Title: Shadow of John Carter, part three: Here's To You, Carter
Author: Lindy
Note: If you think it's over after this part... you're wrong... *g* Please leave feedback, I need to know if I should continue.
"But... but, it can't be..." Lucy started, feeling sick all of a sudden. She looked into the eyes of the man who taught her most of what she knew about medicine. Her mind suddenly was filled with only two things: Carter's funeral, and his grave. Weren't those two pretty heavy facts?
Suddenly, she was putting it all together. "Carter, you're alive!" Lucy sprung to her feet. The staff must have played a joke on her! She knew later she would be mad, but right now she didn't care. She had John Carter back, and that was all that mattered.
"No, Lucy. I'm very much dead." Carter gave her a crooked smile.
Lucy's mind drew a blank. But he was here! He had to be alive! "But I can see you..." Lucy put a hand to Carter's face, not even weary. "And I can touch you..." His skin was soft and smooth, and she knew he was there. "That just doesn't make any sense!" Lucy buzzed, almost dizzy from what was going on.
"I'm dead, Lucy. Believe me, if it's one thing I know, it's that I'm dead." Carter sat down on the grass, leaning against his gravestone.
Swiftly, Lucy sat down beside him. "And you're just okay with this?" She still didn't understand, and Carter wasn't helping.
"Doesn't look like I have much choice in the matter, does it, Lucy?" He laughed softly, and looked at her. "You look well, though," Carter said, almost with a smirk.
"John Carter, you're not answering me on purpose!" Lucy turned to face him. "How come you're dead and I can see you?"
"I can't tell you," Carter said, and looked at her. "You'll find out soon enough, though." Lucy opened her mouth to say something, but Carter covered it with his hand. "Listen, I just got here... let's not fight just yet." He smiled his signature grin. Lucy felt shivers again.
"Well... well... fine!" For once, Lucy didn't know what to say to him. Both still looking at each other, a moment of silence passed. "So... souls can just come back?"
"Lucy!"
"Alright, alright. I won't ask." She folded her arms and scooted a little closer to him. Rarely taking her eyes off him, the two sat together in quiet for a while.
Carter spoke. "How's things at the hospital?"
Lucy rolled her eyes. "It's more or less Hell in a box." Carter shook his head, grinning. Lucy smiled softly for a moment. "I..." Lucy felt her voice crack from the seemingly spontaneous emotions. She cleared it, and waited before she spoke again. "I don't like it anymore. Not like I used to." Lucy looked at him, squinting from the sunlight. "It doesn't mean much to me..."
"Because of the accident?" Carter asked after a moment, not making eye contact with her.
Lucy was hesitant, but nodded. She looked at John. He was definitely there... but he wasn't at the same time. Obviously, he had changed. He was dead, and that was a reasonable cause to assess the statement. But Lucy could see that what the murder had done had definitely changed him. It was an unspoken change of the mind. Carter still acted and spoke the same... but things weren't the same. She didn't feel like arguing with him, or going through small talk. After all, he had just gotten here. If he couldn't tell her why she could see him, yet he was still dead... didn't she deserve some kind of an explanation?
"What's it feel like to die?" Lucy asked abrupting the moment.
Carter turned to her, in an amused shock. "What?" He asked, laughing.
"I watch people die in hospital beds and on gurneys everyday. I've felt pain. But I don't know what it feels like to die... what it means to die." Lucy looked at his eyes. "What does death feel like?"
Lucy suddenly realized what had changed Carter: death. Not just being dead, it was death. Carter was separated in the form of death... but he was connected in the same way. It was odd...
Carter took a moment, thinking to himself, and also to get serious. "It's like... you're lying there. All you feel is heaviness and a stick of pain, right around where he stabbed me..." Carter made a reference to his stab wounds. They were bad... Lucy knew that. "And then, I looked over at you, you were lying on the table. I couldn't tell if you were alive or not, but all I saw was you." Carter looked over at Lucy, staring into her bright blue eyes. "And the light in the room faded into black, and then into light. I could still hear the voices of the people working around me, but the light kept getting brighter."
John paused, thinking again. "And then it was just like someone had dumped me out of my body. But I could move, you know? And I felt a lot lighter, and I was still me." Carter put a hand to his chest. "And then I realized I had died."
"Were you in Heaven?" Lucy asked eagerly.
Carter took a moment, looking at Lucy's face. His head faded into a nod, and he shook his head. "It was unreal, Lucy. Just... incredibly..." Carter searched for the word. "Good...." He smiled at Lucy.
Lucy felt almost bitter. Here she was, feeling guilt stricken and shameful about Carter's death, and he's having the time of his existence. Lucy rubbed her nose, looking away from Carter.
Carter looked at her. "Lucy?" He asked. She turned her head slightly, but wouldn't look at him. "Lucy... I had to go. I never would've recovered from stab wounds like those." He held out his hands. "They would've followed me the rest of my life. I probably would've died on a ventilator at the age of 85, after fifty years of kidney failure and liver failure..." Lucy finally turned to look at him. She once more looked him over, and nodded, but was still upset.
There was more silence. Carter put a piece of her hair behind her ear. "What's wrong, Lucy?"
Lucy looked at him. Without making too much of a fuss, she grabbed the collar of her shirt, and pulled it down a few inches, revealing the hideous marks left behind by the sternal saw. "And there's two more on my back, and one on my abdomen." Lucy once more felt the sting of tears in her eyes, and the frustrating lump in her throat.
Carter's eyes were wide. He hadn't realized, or even thought about it. All he figured was that Lucy had her life left to live. He had never thought of the scars... those scars that would never go away...
Slowly he put his hand to the wound, gently touching it, as if he were trying to soothe something that wasn't soothable. Carter looked up at Lucy's face, then blinked a tear out. It strolled down his cheek, and Lucy put her hand up to his eye, brushing it away. Carter pulled her into a hug, and the two sat there in quiet, looking out on the world from the hill of the cemetery.
"Anyone seen Lucy?" Luka Kovac came into the ER. "I got a call from the psych ward, they said she canceled her match."
"What?" Kerry Weaver looked up from signing charts. "You're joking?"
"No, it says so right here." Luka picked up the memo. "I thought she was excited about doing psych?"
"She was. Until Paul Sobreki." Kerry took the memo from Luka and walked to the lounge. Why would Lucy cancel her psych internship, right before graduation? It was less than one month away. Something had to give... Or maybe Lucy wasn't interested in medicine anymore, period....
"Lucy?" Kerry looked at the blonde sitting at the table, drinking her morning tea.
"Hello, Dr. Weaver," Lucy said, smiling. Kerry Weaver stopped in her tracks. Something had changed in Lucy since the last time they had spoke. She was... happy.
"Lucy, you canceled your psych internship. Is that correct?"
"Yes." Lucy nodded, eyeing the memo in Dr. Weaver's hand.
"This is from psych." Kerry handed it to her. "They want to know if you'll reconsider it."
Lucy read the memo carefully. "Nope. I changed my mind."
"You don't want to go into medicine at all?" Dr. Weaver asked, almost deadpan.
"No, just not psych." Lucy stood up. "I want to change. To emergency medicine and trauma."
Kerry wasn't going to question Lucy. She loved psych! Heck, that was all she read about. Many a time Kerry had to pull Lucy out of the lounge to remind her that she was no longer on her psych rotation. Lucy had maintained such a passion of the mind... but now...
"I think it's what Dr. Carter would've wanted." Lucy smiled as she said it, fully meaning it in every way.
Dr. Weaver looked at the ground, a smile immediately springing to her face. That was the Lucy she knew and loved, the caring one. She had worked so hard for psych... and Carter would've been proud of her no matter where she went, whether it was psych, or OB, or orthodontics. But surely Lucy knew that?
"You know, Lucy... Carter would be proud of you wherever you went?"
Lucy nodded, still thinking of the time she spent with him on the hill. "Yeah... but I don't have a passion for psych. I'm not a baby-sitter for the mind anymore." Lucy shone. "I want to do something that gives on the spot care. So... I'm changing to trauma."
Dr. Weaver nodded. "Well, we'd love to have you aboard." She turned slowly to go. As she reached the door, she turned around. "Lucy?"
"Yeah Dr. Weaver?"
"It's good to have you back." Dr. Weaver left, smiling to herself.
Lucy smiled, watching Dr. Weaver go. She was glad that she still had a place at Cook County, and she was happy to be back at the heart of it all. Raising her glass of tea, she lifted it up and smiled, eyes shining. "Here's to you, Carter."
Author: Lindy
Note: If you think it's over after this part... you're wrong... *g* Please leave feedback, I need to know if I should continue.
"But... but, it can't be..." Lucy started, feeling sick all of a sudden. She looked into the eyes of the man who taught her most of what she knew about medicine. Her mind suddenly was filled with only two things: Carter's funeral, and his grave. Weren't those two pretty heavy facts?
Suddenly, she was putting it all together. "Carter, you're alive!" Lucy sprung to her feet. The staff must have played a joke on her! She knew later she would be mad, but right now she didn't care. She had John Carter back, and that was all that mattered.
"No, Lucy. I'm very much dead." Carter gave her a crooked smile.
Lucy's mind drew a blank. But he was here! He had to be alive! "But I can see you..." Lucy put a hand to Carter's face, not even weary. "And I can touch you..." His skin was soft and smooth, and she knew he was there. "That just doesn't make any sense!" Lucy buzzed, almost dizzy from what was going on.
"I'm dead, Lucy. Believe me, if it's one thing I know, it's that I'm dead." Carter sat down on the grass, leaning against his gravestone.
Swiftly, Lucy sat down beside him. "And you're just okay with this?" She still didn't understand, and Carter wasn't helping.
"Doesn't look like I have much choice in the matter, does it, Lucy?" He laughed softly, and looked at her. "You look well, though," Carter said, almost with a smirk.
"John Carter, you're not answering me on purpose!" Lucy turned to face him. "How come you're dead and I can see you?"
"I can't tell you," Carter said, and looked at her. "You'll find out soon enough, though." Lucy opened her mouth to say something, but Carter covered it with his hand. "Listen, I just got here... let's not fight just yet." He smiled his signature grin. Lucy felt shivers again.
"Well... well... fine!" For once, Lucy didn't know what to say to him. Both still looking at each other, a moment of silence passed. "So... souls can just come back?"
"Lucy!"
"Alright, alright. I won't ask." She folded her arms and scooted a little closer to him. Rarely taking her eyes off him, the two sat together in quiet for a while.
Carter spoke. "How's things at the hospital?"
Lucy rolled her eyes. "It's more or less Hell in a box." Carter shook his head, grinning. Lucy smiled softly for a moment. "I..." Lucy felt her voice crack from the seemingly spontaneous emotions. She cleared it, and waited before she spoke again. "I don't like it anymore. Not like I used to." Lucy looked at him, squinting from the sunlight. "It doesn't mean much to me..."
"Because of the accident?" Carter asked after a moment, not making eye contact with her.
Lucy was hesitant, but nodded. She looked at John. He was definitely there... but he wasn't at the same time. Obviously, he had changed. He was dead, and that was a reasonable cause to assess the statement. But Lucy could see that what the murder had done had definitely changed him. It was an unspoken change of the mind. Carter still acted and spoke the same... but things weren't the same. She didn't feel like arguing with him, or going through small talk. After all, he had just gotten here. If he couldn't tell her why she could see him, yet he was still dead... didn't she deserve some kind of an explanation?
"What's it feel like to die?" Lucy asked abrupting the moment.
Carter turned to her, in an amused shock. "What?" He asked, laughing.
"I watch people die in hospital beds and on gurneys everyday. I've felt pain. But I don't know what it feels like to die... what it means to die." Lucy looked at his eyes. "What does death feel like?"
Lucy suddenly realized what had changed Carter: death. Not just being dead, it was death. Carter was separated in the form of death... but he was connected in the same way. It was odd...
Carter took a moment, thinking to himself, and also to get serious. "It's like... you're lying there. All you feel is heaviness and a stick of pain, right around where he stabbed me..." Carter made a reference to his stab wounds. They were bad... Lucy knew that. "And then, I looked over at you, you were lying on the table. I couldn't tell if you were alive or not, but all I saw was you." Carter looked over at Lucy, staring into her bright blue eyes. "And the light in the room faded into black, and then into light. I could still hear the voices of the people working around me, but the light kept getting brighter."
John paused, thinking again. "And then it was just like someone had dumped me out of my body. But I could move, you know? And I felt a lot lighter, and I was still me." Carter put a hand to his chest. "And then I realized I had died."
"Were you in Heaven?" Lucy asked eagerly.
Carter took a moment, looking at Lucy's face. His head faded into a nod, and he shook his head. "It was unreal, Lucy. Just... incredibly..." Carter searched for the word. "Good...." He smiled at Lucy.
Lucy felt almost bitter. Here she was, feeling guilt stricken and shameful about Carter's death, and he's having the time of his existence. Lucy rubbed her nose, looking away from Carter.
Carter looked at her. "Lucy?" He asked. She turned her head slightly, but wouldn't look at him. "Lucy... I had to go. I never would've recovered from stab wounds like those." He held out his hands. "They would've followed me the rest of my life. I probably would've died on a ventilator at the age of 85, after fifty years of kidney failure and liver failure..." Lucy finally turned to look at him. She once more looked him over, and nodded, but was still upset.
There was more silence. Carter put a piece of her hair behind her ear. "What's wrong, Lucy?"
Lucy looked at him. Without making too much of a fuss, she grabbed the collar of her shirt, and pulled it down a few inches, revealing the hideous marks left behind by the sternal saw. "And there's two more on my back, and one on my abdomen." Lucy once more felt the sting of tears in her eyes, and the frustrating lump in her throat.
Carter's eyes were wide. He hadn't realized, or even thought about it. All he figured was that Lucy had her life left to live. He had never thought of the scars... those scars that would never go away...
Slowly he put his hand to the wound, gently touching it, as if he were trying to soothe something that wasn't soothable. Carter looked up at Lucy's face, then blinked a tear out. It strolled down his cheek, and Lucy put her hand up to his eye, brushing it away. Carter pulled her into a hug, and the two sat there in quiet, looking out on the world from the hill of the cemetery.
"Anyone seen Lucy?" Luka Kovac came into the ER. "I got a call from the psych ward, they said she canceled her match."
"What?" Kerry Weaver looked up from signing charts. "You're joking?"
"No, it says so right here." Luka picked up the memo. "I thought she was excited about doing psych?"
"She was. Until Paul Sobreki." Kerry took the memo from Luka and walked to the lounge. Why would Lucy cancel her psych internship, right before graduation? It was less than one month away. Something had to give... Or maybe Lucy wasn't interested in medicine anymore, period....
"Lucy?" Kerry looked at the blonde sitting at the table, drinking her morning tea.
"Hello, Dr. Weaver," Lucy said, smiling. Kerry Weaver stopped in her tracks. Something had changed in Lucy since the last time they had spoke. She was... happy.
"Lucy, you canceled your psych internship. Is that correct?"
"Yes." Lucy nodded, eyeing the memo in Dr. Weaver's hand.
"This is from psych." Kerry handed it to her. "They want to know if you'll reconsider it."
Lucy read the memo carefully. "Nope. I changed my mind."
"You don't want to go into medicine at all?" Dr. Weaver asked, almost deadpan.
"No, just not psych." Lucy stood up. "I want to change. To emergency medicine and trauma."
Kerry wasn't going to question Lucy. She loved psych! Heck, that was all she read about. Many a time Kerry had to pull Lucy out of the lounge to remind her that she was no longer on her psych rotation. Lucy had maintained such a passion of the mind... but now...
"I think it's what Dr. Carter would've wanted." Lucy smiled as she said it, fully meaning it in every way.
Dr. Weaver looked at the ground, a smile immediately springing to her face. That was the Lucy she knew and loved, the caring one. She had worked so hard for psych... and Carter would've been proud of her no matter where she went, whether it was psych, or OB, or orthodontics. But surely Lucy knew that?
"You know, Lucy... Carter would be proud of you wherever you went?"
Lucy nodded, still thinking of the time she spent with him on the hill. "Yeah... but I don't have a passion for psych. I'm not a baby-sitter for the mind anymore." Lucy shone. "I want to do something that gives on the spot care. So... I'm changing to trauma."
Dr. Weaver nodded. "Well, we'd love to have you aboard." She turned slowly to go. As she reached the door, she turned around. "Lucy?"
"Yeah Dr. Weaver?"
"It's good to have you back." Dr. Weaver left, smiling to herself.
Lucy smiled, watching Dr. Weaver go. She was glad that she still had a place at Cook County, and she was happy to be back at the heart of it all. Raising her glass of tea, she lifted it up and smiled, eyes shining. "Here's to you, Carter."
