ANNALS OF THE LILY MAID
Side-story 3: The Sign
by aircompass

DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything, I just wrote this story :)

Gilbert was preoccupied. He'd been preoccupied for the past two months.
Christine shook her head, lost in her thoughts. She turned towards the
fingers he held in his hand. Sighing, she saw the irony of the whole
situation. So she wore his ring on her finger and held his hands in her
own.
But if he wasn't really there, what use were they?
Since he'd returned from Kingsport, things had been different between
them. Granted, there had always been something a tad out of place in
the relationship. A small strain that she believed they'd outgrow. She
thought that as the years progressed it would right itself eventually.
Now that he was back, the whole relationship was more crooked than
it was when he left.
Christine knew that Gilbert had deep realms within himself that he kept
locked away. They were his sanctuary. It was not that no one had ever
managed to enter, but that no one had ever managed to stay there with
him. Not even she could understand those parts of himself, and that
caused a gap between them.
Christine watched him like she had countless times. He was reading,
simply drifting away to his own world, lost in his own thoughts. She
loved him through cynicism. She no longer believed in apassionata.
Christine thought that this simple mutual affection between her and
Gilbert was simply, as good as it got. It wasn't that she didn't want that
passion for herself...just that she no longer thought it could happen.
Not to her, at least.
She forgot her thoughts momentarily as Gilbert shifted, removing his
hand from hers. She reached out to capture his hand again, only for him
to turn a page. It was funny, she thought, lifting her hand and flexing her
fingers slightly.
There are things you work so hard to keep for yourself. You reach out
and grab it, struggling to keep it in your fingers. And when you've wasted
all your energy, you find that you'd only been holding your fist closed.
Christine smiled sadly. It was prodigious, but true.
She'd only been holding herself.

I gripped my hair in frustration. Two months! Wasn't that enough?
Why couldn't that red-head fade away??!?!?!!? She consumed my
every thought, my every action. Her unforgiving presence lurked about
each second. I was supposed to be studying for a test AGAIN and this
distraction proved to be most unhelpful. I didn't even know what it was
I was attempting to study.
I sighed noisily and literally buried my face in the book before me.
I hadn't wanted to see her that day. I was happy to be getting married.
Telling her the news was different. I knew how she felt about this.
Anne hadn't wanted Diana to marry Fred. Even if I was nowhere near
as important to Anne as Diana had been, I knew she would, even in
the slightest bit, be disturbed by it.
Anne hated the idea of changing. She didn't like it when something
removed itself from the mold she'd put it in because it required HER
to adjust as well. And she was tired of adjusting. She'd spent the
first ten years of her life in constant change and it wearied her to
keep doing so. Her first taste of stability had been at Green Gables,
and since then she fought hard to keep her control.
Marraige was an interruption to her continuity. A prelude to change,
and change terrified her. Anne often painted on a mask of composure
and optimism, but worried inwardly.
The moment I told her, the same panic that rippled briefly across her
face when she'd seen Diana and Fred courting crossed her features
once again. It caused me to wonder how Anne valued me.
Was it merely change that caused her to be less than thrilled about
my engagement? Did I really believe that I was deluding myself? I
sighed again. I'd been sighing too much in the past months. I just
needed a sign, a go signal in the direction I should take.
Problem was, no one knew where to point me either.

I was surprised to receive a letter.
My father was John Blythe, we both lived the unspoken and unwritten
rule of being male. Reveal only the emotions that were absolutely
necessary, and know when enough is enough. I was raised in this
manner of thinking, so it surprised me to receive a letter from him.
It was both pleasant and unnerving. We were great friends, my father
And I...but he'd never written before.
Unfolding the pages, I began to read.

Dear Son,
I write this because I know you will understand and use the
truths I'll be relaying to you to your advantage. I trust
you to find the right in all this, and to discover the right
in yourself.
To begin with, you told your mother and I that you were
engaged. To be married. To Christine Stuart. She's a good
girl, and there is a great chance that she will make the
rest of your life thoroughly satisfactory.
But something has been bothering me when you called home and
told us. You said you were happy, but your voice held traces
of something sorrowful.
Tell me the truth, Gilbert. Do you love Christine Stuart?

My fingers trembled as I turned the page.

I know you Gilbert. You are undeniably my son, because I see
myself in your every aspect.
Let me tell you the truth about my marriage. Your mother and
I are great friends, and we love each other quite a lot. Yet
there have been times when I wonder what my life would have
been like if I had married someone else.
Never compromise your life, Gilbert, if there is something
else you really want. If you settle, others will be hurt as
well, even if you believe it is for the best.
I hurt your mother by marrying her. What we had was
friendship, nothing could change that. Some people are really
meant to be friends, and others are meant to be lovers. We
do love each other Son, your mother and I have many good
years together. But it is...you understand what I mean don't
you? I just don't want you to make the same mistakes I did.
I want you to be happy.
You do understand, don't you?

END Chapter 3 :) How was that? :)