Selphie sat alone in the Balamb Garden library, pouring over census records
Selphie sat alone in the Balamb Garden library, pouring over census records. Surely somewhere there must be information on the Tilmitt family, if not her parents then perhaps someone related to them. It was late at night and she was tired but Selphie would not allow herself to rest until she had answers. So far there had been nothing but millions of people had lived on the planet and had their names recorded in the census. She wished there was a way to speed the search up but there wasn't. Instead she would have to go through thousands of discs of computerized information in order to find anything. She yawned and popped out the current disc and stuck in a new one.
"One more down, about another billion to go…" Selphie felt a pair of hands grab her from behind and gasped.
"Gotcha!" Irvine laughed and sunk lazily into the chair next to with his cowboy hat drooping around his ears.
"Irvine! You startled me! Besides I thought you went to bed already?" Selphie momentarily forgot about her research.
He shrugged, "I did go to bed but I couldn't sleep. I was going to go to the training center to practice or whatever but then I saw a light on in here. Isn't the library closed at night? How come you're in here?"
Selphie pushed away from the table and stretched, "Lindy and Quistis pulled a few strings with the headmaster for me. You know he used to work at Trabia Garden? I guess they all realize how important this is to me."
"I do too. It's just that… I'm worried sick about you. Babydoll you ought to go and get some sleep. For your health and for um…" He gestured at her stomach.
Her hands flew protectively to her still flat middle, "The baby? That's the first time I've heard you say anything nice about it. Does that mean you're accepting it?"
"I guess so. What choice do I have in the matter when you're so set on it? If you weren't so sick though I'd be much happier. I'm not going to lie to you about that. " Irvine placed his hand gently on top of both of hers.
"Oh… Do you know it's starting to grow already? Just a tiny bit though you can barely see it." Selphie remarked absently.
Irvine hadn't really wanted to hear that. It made him nervous and the prospect of this baby coming and taking Selphie's life away all the more real to him. He knew he should hope for the best in matters where Selphie's life was concerned but sometimes he couldn't help feeling a little pessimistic. Especially after the grim forecasts given to them by the doctors, he wasn't certain how Selphie could remain so upbeat all the time. Maybe it was because she was pregnant. He'd heard once that pregnant women were ruled by out of control hormones that would make them do and say crazy things.
Quickly Irvine decided to change the subject, "So have you found anything?"
Solemnly, Selphie shook her head, "Not a thing but there's so much stuff here anyway. It'll take me ages to sort through it all."
"You know I could help you look," Irvine tapped the monitor with his index finger.
"If you want to..." Selphie quietly remarked.
"Why woudn't I want to help you look?" Irvine was confused.
"Because... I don't know... I just get the feeling you think this is a bad idea or that I'm wasting my time looking. You know what I'm saying?" She tilted her head sideways as she spoke.
"You get that from me? How?
"Just I don't know... um you just kinda seem indifferent about the whole thing. Like it's not important to you." Selphie dropped her head to where she was looking at the ground.
Irvine placed his hand underneath her chin and tilted her head up, "Sefie, you've got to know how much I support you on all of this. I love you so much. Maybe I love you too much. I just don't want to see you hurt or disappointed if this search for your parents turns out horrible. What if you never find them? Or what if they just turn out to be awful people? Although that's hard for me to imagine... How could truly terrible people have such a wonderful child? I suppose anything is possible. Look at Squall and Laguna.... Maybe you see this whole 'search-for-your-roots' thing differently then I do but I know that I could never do it. I'd rather let the past sleep. But if this is what you want to do, I'm there for you. Everyone is."
"What about the baby? Are you there for me on that too? Or are you still convinced I should have an abortion?" Selphie suddenly jerked away from him.
Irvine groaned, "Can we not talk about this right now? It always ends in us fighting so let's just leave it for another time."
She glared at him, her eyes dancing with fire, "No. Irvine. We are going to talk about this now. We've got to eventually. We need to come to a decision or agreement on this instead of just fighting and pushing it under the rug like we have been doing. Because like it or not, we're facing the prospect of being parents and the possibility of me dying and we really need to deal with it. I want this baby. I can't imagine being able to live with myself if I ended the life of this child. Also I can't die in peace, if it comes down to me dying with a guilty concious on my shoulders. I know everyone is pulling for me to live but right now, I care more about this life inside of me then I do about my own insignificant existence. I don't want to die, I really don't and I wish you'd stop acting like my decision to keep this baby is an act of suicide. If I wanted to kill myself, I'd borrow your gun and shoot my head. You know damn well that this chemotherapy is probably going to leave me sterile and that this could be my only chance to be a mother. I'm not going to throw that away no matter what. Even if it means the forfeit of my own life, I still want to give this child a chance to live. I still want it..."
"I know what you want. But what about me? I don't want to live without you. I try to imagine a world where you don't exist and I start crying because it's so depressing. I must sound so inconsiderate of your wants and wishes when I say these things but I have to be honest with you. I'm going to try though to accept what you want. After all, if by chance you die and this baby lives, someone will have to take care of it. You and I, we never had parents and I want to give this child what I never had; a father who cares about it. And even if he or she doesn't have you there with it, I'll be there, I promise. I'll make sure that our child knows about you and how much you loved them. I will never make them feel like your death was their fault. They'll always be happy and warm and safe. But first you have to forgive me for being a selfish jerk." Irvine could not choke back the flow of tears that streamed down his face.
Selphie was crying then too at his heartfelt speech and she left her own chair and sat in his with him. And they held each other without words as they cried. Their tears fell like rain on their clothing and down to the dusky floor of the library carpet. Irvine ran his fingers through the tangled ends of her wig and remembered sadly when the hair had been on his own head and Selphie had had her bouncy brown curls. Maybe she wouldn't die after all and someday her hair would grow back. Maybe their child would look like her. Irvine allowed himself for the first time to wonder about the baby in a hopeful, dreamy way. Their child, their son or daughter... Which one of them would it look like? Him? Or Selphie? Or maybe both of them? It hit him hard then, as if for the first time, that this child would call him daddy. He would have to be the responsible one and feed it, diaper it, clothe it and all those other things children needed. Then it would get older and go to school.
He whispered softly to Selphie, "Do you think our son or daughter will be a SeeD?"
She smiled at him, "Of course I do. And if I don't make it, you'll make sure that he or she does. This baby'll be the best SeeD in the world. Top rank too."
"And he'll be a boy and use a rifle," Irvine teased her gently.
Selphie giggled, "No a girl and she'll use nunchakus."
"Mmm well whatever it is, I'm sure he or she'll be pretty special."
She broke apart from him, "You know what? I'm a little hungry and I'm sleepy. You're right, I do need to get some sleep."
"Well let's see what we can do about all of that."