OK, I am back. Here is your real conclusion. That Shan-Yu thing was a joke,
you know, like in ha-ha? Shan-Yu is dead, D-E-D dead. And if he was alive,
he is not so stupid as to marry Mulan - he would have to make an inventory
of his own body parts every morning if he did.
Part three. The soldier and the officer
There it was, the village where Mulan grew up. Shang did not know what to expect, but he had this feeling as if he was going on the pilgrimage, and the place where Mulan lived should have mystery of a temple. But the village itself was very ordinary, dusty and busy. Carts rattled nosily down the narrow streets, people went on with their regular routines, as if they were not privileged to live by the side of the most incredible woman who ever existed.
He asked a passer-by the way to the Fa house. The fellow squinted at Shang inquisitively, but pointed the direction with a knotty finger. There it was: a large house behind a solid wall, clearly one of the best in the village. There were two women at the gates, one demure middle-aged and one a pleasant old lady. Could they be from the same house? The first lady looked a lot like Mulan. Well, there is no better way than to ask.
"Excuse me. Does Fa Mulan live here?"
Both women looked dumb-stricken, and could only point silently inside the gates. Did he say anything wrong?
"Wow, sign me up for the next war!" he heard the voice of the older lady.
Yep, these women were definitely related to Mulan, and pertness ran in the family.
He stepped through the gates and found himself in the most enchanting place. Just as he had imagined, a fairyland. All the bustle of the village was left behind, the whole place was overflowing with serenity. The arched bridge reflected in the old overgrown pond, the dark shapes of the old trees were rising from behind round inner gates. The house itself was a curious mix of a country retreat a house of a noble, elegant old-fashion architecture softened with the feel of the forgotten garden. There were ruins of the great stone dragon by the pond, as a reminder of the times long gone, and tempestuous bloom of the plum trees, greeting days to come.
Her father was a very distinguished veteran, and met him graciously. Shang just began his well-rehearsed speech to "Honorable Fa Zhou" when he was stopped dead on his tracks by appearance of Mulan herself. Well, there went the speech. But the girl was a jewel. She did not mind his stuttering, and even invited him for dinner. Not that he could possibly eat with her so close to him.
That was a quiet, restful place. The small shrine on the top of the hill was full of burial stones, a witness of many generations of Fa, noble clan that had no male heir left. But is did not transmit any sense of helpless sorrow, only a noble resignation and acceptance. There was a subtle feel of peace with the world and gentle care from everyone in the house. Pleasant dignified mother and delightful free-spirited grandma were as much part of the mansion as the pond and the shrine. That wonderful place was populated by so many strange beings. Little Brother, amusingly stupid puppy leading a platoon of industrious white hens. noble steed Khan, garden full of butterflies. No other place could bring to the world a girl as pure and precious as Mulan.
He was a coward, he was. He positively escaped to her father's room after the dinner. He had an excuse, right? First of all, you ask the father for the hand of your girl. Actually, he was supposed to act through a matchmaker, but he had to be sure that Fa Zhou is on his side. After that, no breach of traditions whatsoever. He will go along with this entire circus, even if it'll kill him. If only his father was with him to see his old friend! Fa Zhou, white-templed and dignified, leaning on the cane, was glad to learn that the young captain was a son of his old comrade.
Fa Zhou was a very understanding man. Though he did not have sons, he never even mentioned an adoption marriage. He long accepted that after his death, Fa clan will be extinct. Sad as it was, that was a relief for Shang. He himself was the last survivor of his family, and the only hope for the name to continue. He was prepared to go through adoption for Mulan, but this was so much better! The name of Li will survive, and the children would inherit the best of the two families.
There was so much to discuss. Shang was the first to tell Fa Zhou about the death of his father - and to watch the old soldier's grief over the lost friend. It was the first time for Shang himself, to share his own pain with someone so close to his father. They were sitting in the darkness of the room, two men who just met, yet brought so close by the grief they shared over the death of one's father and the love they had for another's daughter.
"I've lost a friend" said Fa Zhou at last "but I gained a son. Both your father and I will live in your children, Li Shang. I know your father was very proud of you. Take good care of my little girl."
Fa Zhou even hinted that Mulan might not be indifferent to Shang! Well, he was entertaining that thought before, but had had considered it as a mix of narcissic presumption and wishful thinking on his part. Fa Zhou only smiled, amused by the obvious excitement of the young captain.
They discussed all the details of the wedding, and agreed that in this case, when the bride had such an unusual choice of career, the traditions should not be neglected. There was only one draw back for Shang: he will not be able to see Mulan until she will enter his bedroom as his new wife. The only consolation was that the next time he will see her, it will be on his bed. And NO ARMOR!
She was in the garden, waiting for him when he finished talking to her father. He knew he was not supposed to see her, he promised. but she was there! It took all his control to restrain his happiness, to tell her with due respect that he will honour her properly, as the custom requires. And she told him she loved him! Just like that, she told him. Soon, he thought. Just a few short weeks, and we will be together!
He had something to sustain him through these difficult weeks. Fa Zhou told him the story how Mulan wanted to protect her father, how she stood by him, claiming that he already paid his duty to China. How she was put down, first by Chi Fu, then by her own father she was trying to protect. How the honourable Fa Zhou found a lotus comb in the place he put the emperors decree of summons to the army. It was too late to stop her then, Mulan was already gone to the face her destiny instead of the father that did not see a hero in the feminine form. He was devastated. They found the cut locks of hair on the floor of her room. His water sprite paid the price of honour in full, not sparing the pride of any girl, her thick silky hair.
Fa Zhou saved the locks, hoping that his daughter will return one day. Now, he gave one of the locks to Shang, who was ready to beg for it on his knees. Shang had it, right on his breast, a lock of black silk that smelled like the hair of the small wounded soldier in the snowy mountains. He was pressing it to his heart, seeing in his mind desperate Mulan cutting her hair in one merciless slice of her father sword, rejecting her life, her nature, her femininity for the honour of her family. Her being a soldier did not bother him. He understood fully that it would not be quite a traditional marriage. His wife would also be his friend, so it's a two for one deal. At least he can keep up the superficial appearances of the usual, run-of-the-mill wedding. No one will be able to reproach his bride!
Gods were smiling at Shang. The best friend he could wish for, the brightest mind, the purest soul and the bravest heart he had ever known were all united in the body of the prettiest girl he loved. And she loved him back! She said so herself. He had to steel himself against enormous joy he felt at her confession, or he would scoop her in his arms right there and then and take her away with him. She deserved better than that. Their wedding will be as proper as it can possibly be.
He could not believe his luck. There were many men richer and of nobler blood than he was, and more decorated warriors. Yet, Fa Zhou accepted him as a son-in-law! And Mulan said she loved him. Mulan said she loved him!
He could never imagine that he would be so gone on a girl. Of course, he wasn't the first man ever in love. He saw many infatuated friends, and was often amused how they idealized far from perfect girls. Intellectually he knew that no one, not even Mulan could be absolutely perfect. There must be something wrong with her. He'd just have to find it; then his infatuation would be under some semblance of the control.
Let's see. Obviously, Mulan had no equal in courage, intelligence or honour, among women or men alike. That left only appearance. But she looked. He had to shut his eyes for a moment when a warm wave of affection welled inside him.
All right, her appearance was not exactly what was considered as an epitome of classical beauty. For one, her skin was tanned. But surely, no Court maiden with her sickly pallor could compare with the golden glow of his little soldier. Well, she had these quaint round little ears that were sticking out in a funny way. After a moment's contemplation he was deeply convicted that he ALWAYS adored quaint little ears, all his life.
There was also her pert attitude that was disagreeing with the traditional behavior of properly brought up young ladies. In all the honesty, he found it irresistible. Who was he kidding? He was a gone goose, and there was no hope for him whatsoever. May be later, when they'll be long-married, the power of the habit will soften his infatuation. Yeah. very possibly, say, in thirty or forty years. He'll be just fine. At the very least, he had an excuse. He was in love with the most extraordinary girl in China, he had a right to be as foolish as he wanted.
He spent the night in the guesthouse in the near-by town. In the morning, he talked to the matchmaker and convinced her that it was in her best interests to be as compliant as possible.
Matchmaker impressed him as a hostile, unpleasant fat woman, domineering and intimidating, sure that she knows everything there is to know. He could easily see why Mulan did not like her at all, and why matchmaker could never appreciate his little water sprite.
Matchmaker actually tried to talk him out of his chosen bride. There were lots of more beautiful and proper girls, all too happy to marry a man like him. She went on and on, describing the numerous virtues of the potential brides. Out of politeness, he listened. But the longer she talked, the greater his astonishment grew: Mulan was fitting the description of an ideal girl better than anyone he knew. 'You are offering me girls that are graceful?' he was musing 'Lady, you haven't seen one water sprite I know. The proper girl must be polite refined and poised? I'd love to see how many of your perfect brides would not dishonor themselves in front of the Emperor. The beauty? Mulan was delicate as a flower, she was pretty without help of make-up. Modest? More than you know: she did not claim any credit for her deeds. Punctual? Have never seen a better timing than with that cannon on the Tang-Shao pass'.
Mulan fit it all too well. He knew the Confucian scripture by heart, but now, from the lips of ludicrous village matchmaker, it was like a revelation, as if he heard it first time. Knowing Mulan gave a new, deeper meaning to the familiar words. Even when he already parted with defeated matchmaker, he kept reciting the words in his head
"she is loyal without hypocrisy
she is intelligent without intimidation,
brave without boasting,
gentle without condescending,
Proud but not conceited,
virtuous but not scornful,
respectful but not adulating."
'Yeah, I know: and I am in love beyond redemption.'
You reject her because she fits your ideal too well. She is true. You are praising fakes. Fakes are more convenient, they do not expose your own weakness. The example of the true one is too demanding, it calls for everything best in us. She is a true woman, and she had shown me what does it mean to be a man.'
He was grateful for the constant distraction of the many duties he had to accomplish for the wedding. He wrote all the accustomed letters, chuckling at the old-fashioned expressions he was expected to use. The matchmaker assured him that the whole deal would be accomplished as soon as possible.
He returned home, and gave necessary orders for the ceremony preparation. There was still the business of the Emperor's permission that matchmaker requested, too. Luckily, the Emperor was delighted with the match, and gave his permission on the spot.
However, some nobles were less impressed with his choice. Respectable matrons were eyeing him as a perspective match for their daughters, brainless, overdressed china dolls. They might have been very beautiful and polished, but he would give all the cultured, pale-faced lot of them for one witty quirk from his tan-skinned, bright-eyed little hero.
Few days later he was back in the village, unable to stay away for too long. He knew he would not be able to see her, but being so close to her home was all he needed. To his surprise, he met the gang on the street the next day after his arrival. And they were not too happy to see him, too. In fact, for a moment he thought that Yao is going to practice his newly- learned fighting skills on his own coach. Thank goodness Chien-Po talked him out of it.
The misunderstanding was resolved soon enough: they knew that Mulan was to be given away in the marriage, and thought that Shang betrayed their friend. Now that they learned the truth, they seemed to return their trust in Shang, Yao grouchily, Ling and Chien-Po happily. Still, it bothered Shang. How could it be that she had doubted him? Surely, Fa Zhou must have told her already who her suitor was. There must have been some mistake that misled the gang.
They spent the evening together, in the small tavern, recalling the year of training and the short and tragic expedition. They left the village the very next day, determined to visit the temple that was the first object of their journey, but promised to return for the wedding. Funny how last year's unkempt soldiers turned out to become almost friends. Shang saw them go wistfully, until they disappeared in the dust, his headache the only reminder of the last night.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She was wrapped like a gift package in the layers of the red silk. He could not imagine that his golden-skinned Ping is somewhere inside this bangle. All in all, it looked pretty much like any bride he've seen, not that he was an expert. The thought that inside all this finery there is hidden his little friend, his lively, dark-eyed Mulan almost made him laugh. He could bet that everyone expected to have a pale faced refined beauty behind such an exterior. But Shang did not need that kind of a beauty. He was in love with her pure courageous heart, not her looks. Though the golden face with large dark eyes and innocently-sensual mouth did not hurt. Anyway, it was so silly that they tried to make her pretty for him. There was no silk so fine, or jade so precious to adorn the very incarnation of the spring, his little soldier Mulan.
She was sitting by his side, so close during the ceremony. He could see her rigid posture, and the quiet tears she was shedding. They were rolling ceaselessly from under the scarf like jewels, not soaking into the expensive shimmering silk. Why was she in such a distress? Maybe she was grieving over parting with her family. They would visit often, it's not far, and he really liked her folks. He did not have any family of his own left; he'd be delighted to be accepted in hers.
Finally, it was over. She was his wife! He could hardly believe it. A half an hour of meaningless ceremony, and this incredible girl was his wife! The whole thing looked so much like a simple transaction: 'one hero of China/water sprite combo to go, in the gift-wrap, please'. An here, she was his. No, she was not his by the sanction of the same people who proclaimed her unfit for marriage - she was his by the right of their love and the kinship of their souls. He only had to wait through the way home - their home now!
Dusty road seemed endless; the trip was taking too long for the impatient Shang. She was right there, in the carriage, and stupid customs prevented him from seeing her, even saying a single word to her. He was never as happy to see his home as this time, when it appeared in the evening twilight. At last. Only a few more minutes, there were these bedroom customs to survive yet. The stupid scarf was hiding her face, no doubt blushing from the rude jokes his friends were showering them with. He will have to have a word with them later.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sitting on the stranger's bed, Mulan prayed for the courage to open her eyes. Suddenly, she heard a whisper:
"It's all right, Mulan. They are gone"
Shang lifted the scarf. The face that under it... it could not be! Ivory skin, delicate features... a stunning beauty, but not his sun-kissed Ping! She lifts her eyes, and he finally recognized her.
"Mulan? I never knew you are so... beautiful...Gods, you are so beautiful..." his water sprite had pulled another trick. Now she had looks that would shame the most famous Court beauty. "I could have married you for looks and never knew what a treasure you are..."
Mulan did not know what to think. In the flickering light of the lamp she saw the last face she was expecting. He looked as astonished as she felt, stuttering words coming from his lips.
"Shang?!"
The next thing she knew was crying in his arms, wet face pressed to the side of his neck. He was murmuring some soothing nonsense to her, that neither of them could remember afterwards. There he was, in the flesh - miles of shoulder she had never hoped to see again, his amazing lips on her temples.
"... Why did not you tell me?"
"I thought you understand... Your father just gave me his blessing, I felt so honored... And then you came, and told me that you actually loved me! I could not believe my luck!" his voice was soft and laughing "The least I could do was to make the ceremony as perfect as possible, as tradition would have it. It was killing me not to see your sweet face for all these weeks... But the groom is not to see the bride until the wedding, I had to comply with the custom... It is over now, you are here, you are my wife..."
She had never seen him this way. He was so open, so happy. Where was her stern captain, who barely ever spoke a dozen words in the row. He was like a boy on the New Year's day, eyes shining in anxious anticipation. Her tears were turning into giggly light-headedness now:
"Gods... Do you know what you did to me? I thought you did not care for me, did not want to do anything with me! I thought I was marrying some old general, which was ORDERED to marry me! By the way, how come they told me I am to marry a general, and then they sneak in a mere captain? I feel cheated!"
"Well, don't you see the regalia?" he turned for her benefit, demonstrating his new splendour. "as you see, I am a general. When the main army forces were destroyed by Shan-Yu, most of the officers were slain. I was the commanding officer of the troops that turned the war around. And I also got all the credit for the actions of that Ping boy, remember him? It is a long leap from captain to the general, but I happened to be the only one qualified to fill my father's shoes."
His voice was laughing when he spoke, but she could see the hurt behind his eyes, and understood. She was not the only outcast in the room. Shang was treated as a young upstart by the other generals, who would never forgive him his brilliant victory, his lineage, his success, his blinding career. He did not speak much of it, but was grateful when she put a gentle hand on his cheek.
"I did not know it when I left the capital to follow you. I knew that as a captain I did not cut the rank to marry the hero of China, so I applied for the special favour of the Emperor. By that time the decree of the promotion was already approved and signed. But I guess the Emperor enjoyed my grovelling for the permission to marry you. He had his fun, and then gave me the decree. He said that if I am smart enough to want to marry you, I am smart enough to be a general." She saw a lonely orphaned boy in the man who was always a symbol of strength for her, lost in the sneering world. So much pain, so much misunderstanding.
"Just to think... all these weeks... living there, wanting to die, never hoping to see you again! the village... the rumours... You know what they were saying about me?! That I... soldiers..."
"Shhh... I know, Mulan, I know. If only I was there, I would show the bastards I would never let anyone even think of you that way!"
"Humphhh... as if they would believe you. They thought I was your mistress" she was desperately seeking some way to console him, to laugh the whole thing off.
"What?! I had never touched you! You know I respected you too much for that!"
"I know... Hey, what do you mean, you never touched me? Remember the beauty of a black eye you gave me in sparring?!"
"I gave PING in sparring. And if my memory does not fail me, Ping was speedy at repayment. My jaw was tender for a week after that beautiful inside-out spinning crescent kick you landed"
"And you... you lifted me off the ground by my shirt and shook me silly on my very first day in the camp! I was scared to death, you brut!"
"I find it hard to believe. Ping I know and love was not intimidated by Shang-Yu, and you are saying that li'l ol me had scared you?"
"Well, you looked at me so angrily... and your face was just inches away from mine..." she knew she was flirting now, but could not help herself: he was just too darn cute "...you were pulling on my collar... you lifted me off the ground, you brute... and I was just hanging there, praying..."
"For what?" he was clearly amused. His smile dropped a notch when he recognized her grin. Ping was in the control of the situation again.
"I WAS PRAYING THAT YOU WOULD NOT LOOK STRAIGHT DOWN, SILLY"
It took him a few seconds to realize just what sight would greet him if he would do that. Ping's secret could be out right there and then, if he had only glanced down the opening of the robe he had pulled away so rudely from the chest of his little soldier. The deep red splashed in his face, to the infinite gratification of Mulan. But he cut his losses. He had a notion that it was in his power to turn the tables around. He may be missed his chance once, he was not going to do that again:
"Now, let me see, you little tease... I was holding Ping like this..." her smile faded, and she gasped as he grasped handful of the silk of her robe in his hand "... and I was pulling like this... and..." her delicate silk robe was no match to the tough soldier's shirt she'd worn then. Of course, it came undone. And of course, His smug Excellency enjoyed it shamelessly. He looked down deliberately, just because he could, but his glance returned to her face. It was way more amusing to watch her shy blush. The time to admire the gentle curves he glimpsed at the lake will come soon enough.
Playfulness was shed of as just another mask. The tension too great, the desire too devastating.
"Shang, I... we... don't... well..." his nearness was overwhelming, and her voice trailed off. His face was very close and getting closer. Here it was - her moment of truth.
He had lost his footing. Jokes were off. He was drowning. He felt unreasoning anger rising inside him: this girl turned his world up-side down, undermined his every conviction, reduced him to a lovelorn boy. All these months of struggle. This preposterous wedding. She was his wife - and he was lost again, powerless against a slip of a girl.
His features were closed, taut as if in pain. He yanked her against his chest possessively, almost brutally. He did not need her permission, they both knew he had it for the long time. She tilted her face and met his kiss fully, as she would meet a deathblow. His mouth dropped on hers almost in rage, as if inflicting a wound.
He felt her startle under his onslaught, but she did not pull back. He recognized her hesitation for what it was. Her first kiss. Ping's first kiss. He will never cease to marvel at her courage and the purity of her soul. Kiss was as heated as involved and as mutual as a spar. He was straggling for the remnants of control, afraid to scare her, but his hands seemed to have will of their own, moving over the lithe sweet body. He felt her hands tensing for a moment, her breath caught... and then she deepened the kiss, arching toward him, pressing her breast tighter in his palm.
She was wrong. What she took for a pity, was most self-forgetting love she'd ever seen. No need for words. He was a proud man, she would not ask for cheap professions from him. It's enough that she knew in her heart. Let silly girls wrench words of love from admirers. All she ever needed to know was said in the warm dark eyes of Shang.
She was wrong after all. The assumption that she'd be free from excessive attention of her husband did not stand. If the intense longing in his eyes was any indication, her commanding officer had a tight full-time schedule all planed out for her. It did not look like she'd be able to leave this room much earlier than by the New Year celebration. The funny thing, she did not mind a bit. Oh, well... he WAS her husband. The family honour... The hell with the family honour! This man was all she ever wanted, and she was out to make her mother proud!
They finally pulled apart, stunned by the power of the kiss, but did not break the embrace.
"You know what I lived through in these last months? I thought my family sold me to some old guy, Emperor gave his orders and washed his hands off, you forgotten me."
"You think it was any easier for me, all this year? Seeing you, falling in love with the boy, despising myself for it. I thought I was a pervert! all this time that I dreamed of this. ever since I saw you as a boy. You know how hard it was - attempting to think of you only like of a younger brother."
"Younger brother? You mean I can get out of these stupid threads and back in my boys clothes and you would not mind?" a friendly banter felt so much safer than the flood of emotion that threatened to drown her.
"I am all for getting you out of these stupid threads, I am even willing to help as much as I can. But as for getting you in the boy's dress - or any dress for this matter - I would postpone it for later... Much later."
"Oh, you are... you are..."
"Your husband, Mulan" his eyes were warm, but his words made her shiver with sudden realization. The world "husband" hit her like a punch. The hated word she avoided thinking about for so long. The symbol of lost freedom, of caged submission. It did not really matter that she loved him so - she was no more than his property. His whenever he wished, without any right to her own body.
He felt her stiffen in his embrace suddenly. Mulan, playful, happy Mulan has disappeared. In her place was Ping, but not the sweet boy Ping, it was Ping wary of a dangerous opponent, wary of potential betrayal. What? Oh, what had he said! 'No, I never meant it as a claim of ownership, I only wanted to say that there is nothing we should be ashamed of between us.' he thought desperately.
Mulan was torn inside. He was her master, she belonged to him. She felt a desperate desire to submit fully to the man she loved, the thought of complete surrender to him made her weak with the pleasure.
Yet, she felt betrayed somehow. It felt like a trap for both of them. Was it all he wanted from her? An obedient wife that was always ready to please him? Her insolent pride flared out. She straightened, holding the halves of her disordered dress together, and bowed to her husband. She was standing in front of stricken Shang, courteous and alert like a soldier ready to take orders.
"yes, of course", she bowed low "What my master wishes?"
Shang had already recovered from his guilt trip. Two could play this game. He stepped back, giving her a mocking look. She did not deign to notice. He moved around the room easily, tossing off the elaborate hat, perfectly at home. He took off the fancy general's garments, and bare-chested plopped comfortably on the bed.
In contrast with his easy behaviour, her primness was becoming more and more ridiculous with every passing second. He was obviously refusing to take the bait. She stood up finally and crossed her arms in front of herself, pinning him with the glare.
"Have you been testing me, my love?" He said it so openly, yet it startled her. His eyes were full of laughing understanding "you thought I won't have courage to tell it to you? Proper wives are dime a dozen. I love YOU, all that you are. You have as much power over me as I have over you. You own me as much as I do you. What does my mistress wishes?"
She was fighting laughter down, and he continued:
"Don't you see it? You taught me to be a man. You taught me to value a woman in you. I will accept nothing less. We both deserve better than relation between master and slave. I love to have a right to be with you, but it was not given by the stupid ceremony they just put us through. You gave that right to me that evening in your garden, when you said you loved me. That's what I want from you - love given freely, like China has given you its admiration."
She felt humbled by his sincerity. She had hurt him. Shang was as much an outcast Mulan herself. He rejected the comfort of traditions, risked his honor for the soldier-wife. He just refused the right of the master that custom gave him. He did not want obedience from his wife.
He denied her a shelter of helpless slavery, he redeemed her soul and sentenced her to the responsibility of the freedom. She was up to the challenge. A love for a love. They were equal. Her pride was his pride. 'You want a complete person, my love? I have nothing to hide from you. You have won. I will be yours more fully than if you'd accepted me as a slave.' She forced her stiff fingers to release the fabric of the dress, and with one brave movement of the shoulders let it slide to the floor.
Shang's mocking smile replaced with awe of respect and admiration
He stood up without noticing it himself. His eyes were glued to the small body of his wife, taking it in with one long, drinking glance. Such a brave girl. The sight of the straight fresh scar across the midriff hit him like a blow. Ha sank to his knees in front of her, seeing nothing but the narrow red line on the pale skin. Her courage flickered; hands flew up to cover herself, gesture so painfully familiar, just as on the lake.
"Let me see... there is nothing to be ashamed of..."
All disguises were off, all pretences down. No accustomed lies, no forced ardour, no playful bravado to hide the shyness. She was no longer dressed as a boy for him, nor as a bride. There was - just her, nothing but the smoothness of the skin between them.
He knelt down to her, holding her close, face pressed to her small breasts, lips on the thin angry red scar from the sword of Shan-Yu. His whisper was muffled against her skin, mixing pride of the warrior and hurt of the lover.
"The badge of the highest honour... to be able to kiss it was the greatest of the privileges for me... children carried under this mark will be blessed with the light of glory, boys or girls alike..."
She let her knees bend under her, and slid down in his embrace, pressing her body tight against him. They were clinging to each other desperately, touch of comforting transforming into caress of passion. Two lonely souls that found each other in the world they would never fit in, two outcasts, proud and beautiful as gods, sad and wise as the mortal children they were.
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See, I am done. Well, I would never be able to do it without my great beta- reader Pooky, a.k.a. Lian-hua. All together now: THREE CHEERS FOR LIAN- HUA!!!. Ahhhh... I am feeling better now. Don't forget to leave a review - yes, I mean you.
Ikuko
Part three. The soldier and the officer
There it was, the village where Mulan grew up. Shang did not know what to expect, but he had this feeling as if he was going on the pilgrimage, and the place where Mulan lived should have mystery of a temple. But the village itself was very ordinary, dusty and busy. Carts rattled nosily down the narrow streets, people went on with their regular routines, as if they were not privileged to live by the side of the most incredible woman who ever existed.
He asked a passer-by the way to the Fa house. The fellow squinted at Shang inquisitively, but pointed the direction with a knotty finger. There it was: a large house behind a solid wall, clearly one of the best in the village. There were two women at the gates, one demure middle-aged and one a pleasant old lady. Could they be from the same house? The first lady looked a lot like Mulan. Well, there is no better way than to ask.
"Excuse me. Does Fa Mulan live here?"
Both women looked dumb-stricken, and could only point silently inside the gates. Did he say anything wrong?
"Wow, sign me up for the next war!" he heard the voice of the older lady.
Yep, these women were definitely related to Mulan, and pertness ran in the family.
He stepped through the gates and found himself in the most enchanting place. Just as he had imagined, a fairyland. All the bustle of the village was left behind, the whole place was overflowing with serenity. The arched bridge reflected in the old overgrown pond, the dark shapes of the old trees were rising from behind round inner gates. The house itself was a curious mix of a country retreat a house of a noble, elegant old-fashion architecture softened with the feel of the forgotten garden. There were ruins of the great stone dragon by the pond, as a reminder of the times long gone, and tempestuous bloom of the plum trees, greeting days to come.
Her father was a very distinguished veteran, and met him graciously. Shang just began his well-rehearsed speech to "Honorable Fa Zhou" when he was stopped dead on his tracks by appearance of Mulan herself. Well, there went the speech. But the girl was a jewel. She did not mind his stuttering, and even invited him for dinner. Not that he could possibly eat with her so close to him.
That was a quiet, restful place. The small shrine on the top of the hill was full of burial stones, a witness of many generations of Fa, noble clan that had no male heir left. But is did not transmit any sense of helpless sorrow, only a noble resignation and acceptance. There was a subtle feel of peace with the world and gentle care from everyone in the house. Pleasant dignified mother and delightful free-spirited grandma were as much part of the mansion as the pond and the shrine. That wonderful place was populated by so many strange beings. Little Brother, amusingly stupid puppy leading a platoon of industrious white hens. noble steed Khan, garden full of butterflies. No other place could bring to the world a girl as pure and precious as Mulan.
He was a coward, he was. He positively escaped to her father's room after the dinner. He had an excuse, right? First of all, you ask the father for the hand of your girl. Actually, he was supposed to act through a matchmaker, but he had to be sure that Fa Zhou is on his side. After that, no breach of traditions whatsoever. He will go along with this entire circus, even if it'll kill him. If only his father was with him to see his old friend! Fa Zhou, white-templed and dignified, leaning on the cane, was glad to learn that the young captain was a son of his old comrade.
Fa Zhou was a very understanding man. Though he did not have sons, he never even mentioned an adoption marriage. He long accepted that after his death, Fa clan will be extinct. Sad as it was, that was a relief for Shang. He himself was the last survivor of his family, and the only hope for the name to continue. He was prepared to go through adoption for Mulan, but this was so much better! The name of Li will survive, and the children would inherit the best of the two families.
There was so much to discuss. Shang was the first to tell Fa Zhou about the death of his father - and to watch the old soldier's grief over the lost friend. It was the first time for Shang himself, to share his own pain with someone so close to his father. They were sitting in the darkness of the room, two men who just met, yet brought so close by the grief they shared over the death of one's father and the love they had for another's daughter.
"I've lost a friend" said Fa Zhou at last "but I gained a son. Both your father and I will live in your children, Li Shang. I know your father was very proud of you. Take good care of my little girl."
Fa Zhou even hinted that Mulan might not be indifferent to Shang! Well, he was entertaining that thought before, but had had considered it as a mix of narcissic presumption and wishful thinking on his part. Fa Zhou only smiled, amused by the obvious excitement of the young captain.
They discussed all the details of the wedding, and agreed that in this case, when the bride had such an unusual choice of career, the traditions should not be neglected. There was only one draw back for Shang: he will not be able to see Mulan until she will enter his bedroom as his new wife. The only consolation was that the next time he will see her, it will be on his bed. And NO ARMOR!
She was in the garden, waiting for him when he finished talking to her father. He knew he was not supposed to see her, he promised. but she was there! It took all his control to restrain his happiness, to tell her with due respect that he will honour her properly, as the custom requires. And she told him she loved him! Just like that, she told him. Soon, he thought. Just a few short weeks, and we will be together!
He had something to sustain him through these difficult weeks. Fa Zhou told him the story how Mulan wanted to protect her father, how she stood by him, claiming that he already paid his duty to China. How she was put down, first by Chi Fu, then by her own father she was trying to protect. How the honourable Fa Zhou found a lotus comb in the place he put the emperors decree of summons to the army. It was too late to stop her then, Mulan was already gone to the face her destiny instead of the father that did not see a hero in the feminine form. He was devastated. They found the cut locks of hair on the floor of her room. His water sprite paid the price of honour in full, not sparing the pride of any girl, her thick silky hair.
Fa Zhou saved the locks, hoping that his daughter will return one day. Now, he gave one of the locks to Shang, who was ready to beg for it on his knees. Shang had it, right on his breast, a lock of black silk that smelled like the hair of the small wounded soldier in the snowy mountains. He was pressing it to his heart, seeing in his mind desperate Mulan cutting her hair in one merciless slice of her father sword, rejecting her life, her nature, her femininity for the honour of her family. Her being a soldier did not bother him. He understood fully that it would not be quite a traditional marriage. His wife would also be his friend, so it's a two for one deal. At least he can keep up the superficial appearances of the usual, run-of-the-mill wedding. No one will be able to reproach his bride!
Gods were smiling at Shang. The best friend he could wish for, the brightest mind, the purest soul and the bravest heart he had ever known were all united in the body of the prettiest girl he loved. And she loved him back! She said so herself. He had to steel himself against enormous joy he felt at her confession, or he would scoop her in his arms right there and then and take her away with him. She deserved better than that. Their wedding will be as proper as it can possibly be.
He could not believe his luck. There were many men richer and of nobler blood than he was, and more decorated warriors. Yet, Fa Zhou accepted him as a son-in-law! And Mulan said she loved him. Mulan said she loved him!
He could never imagine that he would be so gone on a girl. Of course, he wasn't the first man ever in love. He saw many infatuated friends, and was often amused how they idealized far from perfect girls. Intellectually he knew that no one, not even Mulan could be absolutely perfect. There must be something wrong with her. He'd just have to find it; then his infatuation would be under some semblance of the control.
Let's see. Obviously, Mulan had no equal in courage, intelligence or honour, among women or men alike. That left only appearance. But she looked. He had to shut his eyes for a moment when a warm wave of affection welled inside him.
All right, her appearance was not exactly what was considered as an epitome of classical beauty. For one, her skin was tanned. But surely, no Court maiden with her sickly pallor could compare with the golden glow of his little soldier. Well, she had these quaint round little ears that were sticking out in a funny way. After a moment's contemplation he was deeply convicted that he ALWAYS adored quaint little ears, all his life.
There was also her pert attitude that was disagreeing with the traditional behavior of properly brought up young ladies. In all the honesty, he found it irresistible. Who was he kidding? He was a gone goose, and there was no hope for him whatsoever. May be later, when they'll be long-married, the power of the habit will soften his infatuation. Yeah. very possibly, say, in thirty or forty years. He'll be just fine. At the very least, he had an excuse. He was in love with the most extraordinary girl in China, he had a right to be as foolish as he wanted.
He spent the night in the guesthouse in the near-by town. In the morning, he talked to the matchmaker and convinced her that it was in her best interests to be as compliant as possible.
Matchmaker impressed him as a hostile, unpleasant fat woman, domineering and intimidating, sure that she knows everything there is to know. He could easily see why Mulan did not like her at all, and why matchmaker could never appreciate his little water sprite.
Matchmaker actually tried to talk him out of his chosen bride. There were lots of more beautiful and proper girls, all too happy to marry a man like him. She went on and on, describing the numerous virtues of the potential brides. Out of politeness, he listened. But the longer she talked, the greater his astonishment grew: Mulan was fitting the description of an ideal girl better than anyone he knew. 'You are offering me girls that are graceful?' he was musing 'Lady, you haven't seen one water sprite I know. The proper girl must be polite refined and poised? I'd love to see how many of your perfect brides would not dishonor themselves in front of the Emperor. The beauty? Mulan was delicate as a flower, she was pretty without help of make-up. Modest? More than you know: she did not claim any credit for her deeds. Punctual? Have never seen a better timing than with that cannon on the Tang-Shao pass'.
Mulan fit it all too well. He knew the Confucian scripture by heart, but now, from the lips of ludicrous village matchmaker, it was like a revelation, as if he heard it first time. Knowing Mulan gave a new, deeper meaning to the familiar words. Even when he already parted with defeated matchmaker, he kept reciting the words in his head
"she is loyal without hypocrisy
she is intelligent without intimidation,
brave without boasting,
gentle without condescending,
Proud but not conceited,
virtuous but not scornful,
respectful but not adulating."
'Yeah, I know: and I am in love beyond redemption.'
You reject her because she fits your ideal too well. She is true. You are praising fakes. Fakes are more convenient, they do not expose your own weakness. The example of the true one is too demanding, it calls for everything best in us. She is a true woman, and she had shown me what does it mean to be a man.'
He was grateful for the constant distraction of the many duties he had to accomplish for the wedding. He wrote all the accustomed letters, chuckling at the old-fashioned expressions he was expected to use. The matchmaker assured him that the whole deal would be accomplished as soon as possible.
He returned home, and gave necessary orders for the ceremony preparation. There was still the business of the Emperor's permission that matchmaker requested, too. Luckily, the Emperor was delighted with the match, and gave his permission on the spot.
However, some nobles were less impressed with his choice. Respectable matrons were eyeing him as a perspective match for their daughters, brainless, overdressed china dolls. They might have been very beautiful and polished, but he would give all the cultured, pale-faced lot of them for one witty quirk from his tan-skinned, bright-eyed little hero.
Few days later he was back in the village, unable to stay away for too long. He knew he would not be able to see her, but being so close to her home was all he needed. To his surprise, he met the gang on the street the next day after his arrival. And they were not too happy to see him, too. In fact, for a moment he thought that Yao is going to practice his newly- learned fighting skills on his own coach. Thank goodness Chien-Po talked him out of it.
The misunderstanding was resolved soon enough: they knew that Mulan was to be given away in the marriage, and thought that Shang betrayed their friend. Now that they learned the truth, they seemed to return their trust in Shang, Yao grouchily, Ling and Chien-Po happily. Still, it bothered Shang. How could it be that she had doubted him? Surely, Fa Zhou must have told her already who her suitor was. There must have been some mistake that misled the gang.
They spent the evening together, in the small tavern, recalling the year of training and the short and tragic expedition. They left the village the very next day, determined to visit the temple that was the first object of their journey, but promised to return for the wedding. Funny how last year's unkempt soldiers turned out to become almost friends. Shang saw them go wistfully, until they disappeared in the dust, his headache the only reminder of the last night.
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She was wrapped like a gift package in the layers of the red silk. He could not imagine that his golden-skinned Ping is somewhere inside this bangle. All in all, it looked pretty much like any bride he've seen, not that he was an expert. The thought that inside all this finery there is hidden his little friend, his lively, dark-eyed Mulan almost made him laugh. He could bet that everyone expected to have a pale faced refined beauty behind such an exterior. But Shang did not need that kind of a beauty. He was in love with her pure courageous heart, not her looks. Though the golden face with large dark eyes and innocently-sensual mouth did not hurt. Anyway, it was so silly that they tried to make her pretty for him. There was no silk so fine, or jade so precious to adorn the very incarnation of the spring, his little soldier Mulan.
She was sitting by his side, so close during the ceremony. He could see her rigid posture, and the quiet tears she was shedding. They were rolling ceaselessly from under the scarf like jewels, not soaking into the expensive shimmering silk. Why was she in such a distress? Maybe she was grieving over parting with her family. They would visit often, it's not far, and he really liked her folks. He did not have any family of his own left; he'd be delighted to be accepted in hers.
Finally, it was over. She was his wife! He could hardly believe it. A half an hour of meaningless ceremony, and this incredible girl was his wife! The whole thing looked so much like a simple transaction: 'one hero of China/water sprite combo to go, in the gift-wrap, please'. An here, she was his. No, she was not his by the sanction of the same people who proclaimed her unfit for marriage - she was his by the right of their love and the kinship of their souls. He only had to wait through the way home - their home now!
Dusty road seemed endless; the trip was taking too long for the impatient Shang. She was right there, in the carriage, and stupid customs prevented him from seeing her, even saying a single word to her. He was never as happy to see his home as this time, when it appeared in the evening twilight. At last. Only a few more minutes, there were these bedroom customs to survive yet. The stupid scarf was hiding her face, no doubt blushing from the rude jokes his friends were showering them with. He will have to have a word with them later.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sitting on the stranger's bed, Mulan prayed for the courage to open her eyes. Suddenly, she heard a whisper:
"It's all right, Mulan. They are gone"
Shang lifted the scarf. The face that under it... it could not be! Ivory skin, delicate features... a stunning beauty, but not his sun-kissed Ping! She lifts her eyes, and he finally recognized her.
"Mulan? I never knew you are so... beautiful...Gods, you are so beautiful..." his water sprite had pulled another trick. Now she had looks that would shame the most famous Court beauty. "I could have married you for looks and never knew what a treasure you are..."
Mulan did not know what to think. In the flickering light of the lamp she saw the last face she was expecting. He looked as astonished as she felt, stuttering words coming from his lips.
"Shang?!"
The next thing she knew was crying in his arms, wet face pressed to the side of his neck. He was murmuring some soothing nonsense to her, that neither of them could remember afterwards. There he was, in the flesh - miles of shoulder she had never hoped to see again, his amazing lips on her temples.
"... Why did not you tell me?"
"I thought you understand... Your father just gave me his blessing, I felt so honored... And then you came, and told me that you actually loved me! I could not believe my luck!" his voice was soft and laughing "The least I could do was to make the ceremony as perfect as possible, as tradition would have it. It was killing me not to see your sweet face for all these weeks... But the groom is not to see the bride until the wedding, I had to comply with the custom... It is over now, you are here, you are my wife..."
She had never seen him this way. He was so open, so happy. Where was her stern captain, who barely ever spoke a dozen words in the row. He was like a boy on the New Year's day, eyes shining in anxious anticipation. Her tears were turning into giggly light-headedness now:
"Gods... Do you know what you did to me? I thought you did not care for me, did not want to do anything with me! I thought I was marrying some old general, which was ORDERED to marry me! By the way, how come they told me I am to marry a general, and then they sneak in a mere captain? I feel cheated!"
"Well, don't you see the regalia?" he turned for her benefit, demonstrating his new splendour. "as you see, I am a general. When the main army forces were destroyed by Shan-Yu, most of the officers were slain. I was the commanding officer of the troops that turned the war around. And I also got all the credit for the actions of that Ping boy, remember him? It is a long leap from captain to the general, but I happened to be the only one qualified to fill my father's shoes."
His voice was laughing when he spoke, but she could see the hurt behind his eyes, and understood. She was not the only outcast in the room. Shang was treated as a young upstart by the other generals, who would never forgive him his brilliant victory, his lineage, his success, his blinding career. He did not speak much of it, but was grateful when she put a gentle hand on his cheek.
"I did not know it when I left the capital to follow you. I knew that as a captain I did not cut the rank to marry the hero of China, so I applied for the special favour of the Emperor. By that time the decree of the promotion was already approved and signed. But I guess the Emperor enjoyed my grovelling for the permission to marry you. He had his fun, and then gave me the decree. He said that if I am smart enough to want to marry you, I am smart enough to be a general." She saw a lonely orphaned boy in the man who was always a symbol of strength for her, lost in the sneering world. So much pain, so much misunderstanding.
"Just to think... all these weeks... living there, wanting to die, never hoping to see you again! the village... the rumours... You know what they were saying about me?! That I... soldiers..."
"Shhh... I know, Mulan, I know. If only I was there, I would show the bastards I would never let anyone even think of you that way!"
"Humphhh... as if they would believe you. They thought I was your mistress" she was desperately seeking some way to console him, to laugh the whole thing off.
"What?! I had never touched you! You know I respected you too much for that!"
"I know... Hey, what do you mean, you never touched me? Remember the beauty of a black eye you gave me in sparring?!"
"I gave PING in sparring. And if my memory does not fail me, Ping was speedy at repayment. My jaw was tender for a week after that beautiful inside-out spinning crescent kick you landed"
"And you... you lifted me off the ground by my shirt and shook me silly on my very first day in the camp! I was scared to death, you brut!"
"I find it hard to believe. Ping I know and love was not intimidated by Shang-Yu, and you are saying that li'l ol me had scared you?"
"Well, you looked at me so angrily... and your face was just inches away from mine..." she knew she was flirting now, but could not help herself: he was just too darn cute "...you were pulling on my collar... you lifted me off the ground, you brute... and I was just hanging there, praying..."
"For what?" he was clearly amused. His smile dropped a notch when he recognized her grin. Ping was in the control of the situation again.
"I WAS PRAYING THAT YOU WOULD NOT LOOK STRAIGHT DOWN, SILLY"
It took him a few seconds to realize just what sight would greet him if he would do that. Ping's secret could be out right there and then, if he had only glanced down the opening of the robe he had pulled away so rudely from the chest of his little soldier. The deep red splashed in his face, to the infinite gratification of Mulan. But he cut his losses. He had a notion that it was in his power to turn the tables around. He may be missed his chance once, he was not going to do that again:
"Now, let me see, you little tease... I was holding Ping like this..." her smile faded, and she gasped as he grasped handful of the silk of her robe in his hand "... and I was pulling like this... and..." her delicate silk robe was no match to the tough soldier's shirt she'd worn then. Of course, it came undone. And of course, His smug Excellency enjoyed it shamelessly. He looked down deliberately, just because he could, but his glance returned to her face. It was way more amusing to watch her shy blush. The time to admire the gentle curves he glimpsed at the lake will come soon enough.
Playfulness was shed of as just another mask. The tension too great, the desire too devastating.
"Shang, I... we... don't... well..." his nearness was overwhelming, and her voice trailed off. His face was very close and getting closer. Here it was - her moment of truth.
He had lost his footing. Jokes were off. He was drowning. He felt unreasoning anger rising inside him: this girl turned his world up-side down, undermined his every conviction, reduced him to a lovelorn boy. All these months of struggle. This preposterous wedding. She was his wife - and he was lost again, powerless against a slip of a girl.
His features were closed, taut as if in pain. He yanked her against his chest possessively, almost brutally. He did not need her permission, they both knew he had it for the long time. She tilted her face and met his kiss fully, as she would meet a deathblow. His mouth dropped on hers almost in rage, as if inflicting a wound.
He felt her startle under his onslaught, but she did not pull back. He recognized her hesitation for what it was. Her first kiss. Ping's first kiss. He will never cease to marvel at her courage and the purity of her soul. Kiss was as heated as involved and as mutual as a spar. He was straggling for the remnants of control, afraid to scare her, but his hands seemed to have will of their own, moving over the lithe sweet body. He felt her hands tensing for a moment, her breath caught... and then she deepened the kiss, arching toward him, pressing her breast tighter in his palm.
She was wrong. What she took for a pity, was most self-forgetting love she'd ever seen. No need for words. He was a proud man, she would not ask for cheap professions from him. It's enough that she knew in her heart. Let silly girls wrench words of love from admirers. All she ever needed to know was said in the warm dark eyes of Shang.
She was wrong after all. The assumption that she'd be free from excessive attention of her husband did not stand. If the intense longing in his eyes was any indication, her commanding officer had a tight full-time schedule all planed out for her. It did not look like she'd be able to leave this room much earlier than by the New Year celebration. The funny thing, she did not mind a bit. Oh, well... he WAS her husband. The family honour... The hell with the family honour! This man was all she ever wanted, and she was out to make her mother proud!
They finally pulled apart, stunned by the power of the kiss, but did not break the embrace.
"You know what I lived through in these last months? I thought my family sold me to some old guy, Emperor gave his orders and washed his hands off, you forgotten me."
"You think it was any easier for me, all this year? Seeing you, falling in love with the boy, despising myself for it. I thought I was a pervert! all this time that I dreamed of this. ever since I saw you as a boy. You know how hard it was - attempting to think of you only like of a younger brother."
"Younger brother? You mean I can get out of these stupid threads and back in my boys clothes and you would not mind?" a friendly banter felt so much safer than the flood of emotion that threatened to drown her.
"I am all for getting you out of these stupid threads, I am even willing to help as much as I can. But as for getting you in the boy's dress - or any dress for this matter - I would postpone it for later... Much later."
"Oh, you are... you are..."
"Your husband, Mulan" his eyes were warm, but his words made her shiver with sudden realization. The world "husband" hit her like a punch. The hated word she avoided thinking about for so long. The symbol of lost freedom, of caged submission. It did not really matter that she loved him so - she was no more than his property. His whenever he wished, without any right to her own body.
He felt her stiffen in his embrace suddenly. Mulan, playful, happy Mulan has disappeared. In her place was Ping, but not the sweet boy Ping, it was Ping wary of a dangerous opponent, wary of potential betrayal. What? Oh, what had he said! 'No, I never meant it as a claim of ownership, I only wanted to say that there is nothing we should be ashamed of between us.' he thought desperately.
Mulan was torn inside. He was her master, she belonged to him. She felt a desperate desire to submit fully to the man she loved, the thought of complete surrender to him made her weak with the pleasure.
Yet, she felt betrayed somehow. It felt like a trap for both of them. Was it all he wanted from her? An obedient wife that was always ready to please him? Her insolent pride flared out. She straightened, holding the halves of her disordered dress together, and bowed to her husband. She was standing in front of stricken Shang, courteous and alert like a soldier ready to take orders.
"yes, of course", she bowed low "What my master wishes?"
Shang had already recovered from his guilt trip. Two could play this game. He stepped back, giving her a mocking look. She did not deign to notice. He moved around the room easily, tossing off the elaborate hat, perfectly at home. He took off the fancy general's garments, and bare-chested plopped comfortably on the bed.
In contrast with his easy behaviour, her primness was becoming more and more ridiculous with every passing second. He was obviously refusing to take the bait. She stood up finally and crossed her arms in front of herself, pinning him with the glare.
"Have you been testing me, my love?" He said it so openly, yet it startled her. His eyes were full of laughing understanding "you thought I won't have courage to tell it to you? Proper wives are dime a dozen. I love YOU, all that you are. You have as much power over me as I have over you. You own me as much as I do you. What does my mistress wishes?"
She was fighting laughter down, and he continued:
"Don't you see it? You taught me to be a man. You taught me to value a woman in you. I will accept nothing less. We both deserve better than relation between master and slave. I love to have a right to be with you, but it was not given by the stupid ceremony they just put us through. You gave that right to me that evening in your garden, when you said you loved me. That's what I want from you - love given freely, like China has given you its admiration."
She felt humbled by his sincerity. She had hurt him. Shang was as much an outcast Mulan herself. He rejected the comfort of traditions, risked his honor for the soldier-wife. He just refused the right of the master that custom gave him. He did not want obedience from his wife.
He denied her a shelter of helpless slavery, he redeemed her soul and sentenced her to the responsibility of the freedom. She was up to the challenge. A love for a love. They were equal. Her pride was his pride. 'You want a complete person, my love? I have nothing to hide from you. You have won. I will be yours more fully than if you'd accepted me as a slave.' She forced her stiff fingers to release the fabric of the dress, and with one brave movement of the shoulders let it slide to the floor.
Shang's mocking smile replaced with awe of respect and admiration
He stood up without noticing it himself. His eyes were glued to the small body of his wife, taking it in with one long, drinking glance. Such a brave girl. The sight of the straight fresh scar across the midriff hit him like a blow. Ha sank to his knees in front of her, seeing nothing but the narrow red line on the pale skin. Her courage flickered; hands flew up to cover herself, gesture so painfully familiar, just as on the lake.
"Let me see... there is nothing to be ashamed of..."
All disguises were off, all pretences down. No accustomed lies, no forced ardour, no playful bravado to hide the shyness. She was no longer dressed as a boy for him, nor as a bride. There was - just her, nothing but the smoothness of the skin between them.
He knelt down to her, holding her close, face pressed to her small breasts, lips on the thin angry red scar from the sword of Shan-Yu. His whisper was muffled against her skin, mixing pride of the warrior and hurt of the lover.
"The badge of the highest honour... to be able to kiss it was the greatest of the privileges for me... children carried under this mark will be blessed with the light of glory, boys or girls alike..."
She let her knees bend under her, and slid down in his embrace, pressing her body tight against him. They were clinging to each other desperately, touch of comforting transforming into caress of passion. Two lonely souls that found each other in the world they would never fit in, two outcasts, proud and beautiful as gods, sad and wise as the mortal children they were.
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See, I am done. Well, I would never be able to do it without my great beta- reader Pooky, a.k.a. Lian-hua. All together now: THREE CHEERS FOR LIAN- HUA!!!. Ahhhh... I am feeling better now. Don't forget to leave a review - yes, I mean you.
Ikuko
