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By Bottou-chan |
Author's Note: I decided to portray a more serious Neon than I usually do. ;o) For the first time in a while, she's not going berserk from being around a certain rasta-braided freak. (Yeah, it was tough, not mentioning him. ^_^) But, due to the nature of her work, this fic is rated R. If you skip Ch. 4, it's just PG or PG-13. Comments?
He was awkward and clumsy. One of those men who think
themselves to be a great lover, but are nothing at all like it. Lacking in
charm, lacking in finesse, lacking in skill. He paid no attention to my efforts
to guide him; the smaller signals I tried to give him—my breathing, soft
murmurs, tiny sounds—were lost utterly upon Eisaku. He was completely wrapped
up in himself, and his own sensations… I finally gave up trying to help, and
resigned myself to the fact that I wasn't about to get anything out of this
evening unless it came from me.
Huh. Why can't I get the job of seducing and murdering
handsome, skillful men? I mentally pouted. I'm sure the male members of the
Uruha had a better time at this sort of job. It was beginning to get sickeningly
repetitive for me. Quite depressing.
Was lovemaking such a lost art?
I ignored Eisaku, not that it mattered. With his lack of
panache, he wouldn't notice. My mind was definitely elsewhere by now… I
wished he was Kurei. Now, there was someone you could learn from. I knew it was
ridiculous for me to ever expect us to have anything deep and meaningful
together, but even on a superficial level, he knew exactly what he was doing.
We'd only been together a few times, when I had first joined the Uruha; once
was to gauge where my talent lay, and the others had been 'supplementary
education'. It had been his expert tutelage which made me so effective at what
I do.
I suppressed an irritated snarl, so it only came out as a
sort of growl. It apparently delighted Eisaku; but I didn't care. Whatever was
happening with him was purely mechanical. Not that he had the talent to notice.
I felt angry and frustrated; perhaps I always did. With an
expert twist, I managed to reverse our positions. I was probably the last good
thing he'd experience in life; then again, I would also be the last bad thing
he'd experience.
His eyes grew a little wide. I guessed he wasn't much
used to a reversal. But I didn't care.
Was I such a fool? What was I doing? Whatever in the
world possessed me to put myself in such a situation? Where did I really think
my life was going to end up? I'd probably be lucky to live for five more
years… who knows what kind of disease I'd pick up that no madougu would be
of use against.
This stupid line of men. I couldn't even remember the
names of my victims from last month. There were three of them… no, four of
them. They were faceless, nameless, and devoid of any personality whatsoever.
Like Eisaku, they lacked distinguishing characteristics, personality, skill,
talent--- ANYTHING. They were just useless human beings who had gotten on
the wrong side of the Kokom Co., and had to be done away with. They were
stupid—idiotic—morons—who—were—full—of—themselves—
Eisaku's eyes were quite wide by now. He looked a little
pained.
And Kurei! Why was I so bent on being so loyal! What did I
get out of return for my loyalty? I got to lay the scum of the earth? What kind
of privilege was that? I mentally spat the words. He didn't care about
me! He didn't care about anyone! He stopped caring after Kurenai's death. He
had been going down the wrong path before then, of course, and had heartily
enforced his seduce-betray-lie-cheat-and-so-on motto, but any human emotions
seemed to disappear after That day. That was when he really seemed
to lose his grasp of reality, and sense of what was right. Perhaps what I was
doing wasn't technically right, but I was doing it for a good cause. I was
doing it because I loved Kurei. But should I throw my life away for someone who
would never look at me… never touch me… never treat me like I wished he
would? Instead, he sends me off ingratiate myself with some of his more
susceptible male enemies?
Eisaku's face was now all scrunched, as though he was in
pain. I recognized the sign, and returned my attention to him. Oddly enough, my
anger had given me the boost I had needed, so the evening wasn't a complete
waste for myself, either.
Not anywhere near the best time I'd ever had, but it
could have been a lot worse.
Five minutes later, I had slipped back into my dress and
smoothed my hair, which had undergone some dishevelment during the process. He
lay there on the couch, still a bit dazed, but enormously pleased.
I pulled out my Fukyo Waon from my purse, and played a few
notes… nothing dangerous, just a rather soothing song. Eisaku raised a lazy
eye to survey me.
"It sounds lovely," he said, sounding quite sleepy. If
I actually had feelings for him, he might've
looked like a vulnerable child. Instead, he was just some loathsome creature who
was swept up by his own power and didn't think twice about others.
If he was really thoughtful about others, or not drunk on
his own power, he wouldn't have ignored Kurei's threats so readily.
I took a seat next to him on the couch and cracked the
window open slightly. Cool night air seeped into the room, causing the drapes to
flutter gently. He moved into a seated position across from me and I handed him
his half-full wineglass.
"You like my song?" I inquired, gazing at him
thoughtfully. "When I play it, I always think of someone who's very dear to
me."
"Kinjo?" The word was spoken with the addition of a
sound that could best be described as a 'snerk'. Obviously, Eisaku was quite
ready to believe that he had just proven himself to be a thousand times better a
lover than Kinjo. Not that I would know—I'd never, and I would never,
unless Kinjo turned traitor, and then I would—but that was beside the point.
His attitude irritated me. What right did such a plain, unremarkable man have to
control the kind of wealth and power he had at his disposal? Perhaps I was
jealous… I suppose I was… even though my life was good with the Uruha, I
still felt some degree of envy towards people who weren't dependent on others.
"No," I said. I leaned forward and whispered two syllables. "Ku-rei."
Eisaku's mind wasn't working as quickly as usual, and
the evening's events hadn't done much to speed it up. He was quite spent and
lethargic, and it took him a few moments to place the name.
He looked at me in alarm.
"Mori Kurei?" he asked, quite shocked.
I smiled my best smile for him. "I love him," I
repeated. I don't know why I got a kick out of telling my victims that…
perhaps they were the only ones I ever was able to tell. It wouldn't do to
broadcast such information through the Mansion, and Mori Kouran wouldn't stand
for it if he found out. But my victims… they were safely dead and wouldn't
tell anyone… They were sometimes my greatest confidantes.
He made a sudden motion to rise, but I was quicker. I knew he was going for the panic button, wherever it was kept. I maneuvered myself easily into position, and played the fatal notes.
