Part II -- Duo"
by s1ncer1ty
---
*A/N: I'm certain that some of you are thinking, 'Hey! Isn't Trowa really OOC in this fic?' The answer, at least in my own eyes, is both yes and no. For Trowa, for The Silencer himself, yes, I believe his actions would be extremely OOC. However, as Triton Bloom, I'm taking some liberties with the character and defining him myself. Why couldn't he change after the war? He's no longer needed to kill or to fight -- and he's acknowledged that it was his fighting that ultimately killed his own heart. Now that the need to be a soldier has passed, I think he can begin to heal. He can become his own person, rather than the person that others need him to be. In a strange way, Triton reminds me of a cross between Data and Seven of Nine from 'Star Trek' in this little tale.
As for the pairing ... Why Duo? Hell, why not? I think Duo is another head case, whether or not he acknowledges it. It's my opinion that the kid needs help of his own. Ultimately, I just don't see Heero being all that sympathetic to his problems. He needs someone stable to balance him out, hence why I really like seeing him with either Trowa or Wu Fei (Hey, 5x2 is a lovely thing as well, IMO!). Duo needs stability, Trowa needs someone to bring him out of his shell. There might not be a terrific amount of episode evidence (Aside from Trowa's tears as he blew up the Deathscythe... And one of the last episodes where the two ask each other not to die...), but I still think the pairing has potential. It's cute to look at, at the very least.
And since when have I been known for traditional pairings anyway, ne? Unconventional ones amuse me so much more, and I tend to think they're a bit more of a challenge to write. Don't get me wrong, I'm not knocking the traditional ones (I enjoy a well-written and sappy 3x4 as much as the next fangirl).. they're just not my own preference to write. ^_\\\ *
this time when kindness falls like rain
it washes her away and anna begins to change her mind
"these seconds when I'm shaking leave me
shuddering for days" she says
and i'm not ready for this sort of thing
---
"If you saw him, you wouldn't believe it was the same guy who always ran around screaming 'Injustice!' And 'Women are weak!'" Duo rambled amiably as we walked a short distance from the car, the glow from the headlights illuminating a small path through the trees. He walked barefoot, and easily, as if the stray pebbles and the bite of the underbrush didn't bother his feet.
"Wu Fei never really did that much to begin with," I stated easily.
Duo grinned impishly and shook his head. "Then you never saw him that day after I put cherry Kool-Aid into the shower head in his quarters. You could have heard him screaming, 'INJUSTICE!' halfway across the galaxy, swear to God. I thought he was going to kill me, slowly and painfully."
My lips twitched in the beginnings of a smile. "I wouldn't blame him either."
"But seriously, though," Duo continued animatedly, "you'd barely recognize him nowadays. When he's not meditating, he's got his nose buried in a book. There's no more desire to kill in his eyes. He leaves his hair down."
"What about Heero?"
"What about him?" After my assumption earlier in the evening, Duo was slightly defensive about mention of the Japanese pilot.
"Have you seen him?" I pressed, calmly.
"Oh," Duo replied, shrugging. "Once. He really hasn't changed much, even though the war is over."
Silence. Duo didn't want to talk about the other former Gundam pilot. But some faint, alien nagging -- jealousy? -- forced me to press the issue.
"Why didn't you and Heero ever get together?" I asked quietly.
Duo turned to me, his grin a sad one, and his fingers lightly brushed my forearm. "Do you want to know the truth?"
"Yes."
"Once upon a time," Duo stated, "there was a naive young terrorist pilot. For story's sake, let's call him, oh, Shinigami. Young Shinigami found himself working together on a subversive assignment with the Perfect Soldier, someone he found attractive. Someone he knew was sweet beneath that cold exterior. Alas, poor Shinigami could never tell the Perfect Soldier how he felt, for fear of being rejected. The eternal tragic romance, wouldn't you think?"
I listened as Duo continued, his voice gradually escalating in pitch as he spoke rapidly.
"Then it happened. One day, I -- Shinigami -- was in the bathtub when the Perfect Soldier walked into his quarters, looking for computer parts or weaponry or a good stiff shag. Who knows? Having drunk a good half bottle of sake already that evening to dull the pain, I was feeling frisky enough to make a sly comment. I invited him to join me.
"Heero looked down at me in the bathtub, and I'd never before seen his eyes so cold, even when he'd threatened to kill me in the past. 'You're filthy,' he sneered.
"'What?' our hero Shinigami exclaimed. 'I'm in the bathtub! I'm clean.'"
Duo broke off midway through his speech, and I stopped in my tracks. Dimly, I saw the hurt in his violet eyes, and I was suddenly sorry I'd asked him to tell me about Heero. After a few moments, he continued.
"Heero just muttered, 'You Americans lie in your own dirty bathwater. You disgust me.' Like he thought of me as nothing more than a farm pig. It was only a few seconds of conversation, but it spoke volumes about what he was truly thinking."
Staring at the ground, I resumed my trek down the forest path, letting the rain slide through the bangs that fanned my face. I couldn't bring myself to say anything in response.
"Well, because all's fair in love and war, I've got something to ask you in return." Duo's voice softened up slightly, although it still retained a very faint cynical edge.
The only response I gave him was a light shrug of my shoulder.
"How come you and Quatre never got it on?"
"Got it on?" I asked, confused.
Duo's sharp, white teeth glinted through the darkness. "Did the nasty? Got to know each other in the Biblical sense? Boinked like rabbits? Shagged like minxes? Sex, dear Triton, is what I'm talking about."
"He's like a brother to me," I replied calmly. "It would have been incest."
"So you never...?" he asked, his eyebrows raising curiously
"No."
We walked in silence for a good thirty seconds before the overzealous American interjected:
"Are you sure?"
I pulled up short, wrapping my fingers tightly around his arm. "Duo," I whispered into his ear. "Stop. Listen."
The braided American frowned faintly in confusion as he turned to look at me, and I silenced anything he might have said with a shake of my head. Slipping behind him, I pressed my chest to his back and looped my arms beneath his, raising them towards the sky. He easily followed my movements, even if his bewilderment was almost tangible.
I ran the backs of my fingertips down his cheeks, and then gently touched his eyelids, urging him to close his violet eyes. At the press of my other hand, he tilted his chin up so the rain fell through the trees directly onto his face.
Stepping back, I admired Duo's unmoving form -- his arms spread wide and chin lifted to the heavens as he welcomed the downpour.
When we finally made our way back to the car, Duo had wrapped his arms around his chest and was shivering from the cold. I opened the passenger door and gestured for him to enter. Without a peep, he obediently folded his frame into the seat and drew his knees to his chest. I turned on the heat and pulled my sleeve over my right hand, readying myself to wipe at the windshield for the entire ride home. Duo offered one of his socks, long discarded in the back seat of the car. I shook my head.
The American pilot watched in awe as I turned the car around in the cramped space allotted, with two twists of the wheel. Condensation began to creep up the front windshield as I pulled the car onto the road and started back towards circus.
but i'm not gonna break
and i'm not gonna worry about it anymore
i'm not gonna bend, but i'm not gonna break
and i'm not gonna worry about it anymore
no, no, no, no
---
"I'd have invited you up," Duo murmured once I'd pulled the car into the circus lot, "but I'm sharing a room with Quatre. I wouldn't want to wake him up."
"Sharing?" I asked, confused. Why would they need to double up on a room? Quatre certainly wasn't hurting financially, and the hotel wasn't a terribly expensive one to begin with.
As if reading my thoughts, Duo responded, "I asked him to. I needed the company."
"Ah."
Duo smiled lightly, honestly, and he lifted a clammy hand to touch my cheek. Unblinking, I gazed at his shivering, huddled form against the car seat. "I wouldn't mind your company tonight, though."
I turned my face away from his, towards the window, unwilling to let him see the anxiousness in my eyes. A knot, similar to the ones I experienced before performing at the circus, began to form deep in my stomach. "You need to get the car back to Quatre."
"It's not his," Duo stated, sitting up straigther.
"It's not easy to rent a car," I murmured. "Gas is still expensive. You wouldn't want him to be stuck at the hotel."
Duo nodded and chuckled a little. "I could stay and wake up early. Be back at the hotel before Sunshine-Boy even awakens."
Stiffly, I shook my head. "No."
"Aw, but Triton..."
"Duo, please." I cut him off with a tense, pained whisper. "It's ... what I want."
"You're not comfortable." His statement, so reminiscent of Quatre's from earlier in the evening, cut through me, causing the hairs on the back of my neck to stand on end.
"It's too soon."
Surprisingly, Duo nodded and gave a gentle smile of acceptance. With soft fingers, he tilted my chin back towards him, and I forced myself to gaze into his sympathetic violet eyes. "You're right."
"I'll still see you before you leave, won't I?" I asked, feeling a small twinge of pleading and uncertainty enter my voice.
"Of course. I'll be around as soon as I'm awake and caffeinated tomorrow," Duo joked. His fingers slid across my cheek, through the ends of my hair, lifting the damp strands from my vision. "May I?" he whispered, shifting his body tinglingly closer to mine.
I dipped my chin in a numb nod, and Duo brushed his lips against mine in a tender kiss. His fingers, looped around the back of my neck, were cold from the chill of the air, but his lips were soft and warm. After he gently drew away, he leaned up and kissed my forehead in parting.
"Thank you," I whispered once I was able to find my voice again.
"Ssh," Duo replied, raising his index finger to his lips and winking at me impishly.
I couldn't help but smile, and Duo returned a warm grin. Without another word, I opened the door and stepped out into the faint drizzle of rain that continued to fall. I watched as Duo slid into the driver's seat and shifted the car into gear. His arm extended out the window and waved frantically as he sped off into the night.
Through the mist, I trudged back to my trailer through the mud and discarded circus refuse, embedded into the sparse grass trampled flat by hundreds of feet. Once inside the safe haven of my trailer, I immediately peeled off my wet clothes and stood before the bathroom mirror. My hair was wild and knotted, my lips and cheeks garishly pink against my pale skin. But, strangest of all, was the expression in my eyes -- a frightening glimmer of sentiment.
For the first time in years, I didn't feel the overwhelming urge to smash the mirror to pieces. There were no traces of the cold, inhuman monster I'd once been staring back at me as a constant reminder of my sins.
Without bothering to slip on the customary pair of shorts before going to bed, I curled up naked beneath the pile of comforters. I shook, though I couldn't tell whether it was from the cold or from the thoughts that raced through my head. I'd made too many discoveries this past evening, too much hitting me at once -- Duo's affection, my own emotion, and the overwhelming fear that I'd have to face the American boy again once the morning came.
I will not worry. I will not worry. I will not ....
It was a long time before sleep came.
it seems like i should say "as long as this is love..."
but it's not all that easy
so maybe i should
snap her up in a butterfly net
pin her down on a photograph album
i am not worried
i've done this sort of thing before
---
A loud rapping on the trailer door jolted me from a twisting, dreamless sleep, and I had to extract myself from the tangle of covers around my legs. I rubbed at my eyes with a hand and then pushed the knot of hair from my vision. I'd nearly answered the door when I realized I hadn't worn any clothes to bed.
"Unh. One second," I called out. The incessant tapping upon the door continued, and I hurriedly rooted through my dresser, ultimately tossing on the first pair of sweatpants on the small pile. For a brief, worried moment, I thought it might have been Duo, awake and early before the crack of noon. Yet when I threw open the door, Catherine's livid brown eyes glared back at me.
"Do you know what time it is?" she demanded.
I sighed. Ever since Triton had begun to take shape in my life, she'd become less and less patient with me. Perhaps she even felt threatened that her ward had started to develop a mind of his own... "No," I replied simply, flushing any trace of emotion from my voice. If it was Trowa Barton she wanted, then Trowa she would get.
"The lions are restless because you haven't fed them, and we still need to practice the new part of our act."
"You could have woken me up sooner," I stated simply.
"Well," Catherine replied, a reluctant tremor entering her voice, "you were out late last night. You probably needed the sleep."
I tilted my head down in a small nod, and I replied in a flat voice, "Give me five minutes. I'll be out shortly."
As my sister began to protest, I closed the door gently in her face. "Oh, Triton," she sighed, her words drifting through the crack in the door just before it shut. In her tone was dismay, likely at what I had become. Though, with Catherine, it was always difficult to tell. I could never read her like I could read Quatre -- and, most recently, Duo.
I dressed in casual work clothes and brushed my hair, carefully drawing the shoulder-length bangs across the left side of my face. I refused to meet my own eyes in the mirror, afraid that the coldness of Trowa Barton might have returned to them. Before I left to attend to my chores, I carefully inked a note on a slip of paper and tacked it to the door with a strip of tape.
Find me.
~Triton
The day passed by swiftly, the hours rushing past like water as I fed the lions, swept up the remainder of the popcorn and cotton candy wrappers left between the aisles, stood stock-still against the wall as Catherine tossed sharp-edged daggers at me. Out of the corner of my eye, I kept expecting to see Duo -- sitting hidden within the shadows, only to pop out at an inopportune moment to proclaim his presence. But no surprises came, good or otherwise.
By the time the sun began inching below the horizon, I'd grown tired of the anxious gnawing of anticipation within my stomach. I'd long wearied of Catherine's expressions that alternated between annoyance and pity. My note was still hanging upon the door to my trailer by the time I finally trudged up the steps to let myself in.
He's not coming back.
Wiping my hand across a grimy brow, I felt my heart harden just a little. Perhaps it was better to remain cold and unfeeling as Trowa -- it was too burdensome to bear the hurt and the worry of Triton Bloom. I stripped from my clothing and stepped into the tiny shower, the shower head reaching just to my shoulders, so I had to bend down to wash my hair. The water ran down my chest coldly, like the rain from last night, and I closed my eyes against the memories that threatened to overwhelm.
A gentle tapping sounded at my door as I toweled off and pulled on a clean pair of khaki pants. At least it wasn't Catherine. I didn't think I could face her anger again... By then, any concern that it might have been Duo had been mostly replaced with Trowa's calm, forced indifference. I found that it was easier than I expected to slip back into that cold, silent act.
Quatre stood nervously on the steps, his hands clasped loosely behind his back. He was alone. Not that I cared.
"Quatre," I stated with a slight nod.
"Duo says he's sorry," the blond-haired boy replied immediately.
"Yes."
The corners of Quatre's lips twitched as he fought to stifle a smile. I didn't let the confusion -- or anything else, for that matter -- show in my own expression. "He asked me to give you these." From behind his back, the young Arabian boy produced a small bouquet of flowers -- six black roses nestled in a bed of baby's breath and wrapped in tissue paper.
Black roses? Where did he find black roses?
Quatre thrust the delicate bundle into my hands, and I saw through the light of my trailer that the buds weren't exactly black -- rather, they were a deep shade of violet.
"Trowa? Hey, Trowa..." Quatre's hand rested on my shoulder, his voice thick with concern
Like the doukeshi mask that shattered from the blow of Catherine's knife the night before, the facade of Trowa Barton splintered and fell away as I gazed down at Duo's violet roses. I lifted my eyes to Quatre's, and the sight of the tears that threatened to spill from those crystal blue orbs were almost enough to send me over the edge. Almost.
"Make it stop," I begged. "Please, make it stop."
"Ssh," Quatre whispered, looping his arms around me. Atop the steps, he held me, allowing me to bury my face into his shoulder for as long as I needed.
but then i start to think about the consequences
and i don't get no sleep in a quiet room
and...
---
The car ride to the hotel passed by in much-needed silence, and I gazed out the window at the trees that sailed by on the side of the road. Quatre respected my solitude, giving me the distance I needed to think, although he never explained to me why Duo hadn't shown up at the circus. Or why he wanted me to return with him to the hotel, to face the American pilot.
We pulled into the hotel's parking lot, entered the lobby, and made our way to the elevator in complete silence. The young Arabian, the one I considered my closest friend, only broke the wordless sympathy when we'd reached the room he shared with Duo.
"Here's the key," he stated, pressing an illuminated card into my hand. "He might be sleeping."
I turned, realizing that Quatre had no intention of joining me, and I blinked in bewilderment.
"I took another room, so you two can have privacy. I'll be down the hall if you need me. Room three-three-three." Quatre smiled faintly.
"Halfway to hell," I murmured.
The gentle grin widened, and I saw a mischievous sparkle in the boy's eyes. "Exactly what Duo said."
Still too much in shock to be nervous, I inserted the keycard into the door and entered when the light flashed green, leaving Quatre behind.
The room was dark, the shades drawn tight, but the television droned in a flash of commercials and dimmed sound. I scanned the darkness of the room, and my eyes settled upon a small, curled figure beneath the heavy covers of the bed. Quietly, I crept around the other side of the large bed to where Duo's head peeked out from the blankets. His eyes were shut, his breathing even -- at this unbearably early hour, he was, as Quatre had suspected, fast asleep.
Duo appeared so peaceful, so innocent, it seemed almost a shame to wake him. I reached out to brush a stray lock of brown hair from his eyes, when I felt the warmth emanating from his forehead. The American boy was burning up... No wonder he hadn't been by to see me. I swiftly pulled some of the many blankets from him, hoping to dissipate some of the heat trapped beneath. Duo didn't stir, however, until I found the remote and clicked off the television set.
Beneath a single blanket, his body stiffened in anticipation -- his training as a soldier dictated no less. "Who's there?" he whispered, his voice somewhat hoarse. But, even sick, I didn't doubt that Duo would be a dangerous opponent.
"Triton," I replied. Then, just in case he didn't recognize the name, I added, "Trowa."
"Triton Trowa," Duo murmured, his body relaxing against the bed as he forced out a joke. "I don't believe I know a Triton Trowa."
"Mm." I didn't know how to respond, but I figured I should at least acknowledge his words.
Curling himself up tighter, Duo began to shiver violently, and he muttered, "Was it Triton Trowa that stole my all blankets? Fuck, I'm cold."
"You have a fever," I replied simply.
"Gah," he groaned and uttered a few choice curses at me in English. An inkling of a grin formed on my lips, as it was obvious he didn't think I'd understand.
"I'll get you something to drink," I stated, grabbing one of the hotel room's mugs and opening the door to the adjoining bathroom.
After my eyes had adjusted to the difference in lighting -- from the nearly black room to the fluorescent-bright bathroom -- I heard Duo's weak voice carry from the room beyond. "Hey, I'm sorry."
I stared through the open door at the figure in the bed, violet eyes filled with remorse. The narrow band of light that illuminated his face disappeared when I hit the bathroom's switch. "Why are you sorry?"
"I ditched you today," he murmured.
I shrugged and settled beside the bed, pushing the mug of water into his trembling hands. Duo sat up a little and drank noisily, draining half the cup before he handed it back to me. "You didn't do it on purpose."
"I wonder, though," Duo murmured, falling back against the mound of pillows he'd surrounded himself with. "Maybe my body just shut down purposely. Just when it realized I was feeling happy, for once."
I said nothing at the young American's pain, but the anguish in his voice cut through me. I stroked his hot forehead with my fingertips.
"It was like my body said to me, 'Hey, Shinigami, you've been too happy lately. I can't have you seeing that nice Triton boy anymore, because then you'd just lose sight of who you are. Can you imagine, a happy, perky Death? Please!'"
"You've always been happy," I whispered.
"No," Duo murmured, tightening the blanket across his shoulders. "You weren't the only one who hid during the war."
"We all hid," I murmured to the shivering boy, too weak to keep his own mask up. "Quatre hid behind concern, Wu Fei behind justice, Heero behind a gun."
"I just want to be happy," he replied, wrapping an arm around my back. "I don't want to hide anymore."
I ran my fingers comfortingly through his loose bangs, and Duo fell into my lap, all fever-heat and sadness. It was in this position that his shivers finally stopped the moment he drifted into a fitful sleep.
For the second night in a row, I stayed awake most of the night. Only this time, I had the rasp of Duo's breath and the low thrum of his heart to keep me company.
this time when kindness falls like rain
it washes me away and anna begins change my mind
and every time she sneezes i believe it's love
and oh lord i'm not ready for this sort of thing
---
In all the time that I'd known him, nearly everything about Duo had always been loud, including his sneezes, two of which woke me up the next morning. I cracked open an eye and squinted towards the source of the noise, only to find Duo sitting in a chair beside the window, cursing and blowing his nose.
"Bless you," I murmured, sitting up and dimly wondering who had covered me with a blanket. The light streamed through the windows painfully.
Duo turned, tossing the tissue into a nearby trash bin. "Did I wake you up? I'm sorry."
"That's okay," I stated, stretching and swinging my legs over the edge of the bed. "How are you feeling?"
"Better," he replied, giving me a wry grin. "Even if my nose seems to want to take off without me."
Crossing the room, I discovered that someone had taken my shoes off, and I padded barefoot across the soft carpet. I pulled a second chair across from Duo and leaned over to rest my fingers upon his forehead. "Your fever's broken. That's a good sign."
Duo grinned and pulled another tissue from the box sitting on the table, overlooking the open window. "I guess I said some pretty wacky things last night, didn't I?"
"No," I stated. "They made perfect sense."
"Well," he murmured, still smiling faintly as he turned to gaze out into the sunlight, "I still feel like an idiot. Baka, as Heero used to say to me all the time."
"Funny," I replied, "I only seem to remember him saying 'Omae o korosu' all the time."
The American's deep violet eyes flicked over towards me, and his grin widened once again. "Triton Bloom has a sense of humor. Who'd have thought?"
"Stranger things have been known to happen."
"Listen to you, saying more than five words in the span of a month. You've changed so much," he stated, his eyes sparkling with admiration. "I think it's great."
"Catherine doesn't seem to think so," I murmured.
"You know what I have to say about that?" Duo stated, leaning forward with a sly expression in his eyes. "Screw her."
My eyes widened, and I whispered, "Duo, she's my sister!" When he raised a brow in disbelief, my resolve to keep serious cracked, and I managed to laugh.
"You," Duo stated, reaching out a finger and poking the tip of my nose, "have such a nice laugh. You should do it more often."
Before Duo could pull his hand away, I grasped his palm and drew the extended fingertip to my lips, kissing it gently. "You give me reason to laugh."
Duo wrinkled his nose and chuckled. "Do you know where that hand has been?" he asked with a leer. "Seriously, I don't want you catching my cold."
"I thought Shinigami never got sick," I replied, unfazed at the innuendo.
With a tissue, he swiped at his nose, and muttered, "Shinigami doesn't. But Duo Maxwell sometimes does."
Taking a breath, I stood and walked behind Duo's chair, rubbing his shoulders with my fingers. Like a cat, he arched his back and leaned into my touch. Though my heart hammered nervously within my chest, I asked, "What can I do to make you feel better, then?"
"Mmmm," he purred. "Can you do rub my shoulders with something other than your hands?"
"What do you have in mind?" I whispered. The thought terrified me, but the fear only added to my excitement. I'd experienced the act of sex before, with both the male and female persuasion; however, none of those experiences had amounted to half as much as Duo. For the first time in my life, I had a lover, not just a sex partner.
I trailed my tongue across the dip of Duo's shoulders, and so began the long, breathless day with my first true lover.
she's talking in her sleep
it's keeping me awake
and anna begins to toss and turn
and every word is nonsense but I understand
and oh lord i'm not ready for this sort of thing
---
"Please, Sister Helen, you can't die," Duo murmured against my chest. His bare body, so delightfully soft and comforting against mine, shuddered at the sight of demons within his own head, manifestations of a nightmare that I couldn't chase away. I brushed my fingers through the loose wisps of hair that had come untangled from his long braid.
"Ssh."
"But... I was only gone for a little while. Please, if you just live, I'll let you cut my hair!"
"Duo, ssh..." I whispered.
"I stole this suit for you. I fought for you. Sister..."
I lightly shook his shoulders, hoping merely to quiet his whimpering, but Duo's eyes fluttered open with a sudden, painful cry.
"Sister!" he shrieked, pulling sharply away from me.
"Duo," I stated, holding his squirming body fast by his upper arms.
"Unh?" Duo's violet eyes settled upon me, and he even recognized me after a couple of seconds. "Triton... I was just ... dreaming."
"I know," I said quietly.
Duo settled against my chest again, his bare, sweat-slicked skin heaving against mine. "I have to tell you something, Triton. I don't lie... but I haven't been completely honest with you, either."
"What's that?" I whispered into the top of his head.
"I'm leaving tomorrow. Back to L2. I'm sorry, but I've got responsibilities. The orphans at the Maxwell Church need me."
I leaned my head against the back of the bed and shut my eyes,
unable to find the words to answer.
"I should have told you sooner, but I didn't want to spoil
the good time. Are you angry?"
"No," I whispered. It was the truth. I wasn't angry, though my heart bled from the hurt. "Will you wake me up before you go?"
But Duo didn't respond to my question. Instead, I lay bewildered and afraid as I felt the wetness of his tears against my chest. His shoulders shook, and I held him, even though my own heart wanted to shatter.
Somewhere in the recesses of my mind, I saw Trowa Barton slip the doukeshi mask over his face. But he didn't interfere.
her kindness bangs a gong
it's moving me along and anna begins to fade away
it's chasing me away...
she disappears
and oh lord i'm not ready for this sort of thing
---
The bed was cold, so cold when I awoke the next morning. And empty. Like my heart used to be, like it wanted to be now.
"Duo?" I whispered, sitting up beneath the pile of blankets. But I knew I wouldn't get a response. I looked to either side of me -- nothing.
The clock on the wall read 11:29 a.m. Quietly, I fell back against the bed. Duo's flight back to L2 left at 10:00. He was long gone. I hadn't even missed him by mere seconds. Instead, I'd slept right through his departure, awakening nearly an hour and a half after he'd left. Somehow, that only made the hurt worse.
Brushing tangled bangs from my eyes, I realized that my hands still smelled of him, musk and spice. Feeling as if I were moving through molasses, I pushed aside the covers and searched the room for something, anything of his. But it was all gone.
I slipped to the window, gazing at the chairs where, just a single day prior, I had held him, had licked the inside of his ear and ran my fingertips across his hard nipples. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a folded slip of paper upon the table, bearing my true name. I picked it up and read.
Triton --
I did not wake you this morning because I cannot say goodbye. I will not say goodbye.
The stars beyond hold mysteries that the mortal mind can never imagine. I hope that one day, I'll become one with the stars. Or at least make my mark among them. When you see the flickering tail of a shooting star, remember always that it might be me. It is my love.
Think of me when you watch the stars, and I will think of you when I watch the rain.
I will be back. Trust me.
Until we meet again, beloved,
Duo Maxwell
Yes, Duo would be back. With the freedom of the colonies, space travel had improved significantly over the years. It was only a quick, easy hop to L2. Maybe one day, I would regain the courage to fly out there myself.
I folded Duo's uncharacteristically serious note and set it aside. Pulling on my pants, I briefly debated heading to Quatre's room just down the hall and visiting the Arabian boy, my best friend. But I wasn't in the mood for companionship or for his sympathy. Upon hearing the news, I'd only end up having to comfort him, and I didn't have the strength for it.
Quietly, I took the elevator to the top floor of the hotel. When I was certain no one was around to watch me, I slipped into the staircase and crept easily onto the roof.
I still had a considerable amount of time. But I was patient -- one of Trowa's traits that had stayed with me to the end. I found myself a comfortable place to sit near the edge of the roof overlooking the expanse of forest and roads beyond, and I curled my arms around my knees to wait. In a little over eight hours, the moon would rise, and I would be able to watch for my shooting star. And perhaps then I would be able to spot the burning trail that would eventually lead me to the L2 colony and back to Duo. Until then, I would simply have to wait and hope.
Far away, I felt the distant heartbeat of a lover who would
someday return.
