Hey everyone

Hey everyone! Sorry this chapter took so long, and sorry it's kind of short. This is really a transitional chapter, so not much will really be explained. We do get to see Henry's boxers though…that's worth something, right? Read on, I hope you like, and PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!! ^_~

The Child's Aim Must Miss, Chapter 2:

Fawkes Did a Bad, Bad Thing

"How the hell did we get to England?" I ask, my eyes scanning Dumbledore's face for clues. If he only had three noses, it would prove my theory that I had hit my head, and I wouldn't have to deal with all the information I had just taken in. The England thing was weird enough, but I could swear I'd heard the words "witchcraft" and "wizardry". My only reaction? Riiiiiight......

"Port key," says an amused voice behind me. I turn around to face the speaker, Sirius. He's stopped smirking by now, and is out-and-out laughing at us. I can't really blame him. We must all look dumbfounded, which is not a flattering way to look at all.

"And a port key would be…?" asks Heather from across the room. She's looking at all the heavy volumes weighing down the bookshelves, running her fingers over their spines, reading their titles. She keeps walking slowly around the circular office, waiting patiently for Sirius's answer as she peruses Dumbledore's library.

"A port key is a way of transportation that we wizards use," says Dumbledore, his blue eyes sparkling behind his half-moon glasses.

"WE?!!?!!" comes the shrieked reply from Roger and Drake, in unison, from the other end of the office.

"Yes, we. As in me, him, you, you, you, and you," says Sirius, pointing to himself, Dumbledore, Drake, Roger, Heather, and me in turn. His eyes linger on my face, waiting for my reaction. Even when Drake and Roger let out a string of not-very-nice words, his gaze still holds steady. Our eyes lock, and for a moment neither one blinks, neither looks away. We simply stand in silence, watching each other with an intensity that is somewhat frightening. Finally, I blink…and blink…and blink. My eyes start to water…tears stream down my cheeks. I bite my lip, trying not to scream out in anguish. The pain is so great, I can't even think straight….

That damn bird bit me!!! I never did like animals. I mean, sure they're cute and all, but even that's only when they're across the room. Stupid thing, bit me right in the butt. Oh my God, my pants are soaked in blood….This is not good….

"What happened?" asks Sirius with a frantic tone in his voice. He obviously can't see my mutilated bottom, or the dumb bird sitting behind me, calmly chewing a piece of my khakis. He has managed to attract the attention of everyone else in the office with his outburst (Sirius, not my new feathered friend). Dumbledore looks from me to the bird, an annoyed expression on his wizened old face. Things are clearly not going his way today, poor guy. Oh, did I forget to mention? A BIRD THE SIZE OF A SMALL LAWNMOWER JUST BIT ME IN THE BUTT!!!! Dumbledore immediately shoves the bird rather roughly into its cage, murmuring under his breath.

"Sirius! Take him to Madame Pomfrey. I'll stay here with the others," he says to Sirius, his eyes pausing for a second on my face, which at the moment is twisted in pain and anger. Stupid bird….

"Yes, Headmaster," replies Sirius. He puts a rough hand on my shoulder, guiding me to the door. I turn to walk away before remembering that a large portion of the seat of my pants is in that heinous creature's beak. Laughter erupts from my companions, from Roger's heavy guffaw to Heather's muted giggles.

"Why Henry! What pretty little ducky boxers! Lemme guess, did your mommy pick them out for you?" asks Drake, a malicious smirk playing on his thin lips. His eyes flick from my boxers (I happen to like ducks, okay?) to my face.

"Yeah, Henry. Or, should I say, Mr. Quack Quack?" says Heather, grinning at me, her eyes sparkling with fun. Suddenly, I hear a whispery voice singing.

"I see London, I see France. I see Henry's underpants! I see London, I see France. I SEE HENRY'S UNDERPANTS!" As I leave the office, my three "friends" have taken up the tune and are singing at the top of their lungs. Thanks a lot, Roger….

Sirius doesn't talk as we walk along the deserted hallways. I can tell he's just dying to say something, but he seems to think I've been embarrassed enough for one day. I'm glad.

These hallways are incredible; all of the walls are made of some dark gray stone, like brick to the touch. Every twenty feet or so, tall windows hung with blood red drapes let in the afternoon sunlight. Portraits of all shapes and sizes adorn the stone walls. Suits of armor guard the entrances to the many doors on either side of the corridor. Everything is quiet.

All of a sudden, I hear a whisper from behind me. I whirl around, hoping to catch Roger and/or Drake, but there's no one there. Sirius gives me an odd look, and then continues walking. I glance nervously around; Sirius and I are the only ones here. Then I hear it again, a hushed whisper from behind me. I turn on my heel, facing in the direction I thought the voice came from. I hear it again, and suddenly I'm surrounded by hushed laughter, quickly silenced chuckles.

Sirius points in the direction of one of the portraits, a knight and a fat pony in a grassy field, and then whispers to me "These portraits always have enjoyed a good joke. Apparently they're fond of ducks as well."

My eyes flick from Sirius' amused face to the painting of the knight-who is now waving at me and screaming something incoherent-and back again. Then I look around, and am stunned to see that all of the paintings can move, and that all heads are craned in my direction, looking no doubt at the gaping hole in my pants. This day just gets better and better. As I rush forward to catch up to Sirius, I keep both hands behind my back, holding my pants together so as not to give the paintings another free peep show.

"The paintings…they move? And talk?" I ask Sirius as we continue to make our way towards wherever it is that we're going. For a moment, I've forgotten the enormous pain in my backside, and curiosity has gotten the better of me.

"Yes, in our world. The photographs move, too. I'll have to show you some," replies Sirius.

"Where are we going? I hope it's not too much farther…"

"Don't worry, we're almost there. Dumbledore told me to take you to the Hospital Wing. Madame Pomfrey can help that nasty cut you got from Fawkes."

"Who's Madame Pomfrey? Is Fawkes that stupid little canary that took a bite out of me?" I ask. At this, Sirius bursts out laughing.

"Yes, Fawkes is the bird that bit you. But don't let Dumbledore hear you calling him a canary; he's very sensitive when it comes to that creature. Fawkes is his pet phoenix," says Sirius through his hearty laughter.

"A phoenix? I thought those were…you know…made up," I counter.

"Nope, they're as real as me or you. I would think you'd have learned that by now, what with your experience-" here he collapsed into laughter again "-that Fawkes is no canary!" Very funny. "And, Madame Pomfrey is the nurse here at Hogwarts; she'll fix you up really quick."

"I think I'm going to need stitches. The cut is pretty deep, and there's a lot of blood," I reply.

"Does it hurt much? And no, of course you won't need stitches! Madame Pomfrey can mend cuts in about a minute, you'll be fine."

"But, there's no guarantee that Fawkes will live to see the light of another day…."

DISCLAIMER: you know I don't own any of it, I know I don't own any of it, so why even bother with this disclaimer? Oh, wait. I do own Henry, Heather, Roger, and Drake. Forgot about them for a second.

THANK YOU'S:

Total gratitude to Katia, Zelda, Scarlett Stephanie, and Caro for the encouragement and support.

Thanks to GentleWaterSoul and clara2000 for being wonderfully impatient. Just kidding, just kidding. All will be revealed in due time….*evil laugh*

Props to AnimeGirl, my very first reviewer.

Thanks and gratitude to everyone who has reviewed this story so far. I hope you'll keep telling me your opinions on it.

Next order of business: Please review!!!!!!! I'll luv ya forever, I swear. Come on, do the right thing. You know you want to…..^_~