Of someone gently holding me.
But it's just a dream.
Since I awoken in the hospital 3 days after that
night, the doctors, counselors, and police were always on me. Like vicious
hellhounds, seizing every opportunity to find out what had happened. I guess I
can't blame them *too* much; I was the only one who was found alive. Other than
the scarce few that had escaped shortly after the shooting started, everyone
else died. And being the nice person that I am, I guess I owned the parents of
the deceased that much, to help find the cause. But the memories refused to
come. Only pain did, a pain in my heart that refused to abate.
I can't
remember. I can't remember anything that happened *before* that either. I've
been told that my name was Duo Maxwell. But that was it.
Smiling
mirthlessly, I shifted to better view the laptop before me. I found it in my
room while packing up after my release from the hospital. It must have been
mine; cause hacking into the school's records revealed that I had no roommate.
Hacking
into the records also showed that I had only just transferred to the school.
But what struck me more was that I had no family, no relatives. No one who knew
me.
The sun shines above,
Filed with tenderness and love.
But something is missing,
Light's gone, it's drizzling.
Only pain remains.
If I
didn't have any families, wouldn't I at least have friends? Wouldn't they be
worried? Sometimes, I wish that I could remember. But the claws of some little
demon, shredding my heart, suggested otherwise.
I glanced
at the screen again. It was my medical record, the one that was never shown to
me. I could *feel* the bitterness in that thought. It stated that an exam
showed I've had numerous injuries in my life. And one wound, a bullet to the
shoulder seemed to have occurred before the disastrous party. Despite my
search, I was provided with no explanations. Hell! Why wasn't *I* told this?
Isn't it my right to know?
Out in the spring rain,
I hear him calling my name.
Like the scent of a rose,
It leaves my soul
Blood red.
I scowled
as I uncovered more information, which was left unknown to me. Actually, if I
hadn't such good computer skills, a lot of things would have been kept from me.
Which also led me to wonder why I even had such abilities. According to teachers
and others who had known me, I was a lighthearted kind of person, certainly not
one who should possess such skills. The bitterness turned to rage. Any minute
now and I'll be seeing the flames of hell.
Ack. I calmed myself. Anymore of
this seething, and I'll seriously have steam coming out of my head. Definitely
not a welcomed thing this early in the morning.
Your longing remembrance,
Holds painful resemblance,
To the thorns of a blood red rose.
Cutting my heart, staining my clothes.
You left me.
I slammed
shut the laptop, still feeling a bit pissed. As I did, I felt the familiar
chain rub against my wrist. It was a pretty silver chain with a violet rose of
crystals. They told me that I was wearing it when they found me. It was
absolutely crusted in blood. Yuck, took me forever to scrub it all off and make
it actually *look* purple, instead of that rusty red.
I raised
it before my face, the cool stones brushing against my lips. Call me sappy, but
sometimes I imagine that it was from a friend. Someone special. But hell,
that's probably just another damn delusion. Like the so many others that haunt
me. Cause, why haven't I met this person? Considering how many have died that
night, death is the only explanation. And if that were the case, I'd rather not
know. Really. I don't need anything else to burden my already overweigh guilt.
But your voice will fade,
As will the emptiness, it made.
Deep in my heart.
In my very soul you've carved,
Your name.
Sliding
from the chair, I stretched up my arms, as if reaching for the heavens. The
heaven that had recently took so many. The heaven that refused me.
Maybe
someday, I'll have my life back. But until then, wait for me.
I wasn't
sure who I was talking to, if anyone at all. But that was all I could think of
to say. Even if it'll only be lost in the wind forever. Never being answered.
Wait for
me.
Out in the spring rain,
I know he's still calling my name.
But I hear him no more.
Only petals in the breeze, for
Memory brings only pain,
That's driving me insane,
Goodbye,
My blood red rose.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
AN: mmm...
eh... there will definitely be a sequel!! I don't like this ending much =[
Btw, the
poem used in this story is posted under 'blood red-poem' if you wanted to know
=D
So go
read the sequel "Angelic Voice"!