CROWD: A Jedi! A Jedi! A Jedi! A Jedi! We've found a Jedi! A Jedi! A Jedi! A Jedi! A Jedi! We've got a Jedi! A Jedi! A Jedi! Burn him! Burn him! Burn him! We've found a Jedi! We've found a Jedi! A Jedi! A Jedi! A Jedi!
LEUITENANT #1: We have found a Jedi. May we burn him?
CROWD: Burn him! Burn! Burn him! Burn him!
PELLAEON: How do you know he is a Jedi?
LEUITENANT #2: He looks like one.
CROWD: Right! Yeah! Yeah!
PELLAEON: Bring him forward.
LUKE: I'm not a Jedi. I'm not a Jedi.
PELLAEON: Uh, but you are dressed as one.
LUKE: They dressed me up like this.
CROWD: Augh, we didn't! We didn't...
LUKE: And this isn't my nose. It's a false one.
PELLAEON: Well?
LEUITENANT #1: Well, we did do the nose.
PELLAEON: The nose?
LEUITENANT #1: And the hat, but he is a Jedi!
VILLAGER #2: Yeah!
CROWD: We burn him! Right! Yeaaah! Yeaaah!
PELLAEON: Did you dress him up like this?
LEUITENANT #1: No!
LEUITENANT #2 and 3: No. No.
LEUITENANT #2: No.
LEUITENANT #1: No.
LEUITENANT #2 and #3: No.
LEUITENANT #1: Yes.
LEUITENANT #2: Yes.
LEUITENANT #1: Yes. Yeah, a bit.
LEUITENANT #3: A bit.
LEUITENANT #1 and #2: A bit.
LEUITENANT #3: A bit.
LEUITENANT #1: He has got a wart.
RANDOM: [cough]
PELLAEON: What makes you think he is a Jedi?
LEUITENANT #3: Well, he turned me into a newt.
PELLAEON: A newt?
LEUITENANT #3: I got better.
LEUITENANT #2: Burn him anyway!
LEUITENANT #1: Burn!
CROWD: Burn him! Burn! Burn him!...
PELLAEON: Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! There are ways of telling whether he is a Jedi.
LEUITENANT #1: Are there?
LEUITENANT #2: Ah?
LEUITENANT #1: What are they?
CROWD: Tell us! Tell us!...
LEUITENANT #2: Do they hurt?
PELLAEON: Tell me. What do you do with Jedies?
LEUITENANT #2: Burn!
LEUITENANT #1: Burn!
CROWD: Burn! Burn them up! Burn!...
PELLAEON: And what do you burn apart from Jedies?
LEUITENANT #1: More Jedies!
LEUITENANT #3: Shh!
LEUITENANT #2: Wood!
PELLAEON: So, why do Jedies burn?
[pause]
LEUITENANT #3: B--... 'cause they're made of... wood?
PELLAEON: Good! Heh heh.
CROWD: Oh, yeah. Oh.
PELLAEON: So, how do we tell whether he is made of wood?
LEUITENANT #1: Build a bridge out of him.
PELLAEON: Ah, but can you not also make bridges out of stone?
LEUITENANT #1: Oh, yeah.
RANDOM: Oh, yeah. True. Uhh...
PELLAEON: Does wood sink in water?
LEUITENANT #1: No. No.
LEUITENANT #2: No, it floats! It floats!
LEUITENANT #1: Throw him into the pond!
CROWD: The pond! Throw him into the pond!
PELLAEON: What also floats in water?
LEUITENANT #1: Bread!
LEUITENANT #2: Apples!
LEUITENANT #3: Uh, very small rocks!
LEUITENANT #1: Cider!
LEUITENANT #2: Uh, gra-- gravy!
LEUITENANT #1: Chimries!
LEUITENANT #2: Mud!
LEUITENANT #3: Uh, churches! Churches!
LEUITENANT #2: Lead! Lead!
THRAWN: A duck!
CROWD: Ooooh.
PELLAEON: Exactly. So, logically...
LEUITENANT #1: If... he... weighs... the same as a duck... he's made of wood.
PELLAEON: And therefore?
LEUITENANT #2: A Jedi!
LEUITENANT #1: A Jedi!
CROWD: A Jedi! A Jedi!...
LEUITENANT #4: Here is a duck. Use this duck.
[quack quack quack]
PELLAEON: Very good. We shall use my largest scales.
CROWD: Ohh! Ohh! Burn the Jedi! Burn the Jedi! Burn him! Burn him! Burn him! Burn him! Burn him! Burn him! Burn him! Ahh! Ahh...
PELLAEON: Right. Remove the supports!
[whop]
[clunk]
[creak]
CROWD: A Jedi! A Jedi! A Jedi!
LUKE: It's a fair cop.
LEUITENANT #3: Burn him!
CROWD: Burn him! Burn him! Burn him! Burn! Burn!...
PELLAEON: Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science?
THRAWN: I am Grand Admiral Thrawn, Warlord of the Empire.
PELLAEON: My Lord!
THRAWN: Good Captain, will you come with me to the space port and join us on the Chimaera
PELLAEON: My lord! I would be honored.
ARTHUR: What is your name?
PELLAEON: 'Gilad Pellaeon', my lord.
ARTHUR: Then I dub you 'Gilad Pellaeon, Captain of the Chimaera'.