A gun to your head.
A knife to my throat.
Let's go back one more time.


You took me in when I was at the lowest point in my life. You didn't ask me for anything, only that I do my share of the housework. You'd been living on your own for a year, and didn't show any signs of weakness. I really admired that strength in you. While I still had Nii-Nii, you had no one. Even now, after everything I put you through, you still greet the day with a smile.
We'd go to school, see our friends, have tons of fun, without a single care in the world. I would often forget I had only a few years left with you before we'd go our separate ways, and you hid your excitement of leaving Hinamizawa pretty good. But I could tell. I didn't bring it up, because all it would do is remind me of my time left with you.
When was it? When was it that I fell in love with you, Rika? Was it our very first meeting, back before you were stuck in 1983? Was it the culmination of all those loops? My platonic love for you becoming so strong through the repeated fragments that it grew into a desire? Was it when we were in middle school, studying for St. Lucia far into the night, cuddling together for warmth in the winter?
Was it when I felt jealous of the other girls at St. Lucia? Was it when Eua dangled that pent up desire I held inside?


I rip the calender page off. It's winter of 1983. You cling to me to keep warm in the night, and I can't do anything about this heartache. I want to hold you tight, but do I have the right? How can I go another 3 years like this? Having you so close but unable to tell you what I feel. Even then, you'll be leaving and I don't know when you'll be back.
Our winter break is spent with the club. Snowball fights, sledding, Keiichi even built a bonfire. I don't want these days to end. I don't want you to leave. But it was thinking like that that put us here in the first place...Mion starts crying, knowing this'll be the last winter she'll get to see us for a while. She'll be going to high school next March, leaving us behind. Rena says she won't steal Keiichi from her. But she'll visit when she can, Mion says. She hopes Keiichi will keep her in his heart till he reaches high school too.
Will you come visit me, Rika? Or will you stay away from Hinamizawa the entire time you're gone? Will you come back after you graduate? I can't blame you if you don't. I hope you'll at least write to me. Even if we'll need to be apart at that point in our lives, I still want to hear from you.


It's the summer of 1985. It's just us now. Keiichi and Rena are in high school, and the role of class president is on your shoulders. Less than 2 years now, and you'll be gone. I still haven't gathered the courage to tell you how I feel. Don't think I ever will, not until it's too late.
Our time together has become smaller and smaller. You're studying for St. Lucia most of the time outside of school, even though you still lend a hand to teach the younger students. And me. I don't want to look at another St. Lucia exam for as long as I live but...I miss spending time with you. I know it's important to you, and I don't have the right to feel that jealousy anymore.
I guess this is a way to get used to not seeing you anymore. If you spend your free time doing something I loathe, I won't want to be around you. Still, I want you to hug me, hold me, to let me know you're still my friend. You don't have to love me the way I love you, but I don't want us to part without saying something.


Today is the day you leave. I'm scared. I don't know what to say to you, or even if I should. My chest hurts, but I know us being away from each other is for the best.
I don't want to watch you pack your things. The reality of it all would break me. I would rather just come back to an empty home, as if you never existed, so I don't die from heartache. I could live with you disappearing, if I just told myself you would be back, I could. I did that with Nii-Nii, I could do that with you...no. I couldn't. I can't just have you disappear from my life. Even if it hurts, I have to see you one more time.
The train is here. Keiichi, Mion, and Rena are seeing you off. Even if I hate that school, you look absolutely lovely wearing the uniform. I want to talk to you. I want to hear your voice. Even if its just one more time.
The words coming out of my mouth aren't my own. They're not what I want to say. Can I still not tell you I love you? Do I deserve it?
Your hand is warm...
I hope I can see you again.