Aves: Trouble at the mill.
Karrde: Oh - no - what kind of trouble?
Aves: One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treddle
Karrde: Pardon ?
Aves: One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treddle
Karrde: I don't understand what you're saying.
Aves: (Slightly irritated, and spoken with a exaggerated clear Corellian accent)
One of the cross beams has gone out askew on the treddle.
Karrde: Well what on Earth does that mean?
Aves: I don't know, Mara just told me to come in here and say that there was trouble at the mill, that's all. I didn't expect a kind of Imperial Inquisition.

( JARRING CHORD )
The door flies open and the Imperial Inquisition enters. Captain Parck enters, flanked by two other Captains. Captain Gilad Pellaeon who wears a pair of TIE Fighter flight goggles on his head and speaks in an English accent. Captain Niriz also enters and is .... well indescribable)

Parck: NOBODY expects the Imperial Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise .... surprise and fear .... fear and surprise .... Our two weapons are fear and surprise .... and ruthless efficiency .... Our three weapons are fear, surprise and ruthless efficiency .... and an almost fanatical devotion to Grand Admiral Thrawn.... Our four .... no .... Amongst our weapons .... Amongst our weaponry .... are such elements as fear, surprise .... I'll come in again.

( The Imperial Inquisition EXITS)

Aves: I didn't expect a kind of Imperial Inquisition.

( JARRING CHORD ) (The Imperial Inquisition Enters)

Parck: NOBODY expects the Imperial Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as : fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to Grand Admiral Thrawn, and nice green uniforms - Oh damn ! ( To Captain Pellaeon ) I can't say it - you'll have to say it.
Pellaeon: What!
Park: You'll have to say the bit about 'Our chief weapons are ...'
Pellaeon: (Rather Horrified At The Prospect) I couldn't do that ...

Parck bundles the Captains out of the room again.

Aves: I didn't expect a kind of Imperial Inquisition.

( JARRING CHORD ) ( The Imperial Inquisition Enters Again)

Pellaeon: Er .... Nobody .... um ....
Park: Expects ....
Pellaeon: Expects .... Nobody expects the .... um .... the Imperial .... um ....
Park: Inquisition
Pellaeon: I know, I know! Nobody expects the Imperial Inquisition. In fact, those who do expect ...
Park: ( Interrupting Pellaeon ) Our chief weapons are ....
Pellaeon: Our chief weapons are .... um .... er
Park: Surprise ....
Pellaeon: Surprise and ....
Park: ( Interrupting Pellaeon Again) Okay, stop. STOP. Stop there - stop there Stop. Phew! Ah! ... our chief weapons are surprise ... blah blah blah. Captain, read the charges.

( Captain Niriz Comes Forward, From Behind Pellaeon And Parck. )

Niriz: You are hereby charged that you did on diverse dates commit heresy against the Holy Church. My old man said follow the ...
Park: That's enough. ( To Karrde ) Now, how do you plead ?
Karrde : We're innocent.
Park: Ha ! Ha ! Ha ! Ha ! Ha !

( Screen Caption : DIABOLICAL LAUGHTER )

Park: We'll soon change your mind about that !

( Screen Caption : DIABOLICAL ACTING )

Park: Fear, surprise, and a most ruthless .... ( Controls himself with a supreme effort ) ... Ooooh ! Now, Captain the rack !

( Making a great show of it Captain Pellaeon produces a plastic covered dish drying rack from underneath his robes.
Parck looks at it and clenches his teeth in an effort to not lose control, he then hums heavily to himself to cover his anger. )

Park: You .... Right! Tie him down.

( Niriz and Pellaeon make a pathetic attempt to tie Karrde on to the drying rack. )

Park: Right ! How do you plead ?
Karrde : Innocent .
Park: Ha ! Right ! Captain, give the rack ... oh dear .... give the rack a turn.

( Captain Pellaeon Stands There Awkwardly, And Shrugs His Shoulders. )

Pellaeon: I ....
Park: ( Gritting His Teeth ) .... I know, I know you can't. I didn't want to say anything I just wanted to try and ignore your crass mistake.
Pellaeon: I ....
Park: It makes it all seem so stupid.
Pellaeon: Shall I .... ?
Park: No, just pretend for God's sake.

( Pellaeon turns an imaginary handle somewhere on the side of the dish-rack. The Captains all gather round the rack . )

Park: Ha ! Ha ! Ha!

( At this point Han Solo enters as a BBC management type person, and takes away Karrde to answer the door in another sketch. There are a number of connected sketches, until the Imperial Inquisition re-appears and captures Mara Jade, they then take her to what appears to be a castle dungeon. )

Park: Now Miss Jade .... you are accused of heresy on three counts ... heresy by thought, heresy by word, heresy by deed, and heresy by action .... four counts. Do you confess ?
Mara: I don't understand what I am Accused of.
Park: Ha ! then we shall make you understand ! Pellaeon ! Fetch .... THE CUSHIONS !

( JARRING CHORD ) ( Pellaeon produces two ordinary and modern looking household cushions )

Pellaeon: Here they are, lord.
Park: Now, Jade .... you have one last chance, Confess the heinous sin of heresy, and reject the works of the ungodly .... two last chances, and you shall be free .... three last chances. You have three last chances the nature of which I have divulged in my previous utterance.
Mara: I don't know what you are talking about.
Park: Right ! If that's the way you want it .... Captain ! Poke her with the soft cushions !

( Pellaeon proceeds to carry out this rather pathetic form of torture. )

Park: Confess ! Confess ! Confess !
Pellaeon: It doesn't seem to be hurting her, lord.
Park: Have you got all the stuffing up one end ?
Pellaeon: Yes lord.
Park: ( Angrily Hurling Away The Cushions. ) Hm ! She is made of harder stuff ! Captain Niriz !
Fetch ....... THE COMFY CHAIR !

( JARRING CHORD ) ( The Camera Zooms In To A Close Up Of Captain Niriz's Terrified Face. )

Niriz: ( Terrified )
The ..... Comfy Chair ?

(Niriz pushes in a chair, a pretty comfy looking one. )

Park: So you think that you are strong because you can survive the soft cushions. Well we shall see. Pellaeon ! Put her in the comfy chair !

( The Captains roughly push the old woman into the comfy chair. )

Park: ( With A Cruel Leer) Now .... You will stay in the comfy chair until lunch time, with only a cup of coffee at eleven. ( Aside, To Pellaeon ) Is that really all it is ?
Pellaeon: Yes, Captain.
Park: I see. I suppose we make it worse by shouting a lot, do we ? Confess, woman. Confess ! Confess ! Confess ! Confess !
Pellaeon: I confess !
Park: Not you !