Snow White and the Seven Moogles
Zidane-Prince, Eiko-Snow White
Dagger-Queen, Vivi-Magic Mirror
Steiner-Huntsman, Beatrix-Narrator
Moogles-Moogles
(behind the scenes)
Eiko-Oh Zidane, are you ready for the kiss yet?
Zidane-Look Eiko, the kiss isn't until near the end of the play. …And we're still waiting for those guys from Conde Petie to get here…
Eiko-You-you mean those freaky little dwarf people?
Zidane-Yeah, they seemed perfect to play seven dwarfs.
Eiko-Ugh, if I knew they were going to be the dwarves I would have never signed up for this!
Zidane-Really!? …You know Dagger could take over for you.
Dagger-(runs over to Zidane and Eiko)
Zidane, I have some bad news. The dwarves from Conde Petie can't make it. They said something about a "Rally-ho!" convention… We have no one to take over for them and the play starts in half an hour!
Zidane-Oh man, what are we going to do now? We can't cancel the play.
Morrison-Maybe we can help, kupo!
(moogles run over to Eiko)
Eiko-Hey guys! What are you doing here?
Chimomo-The seven of us came to see your play, kupo. We wanted to watch our old friend Eiko as the star, kupo.
Momatose-Now we want to help you by being the seven dwarves, kupo.
Eiko-Really!? Oh you are soo nice!
(hugs moogles)
Zidane-(whispers to Dagger)
Funny how there was exactly seven of them…
Atla-We have to repay you for delivering letters for Mognet, kupo-kupo!
Mogki-Let's get on with the show kupo-kupo-kupo!
Atla-(mutters)
He had to outdo me with the "kupos", kupo!
Beatrix-(narrates from left side of stage)
Thank you for coming to Alexandria's Mini-Theatre. Tonight's performance "Snow White and the Seven Dwarves" has now been changed to "Snow White and the Seven …uh… Moogles".
Once upon a time… in a great castle, a King's daughter grew up happy and contented, in spite of a jealous stepmother. She was very pretty with …um… purple hair and green eyes. Her skin was delicate and fair, and she was named Snow White. Everyone was certain she would become very beautiful. Though her stepmother was a wicked woman, she too was beautiful and always asked her magic mirror…
(curtain opens and Dagger is standing in front of a mirror frame with Vivi behind it)
Dagger-(asks Vivi)
Mirror, mirror, on the the wall,
Who's the fairest of them all?
Vivi-(blushes)
You-you, my Queen, are fairest of all.
Beatrix-This went on for many years until one day…
Dagger-(asks Vivi)
Mirror, mirror, on the wall,
Who's the fairest of them all?
Vivi-(blushes)
You-you, my Queen, are fair, it's true.
But little Snow White
Is a thousand times fairer than you.
Dagger-Wha-what did you just say!? How dare you!
(tries to break mirror)
Vivi-(whispers)
D-dagger! It's part of the scene!
Dagger-Oh!
(giggles)
Right. I'm sorry.
(curtain closes)
Beatrix-When the Queen heard this, she became enraged with jealousy, needless to say… She thought Snow White was to blame for her no longer being most beautiful in the land. So she summoned a huntsman…
(curtain opens and Dagger is sitting on a throne)
Dagger-Huntsman, I order you to come here.
Steiner-(enters)
Yes, Your Royal Highness?
Dagger-Take Snow White out into the woods to a remote spot, and kill her. As proof she is dead bring her lungs and liver back to me …I will cook and eat them.
Steiner-Are you sure about that? Eating them I mean. It's kind of disgusting when you think about it.
Dagger-…You're right. Gross! Gross! Gross! Ahem. Yes, and never question my orders again!
Steiner-Cranky, aren't we? Yes, Your Majesty, I will do my best.
(curtain closes)
Beatrix-The huntsman obediently took Snow White out into the deepest and darkest part of the woods…
(curtain opens and Steiner and Eiko are in front of some trees)
Eiko-Hey Mr., why are we out here again?
Steiner-Um… we are searching for the elusive blue and gold chocobo. Ahem.
(turns away from Eiko)
Kweh, kweh!
(turns back)
Oh I think I hear one over there!
(points to the left)
Eiko-(mutters)
That was a lousy chocobo impression…
(walks over to where Steiner pointed)
Steiner-(pulls out hunting knife)
Eiko-(walks back to where Steiner is)
I didn't see any chocobo… Ah! What are you doing with that knife!? Please don't kill me!
(cries)
Steiner-But the Queen wishes to eat your lungs and liver. I can't disappoint her…
Eiko-Really? Ew, gross, she wants to eat my liver? That's disgusting!
Steiner-Tell me about it… but duty is duty.
(raises knife)
Eiko-W-wait, you can't kill me!
Steiner-… … … Oh you're right.
(lowers knife)
I may appear courageous and valiant, but I'm really a coward at heart.
Eiko-(sarcastically)
Right.
Steiner-If you promise to run away into the woods and never return, I'll spare your life.
Eiko-Oh, all right. I'll see ya later.
(runs off stage)
Steiner-(calls after her)
I hope not!
(oglop hops on stage)
Oglop-Gwok! Gwok!
Steiner-O-oglop! …I have a brilliant idea. I will kill this oglop and take its lungs and liver back to the Queen.
Oglop-(hops around)
Gwok-gwok!
Steiner-(chases oglop)
Come here you!
(curtain closes)
(end act 1)
