Chapter 32: Daphne


Daphne watched as Niles stood up. He paused for a moment, then leaned forward and kissed her softly on her forehead. Niles looked at her sadly, then headed into the bathroom and closed the door, leaving Daphne in the dark room by herself.

Well shit, she thought bitterly to herself.

The kiss on the forehead surprised and worried her. Since they started sleeping together, Niles had been taking any opportunity to kiss her - passionately and often. This kiss felt different. Daphne remembered he was moving into his new apartment the next day, and thought that might be the reason.

But deep down she knew it was her. Niles wanted more than she was giving him at the moment. The situation was messy and she was struggling to put her feelings in order. And she just screwed up again by sleeping with him before knowing what she felt. Regardless of what Niles said earlier about wanting to keep her in his life as a friend, Daphne knew she was just breaking his heart over and over every time she backtracked.

Niles exited the bathroom. The light poured into her room through the door and Daphne blinked in the sudden brightness. Still sitting up in bed, she watched as Niles gathered his clothes and started to dress. His back was to her, but when he turned the light hit his face and she could read the emotion etched there. The hurt, the disappointment. Daphne floundered, torn between the two sides of her emotions. One side screamed at her that she should accept him fully, while the other wanted her to keep being cautious, to protect herself. Daphne desperately wanted to comfort Niles, to hold him; not knowing whether she wanted to do so as friend or lover.

"Niles..." Daphne's voice cracked, guilty with the hurt she inflicted on him.

Niles looked at her, and she noticed he had immediately put on a brave face, though she could still see the pain hidden behind the mask.

"Are you okay?" She was genuinely concerned. "If you need to talk about anything, or just need someone-"
"I'm okay, Daphne." He smiled at her sadly. "I'm- big day tomorrow. We can talk about this later. I... don't have the energy tonight."

Niles had finished dressing. He walked back over to Daphne, and sat on the bed next to her.

"I'm sorry, Niles. I'm a terrible friend. A terrible person." Her voice cracked again. "I wish I could just-"
"Daphne, it's okay. Really. You don't have to apologise, I understand. We're both adults. It's hard, but we'll navigate this, together." He took her hand, rubbing his thumb against the back of her hand comfortingly. "Anyway, I should be the one apologising; we broke our treaty."

Daphne looked at him confused.

"Treaty?"
"You know, when we agreed to not, um... rendezvous outside of the Montana."

Daphne finally remembered what he was talking about. The agreement they put together, as an attempt to put parameters around their affair. Not that it lasted longer than a couple of days before everything became a mess of confessions and emotions. It seemed so long ago, even though it had been just over a month.

"Oh, that. I think that's been broken for a while now."
"I guess I'm to blame for that." Niles looked guilty.

Daphne didn't want Niles to blame himself entirely.

"It was more of a joint effort. And tonight, I think I'm the one at fault."
"But I went along willingly." Niles looked a little wistful as he remembered what happened between them. "Then again, I can't say no to you."

He sighed, brought back to reality.

"Anyway. We might need to sit down and discuss things some time soon, regardless of how ready you feel. I think I need to at this point. Dancing around the issue is not getting us anywhere."

Daphne looked down, too guilty to make eye contact. She opened her mouth to say something, but Niles interrupted her again.

"But not tonight. I've got to prepare myself for my new living arrangements." He shuddered at the thought.
"Is it that bad?"
"Oh, worse." Niles looked at her, and gave a small smile. "I'm okay. As much as I can be, given the circumstances. Please, don't beat yourself up about any of this."

Daphne looked back at Niles, staring into his bright, blue eyes.

Why had I never noticed how much love he shows through them before...

"I mean it when I say I'm here if you need me. I care so much about you. I don't want to hurt you."

That small confession from Daphne appeared to help. Niles smiled at her tenderly, some of the pain on his face now gone.

"I care about you too, Daphne."

Daphne leaned forward, kissing him deeply, before resting her forehead against his.

"Goodnight, Niles."
"Goodnight, Daphne."

After he left her room, Daphne went and got ready for bed again. She stared at herself in the mirror for several minutes, hating herself for her part in what Niles was going through.

"Why can't things be simple," she said aloud to herself.

Daphne allowed herself to cry once in bed. She realised that she loved Niles – genuinely loved him. But she still wasn't sure if it was romantic, or just affection felt for a friend. Her mind seemed to yell at her that it really was love - true love, but Daphne kept fighting it, and trying to justify it as something else.

Why?

The situation with Niles' divorce didn't help. Under normal circumstances Daphne wouldn't touch a potential relationship this messy with a ten foot pole. And what she felt didn't feel like any sort of love she'd experienced before. It scared her, and she hated herself for being so weak.

As she drifted off to sleep, Daphne decided that she did want to explore these feelings for Niles.


Daphne woke up early. She had made a decision at some point last night, and she wasn't sure if it was before or after she fell asleep. She checked the time – it was still early, not quite 6am. Daphne got up and changed, wanting to catch Niles before everyone else got up.

She headed into the living room. Niles was nowhere to be seen, the blankets on his cot folded neatly. Daphne worried he may have left already, but a quick inspection showed his coat was still hanging up. She decided to sit down at the table and wait for him.

A few minutes later, Niles appeared from the hallway, fully dressed. He stopped when he saw her.

"Daphne?"

She stood up, a bit unsure of herself.

"Good morning. Um, would you like some breakfast?"
"Ah, thank you, but no. I was just about to leave. Get an early start." He smiled at her, looking slightly nervous and uncomfortable.

Daphne nodded. She knew that she was most likely the reason Niles wanted to leave early. She looked at her hands, which were nervously fiddling with the corner of her shirt.

Maybe this is a bad idea. Maybe I should let him handle things by himself, without me to confuse everything-

No. Just ask. He can always refuse.

She looked back at him, speaking before her resolve left her.

"I thought... I might give you a hand with moving this morning?"

Niles seemed surprised by the request. She didn't blame him, Daphne was surprised by herself too. After spending the better part of a month trying to keep distance between them, in less than 24 hours she was throwing herself back at him and offering to help him with a task that would mean they'd be alone together.

I want to support my friend. I want to be there for Niles.

Niles seemed to visibly relax, as if a load had been taken off his shoulders.

"That, um- I would really appreciate the help. Thank you, Daphne."

He waved his hand towards the boxes collected in the corner of the living room.

"I've got some of my things already loaded into my car, but the rest will need to come separately. It's not a lot, but my current car is a lot smaller than my Mercedes was."
"I can pack the rest up into my car and follow you over?"

Niles agreed. He wrote down his new address for Daphne before he left. He didn't try to linger, and Daphne was somewhat relieved. Plenty of time for them to be alone and awkward later.

She looked at the address.

The Shangri-La.

It sounded fancy; but based on Niles' mood Daphne knew it was probably anything but.