Title: Falling Apart: Losing (4/4)
Author: MacKenzie Rabb
E-mail: mackenzie_rabb@yahoo.com
Rating: PG
Written: May 21-31, 2001
Classification: Brumby Vignette; Angst
Spoilers: "Lifeline"
Disclaimer: I do not own JAG or any of the characters within. It all belongs to Bellisarius Productions, CBS, and Paramount Pictures.
Summary: Brumby realizes all that he might finally lose.
Author's Notes: You know how I'm into post-episode stuff! This is basically a series of vignettes, kind of further exploring how all four of the "involved" characters felt after that very interesting engagement party. And no, I never thought I'd cover Bugme and Renée either!
***********************************************************************
Mic Brumby had been falling down drunk. At least until about an hour ago. Even when he began to sober up, he was still seeing three Capitols instead of one out his picture window. But alcohol was only part of a cure for denial.
The other was his engagement party.
He'd had his biggest sobering experience just a few short hours ago, and nothing had ever made him want to get so smashed in his life.
What Renée had said was right; he wasn't thick headed. He had just been trying all along to make his relationship with Sarah work. But tonight he realized that Harm wasn't somebody she'd gotten over or was going to.
There was no denying it anymore. He was fighting what was most likely a losing battle.
Why else wasn't his fiancée with him tonight? Why else had she developed a headache that she'd shown no sign of before they pulled into her parking lot?
And why had she spent most of her engagement party with *him*?
At three in the morning, with a nasty hangover, defeat seeped through quite easily.
Not that he hadn't seen it coming for some time. Every time Harm needed someone, she went running. She worried about him endlessly. And whenever she said anything about him, Mic had to bite his tongue and pretend it didn't matter.
But lately it had mattered more and more. Mac had been away on a lot of cases with Harm the last few months, and she was extremely worried about him when Jordan was killed.
She also endlessly referred to him as her best friend. As her fiancé, he thought that should be *his* role.
Brumby had been fighting Harm and Mac's past history since the day he met her. He knew Harm loved her, but he also knew he had never said so. So, for a great while, he thought he'd be able to make Sarah love him.
Though he was sure she cared for him a great deal, he didn't think love had ever entered the picture. At least not for her.
Despite all the signs he'd clearly seen, she accepted his proposal, finally. And after all that time, all that waiting, he had half a mind to tell her not to be with him if she didn't *really* mean it.
The other half won out.
Now, half-hearted or not, they were getting married in two weeks.
That is, if one Harmon Rabb didn't interfere.
Mic knew he wasn't easy to love, he been told as much many times. So to have a woman like Sarah for his own was beyond his wildest dreams.
All this time I thought I'd won. I'd finally won something worth keeping. Only too late I realized Sarah wasn't, isn't, a prize. She's not that to me, but sometimes I've treated her like she is. Really all I want is to love her and give her everything she ever dreams of, Mic thought miserably.
But will she ever see past Harm? Can I ever make her see he won't do all of that for her?
His fifteen months of conflict and doubt had reached an all time high. He realized that maybe he didn't have it all, and despite all his previous confidence, maybe he really was losing.
The End
Author: MacKenzie Rabb
E-mail: mackenzie_rabb@yahoo.com
Rating: PG
Written: May 21-31, 2001
Classification: Brumby Vignette; Angst
Spoilers: "Lifeline"
Disclaimer: I do not own JAG or any of the characters within. It all belongs to Bellisarius Productions, CBS, and Paramount Pictures.
Summary: Brumby realizes all that he might finally lose.
Author's Notes: You know how I'm into post-episode stuff! This is basically a series of vignettes, kind of further exploring how all four of the "involved" characters felt after that very interesting engagement party. And no, I never thought I'd cover Bugme and Renée either!
***********************************************************************
Mic Brumby had been falling down drunk. At least until about an hour ago. Even when he began to sober up, he was still seeing three Capitols instead of one out his picture window. But alcohol was only part of a cure for denial.
The other was his engagement party.
He'd had his biggest sobering experience just a few short hours ago, and nothing had ever made him want to get so smashed in his life.
What Renée had said was right; he wasn't thick headed. He had just been trying all along to make his relationship with Sarah work. But tonight he realized that Harm wasn't somebody she'd gotten over or was going to.
There was no denying it anymore. He was fighting what was most likely a losing battle.
Why else wasn't his fiancée with him tonight? Why else had she developed a headache that she'd shown no sign of before they pulled into her parking lot?
And why had she spent most of her engagement party with *him*?
At three in the morning, with a nasty hangover, defeat seeped through quite easily.
Not that he hadn't seen it coming for some time. Every time Harm needed someone, she went running. She worried about him endlessly. And whenever she said anything about him, Mic had to bite his tongue and pretend it didn't matter.
But lately it had mattered more and more. Mac had been away on a lot of cases with Harm the last few months, and she was extremely worried about him when Jordan was killed.
She also endlessly referred to him as her best friend. As her fiancé, he thought that should be *his* role.
Brumby had been fighting Harm and Mac's past history since the day he met her. He knew Harm loved her, but he also knew he had never said so. So, for a great while, he thought he'd be able to make Sarah love him.
Though he was sure she cared for him a great deal, he didn't think love had ever entered the picture. At least not for her.
Despite all the signs he'd clearly seen, she accepted his proposal, finally. And after all that time, all that waiting, he had half a mind to tell her not to be with him if she didn't *really* mean it.
The other half won out.
Now, half-hearted or not, they were getting married in two weeks.
That is, if one Harmon Rabb didn't interfere.
Mic knew he wasn't easy to love, he been told as much many times. So to have a woman like Sarah for his own was beyond his wildest dreams.
All this time I thought I'd won. I'd finally won something worth keeping. Only too late I realized Sarah wasn't, isn't, a prize. She's not that to me, but sometimes I've treated her like she is. Really all I want is to love her and give her everything she ever dreams of, Mic thought miserably.
But will she ever see past Harm? Can I ever make her see he won't do all of that for her?
His fifteen months of conflict and doubt had reached an all time high. He realized that maybe he didn't have it all, and despite all his previous confidence, maybe he really was losing.
The End
