Experienced Weiss Kreuz fans and authors:
Forgive me, I beg of you. I am among the unfortunate, uninitiated people, who have never really seen or read the series, but I've formulated an idea of what happens, from the marvelous fanfictions out there that I've read.
This story is an extremely *sappy*, *angsty*, and undoubtedly *horribly* out-of-character pairing between Brad, my favorite clairvoyant, and Ken, a fellow soccer-player. And I mean SAP, SAP, *SAP*, okay?
I understand that this is one of those "rare" pairings, but, well... I kinda like it!
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Disclaimer: I own nothing except the pictures in my head
Warning: Sap, angst, and shonein-ai situations. Brad+Ken, plus a few other pairs mentioned along the way...
Author: Kasey
Archive: Not unless I send it to you.
Status: Complete, self-edited.
Key: /italics/ and *emphasis*
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"Lavender"
-Part Four-
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I had enough reason to hate Estet, and Schwarz. Soon, I had plenty of reason to hate Brad, too. I tried. I tried to convince myself that he was evil. I tried to think like Aya, and get my revenge. I tried to think like Omi, and consider how Brad played a part in the loss of my family.
And every chance I got, I snuck down to the park, and waited. In vain.
Some times, I think it felt like years and years... other times, I realize that the whole extended ordeal passed in a flash. Yuriko came and went. Kase came back... I'd thought he was dead. Before he was dead, I'd thought he was my best friend. Maybe he was... Brad and I were in love, after all. Then this all happened... and everything was backwards and upside-down. Brad, who had told me to leave him, was protecting a corrupt politician, and Kase tried to kill me. So, now Kase really is dead. This time, I saw it happen.
It was bloody mission after emotional breakdown after bloody mission after emotional breakdown, on and on and on again... If it wasn't me, it was poor Omi, or Aya. Then Youji. And then the whole cycle would start over again.
Our run-ins with Schwarz became more and more frequent, neither of us ever quite managing to take down a member of the opposing team. I got used to battling with Farfarello... and I never failed to notice, with hope, that Brad would rather send him in to fight me, than to fight me, himself.
Things looked up around the time Taketori finally bumped off, and Aya-chan woke up. Aya, or Ran, anyway, tried to resume a 'normal' lifestyle. We all tried to. But the missions didn't stop when Taketori did... they just started coming from different sources. Kritiker ran us to the ground, and after a short while, we realized we couldn't work for them, anymore.
Weiss. We were still Weiss. After all we'd been through, our hands were stained in every sense of the word. We had seen and done it all. I can't say there were no regrets--we'd done a lot of good, but in between, there was so much bad...
Schwarz showed up again. Estet may have been out of business, but Schwarz, like Weiss, still had too much on their hands to step back into the real world and be accepted as people.
"We can't handle this," Youji said, shaking his head. "Not all four of them at once."
"We have a chance," Aya--Ran--said. "And we have to take it."
"They're not our enemy, anymore," I said. I had been standing away from my teammates, not really liking what we were trying to plan. "Why do we have to go after them?"
"Schwarz," Aya spat. "If they're given the chance, they'll do everything they've done before, again."
Omi looked almost as uncomfortable as I was. "It would be impossible for us to go up against *all* of them at once," he said. "They'll see us coming."
"And if that kid's with them, we've got no chance," Youji pointed out. "He's more than a match for all of us, on his own."
Aya was set in his plan, though. That, and we had a job offer from Kritiker, who didn't seem to be holding a grudge for our deserting them. Kritiker probably guessed that we were the only ones who knew Schwarz well enough to be able to get rid of them... and we probably were. Leave it to Aya to try to make money off of the impossible. It's not that I don't like the guy, but I've seen donkeys that were less stubborn.
It got worse, as Aya outlined the plan. He knew that Brad... excuse me, *Crawford* would know what we were planning, and there was nothing he could do about that.
"Omi, you'll keep us all up-to-date, until they're all in the building."
"What's the lure, again?"
"A job offer," Aya said. "It's the only way they can keep going, now that Estet is off-line." Omi nodded, and Aya went on. "As soon as everyone's in, you track down Farfarello. Make sure to stay behind him, and not to make any noise. You *have* to get him from behind, and fast."
"And then run like Hell," Youji supplied, yawning.
"Right," Omi said, shaking his head. I couldn't blame him--this whole mission looked like one big accident, waiting for a place to happen.
"Youji, on Omi's cue, you'll be going after Nagi. Stay silent, and move fast before he realizes you're there."
"Ah, I know my job," Youji replied. "But I'm blaming you if they find me buried under two tons of rubble."
Aya ignored him. "I'm taking Shuldich," he said, and I felt my heart drop out through my feet. I knew where that left me. "Ken, that leaves you with Crawford. You'll have to tire him out and--"
"Can I take Shu--Shuldich?" I stuttered.
Aya frowned. "Shuldich is tough. I didn't want to--"
"No!" I cut in. "I... I can handle Shuldich, I think. I'm just not sure about... Crawford." Not sure about? Oh, Ken, you're such a liar. I just couldn't imagine... facing Brad, truly intending to kill him... no. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it.
It seemed I was cursed. Aya stood his ground, insisting on taking the harder mission of destroying the Mind Reader. Crawford, he said, wouldn't be so tough if I could get him tired, first. I was stuck. Stuck. Damn.
I couldn't sleep, that night. I lay in my bed and stared up at the ceiling, not seeing it. I was picturing myself, and Brad... I saw us fighting. Scenes played and replayed in my head: Me, killing Brad, or Brad, killing me. In one scene, I delivered a fatal blow, just as Brad shot me. We went down together... for some reason, it was the least upsetting scene I had imagined.
That was it. I knew I wasn't going to sleep. I dressed, and walked down to the park. It was midnight, and I was the only one sitting by the fountain, watching the sparkles in the water. I thought over that last scene again and again, realizing that the thought of Brad dying made me... made me...
"I can't want to die," I whispered to the fountain. "Omi and Youji and Aya would hate me. Aya-chan, too. And Momoru... They'd all hate me."
But I couldn't kill Brad. I thought of every possible way... Attacking him with my eyes closed... Trying to berserk, so I wouldn't realize what I was doing until it was over... Wearing him out and stunning him, leaving him for someone else to deal with... I shuddered with each thought, and shook my head. I couldn't do it. I couldn't kill Brad.
The only thing I could do... was to not go. If I didn't go... if I didn't accept the mission, then I wouldn't have to face Brad like that. I wouldn't have to attack him... neither of us would die by my hands and actions...
"Aaauuhh--!!!!!" I screamed as arms circled me from behind, but was cut off by a large hand over my mouth. Before I could react, and bite the hand, the scent of lavender wafted into my nostrils.
"You have to go, Ken," he said, slowly drawing his hand away. "It's your mission."
I turned around, and there he was. He really was. He was standing, with his arms still around my shoulders, looking down into my eyes.
"I can't... I'm supposed to kill you," I whispered. I knew if I tried to use my voice, my emotions would spill out in a flood of tears.
He pulled me closer, hugging me. I wasn't sure what to do, and I tentatively reached my hands up, to touch him.
"I know," he said. "You have to be there."
"But..." I didn't know what I needed to say... or what I wanted to say. I knew I was still in love with him, but hadn't he told me, himself, to leave him alone? Why was he here? "I have to attack you. I can't... I can't let Aya down..."
"So don't," Brad whispered. One of his hands was in my hair, gently stroking, soothing me. "Don't let him down."
"I... can't kill you," I choked out. "I can't do it."
"You have to be there," he said again.
I pulled away from him, angry, and glared up at him. "You want me to come and try to kill you?!" I hissed. "I won't!" He just looked back into my eyes.
"I'm going to be there," he said softly.
I shook my head. "Then I'm not. I won't do it."
"You have to."
I looked down at the ground. "No, I don't. I love you. I still love you. I can't hurt you... I can't kill you..." I felt my shoulders shaking, and my eyes starting to burn. Brad, you were hurting me so much!
He put his finger under my chin, and lifted my head, so he could look into my eyes. "Ken..."
I bit my lip. "...What?" I asked harshly.
"Show me..." He sighed, and cupped my cheek with his warm hand. "Ken, show me how much you love me. Be there."
There was a ringing in my ears, and I felt myself get lightheaded. I'm sure I would have fallen over if Brad hadn't been there, holding me up. He wanted me to be there, to kill him.
I shook my head. "No." Damn, the betrayal of my eyes. As soon as he'd spoken, I felt a tear run down my cheek. Now it was followed by many more. Instinctively, I pressed my face against his chest. "I won't do it."
"Please. Ken." No, Brad, I thought, Don't ask me this. I can't do this... "You have to be there."
"No..."
"For me, Ken," he said. "Just do this for me."
Why was he asking? He had to know... of course. He knew something that I didn't... something I couldn't possibly know. By then, I knew he was clairvoyant, that he could see the future. It explained a lot about things that had left me wondering, just years before. He knew what the outcome of the next day's events would be.
"Are you going to die?" I asked him.
As he answered, I could hear the frown in his voice... memories like that don't change. "You know I can't tell you that."
"You used to... you used to always tell me you'd be okay," I whispered. "The plane... you said the plane wouldn't crash..."
"I know," he replied, stroking my hair again. "But this is different. If I tell you, now, everything could change."
I tried to make sense of what he was saying. "Does that mean you don't want to tell me you're going to live, because if you tell me, then it'll change, and you'll die?" I looked up, into his face.
He blinked, for a moment, sorting through what I had said. "...That's not what I said," he said, finally. "Just don't ask. Just be there."
"I love you," I said.
He smiled at me. It was the same smile that melted my heart and turned me into a little happy puddle of Hidaka Ken, back when I was sixteen. "I love you, too, Ken," he said. He pressed a kiss to my forehead. "Will you be there?"
I sighed and pushed my nose up against his collarbone. "...Only... only because you want me to," I said after a moment.
His arms around me tightened. "Thank you."
I hugged him back, feeling wonderfully happy and horribly sad. I'll never be able to imagine how he felt, knowing what would happen the next day.
"...What now?" I asked.
"Don't talk."
I think I fell asleep in his arms. When I woke, it was nearly dawn, and we were slumped uncomfortably on a park bench near the fountain. He was already awake.
We didn't talk. We stood, adjusted our clothes, and walked out of the park. He followed me to within a block of my apartment. Then he hugged me again.
"Goodbye, Ken."
I pressed a kiss to his chin. "I want you to stay for a bit longer," I said. "I don't know if--"
He silenced me with a gentle shake of his head. "No, Ken."
"Please, Brad?"
The corners of his mouth twitched, and I could tell he was trying to suppress a smile. He kissed me quickly. "I've got some paperwork to take care of," he said. "I'll see you tonight."
I barely caught the kiss, and then he turned, walking away down the street. I couldn't tell--did he want this goodbye to seem informal, so that it hurt less? Why did he have to act so nonchalant, when all I wanted was to hold him and never let go? "Goodbye, Brad," I said, belatedly.
He didn't turn around, but he raised a hand slightly, to wave. I finished the walk to my apartment, hoping to get a little more sleep before the dreaded mission, that night. As I crawled into my bed, I realized what he'd said. A hint. A hint to what was going to happen the next day. 'I've got some paperwork to take care of.'
"Damn," I whispered. Paperwork... I thought, he must have meant... not his Will... oh, Brad... No. I cried myself back to sleep. Final paperwork. "No..."
---
---
Forgive me, I beg of you. I am among the unfortunate, uninitiated people, who have never really seen or read the series, but I've formulated an idea of what happens, from the marvelous fanfictions out there that I've read.
This story is an extremely *sappy*, *angsty*, and undoubtedly *horribly* out-of-character pairing between Brad, my favorite clairvoyant, and Ken, a fellow soccer-player. And I mean SAP, SAP, *SAP*, okay?
I understand that this is one of those "rare" pairings, but, well... I kinda like it!
---
Disclaimer: I own nothing except the pictures in my head
Warning: Sap, angst, and shonein-ai situations. Brad+Ken, plus a few other pairs mentioned along the way...
Author: Kasey
Archive: Not unless I send it to you.
Status: Complete, self-edited.
Key: /italics/ and *emphasis*
---
"Lavender"
-Part Four-
---
I had enough reason to hate Estet, and Schwarz. Soon, I had plenty of reason to hate Brad, too. I tried. I tried to convince myself that he was evil. I tried to think like Aya, and get my revenge. I tried to think like Omi, and consider how Brad played a part in the loss of my family.
And every chance I got, I snuck down to the park, and waited. In vain.
Some times, I think it felt like years and years... other times, I realize that the whole extended ordeal passed in a flash. Yuriko came and went. Kase came back... I'd thought he was dead. Before he was dead, I'd thought he was my best friend. Maybe he was... Brad and I were in love, after all. Then this all happened... and everything was backwards and upside-down. Brad, who had told me to leave him, was protecting a corrupt politician, and Kase tried to kill me. So, now Kase really is dead. This time, I saw it happen.
It was bloody mission after emotional breakdown after bloody mission after emotional breakdown, on and on and on again... If it wasn't me, it was poor Omi, or Aya. Then Youji. And then the whole cycle would start over again.
Our run-ins with Schwarz became more and more frequent, neither of us ever quite managing to take down a member of the opposing team. I got used to battling with Farfarello... and I never failed to notice, with hope, that Brad would rather send him in to fight me, than to fight me, himself.
Things looked up around the time Taketori finally bumped off, and Aya-chan woke up. Aya, or Ran, anyway, tried to resume a 'normal' lifestyle. We all tried to. But the missions didn't stop when Taketori did... they just started coming from different sources. Kritiker ran us to the ground, and after a short while, we realized we couldn't work for them, anymore.
Weiss. We were still Weiss. After all we'd been through, our hands were stained in every sense of the word. We had seen and done it all. I can't say there were no regrets--we'd done a lot of good, but in between, there was so much bad...
Schwarz showed up again. Estet may have been out of business, but Schwarz, like Weiss, still had too much on their hands to step back into the real world and be accepted as people.
"We can't handle this," Youji said, shaking his head. "Not all four of them at once."
"We have a chance," Aya--Ran--said. "And we have to take it."
"They're not our enemy, anymore," I said. I had been standing away from my teammates, not really liking what we were trying to plan. "Why do we have to go after them?"
"Schwarz," Aya spat. "If they're given the chance, they'll do everything they've done before, again."
Omi looked almost as uncomfortable as I was. "It would be impossible for us to go up against *all* of them at once," he said. "They'll see us coming."
"And if that kid's with them, we've got no chance," Youji pointed out. "He's more than a match for all of us, on his own."
Aya was set in his plan, though. That, and we had a job offer from Kritiker, who didn't seem to be holding a grudge for our deserting them. Kritiker probably guessed that we were the only ones who knew Schwarz well enough to be able to get rid of them... and we probably were. Leave it to Aya to try to make money off of the impossible. It's not that I don't like the guy, but I've seen donkeys that were less stubborn.
It got worse, as Aya outlined the plan. He knew that Brad... excuse me, *Crawford* would know what we were planning, and there was nothing he could do about that.
"Omi, you'll keep us all up-to-date, until they're all in the building."
"What's the lure, again?"
"A job offer," Aya said. "It's the only way they can keep going, now that Estet is off-line." Omi nodded, and Aya went on. "As soon as everyone's in, you track down Farfarello. Make sure to stay behind him, and not to make any noise. You *have* to get him from behind, and fast."
"And then run like Hell," Youji supplied, yawning.
"Right," Omi said, shaking his head. I couldn't blame him--this whole mission looked like one big accident, waiting for a place to happen.
"Youji, on Omi's cue, you'll be going after Nagi. Stay silent, and move fast before he realizes you're there."
"Ah, I know my job," Youji replied. "But I'm blaming you if they find me buried under two tons of rubble."
Aya ignored him. "I'm taking Shuldich," he said, and I felt my heart drop out through my feet. I knew where that left me. "Ken, that leaves you with Crawford. You'll have to tire him out and--"
"Can I take Shu--Shuldich?" I stuttered.
Aya frowned. "Shuldich is tough. I didn't want to--"
"No!" I cut in. "I... I can handle Shuldich, I think. I'm just not sure about... Crawford." Not sure about? Oh, Ken, you're such a liar. I just couldn't imagine... facing Brad, truly intending to kill him... no. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it.
It seemed I was cursed. Aya stood his ground, insisting on taking the harder mission of destroying the Mind Reader. Crawford, he said, wouldn't be so tough if I could get him tired, first. I was stuck. Stuck. Damn.
I couldn't sleep, that night. I lay in my bed and stared up at the ceiling, not seeing it. I was picturing myself, and Brad... I saw us fighting. Scenes played and replayed in my head: Me, killing Brad, or Brad, killing me. In one scene, I delivered a fatal blow, just as Brad shot me. We went down together... for some reason, it was the least upsetting scene I had imagined.
That was it. I knew I wasn't going to sleep. I dressed, and walked down to the park. It was midnight, and I was the only one sitting by the fountain, watching the sparkles in the water. I thought over that last scene again and again, realizing that the thought of Brad dying made me... made me...
"I can't want to die," I whispered to the fountain. "Omi and Youji and Aya would hate me. Aya-chan, too. And Momoru... They'd all hate me."
But I couldn't kill Brad. I thought of every possible way... Attacking him with my eyes closed... Trying to berserk, so I wouldn't realize what I was doing until it was over... Wearing him out and stunning him, leaving him for someone else to deal with... I shuddered with each thought, and shook my head. I couldn't do it. I couldn't kill Brad.
The only thing I could do... was to not go. If I didn't go... if I didn't accept the mission, then I wouldn't have to face Brad like that. I wouldn't have to attack him... neither of us would die by my hands and actions...
"Aaauuhh--!!!!!" I screamed as arms circled me from behind, but was cut off by a large hand over my mouth. Before I could react, and bite the hand, the scent of lavender wafted into my nostrils.
"You have to go, Ken," he said, slowly drawing his hand away. "It's your mission."
I turned around, and there he was. He really was. He was standing, with his arms still around my shoulders, looking down into my eyes.
"I can't... I'm supposed to kill you," I whispered. I knew if I tried to use my voice, my emotions would spill out in a flood of tears.
He pulled me closer, hugging me. I wasn't sure what to do, and I tentatively reached my hands up, to touch him.
"I know," he said. "You have to be there."
"But..." I didn't know what I needed to say... or what I wanted to say. I knew I was still in love with him, but hadn't he told me, himself, to leave him alone? Why was he here? "I have to attack you. I can't... I can't let Aya down..."
"So don't," Brad whispered. One of his hands was in my hair, gently stroking, soothing me. "Don't let him down."
"I... can't kill you," I choked out. "I can't do it."
"You have to be there," he said again.
I pulled away from him, angry, and glared up at him. "You want me to come and try to kill you?!" I hissed. "I won't!" He just looked back into my eyes.
"I'm going to be there," he said softly.
I shook my head. "Then I'm not. I won't do it."
"You have to."
I looked down at the ground. "No, I don't. I love you. I still love you. I can't hurt you... I can't kill you..." I felt my shoulders shaking, and my eyes starting to burn. Brad, you were hurting me so much!
He put his finger under my chin, and lifted my head, so he could look into my eyes. "Ken..."
I bit my lip. "...What?" I asked harshly.
"Show me..." He sighed, and cupped my cheek with his warm hand. "Ken, show me how much you love me. Be there."
There was a ringing in my ears, and I felt myself get lightheaded. I'm sure I would have fallen over if Brad hadn't been there, holding me up. He wanted me to be there, to kill him.
I shook my head. "No." Damn, the betrayal of my eyes. As soon as he'd spoken, I felt a tear run down my cheek. Now it was followed by many more. Instinctively, I pressed my face against his chest. "I won't do it."
"Please. Ken." No, Brad, I thought, Don't ask me this. I can't do this... "You have to be there."
"No..."
"For me, Ken," he said. "Just do this for me."
Why was he asking? He had to know... of course. He knew something that I didn't... something I couldn't possibly know. By then, I knew he was clairvoyant, that he could see the future. It explained a lot about things that had left me wondering, just years before. He knew what the outcome of the next day's events would be.
"Are you going to die?" I asked him.
As he answered, I could hear the frown in his voice... memories like that don't change. "You know I can't tell you that."
"You used to... you used to always tell me you'd be okay," I whispered. "The plane... you said the plane wouldn't crash..."
"I know," he replied, stroking my hair again. "But this is different. If I tell you, now, everything could change."
I tried to make sense of what he was saying. "Does that mean you don't want to tell me you're going to live, because if you tell me, then it'll change, and you'll die?" I looked up, into his face.
He blinked, for a moment, sorting through what I had said. "...That's not what I said," he said, finally. "Just don't ask. Just be there."
"I love you," I said.
He smiled at me. It was the same smile that melted my heart and turned me into a little happy puddle of Hidaka Ken, back when I was sixteen. "I love you, too, Ken," he said. He pressed a kiss to my forehead. "Will you be there?"
I sighed and pushed my nose up against his collarbone. "...Only... only because you want me to," I said after a moment.
His arms around me tightened. "Thank you."
I hugged him back, feeling wonderfully happy and horribly sad. I'll never be able to imagine how he felt, knowing what would happen the next day.
"...What now?" I asked.
"Don't talk."
I think I fell asleep in his arms. When I woke, it was nearly dawn, and we were slumped uncomfortably on a park bench near the fountain. He was already awake.
We didn't talk. We stood, adjusted our clothes, and walked out of the park. He followed me to within a block of my apartment. Then he hugged me again.
"Goodbye, Ken."
I pressed a kiss to his chin. "I want you to stay for a bit longer," I said. "I don't know if--"
He silenced me with a gentle shake of his head. "No, Ken."
"Please, Brad?"
The corners of his mouth twitched, and I could tell he was trying to suppress a smile. He kissed me quickly. "I've got some paperwork to take care of," he said. "I'll see you tonight."
I barely caught the kiss, and then he turned, walking away down the street. I couldn't tell--did he want this goodbye to seem informal, so that it hurt less? Why did he have to act so nonchalant, when all I wanted was to hold him and never let go? "Goodbye, Brad," I said, belatedly.
He didn't turn around, but he raised a hand slightly, to wave. I finished the walk to my apartment, hoping to get a little more sleep before the dreaded mission, that night. As I crawled into my bed, I realized what he'd said. A hint. A hint to what was going to happen the next day. 'I've got some paperwork to take care of.'
"Damn," I whispered. Paperwork... I thought, he must have meant... not his Will... oh, Brad... No. I cried myself back to sleep. Final paperwork. "No..."
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