the most the last few weeks is that I miss you as a friend. That... regardless of how you feel about me, I only hope we can at least remain in each other's lives as friends. Tonight, in the kitchen, confirmed that. I missed those moments with you."

Daphne leaned forward and kissed him.