Okay, the real title is:
Why you should never watch Hey Harold, Egg Story, and Buses, Bikes, and Subways in successive repetition
OR
....... the World's Most Messed up Hey Arnold fic!
Disclaimer: Do I own Hey Arnold? Is this plagiarism? No. It is only a piece of fan work. Whew! Now I can write!
Authors notes: I promised I'd write something while I was in Missouri, and here it is. Definitely not what I was expecting to write. Because when I became a fan fiction writer I swore never to write a "Let's hook 'em up story!", but it seems, I have. However, there are no Helga and Arnold scenes, or Gerald and Phoebe scenes. Instead, I focus on…………. Everybody else!
WAIT A SECOND! You were about to read the story weren't you? Before that, you better understand that this entire story is sarcastic. I only mean parts of it. And every Harold and Patty shipper on the planet is going to kill me… wait, that means I have to kill me! Uh-oh. After you've read this, tell me not how I can make it better, but how I can make it worse.
Chapter One. "Isn't Fourth Grade Dandy?"
*"I think I love you!" Elbow to chest. "Get away from me you big whale!"* Harold pondered this as he repetitively chewed his slightly too moist bologna (kosher variety, of course) and cheddar on rye sandwich. Why had he said that? At first it seemed he was just so relieved that she had saved his life; thusly he told Helga that he loved her. But after some serious and introspective contemplation, he discovered there was something else. A little something that kept nagging and nagging at him… much like his mother's cries of "Jerry!" during one of his parent's dinner time 'discussions'. "Is something wrong Harold?" "Huh?" He looked up from his food to see Patty sitting across the table from him. Oh, right. They were eating lunch together that day. The something had distracted him for a minute. Stupid something!
Rhonda, although aware of her table companions Nadine, Lila, Park, and Peapod Kid, was also distracted by a something. A small ex-egg something. She had accidentally left Courtney on her dresser, out in open, exposed. What if her maid threw it out? Or worse, what if her parents found it? She could just imagine their reaction when she said "The taped up egg shell? Her name is Courtney. I'm keeping her as a memento of a school project I did with the boy I secretly have a crush on. Think of her as Harold and my baby. Say hello to grandpa and grandma Courtney!" She gazed at the eggshell's 'father', sitting with Rhonda's fellow polishing school alumna Patty. If she wasn't so worried about the fate of her 'child', her thoughts might have turned to the sleepover she was having with Patty that Saturday.
Brainy, Lord of Wheezing and 'Uh, something." was for once not looking for Helga. He was investigating an enigma that had arisen to his awareness. Gloria. Who was she? The asthmatic boy did not know, but he sure she was some how connected to Helga. He felt it was his honor-bound duty as her stalker to uncover any and all threats to his beloved's well being. He saw the mysterious girl slink around a corner and out of his line of vision. Oh, she was a quick one, that doppelganger. Brainy called upon all his sacred stalker powers in order to keep up.
Lila smiled as Nadine chatted with Peapod. It was good to a nice, normal friendship go on outside of the usual weirdness of PS118 relationships. Well, maybe they weren't so weird. But quite a few, like the unrequited love Helga held for Arnold, the near servant/master friendship Phoebe had with Helga, Curly's distrust of everyone, and now that she saw just who exactly was Rhonda was staring at, apparently Rhonda's seeming attraction to Harold. Lila, not wanting to pry into that strange idea, looked over at Helga and Phoebe's table. Phoebe wasn't paying full attention to whatever Helga was saying, being preoccupied listening to Gerald tell a story at the boy's table. Lila wondered what the girl in pink was ranting about. "… first Brainy, then Stinky, and even that freak Arnie…" ARNIE!? SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT ARNIE? "… and Harold grabs me and tells me he's in love! Why me Pheebs? Why do so many idiot males fall for me?" Phoebe responded with her usual level headed hypothesis and advice, but Lila didn't give a flying freak. ARNIE?!? HELGA WAS THE ONE WHO STOLE HEER ARNIE!?! Oh, she was gonna pay. WITH BLOOD!!!
Robert ate some strawberry yogurt. Then he froze in place. After all, he was an extra. And extras were only allowed to move in the background on special occasions. He wondered which character was the camera's focus at the moment. But he couldn't turn his head to see, not unless he wanted to (oh horror of horrors) steal the focus away from the character. It was so tempting to move… he tried, and was teleported to another area of the cafeteria, carrying a tray. *I wish they hadn't done that. I mean, there I was, sitting. The viewpoint changes, and suddenly I was in a whole 'nother spot. Oh well. At least I get lines. Sometimes…*
Next time… It's Rhonda and Patty's sleepover! What happens when Harold is brought up? And Brainy draws closer to discovering Gloria's secret identity! And what evil plots of revenge (and displaced body parts) are being concocted by Lila? Will Harold come to understand that nagging little something All this in Chapter Two….
"Friends or Foes? When Young-Sophisticate-After-School-Polishing-Academy-For-Boys-and-Girls-graduates go head to head!"
Why you should never watch Hey Harold, Egg Story, and Buses, Bikes, and Subways in successive repetition
OR
....... the World's Most Messed up Hey Arnold fic!
Disclaimer: Do I own Hey Arnold? Is this plagiarism? No. It is only a piece of fan work. Whew! Now I can write!
Authors notes: I promised I'd write something while I was in Missouri, and here it is. Definitely not what I was expecting to write. Because when I became a fan fiction writer I swore never to write a "Let's hook 'em up story!", but it seems, I have. However, there are no Helga and Arnold scenes, or Gerald and Phoebe scenes. Instead, I focus on…………. Everybody else!
WAIT A SECOND! You were about to read the story weren't you? Before that, you better understand that this entire story is sarcastic. I only mean parts of it. And every Harold and Patty shipper on the planet is going to kill me… wait, that means I have to kill me! Uh-oh. After you've read this, tell me not how I can make it better, but how I can make it worse.
Chapter One. "Isn't Fourth Grade Dandy?"
*"I think I love you!" Elbow to chest. "Get away from me you big whale!"* Harold pondered this as he repetitively chewed his slightly too moist bologna (kosher variety, of course) and cheddar on rye sandwich. Why had he said that? At first it seemed he was just so relieved that she had saved his life; thusly he told Helga that he loved her. But after some serious and introspective contemplation, he discovered there was something else. A little something that kept nagging and nagging at him… much like his mother's cries of "Jerry!" during one of his parent's dinner time 'discussions'. "Is something wrong Harold?" "Huh?" He looked up from his food to see Patty sitting across the table from him. Oh, right. They were eating lunch together that day. The something had distracted him for a minute. Stupid something!
Rhonda, although aware of her table companions Nadine, Lila, Park, and Peapod Kid, was also distracted by a something. A small ex-egg something. She had accidentally left Courtney on her dresser, out in open, exposed. What if her maid threw it out? Or worse, what if her parents found it? She could just imagine their reaction when she said "The taped up egg shell? Her name is Courtney. I'm keeping her as a memento of a school project I did with the boy I secretly have a crush on. Think of her as Harold and my baby. Say hello to grandpa and grandma Courtney!" She gazed at the eggshell's 'father', sitting with Rhonda's fellow polishing school alumna Patty. If she wasn't so worried about the fate of her 'child', her thoughts might have turned to the sleepover she was having with Patty that Saturday.
Brainy, Lord of Wheezing and 'Uh, something." was for once not looking for Helga. He was investigating an enigma that had arisen to his awareness. Gloria. Who was she? The asthmatic boy did not know, but he sure she was some how connected to Helga. He felt it was his honor-bound duty as her stalker to uncover any and all threats to his beloved's well being. He saw the mysterious girl slink around a corner and out of his line of vision. Oh, she was a quick one, that doppelganger. Brainy called upon all his sacred stalker powers in order to keep up.
Lila smiled as Nadine chatted with Peapod. It was good to a nice, normal friendship go on outside of the usual weirdness of PS118 relationships. Well, maybe they weren't so weird. But quite a few, like the unrequited love Helga held for Arnold, the near servant/master friendship Phoebe had with Helga, Curly's distrust of everyone, and now that she saw just who exactly was Rhonda was staring at, apparently Rhonda's seeming attraction to Harold. Lila, not wanting to pry into that strange idea, looked over at Helga and Phoebe's table. Phoebe wasn't paying full attention to whatever Helga was saying, being preoccupied listening to Gerald tell a story at the boy's table. Lila wondered what the girl in pink was ranting about. "… first Brainy, then Stinky, and even that freak Arnie…" ARNIE!? SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT ARNIE? "… and Harold grabs me and tells me he's in love! Why me Pheebs? Why do so many idiot males fall for me?" Phoebe responded with her usual level headed hypothesis and advice, but Lila didn't give a flying freak. ARNIE?!? HELGA WAS THE ONE WHO STOLE HEER ARNIE!?! Oh, she was gonna pay. WITH BLOOD!!!
Robert ate some strawberry yogurt. Then he froze in place. After all, he was an extra. And extras were only allowed to move in the background on special occasions. He wondered which character was the camera's focus at the moment. But he couldn't turn his head to see, not unless he wanted to (oh horror of horrors) steal the focus away from the character. It was so tempting to move… he tried, and was teleported to another area of the cafeteria, carrying a tray. *I wish they hadn't done that. I mean, there I was, sitting. The viewpoint changes, and suddenly I was in a whole 'nother spot. Oh well. At least I get lines. Sometimes…*
Next time… It's Rhonda and Patty's sleepover! What happens when Harold is brought up? And Brainy draws closer to discovering Gloria's secret identity! And what evil plots of revenge (and displaced body parts) are being concocted by Lila? Will Harold come to understand that nagging little something All this in Chapter Two….
"Friends or Foes? When Young-Sophisticate-After-School-Polishing-Academy-For-Boys-and-Girls-graduates go head to head!"
