Author's Note: Just a little bit more craziness from me. This fic stands alone, but I suggest you read 'The Pancake Episode' first to understand my madness! Read and review my lovelies!

Disclaimer: I don't own it. Don't sue.

Gundams On the High Seas
By The 41st Magaunac AKA Muse of Arabia

Part 4

The following morning came dull and cloudy. A heavy fog had descended over the ocean, and the air had a distinct frosty nip to it. This was particularly unfortunate for the hapless Duo Maxwell, who was still hanging upside down from the mast wearing only his boxers and a white t-shirt with 'Please hurt me' written on it in black biro.

He was tired and cold, having spent most of the night running and hiding behind every available crate. Heero had tracked him down inevitably, and following a series of events which were too painful to remember, he had been strung up there by 'The Ropes of Justice' according to Wufei, and left to hang until morning.

One thing he had noticed was the distinct lack of people. Not just his fellow Gundam pilots who had decided to sleep in anyway, but the lack of pirate tour guides. He had hoped that one of them would be up early to let him down, but so far not a soul had appeared, and he was beginning to feel rather concerned.

He was supposed to be 'The Great Destroyer' and 'The God of Death', yet all the same, Trowa's knots had been painfully merciless.

"Believe me, you learn a lot about knots when you live with someone who has trouble finding subjects to practise her knife throwing on…" Trowa had said with a shudder.

So, he was pretty much stuck there, left to the mercy of the elements. Quite apparently, the elements were not on his side.

***

Heero Yuy woke in an uncharacteristically good mood, which is scary as this is Heero Yuy we're talking about. He hadn't had Duo keeping him awake until the wee small hours of the morning, and he was feeling pretty good about himself. Not only that, but in just a couple of short hours they would be docking in London, England, and he could get the Hell out of the ship before he went mental.

Of course, this wasn't to last.

Heero too had noticed the peculiar quiet which had descended over the ship. The galley was completely empty when he entered it to look for a pirate tour guide to make breakfast. With a worried glance, Heero set off for the Captain's room.

It was empty.

Heero Yuy doesn't panic. It wasn't in his job description, and it definitely wasn't part of mission. He put his rising blood pressure and slight perspiration down to stress. Because Heero Yuy doesn't panic. Nope. Not a bit.

Right?

Heero walked over to the controls and the wheel. The maps were missing from the table, as was the ship's compass and mapping equipment. Through the window ahead of him lay mile after mile of calm ocean, surrounded by an almost impenetrable mist.

'I will not panic… I am trained to deal with stressful situations… I can cope… I can steer this ship into port… I am capable… I am Heero Yuy… I can deal with this…'

"Heero, why are you sitting on the floor with your arms wrapped around yourself, rocking?" asked Quatre as he walked into the cabin, also in search of a pirate tour guide.

Heero Yuy doesn't panic.

"Heero, I hate to say this," said Trowa as he followed Quatre into the cabin, "But there's practically no food on board. Except for a couple of barrels, there's nothing left on the whole ship."

Heero Yuy never panics.

Wufei stuck his head through one of the side windows. "All the pirate guides are gone! I went to find one, and they're all gone, so are their possessions! So are the life boats!"

Heero Yuy NEVER panics.

"Do you know what I think, Heero."

Heero Yuy does not know the meaning of 'denial'.

Then he snapped. "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIIIIIIIE!!!!" wailed Heero, grabbing hold of Quatre's leg and bawling for all he was worth.

"I think…" said Trowa slowly, "This calls for a meeting in the stern."

***

"So there's no one left on board?" asked Duo, as the group gathered around a table in the depths of the boat. "Not one person?"

"Not a soul," reported Wufei. "I've searched the ship from top to bottom, and there is absolutely no one on it. Not only that, but the lifeboats and practically the entire food supply is gone. Those lousy pirate…"

"What, even the last of the Cadbury's Chocolate Flake Desserts?"

"Yes Duo, even the…"

"Even the last packet of caramel flavoured 'Snack-a-Jacks'?"

"Yes, even…"

"Even the…"

"YES, Duo, everything! All the food is gone, Duo. Duo, all the food is gone! There is no food, get it? No food whatsoever. Nada, zero, zip, nothing!! OKAY?" Wufei yelled in great irritation.

"Oh."

"Now, I think we need t-"

"Even the…"

"DIE!" Wufei pulled out his katana, but had his fist gripped by Heero.

"That's enough Wufei. We need to start thinking about what we're supposed to be doing about this instead of stressing over it."

"That's good coming from you," stated Trowa, who was still kind of annoyed about the incident from the day before, "The one who was lying on the floor crying his eyes out only 10 minutes ago."

Heero glared at Trowa. "Thank you, Trowa. You don't need to make me look like a complete cowardly moron."

"Shall I cancel the order to find your 'mommy' then?"

"Right, that's it…"

This time Wufei held Heero back. "That's enough you two. Heero was right, we need to think through this all calmly and rationally. I think we should make a plan. What does anyone suggest?"

"Okay," said Quatre, the chief plan maker said, "How about Trowa and Duo go and look for food, seeing as they're about the only ones not tearing each other's eyes out right now. I'll try and radio for help. Wufei, you go with Heero, and try and navigate us towards land somewhere. How does that sound?"

"All this from a guy who still thinks 'Barney' is an educational show?" Wufei muttered, half to himself. The others merely shrugged.

"Let's do it."

***

"Man, I'm so hungry!" complained Duo, his stomach growling loudly, as if on cue. "I swear, if I don't get some food soon, I'm going to die?"

Trowa had to admit, he was feeling pretty hungry himself. They had been searching the ship for well over an hour, and had come up with a half sucked Polo and a fluffy Wine Gum someone had left down the side of a chair. "We've got to keep looking," he said despondently. "The others are counting on us."

"But I'm so huuuuungry!" Duo whined again, patting his aching stomach. "And it's so cold down here! Why is that?"

"The lower part of the ship must be cold because it's so damp," stated Trowa, "I guess they must use this place as some kind of refrigerator or something."

Without warning, Duo stopped and sniffed the air. "Wait just a sec… I'm sure I can smell something… Something… edible…" It was a most peculiar sight to see Duo get down on his knees and sniff the floor, but apparently, this was what he was doing. He crawled along on his hands and knees until he reached a tightly sealed barrel. He pointed at it.

"Here. I smell food. Open the barrel!"

Slightly dubious of this technique, Trowa walked over to the barrel and cracked it open. Inside, there was a lot of white, creamy stuff. He sniffed it. "Mayonnaise," he stated.

Duo shook his head. "Economy mayonnaise, actually," he said. "They must have left it behind. They'd hardly need it for a short sea voyage, unless they wanted to make a salad sandwich."

"Now we have to decide… who gets to keep it?"

"Well, I found it!" said Duo quickly, "It was my talented nose that found the barrel, and therefore it should be mine!"

"Yes, but I'm bigger than you, and stronger, and I need the energy."

"I'm more energetic!"

"I work in a circus!"

"I have longer hair!"

Trowa gripped one side of the barrel, pulling it over to him. "It's mine!"

Duo gripped the other side, sneering back at Trowa. "It's mine!"

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"Let GO!"

"YOU let go!"

"No, YOU!!"

"Fine!!" Duo released his side of the barrel, using underhand tactics that one could only learn as an orphan on the streets of colony L2. Trowa was coated in a tidal wave of slightly out-of-date and rapidly yellowing economy mayonnaise.

"You ASSHOLE!" he yelled, pulling himself to his feet, mayonnaise beginning to collect around his feet.

"You idiot! That was all the food we had!" Duo yelled back, "There may be nothing else on board, and now you're wearing our only food supply!"

"Well, whose fault is THAT?"

"Yours, for being a stubborn prat with stupid hair!"

"Well, excuuuuse me, girly locks!"

"There's only one solution! We'll have to eat OFF you!"

"WHAT??!" expostulated Trowa, his eyes rapidly widening.

There was no reasoning with Duo now. He was on stomach power, and right now the only thing he cared about was getting the food off Trowa, no matter what the method.

"Come to me, my lunch…"

"You're… you're crazy!"

"FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!" wailed Duo, leaping over the room to catch Trowa, who made a mad dash sideways to dodge.

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!!!!!" Trowa sprinted out of the room.

Duo ran after him, already hot on his heels, laughing insanely all the time, while yelling, "Don't worry! I like fast food!"

A few moments later, Quatre Raberba Winner walked into the room, carrying in his arms a small crate. "Hey guys! I found this stashed in one of the rooms! Someone left an entire loaf of bread and some bottles of water. There's enough here to… Oh. Where did they go?"

To be continued...

End of Part 4!