I don't claim to own these people, bla bla bla, NBC does, I'm cool with that. This is the second part of a three part series on what could've happened in the ER on February 14, 2000, after the horrible incident. If you think this is a little stupid, you'll just have to read the next part until you will really know if it's stupid or not. ;) Please review!

Title: Shadow of John Carter
Rated: PG
By Lindy



It had been awhile since Carter had died. Lucy's stab wounds were almost healed, except for the thick, reddish-pink line going down the middle of her chest. All remains of the accident had vanished, and it seemed like no one even remembered John Carter. But Lucy did. And she always would.

Of the few things that got to her, one was Carter's grave. It was hard to go there, hard to think about. Lucy had never been great at philosophizing with death, but his site was the only place she could go to feel close to him. She wasn't in love with him, but he had been a good teacher... and friend... and lover... but the hospital staff never talked about him. Lucy supposed they didn't want to hurt her, or to make her think about the incident. Maybe they just didn't want to think about him themselves. But that wasn't fair! He had been such a part of their lives, of everyone's life who walked into that hospital, looking for care. New people seemed to take his place from time to time. Like Dr. Malucci, and Deb. How could they let him just be replaced? How? It wasn't possible!...

"Lucy?" Dr. Weaver interrupted her train of thought. "Is something wrong?"

"No." Lucy quickly retorted. She wasn't in the mood for a talk. Especially from Dr. Weaver. "It's fine."

Dr. Weaver looked her over. Lucy had always felt she was constantly being judged. Just once, *just once* could they leave her alone to think? If they worried about her so much, they should have let her heal. Besides, she was still alive, wasn't she? Carter was the one who was dead. Maybe, just once, they should think about him... in that coffin...

Lucy shook the thoughts from her head, frustrated that they had entered her mind once more.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Kerry Weaver asked again.

"Listen!" Lucy got up from her chair. "Can everybody just leave me alone and stop expecting a reaction from me! I'm alive, okay? Is everyone happy now?" Lucy turned and looked at everyone passing by. A few of the doctors she knew, others she didn't, some were patients and nurses, but she didn't care. Lucy turned back to Dr. Weaver, but everyone had mostly come to a halt. "Carter's the one that's gone, and you all seem to have recognized that fact pretty well. Now leave me alone about it." Lucy grabbed the medical book that she had been reading, and left with a jolt to the door. Kerry Weaver watched her go, for once, not knowing what to say or do.



Lucy slipped into the exam room. Had anyone seen her come? She hoped not. Lucy sighed, and threw the book down on a table. She was tired of studying. She'd taken all of the tests, and she was graduating medical school in less than a month. Not knowing how she had ever pulled it off without Carter around, she thought about her graduation. Lucy had always pictured it as such a big type party, with her parents in the front row, cheering as she got her diploma, and Dr. Carter off to the side, smiling and clapping slowly. "Guess this is one party you aren't gonna make it to, Dr. Carter..." Lucy could feel the burn in her eyes, but she was tired of crying about it. After all, wasn't it over? After four months, couldn't the pain just leave?

"Lucy?" Kerry Weaver stood in the doorway. "Got a minute?"

Lucy quickly let the tears fade away, and turned to Dr. Weaver, dry-eyed. "Depends on what you want." She said confidently.

Silence passed. "Lucy, we haven't forgotten about Carter," Dr. Weaver said after a moment.

"Okay, great." Lucy looked up at her with fierce blue eyes. "Then why doesn't anyone talk about him? Or even look like they remember who he was?"

"Lucy, it's not that easy to explain," Kerry said, stepping into the room. "It's more complicated than just mentioning his name, or talking about the accident."

"Oh, that's real clear," Lucy said sarcastically.

Dr. Weaver looked at Lucy. "Carter was very much a part of our lives here. We haven't forgotten him... we're just handling it differently." Dr. Weaver said.

"It's a different way to handle things, isn't it, Dr. Weaver? Pretending he was never around, yeah... I should tell my future psych patients that." Lucy glared with violent anger in her eyes.

"Lucy, sometimes you just don't notice. Carter was always around... it still seems like he's always around."

"How can you tell?" Lucy said, a lump in her throat burning its way into her eyes. "You people have replaced him! Dr. Malucci, Dr. Kovac, Deb... He used to be there, you know! He was here, and..." Lucy struggled for the right words. "And you gave away his place. You act like he isn't here!"

Dr. Weaver looked at Lucy with a sharp tone, but spoke comfortingly nonetheless. "Carter's gone, Lucy. He's not coming back."

Lucy felt a pain inside her chest, as blank air made it's way out of her mouth in a sob of realization. "He's not gone!" Lucy cried. "He's still there, I saw him!" Tears streamed down Lucy's face, and her voice was lost in awkward cracking and cries. She stumbled upward, and Dr. Weaver hugged her, soothing her hair. "He's still here... I saw his grave, I did." And finally, after months of putting it off, Lucy came face to face with the realization that her friend, John Carter, would never come back. And she would never see him again.



She parked her car at the bottom and walked up. Sometimes it was easier that way, like she was going to meet him somewhere. Lucy picked up the few roses that she had brought with her, and made the gentle climb up the hill. Spring was nice. It was a lot different than it had been in the winter though. The cemetery had been covered in white, fluffy snow, and the red roses adorned his grave with a clash of dignity. It was almost as if he were just sleeping...

Lucy could see it from where she stood now. She sighed. It was weird being alone again. No one ever seemed to leave her alone... but she had come to Carter's graveside a lot since he had died. It seemed scary after she left, like she had done something wrong to him. But she knew in her mind Carter wouldn't think it that way. On nice days she would come up to his grave and do her charts and patient case reviews. Even though she was alone, Lucy felt like she had company.

Lucy placed the flowers beside the grave. John Truman Carter,

Lucy curled up, head on her knees, and cried. She felt okay about it, and besides, did she ever need to let out a good cry. Not moving, she just sobbed.

"Lucy, don't cry." Lucy gasped and looked up. Was that?... no. But still, it had sounded so much like him... No, that was stupid. The thought of it made her cry of frustration, and how tired she was of this charade type problem.

"Please, Lucy, don't cry." This time she felt something touch her shoulder. Shivers ran down her spine. She lifted her head up in an immediate reaction. Was someone playing a joke on her? Whoever it was, this wasn't funny.

She turned her head fiercely, ready to meet the joker head on. As she did, she came face to face with the man she hadn't seen in so long. Lucy skidded backwards, crawling. "It.. you... it can't be."

John Carter looked into her eyes. "It's me, Lucy. Believe it."