Author's Note: Just a little bit more craziness from me. This fic stands alone, but I suggest you read 'The Pancake Episode' first to understand my madness! Read and review my lovelies!
Disclaimer: I don't own it. Don't sue.
Gundams On the High Seas
By The 41st Magaunac AKA Muse of Arabia
Part 5
Trowa Barton could not have been running faster if his underpants had mysteriously caught fire. The mayonnaise, which still coated him from head to toe, made it a lot more difficult than he had suspected, as he was continually skidding around corners.
Duo already gave off the impression that he was a bit of a loony, but he was a lot more terrifying when hungry. Trowa would have spared a thought to the many helpless hamburgers that Duo had devoured over the years, if he had not been running for his life.
"Duo!" he yelled behind him, "Can't we talk about this rationally??"
"Come to poppa, my sweet little hor d'eurve!" sang Duo, "I did NOT order this dinner 'to go'!" He bounded over to where Trowa had stood moments before, pursuing his rapidly departing appetiser up the steps and on to the deck.
"Somebody SAVE me!" wailed Trowa, as Duo chased him several times around the mast, slipping and sliding in the smears of white goo that Trowa left in his wake.
Unable to stand the commotion for a moment longer, Heero stormed out of the cabin, pulling his gun out as he did so. "What the HECK is going on out here??"
Unfortunately for Trowa, it was Duo who was closet to Heero, and the first to open his mouth. "Heero! Trowa's stolen the last of the food! We need to stop him for the sake of the mission!"
Heero's eyes darkened momentarily, and he holstered his revolver again. "Mission: accepted." He took a split second to go over the situation in his head, waited for Trowa to run past, then shot off after him.
Trowa was faster than he expected, not to mention slippery, and panicking like a lamb in a curry house. "You're all God damn crazy!" he yelled, as he sped towards the other end of the boat, Heero rapidly catching him up. He shot around the upper mast and then ran full pelt back towards the steps to the lower decks. Just as he reached it, Heero flung himself at Trowa's retreating back in a rugby tackle. They hit the floor, and skidded several metres before stopping midway between the cabin and the steps Trowa had been trying to reach.
"I've got you now!" yelled Heero triumphantly, pinning an arm behind Trowa's back. No sooner were these words out of his mouth, than a pair of shoes was heard ascending the steps.
It was Quatre.
"Hey guys, I managed to find some- TROWA!!!!" Quatre dropped what he was carrying, his hands clapped over his mouth. "How COULD you??! In front of everyone, right here on the deck! I should have KNOWN!"
"Quatre, wait!" Trowa tried to pull himself up, but Heero was still sitting on him. Quatre looked like he was about to explode, his hands held in tight fists at his sides.
But the onslaught did not end here.
"Heero, I'm afraid I can't find any of those… KISAMA!!!" Wufei had just emerged from the cabin, a pile of papers in his hands. If you consider the image that Wufei was witnessing, it's not surprising he reacted this way. Trowa and Heero were sprawled in the middle of the deck, Heero sitting on Trowa's lower back, one hand grasped tightly to keep him from moving. Not only this, but they were covered in SOMETHING which was white… and sticky.
Wufei's mouth flapped incoherently as he tried to form the syllables to several Chinese curse words all at the same time. Quatre opened his mouth to say something else, but Trowa leapt up, sending Heero sprawling on the deck. "NOBODY say anything! I am covered in mayonnaise, okay? It was an ACCIDENT. I have been chased around the ship no less than THREE times, and I am tired, and hungry, and I smell like a DELI COUNTER!! Now, would everybody PLEASE…"
Quatre twiddled his thumbs. "Trowa… it's not really THAT bad…" he said uncertainly, trying to keep from getting mayonnaise on his expensive shoes.
"Not BAD??" Trowa expostulated, "I'm covered in more white crap than if a giant seagull with terminal diahorrea had to make an emergency pit-stop over my HEAD!!"
"Trowa, that's just being stupid!"
"STUPID?? You have the gall to call ME stupid?? Well, Mr. Raberba WEINER, if brains were gasoline, you wouldn't have enough to power SANDROCK around the outside of a PENNY!"
Quatre's eyes welled with tears, and his eyes went all big and kawaii. "Trowa! How can you SAY such a hurtful thing!"
Trowa's eyes had taken on the glow only usually displayed by users of the Zero System. "Why?? You wanna know WHY little one? Because I CAN! All my life, I've had to be the silent one, the serious one, but God damn it, I can't TAKE it anymore! So help me God, I'll…"
Trowa didn't reach the end of this sentence, due the intervention of a certain braided American troublemaker. Seeing his opportunity to finally get some food, Duo had climbed up the rigging. When his chance came by, he leapt off and grabbed one side of the mast, swinging it around to try and kick Trowa over. Of course, what he hadn't counted on was that the mast had not been roped properly. In a moment which was too fast for even Heero to contemplate, the mast swung around violently, whacking Trowa on the head and sending him flying overboard into the deep blue void below with a resounding Splop. Hey, this IS the English Channel we're talking about.
"TROWA!" wailed Quatre as he ran to the side of the boat, looking down into the water below. "TROWA!! Come back! I haven't finished yelling at you yet!!"
Duo fell off the mast and landed in a heap in the middle of the deck. Heero whipped his hand into his spandex and pulled out the first object he could find, pointing it at Duo. "Omae o korosu!"
Duo stared at him for a moment, and Wufei walked up behind Heero and tapped him on the shoulder. "Uhh, Heero? That's a banana."
Heero looked down at the yellow object in his hand, then tossed it to one side, reaching into his shorts again. "Omae o…"
"Sunscreen, Heero."
There was a clatter as the offending tube was thrown on to the deck.
"Omae…"
"Sunglasses."
"Om…"
"Copy of 'War and Peace', Heero."
"Damn, I should really invest in a suitcase…" muttered Heero as he tossed the things to one side or the other. There then followed:
1) Three pairs on underpants, with his name sewn in.
2) A torch
3) 'Stress management courses' - Book One: Taming the wild beast.
4) One rubber ring, not inflated.
5) One laptop.
6) Two pairs of socks, no matching ones.
7) One bazooka.
8) Three hand grenades.
9) A copy of Britney Spears' latest album.
'How much does he KEEP in there?' thought Wufei to himself. 'No wonder he has such a manly bulge…'
"I don't know how THAT got in there…" said Heero as he tossed the last of things away. Finally, his hand rested around the cold metal of his revolver and he pulled it out. "Omae o korosu!"
However, to Duo, Heero was no longer the most deadly person on the deck, while observing the little show before him, he had neglected to notice the figure creeping up behind him, until he had wrapped his hands around Duo's neck.
"You KILLED Trowa!! Now I will kill YOU!" yelled Quatre, wringing Duo's neck while attempting to knock his brains out on the floor.
"Urk!" Bang "Quatre!" Bang "Urk, please!" Bang "Stop!" wailed Duo as Quatre continued to kick the crap out of him.
"We don't have TIME to worry about Barton right now!" shouted Wufei, holding a tissue to his nose. This entire experience was stressing him out somewhat. "We're lost in the middle of the English Channel somewhere! We've been left onboard by a bunch of sick and sadistic weirdoes!"
"How do you know they're sick and sadistic?" Heero asked, putting his gun away.
"They ate all of the chocolate ice-cream out of the three flavoured Neapolitan cartons," replied Wufei.
"My God, what monsters!" commented Quatre, before going back to beating Duo to a bloody pulp.
"Come on, Maxwell," said Wufei, prising Quatre off him. "Come to the cabin with me, and we'll try and steer this thing. Heero, you take Quatre below deck and… drug him or something!"
Duo rubbed his sore neck, and followed Wufei into the front cabin. Heero walked over to Quatre, who was sitting in the middle of the deck, snivelling.
"Don't worry Quatre. You know as well as I do that Trowa'll be okay. If there were a nuclear holocaust, the only things LEFT would be cockroaches, and Trowa Barton." Heero paused, then added, "His hair at any rate."
Quatre nodded his head sadly. "There was just… so much more I wanted to say. I just… hope he's in a better place."
Heero put on a false smile, and helped Quatre to stand and walk down the steps, all the while thinking, 'This is the English Channel; oil, waste, and sewage dump of half the Northern Hemisphere. If that's a better place, I hate to think what his home life was like…'
To be continued...
End of Part 5!
Disclaimer: I don't own it. Don't sue.
Gundams On the High Seas
By The 41st Magaunac AKA Muse of Arabia
Part 5
Trowa Barton could not have been running faster if his underpants had mysteriously caught fire. The mayonnaise, which still coated him from head to toe, made it a lot more difficult than he had suspected, as he was continually skidding around corners.
Duo already gave off the impression that he was a bit of a loony, but he was a lot more terrifying when hungry. Trowa would have spared a thought to the many helpless hamburgers that Duo had devoured over the years, if he had not been running for his life.
"Duo!" he yelled behind him, "Can't we talk about this rationally??"
"Come to poppa, my sweet little hor d'eurve!" sang Duo, "I did NOT order this dinner 'to go'!" He bounded over to where Trowa had stood moments before, pursuing his rapidly departing appetiser up the steps and on to the deck.
"Somebody SAVE me!" wailed Trowa, as Duo chased him several times around the mast, slipping and sliding in the smears of white goo that Trowa left in his wake.
Unable to stand the commotion for a moment longer, Heero stormed out of the cabin, pulling his gun out as he did so. "What the HECK is going on out here??"
Unfortunately for Trowa, it was Duo who was closet to Heero, and the first to open his mouth. "Heero! Trowa's stolen the last of the food! We need to stop him for the sake of the mission!"
Heero's eyes darkened momentarily, and he holstered his revolver again. "Mission: accepted." He took a split second to go over the situation in his head, waited for Trowa to run past, then shot off after him.
Trowa was faster than he expected, not to mention slippery, and panicking like a lamb in a curry house. "You're all God damn crazy!" he yelled, as he sped towards the other end of the boat, Heero rapidly catching him up. He shot around the upper mast and then ran full pelt back towards the steps to the lower decks. Just as he reached it, Heero flung himself at Trowa's retreating back in a rugby tackle. They hit the floor, and skidded several metres before stopping midway between the cabin and the steps Trowa had been trying to reach.
"I've got you now!" yelled Heero triumphantly, pinning an arm behind Trowa's back. No sooner were these words out of his mouth, than a pair of shoes was heard ascending the steps.
It was Quatre.
"Hey guys, I managed to find some- TROWA!!!!" Quatre dropped what he was carrying, his hands clapped over his mouth. "How COULD you??! In front of everyone, right here on the deck! I should have KNOWN!"
"Quatre, wait!" Trowa tried to pull himself up, but Heero was still sitting on him. Quatre looked like he was about to explode, his hands held in tight fists at his sides.
But the onslaught did not end here.
"Heero, I'm afraid I can't find any of those… KISAMA!!!" Wufei had just emerged from the cabin, a pile of papers in his hands. If you consider the image that Wufei was witnessing, it's not surprising he reacted this way. Trowa and Heero were sprawled in the middle of the deck, Heero sitting on Trowa's lower back, one hand grasped tightly to keep him from moving. Not only this, but they were covered in SOMETHING which was white… and sticky.
Wufei's mouth flapped incoherently as he tried to form the syllables to several Chinese curse words all at the same time. Quatre opened his mouth to say something else, but Trowa leapt up, sending Heero sprawling on the deck. "NOBODY say anything! I am covered in mayonnaise, okay? It was an ACCIDENT. I have been chased around the ship no less than THREE times, and I am tired, and hungry, and I smell like a DELI COUNTER!! Now, would everybody PLEASE…"
Quatre twiddled his thumbs. "Trowa… it's not really THAT bad…" he said uncertainly, trying to keep from getting mayonnaise on his expensive shoes.
"Not BAD??" Trowa expostulated, "I'm covered in more white crap than if a giant seagull with terminal diahorrea had to make an emergency pit-stop over my HEAD!!"
"Trowa, that's just being stupid!"
"STUPID?? You have the gall to call ME stupid?? Well, Mr. Raberba WEINER, if brains were gasoline, you wouldn't have enough to power SANDROCK around the outside of a PENNY!"
Quatre's eyes welled with tears, and his eyes went all big and kawaii. "Trowa! How can you SAY such a hurtful thing!"
Trowa's eyes had taken on the glow only usually displayed by users of the Zero System. "Why?? You wanna know WHY little one? Because I CAN! All my life, I've had to be the silent one, the serious one, but God damn it, I can't TAKE it anymore! So help me God, I'll…"
Trowa didn't reach the end of this sentence, due the intervention of a certain braided American troublemaker. Seeing his opportunity to finally get some food, Duo had climbed up the rigging. When his chance came by, he leapt off and grabbed one side of the mast, swinging it around to try and kick Trowa over. Of course, what he hadn't counted on was that the mast had not been roped properly. In a moment which was too fast for even Heero to contemplate, the mast swung around violently, whacking Trowa on the head and sending him flying overboard into the deep blue void below with a resounding Splop. Hey, this IS the English Channel we're talking about.
"TROWA!" wailed Quatre as he ran to the side of the boat, looking down into the water below. "TROWA!! Come back! I haven't finished yelling at you yet!!"
Duo fell off the mast and landed in a heap in the middle of the deck. Heero whipped his hand into his spandex and pulled out the first object he could find, pointing it at Duo. "Omae o korosu!"
Duo stared at him for a moment, and Wufei walked up behind Heero and tapped him on the shoulder. "Uhh, Heero? That's a banana."
Heero looked down at the yellow object in his hand, then tossed it to one side, reaching into his shorts again. "Omae o…"
"Sunscreen, Heero."
There was a clatter as the offending tube was thrown on to the deck.
"Omae…"
"Sunglasses."
"Om…"
"Copy of 'War and Peace', Heero."
"Damn, I should really invest in a suitcase…" muttered Heero as he tossed the things to one side or the other. There then followed:
1) Three pairs on underpants, with his name sewn in.
2) A torch
3) 'Stress management courses' - Book One: Taming the wild beast.
4) One rubber ring, not inflated.
5) One laptop.
6) Two pairs of socks, no matching ones.
7) One bazooka.
8) Three hand grenades.
9) A copy of Britney Spears' latest album.
'How much does he KEEP in there?' thought Wufei to himself. 'No wonder he has such a manly bulge…'
"I don't know how THAT got in there…" said Heero as he tossed the last of things away. Finally, his hand rested around the cold metal of his revolver and he pulled it out. "Omae o korosu!"
However, to Duo, Heero was no longer the most deadly person on the deck, while observing the little show before him, he had neglected to notice the figure creeping up behind him, until he had wrapped his hands around Duo's neck.
"You KILLED Trowa!! Now I will kill YOU!" yelled Quatre, wringing Duo's neck while attempting to knock his brains out on the floor.
"Urk!" Bang "Quatre!" Bang "Urk, please!" Bang "Stop!" wailed Duo as Quatre continued to kick the crap out of him.
"We don't have TIME to worry about Barton right now!" shouted Wufei, holding a tissue to his nose. This entire experience was stressing him out somewhat. "We're lost in the middle of the English Channel somewhere! We've been left onboard by a bunch of sick and sadistic weirdoes!"
"How do you know they're sick and sadistic?" Heero asked, putting his gun away.
"They ate all of the chocolate ice-cream out of the three flavoured Neapolitan cartons," replied Wufei.
"My God, what monsters!" commented Quatre, before going back to beating Duo to a bloody pulp.
"Come on, Maxwell," said Wufei, prising Quatre off him. "Come to the cabin with me, and we'll try and steer this thing. Heero, you take Quatre below deck and… drug him or something!"
Duo rubbed his sore neck, and followed Wufei into the front cabin. Heero walked over to Quatre, who was sitting in the middle of the deck, snivelling.
"Don't worry Quatre. You know as well as I do that Trowa'll be okay. If there were a nuclear holocaust, the only things LEFT would be cockroaches, and Trowa Barton." Heero paused, then added, "His hair at any rate."
Quatre nodded his head sadly. "There was just… so much more I wanted to say. I just… hope he's in a better place."
Heero put on a false smile, and helped Quatre to stand and walk down the steps, all the while thinking, 'This is the English Channel; oil, waste, and sewage dump of half the Northern Hemisphere. If that's a better place, I hate to think what his home life was like…'
To be continued...
End of Part 5!
