Loving me is not enough
by Ice/kori - dawn @ grau.nu



pairing: Vince/Stuart
rating: none (sorry, still haven't figured out the Rating
System. but it isn't bad. no sex. no bad words).
archive: yes
feedback: pleeeease
disclaimers: not mine. never been. never will be. no money
made with this little story. don't sue, have no money
anyway.
warning: no sex. no plot. just depressive stuff.
thanks: to my Beta Bettina
dedication: to Bettina, Key, Hasl, Elli and Neil.
notes: two hours of listening to 'More than words' made this
idea stick in my head. i can tell you, nothing better than
depressing songs to help you out of a minor writer's block.
oh, and chocolate, of course. can't write without chocolate.
summary: Sometimes 'I love you' won't work.

*****

'I love you' he'd said and expected his lover to tell him
they were fine. 'I love you' was his solution for
everything. For every 'sorry' and 'forgive me' he couldn't
say aloud.

And 'I love you' seemed to have more power over Vince than
anything else. 'I love you' usually brought the world back
to normal whenever he'd managed to screw up again.

'I love you' helped whenever he couldn't help himself.

Ever since he'd first managed to overcome his fears and get
himself to admit that he loved Vince. Ever since he'd first
managed to say the three magic words and heard them echoed
from Vince's mouth.

In the beginning he'd nearly choked everytime he forced
these three words past his throat. But then he'd noticed
that it seemed to work on Vince. Seemed to shut everything
else out and locked them in this little world where no one
else existed. And from that moment on, he'd started to say
it more often. To *use* it.

Three months full of 'I love you's' and Stuart Alan Jones
was back to his behavior like it had been, before there was
*blood* in the Tyler-Jones-relationship. He'd strayed often,
with nearly as many men as before, nearly every night. In
his bed, which still hadn't become their bed, although Vince
wished for it to become *theirs*. Stuart didn't want it to
become their bed, wanted to 'keep a little privacy', he'd
said. Vince had been sad and angry about it, but three
little words made him forget.

'I love you' worked like amnesia on Vince. He forgot
whatever Stuart had done wrong, even the other men.

And if nothing else helped anymore, 'I love you' could also
be used as blackmail. I love you so much I actually consider
settling down with you. I love you so much I let your small
world make my big world smaller, too. I love you so much I
keep up with your bitching about those men I bed. I love you
so much they could never keep up with you anyway. So why
bitch about it.

I love you so much and you want to leave me? Add a pouty
tone and - if you have enough dignity to spare some - a
lower-lip-quiver or a single tear running down your face and
WHAM -- you have your all-forgiving Vince back.

But this time it hadn't worked. Vince had caught him 'in the
act' with some unimportant bloke in the back of a club. And
Stuart - forever trapped in his huge world with his all
knowing stupidity - had grasped for his patented last straw.

"I love you."

Vince had just stood there. Hadn't turned into a puddle of
goo like he was supposed to when confronted with these three
words. Had just stood there, tears forming in his eyes. Had
gulped and whispered and then left. Just left.

"That's not enough anymore."

And was gone.

*****

The End. Really.