The lights started to fade in John Carter's eyes. The world around him was a blur, but he heard everything that was going on. It comforted him to hear the worried voices of the people he knew and loved. What had happened? The possibilities seemed flightless, but everything had happened so quickly, so out of pace with the rest of the world...
Carter tried to open his eyes more, but there was a feeling of tiredness that seemed to be overcoming the pain. It ran through his body, slowly making it's way to his head. The obvious battle was to fight onward, to overcome the diversity that was leaking out his side, pouring the thousands of pricks of pain on to the floor like miniature needles, as if he had already died a thousand deaths to come this far. It was so easy to give into exhaustion. He remembered suddenly the girl who had been lying next to him, just as enwrithed as he had been. Lucy! Was she all right? The feeling was overtaking his body and, as his loving team of doctors scurried about his body, he turned his head to the side to see Lucy through the trauma window and saw that she was still alive.
There he saw her: She was barely there, but for some vague reason, Carter knew she was still there. All Carter could see was Lucy's figure, and all he could hear were the two tones of a pulse indicator, beating and contracting so a not-so-steady rhythm of beeps and squeals. He wanted to hold her right then, he wanted to go back just those few moments and exchange time for what he could, but it was like failing a test that he could have studied for.
A burst of energy swept his thoughts away and he only glanced to the ceiling once before looking back at Lucy. There were only shadows of the people around him, and soon after the shadows disappeared, all except Lucy's limp image faded away, until there was nothing there. In moments time, even her figure faded along with the rest, but the sound of the monitors lingered on for a little while longer.
Through all the chaos and the confusion, he could still vividly make out the two beeps. They were so different, but they were so completely similar at the same time. Then the racing started, and there was another burst of final energy, until the first beep had faded out, the steady beep no longer significant, and the second beat raced over the gradual tone of the first. It only took Carter a minute to realize that the second beeping was that of his own machine; and it got faster and faster, until there was nothing but a complete and connected sound...
And then his time stopped, and John Carter passed away.
"Lucy," Elizabeth Corday sat down beside her as Lucy woke up, "can you hear me?"
Lucy nodded, her eyes wide open, but worried about what had happened. She opened her mouth to speak but Elizabeth stopped her.
"You can't speak, Lucy. You can whisper... do you want to try that?" Elizabeth felt like a mother speaking to a three-year-old, but this was how she was going to deal with it. She popped the cord to her throat and Lucy looked up at her.
"Where's Carter?" Lucy spoke silently.
"I'm not sure, they took him to OR I think. He was hurt... very badly, Lucy. I just know he's out of the ER." Elizabeth tried to smile, and she soothed Lucy's hair.
"Elizabeth?" She turned around to see Benton.
"Dr. Benton. Can I..." Elizabeth looked at him, and immediately noticed something was wrong. He had been crying, because his eyes were red and bloodshot, and there was something wrong in the way he looked at her.
"Carter..." Benton choked out. Elizabeth stood up from her seat by Lucy. "Carter died. A few minutes ago." Dr. Benton said softly.
Lucy felt herself almost collapsing on grief from the inside out. Not John, not her John. Not the Dr. Carter that spent two years with her. Not the man she fought so hard with, only to find herself in a messed up web of love-hate. Not that man. Not her mentor, her conspirator, her friend. He couldn't die. He was going to be there, always! It was a given. He would never leave, it just wasn't possible. The tears rolled down her cheeks as she thought of the man who was John Carter, and his personalty and his very character. He couldn't be gone, he wasn't supposed to be! John Carter was alive, he was alive!... John *was* alive... But not now... The thoughts filled Lucy's mind and a few tears streamed down her face.
A few days later, at the funeral home...
The funeral wasn't exactly the most modest thing that Kerry Weaver had ever seen. His family had gone out of their way to make it something special, something memorable. The casket was black with gold handles, and the blanket that covered the body of John Carter was the purest silk Kerry Weaver had ever seen. She swallowed. It was hard for her to see the body of someone she had watched grow into a talented and skillful doctor. This was the same John Carter that had been a med student, a surgery intern.. a great resident in trauma... She felt a hand on her shoulder as she hovered over the casket. It was Dr. Kovac.
"He was a caring man, Luka," she said, her tone dripping with sadness.
"I know," Luka whispered solemnly.
"Once he didn't want to be paid. It was..." Kerry smiled, and the grin let tears pour over her cheeks. "It was when he switched from surgery to trauma... he said he didn't want to be paid." Kerry Weaver let the tears roll down her cheek. "I should have paid him."
"He wouldn't have let you." Luka said, passing by the casket with Kerry. "He just... wouldn't have let you."
"He's so still..." Carol Hathaway leaned over the casket. She looked at Carter's empty body. "It's so hard..." Her voice was raspy, obviously still very upset. "Look at him, Doug."
"I know, Carol... I know." He put an arm around her. "I knew him, too."
John's body was so pale and unreal. His hair was as it always was, and, minus the usual moose, his general appearance was as it should be... but he wasn't as he should be. He wasn't there. And he never would be again. Carol let tears drop on to the silk. "Bye, Carter..."
Elizabeth sighed. "Oh, Mark..." She looked at Carter's body.
"He really was the best, wasn't he?" Mark Greene took off his glasses, fogged from the strain of holding back tears.
"Carter was a good man, Mark." She sighed. "Such a good man." Elizabeth Corday was naturally soft spoken, but the whole scene was very quieting. John's family was being very hostile to the members of the hospital staff. Talks of a law suit had sprung up all over the place, and John's grandparents, both sets, were particularly pointing fingers. They were planning on not letting any of the staff in, but one of Carter's grandmothers had spoken up, saying that Carter had loved his work, and the people there, and that no one had the right to take that away from him. Even now.
"C'mon." Mark motioned to an area in the corner where a few of the nurses where gathered. "Let's go." Elizabeth turned to go, dropping a rose on the silk blanket, and Mark looked at Carter one more time. "Thanks, Carter..."
It had been a long drive to the funeral home, and it had been an even longer walk to the viewing room. When he saw John in the casket, Dave Malucci couldn't contain himself anymore. He approached the casket, expecting Carter to get up and start a conversation about Deb, or how Dave was always chasing her. But when he got to the casket's side, he didn't move. Dave's gaze was all over the place; he breathed hard and couldn't look at Carter's body for too long. "Hey, Carter," Dave said, tears rolling in a consistent river of grief. "I was... I was thinking, you know. Save an angel for me, man."
"He would, you know." A hand touched his. It was Deb. Dave wasn't in the mood for showing how manly he was anymore, grasping the side of the casket. "He would." Deb and Dave stood, both faces red and in complete sadness.
The room was empty except for family. The man approached the casket, carrying a small, white bundle. Dr. Benton looked at Carter. This was his student... his own work. The two had been through thick and thin, during and off of work. This was the same boy Benton had taught to suture, to cut... and Carter had even done it on Benton himself. Remembrance of the operation Benton had to have on his apendix sprung tears to life in his eyes. Benton touched Carter's hand, and looked to his face, as if carrying a conversation. "Hey, man. I know I was hard to you in the beginning ... you came so far Carter." He paused, and put the white cloth he had been carrying in the casket. "You helped so many people, Carter. You really did." He folded the cloth so that the words "John Carter, MD" on the labcoat were in the front. "You helped me... I'm just sorry..." Benton wiped his eyes from the certainty of oncoming tears. "I'm just sorry I couldn't help you when you needed it." Benton kissed Carter's cheek, and then left the parlor.
A few weeks after the later...
Johnathan Truman Carter. The words were engraved in Lucy's heart like they were on the gravestone. What if she had gone? Why hadn't she been chosen? If she had only stopped bothering Carter with Paul Sobreki, he wouldn't have gone in the room. He wouldn't have suffered, and then everything would've been okay. Not knowing what to do next, Lucy dropped the crutches in her hands, and fell to the ground. She put a hand on the gravestone. "It wasn't meant for you, Carter. You don't deserve this." Lucy brushed the stone lightly with her hands and then collapsed in a cry of sorrow and mourning. After awhile, when Lucy had cried the good cry that she so badly had needed to, she just lay there, ear to the ground, stroking the earth around John's grave, as if she was listening to the beating of his heart. What Lucy couldn't see was a man dressed all in white, stroking her hair and smiling.
"Lucy..." the man whispered. "It wasn't meant for you either. This world wasn't meant for you. If I could only make you understand..."
Although Lucy couldn't see the Carter, she seemed to be more at peace. She grabbed for the crutches and pushed herself up. Looking at the stone one more time, Lucy let out one last cry. "I'm going to miss you, John Carter..." She blinked out more tears. Steadfast staring let to a long pause, and a moment of silence. "Don't forget spring, Carter. Think of the roses." She turned her head to the ground, limping off down the hill, and past the other headstones, until she was out of sight and far away from Carter's spot.
Carter watched Lucy go, wondering what had made them both hate and love in the first place. Maybe it wasn't the patients, or the difference in character. Maybe it wasn't the working conditions, or the fact that Lucy couldn't stand having a man hold a higher position above her that wasn't a complete overachiever like she was. Maybe it wasn't even the fact that they liked to irritate each other. But one day they had started something with each other that would never be finished, and as much as they both wanted to go back and edit the things they said or did, time wouldn't stop what they hadn't meant to start. Unfortunately, neither could Carter.
