Chapter 33: Niles


Niles thought about Daphne the whole drive to his new apartment. Last night saw them plunge straight back into a lust filled, intense affair. Daphne still didn't seem to know what she felt, or what she wanted, and Niles found himself feeling hurt and frustrated. He chided himself for feeling that way, but the back and forth of their relationship was truly driving him crazy.

While he was staying at Frasier's, it was somewhat straightforward – give Daphne space. Even though they were living under the same roof for two weeks, they didn't interact much with each other unless Frasier or Martin were around as well.

He told her last night that he didn't want to lose her as a friend, because that was true. He loved having Daphne in his life. Aside from Frasier, she was his closest friend and confidant for everything in his life. Well, except for his feelings for her, but now that was out in the open too.

But all it took was one evening where they spent time together alone, and they were back where they started.

Sex. Glorious, wonderful, frustratingly good sex.

Niles loved every minute he spent with Daphne; her touch, her words. It was intoxicating.

But, each time they were together, Daphne seemed to shy away afterwards, unsure of herself. Every time. As good as Niles felt in the moments spent with her, Daphne's hesitation and uncertainty afterwards pierced his heart like a dagger. Niles wondered if he should refuse her, but he knew he craved the intimacy; retaining hope that next time, Daphne would no longer hold back, and let Niles into her life completely.

Daphne seemed distraught last night, knowing that her inability to commit to a decision had hurt Niles. He didn't want her to feel bad, but at the same time, it hurt. A lot.

She says she cares for me. I know she cares for me. Maybe that's why this hurts so much.

When he left her room that night, Niles had decided to leave early the next morning, and give Daphne space again until he was ready. His head and heart ached. And the thought that after all this, she might decide not to pursue anything with him made things almost unbearable.

But she surprised him.

Daphne intercepted him this morning before Niles left, and offered to help him out today with his move. Even though they would be spending time alone together. Even though things were still tender, and raw after their night together. Niles had expected that she would return to the status quo, of avoidance until something forced them to face what was going on.

Niles didn't dare to hope. Didn't dare to consider that this was anything but her wanting to make the transition to his new life easier.

At least she still wants to be around me.

Arriving at his new... lodgings – he was loathe to use the word home - there was some sort of argument going on in one of the apartments. A screaming match between a couple, obscenities piercing the early morning air.

How auspicious, he thought sarcastically.

Niles parked his car, noting the dirty and cracked pavement leading up to the lobby doors. He wandered inside, carrying Baby in her cage. A musty smell permeated the room; one of age and uncleaned upholstery, underlined with damp. Several stains on the walls and floors, and the lights were flickering, or completely out, making the space feel dark and claustrophobic.

He felt his stomach drop.

It somehow seems worse now than when I saw it yesterday.

Niles remembered that the elevator was broken, which meant he would need to carry everything up the stairs. Luckily it was only to the third floor, but still, it wasn't something he was looking forward to. As he walked up, Niles felt like he noticed every stain, smell and sound. The noises from other apartments as their occupants started their day. The threadbare, dirty carpet in the hall. Counting the lights that were blown, or flickering. Stains, dirty paint and peeling wallpaper.

The smell from the lobby followed him through the halls, coupled with the scents of old dinners, cigarettes, unwashed laundry and animals leaking out from the other apartments.

At least that argument has now stopped.

Finally finding his apartment, Niles opened the door.

A strong smell hit him immediately, mingling with the smells from the hallway. He gagged slightly, and ran to open the windows and balcony door.

Baby squawked angrily from her cage, wanting to be let out. Niles picked it up and moved to the only other room in the small place - the bathroom.

Here the smell was less noticeable, so he opened the cage and let Baby out, before closing the door to ensure she didn't escape. Niles turned around and looked at the place.

"I'm going to hate it here", he muttered as he looked around.

There wasn't much to the apartment, and it looked much the same as it did the previous day. Niles wasn't sure if he remembered if the smell was there yesterday, but it had faded quickly once the doors and windows were opened.

Niles gave the furniture a once over, and frowned at how dirty and old it all seemed. A quick check of the apartment helped him locate the wall bed. He checked to see if he could work out how to pull the bed down, but it practically collapsed on top of him the second he opened the cupboard door.

He stared at the unmade bed, feeling ill at the sight of the stained mattress, before he pushed it back up, slamming it back into its spot in the wall.

At least that's satisfying to do.

Niles headed down to his car, and grabbed the box that held the cleaning supplies. Once back, he took off his coat, rolled up his sleeves, and started to scrub down several surfaces. Niles would do a more thorough clean later, but he needed to get rid of the initial layer of grime before he did anything else.

There were stains on the walls, and a particularly large one on the ceiling. Niles couldn't work out exactly what it was, but there was some sort of food stuff stuck up there.

Niles went back into the bathroom. Baby was giving him a cold stare from the top of the shower rail, unhappy to be shut away. Niles gave the surfaces in here a quick wipe as well, before getting disheartened with his cleaning efforts. Washing his hands, Niles left and went back downstairs to start grabbing his things out of his car.

The last of the boxes brought up, he looked around again, before sinking into a chair. He stared out the window, lost in thought.

How did I end up here?

Niles retraced his life choices that led him to this moment. He sighed. Life was easier when he just went along with what Maris wanted, although he wasn't happy. It was comfortable, and that was the only thing that life had going for it.

She can't drag this divorce out forever. Right?

At least, that's what he tried to tell himself. Maris had the means, and was vindictive enough to do so. Niles was stuck at the Shangri-La for a while.

There was a small knock at the door. He looked up, and saw Daphne standing there with a box, looking at him against the backdrop of his new home with a nervous smile.