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Hand of the Emperor.
A personal reflection.


I'm not afraid just frightened. Yet I don't even know what I frightened off but it's there. Hanging dangerously over me and it won't let me go! I have no idea who I am, how I got here, why I'm here. I used to know that much I'm sure off and the people act as if they used to know too. Just not anymore. It's as if our memories have been destroyed.

Force what am I doing? Force? I wonder where I learnt the word, it has some meaning but...but what? This is driving me crazy. Who the heck am I.

The door is sliding open, I wonder? Yes there is some food. I hadn't realised how hungry I am. Picking it up I rest the tray on my knees. Carefully I go through it, wondering if there is poison in it. Why would I think that? Are the people holding me captive capable of putting poison in my food? Maybe they are not even holding me prisoner? Perhaps this is just a room.

Gingerly I try to open the door. It doesn't budge. Yes I'm a prisoner all right. Why? Why, why, why!?

I'm sure I knew yesterday. I'm sure I knew everything yesterday but when I woke up this morning I didn't know anything. It was as if my whole mind had been erased. Also it hurts. Hurts if I try to think back to far into my life. Something is blocking me and it slams up an invisible barrier.

The air in the room has suddenly grown colder. I can't suppress a shudder from travelling down my spine. Someone is coming. Force let them be on my side.

To be continued...

I cross my arms defensively. The footsteps are getting closer. There is a grim defeating sound to them. As if this is it. I'm done for. D@mn I think too much.

My breath catches in my throat and my heart is thudding so loud I'm sure whoever it is can hear me. I'm slowly beginning to break out in a sweat; I can feel it ooze out of my scalp.

As the door slides open I shrink back in fear. Wait, no don't do that! Fear leads to the... Great something else I can't remember. Fear leads to... hate? Ow! That hurts, that hurts so much. I want to scream. I can't stop it hurting. It won't stop! He's making it hurt! Who?

Two men enter the room, the guards can't come in with them there is no room. Suddenly I get an image of slamming my tray into one of them. I'm stunned as my tray rises up out of it's own accord and hurtles furiously, contents and all, towards them. Did I do that? How did I...?

One of them puts up his hand and the tray stops in its path and clatters harmlessly to the ground. That didn't achieve much.

"The wipe must not have been complete she still retains her abilities." The same one murmurs.

I look at him more closely now. He's tall and dark. Or maybe that's just his suit. He is human? He has a sinister presence but not nearly as much as the harmless looking old man beside him. He fills my heart with dread. The first may look it but he is not it entirely, the other however. He reeks off it, that and decay.

"Retains yes. Knows how to use them. That is doubt full."

I gulp. So I did do that. Have I displeased him? What will he do to me now? What has he done to me?

To be continued....

He come closer and I shrink back until my back hits the wall. Now that is uncomfortable.

He peers deep into me eyes and I feel like he's seeing into my mind. Yet there is not anything left there to see. He grasps my face in a clammy hand. His fingers are cold, too cold to be normal. I shudder involuntarily.

"No, she doesn't know anymore." He grinned evilly. "She will do."

"Yes my Master." The black suited man/machine said.

Master? Is he my Master too? I hope not. He yanks my face even closer to his. I try to turn away but he holds it close. Until I'm looking into his eyes. Yellow malicious eyes. Yellow dangerous dead eyes. There's nothing there. It as if I'm looking into nothingness into evil and then I see myself.

Fear overwhelms me and I struggle to break from his grasp. He is stronger than he looks and catches my hand before it makes contact with those seeking eyes.

I'm angry why are they holding me? Why won't they tell me what they are doing?

"What is your name?" He asks suddenly.

My name...my name. What is my name? Shouldn't my name be my essence. Where have they buried my name?
"I don't know?" I answer truthfully.

He looks pleased. "She'll do." He murmurs to himself pleased.

Do? She'll do? She who doesn't even know her name? I feel compelled to hit him. Something other than him stops me. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to....? Darkside.
Darkside! That name means something. Something so important. I've grasped something vital. But there is something more, something before it. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate! Hate leads to the...

Pain intense burning main travels through me at such intensity that I can't make it stop. I cry out, falling to the floor in agony. Before I can beg for help, darkness descends.

To be continued...

My eyelids were heavy when I awoke and my body was tired and numb. Was it normal for your mind to be awake while your body was still a sleep? Possibly not. I yawned and rolled over onto my side taking in my surroundings. I was obviously not in my cell anymore. Well that was determined by the fact I could roll over without hitting the floor.

I wanted unconscious and tried to drift back into it. I didn't want to face reality. Whatever it was.

The sir pressure in the room changed and heavy footsteps fell. The machine man.

I was suddenly aware I was still in my bed, fully clothed thank the force.

What was the force? I had used that expression a few times now and still had no idea what it was. Was it good, bad or both?

I sat up bleary eyed. I was right it was the machine man. His demeanour was as dark as ever. Yet in his presence I was not afraid. Him I could handle.

"You will get dressed and come to the throne room immediately." His tone was authorities and I had no qualms in doing so. As soon as he left the room.

I raised my eyebrow wondering how to indicate for him to leave. A faint pressure touched my mind and then he turned and left. I shook my head bewildered.

Now fully awake my old thoughts began to reassert themselves and yesterday's proceedings came back to mind. Why did it hurt so badly when I tried to think back? Had something happened to me that was so awful that I could only look forward to the future? It seemed most likely though tiny doubts planted themselves in my subconscious. Why had I thought 'he' was causing it?


I wanted those answers now. This instant but something told me I would have to wait until my meeting.

There was a wardrobe beside a mirror in the room. I pulled out a dark blue jumpsuit and pulled it hastily one. As I did so I checked myself in the mirror. I frowned at my appearance. I couldn't determine how old I was. There were no real lines. A single braid lay on my shoulder and my hair looked to be in the first stages of growing out of a tight cut.

I wondered briefly why I had the braid. Did it stand for something? I filed it away for later research.
To be continued...

The door slid open again as soon as I was finished dressing. He didn't even have to tell me to come out I just instinctively followed him. As we walked down the corridor it was eerily quiet. Whenever we passed someone I watched his or her expression. They respected him but it was respect underlined by fear. I seen it but it was almost like I could taste it on my tongue too. That was strange sensation.

I couldn't bear the long silences. It forced me to think myself and then I would start to question myself again and I knew that would lead to pain. I had learnt my lesson twice and had no wish to discover it again.

Finally I overcame my apprehension and blurted out. "What is your name?"

He didn't even glance back at me. "Lord Vader."

Lord Vader? That was interesting. Lord of what?

Something whispered at me. Darkside, Darkside. Darkside. Lord of the Darkside?

"And the other? Your Master." I ventured again.

"My Master." He conceded. "The Emperor Palpatine."

Emperor? Palpatine? That name meant something. But I didn't have a chance to think any further about it as I came to an abrupt realisation that we were there.

Tbc...

I gasped as we entered. It was a magnificent sight unlike any I had ever scene before but then I had no idea of what I had seen before. My earliest memory had been that of four grey walls.

I could see the tactical information of planets and for a moment when I looked round the room it was as if I was standing in space itself. My attention however was soon sought.

He, the one Vader called Emperor and Master was there. His presence was concentrated and threatened to take over me. My fears were heightened like never before and I made futile after futile effort to suppress them.

He didn't get up from his sitting position but seemed content to study me. I felt a growing presence on my mind unlike Vader's it was not a superficial careful touch. It was strong constant pressure. I winced against it but managed to stay standing.

He closed his eyes and settled back into his chair once more content.
"The braid must go." He commanded.
I wondered why but did not voice my thoughts. There was an almost instant snap-hiss of a Lightsaber. At least that's what I thought it was called. Fear rooted me to the spot. Surely he was not going to take it off with a Lightsaber! I felt the heat brush against the back of my neck and the braid fell to the ground. If he had just been one millimetre out he would have taken my head off. I shuddered again, that was not a pleasant thought.

"Do you have any questions?" The Emperor asked me.

Question? Question! Of course I had questions. I had hundreds of questions they were attacking my every waking moment. Who was I? Where did I come from? What was the force? That one seemed to rise to the top more than the others so I hesitantly asked that.

His smile became wide showing a full set of yellowing teeth. I must have asked the right one.

I listened carefully as he explained it. The Darkside was what he...they...we used. They were its masters and the more they used it, the more knowledge they gained. The Jedi however were opposed to them gaining this knowledge and sought to destroy them. Wipe them out.

Odd. I caressed the two syllables on my lips. Jedi. It did not seem a threatening word but then what did I know? I, the one who did not even know her name.

"Who am I?"

He fixed another one of his stares onto me. "You are my hand. You belong to me. I shall train you to teach. Who you were, is of no consequence but who you will become. Remember before I found you and your life would have been dominated by the Jedi. Who would have destroyed you once they found out you were different."

I looked to Vader for conferment and he simply nodded his head.

I was different. My difference was so important that the Jedi would have sought to destroy me. Even to my distorted mind this did not seem right. I looked back to him awaiting more explanation but none came.

He was done with me for the time being. He motioned for Vader to escort me not to my chambers but to a gym of sorts. And so my training as the Emperors hand began.


The End of Chapter one.

Chapter 2 is finished and will be up soon. Comment, crisitsim? Reviews?? Please take a few minutes to leave a respone. It makes a very happy fanfic writer. :))))