Part IX

GILES

Dear Buffy,

My nightmare has come true after all of these years. . .the day has come where I must gaze at the headstone that bears your name, and know in my heart that all of my efforts to keep you safe have been in vain. I should have realized that you would find a way to save Dawn, and I am not surprised that you willingly laid down your life to that end. I have no doubt that the old fools on the Council who read my report will conclude that you were indulging a death wish brought on by the horrific stresses that have been placed on you in recent days, but I have no doubt that if you had been unburdened by events outside of the momentous decision that you made, you would have acted in exactly the same way. . .you've been betting your life in order to secure the safety of innocents since before you ever set foot in Sunnydale, and I only regret that you finally had to pay the price.

After you went up to rescue Dawn, I knelt next to Ben and smothered him with my bare hands. . .I know why you couldn't kill him, Buffy, and the impulse that stayed your hand was a noble one, but I had to make sure that this particular threat did not resurface. . .I regretted the necessity, though Dawn has indicated that he was actively cooperating with Glory by the time we attacked. . .extreme duress can make most of us do things that we'd like to think we wouldn't do, and I hope that Ben's spirit can find peace freed from its unholy prison with Glory. Buffy, our experience with Faith proved that the principle that a Slayer must not take helpless or innocent life is a sound one, and I was only too glad to accept that burden. I admit that in the back of my mind I was afraid of what you would think of me when this whole disaster was over, though I would have accepted your harshest condemnations gladly if it meant that I could see you again.

At the time that Dracula showed up in Sunnydale, Buffy, I was about ready to fold up my tent and go home to England. . .you had grown so much over the past four years, and I was confident that you could go on without the then minimal help that I was providing you with. . .but you came to me in your hour of need, with the laudable goals of making yourself a better Slayer and dealing with your dark side, and I was simultaneously relieved at finding a reason to stay and very proud of you for your dedication. Without your hard-earned advances in strength and skill, along with the contributions of the rest of the group, our efforts to stop Glory would have been in vain.

I am unsure as to what the future holds for those you have left behind, Buffy. The Hellmouth remains as a threat, and the Council apparently has not received word of a new Slayer being activated: it is possible that another will not be called at all until Faith dies, which may not happen for quite a long time, as she is far safer surrounded by the dregs of society than she would be almost anywhere else that is not protected by bars and concrete. I am certain that the others will continue to fight the darkness, as will I, but it may well be that our efforts will be in vain. . .though it will not be for lack of trying. . .of that I am also certain.

We have yet to hear from your father, but we will all share the responsibility of taking care of Dawn at least until he does return. . .and if he doesn't have a damned good explanation for staying out of touch this long, I will make sure that Dawn ends up with someone who cares about her. . .you have my word on that.

When you arrived in Sunnydale, I told you that it was my job to teach and to guide you in the performance of your Slayer duties. . .I never expected that I would learn as much from you as you did from me. . .my life would have been far less rich without you in it, Buffy, and living life without you is going to be the most profound challenge that I have ever faced. . .I hope that I can live up to the great gift you have given to all of us by meeting that challenge directly, head held high, facing an uncertain future.


Affectionately,


Giles


. . .to be continued


As always, comments are welcomed and desired