15 Chapter 15: Closure

Irvine slept late the next morning. So late in fact that Selphie who he usually teased about being lazy was already up. He heard her outside singing in her clear soprano voice. He recognized it the song as one by the Timber Owls, one that Rinoa had written. He peeked out and saw that Selphie was brushing the horses.
"I want to be wherever you are, " she sung sweetly as she ran the brush through the soft roan coat of the horse.
Irvine decided not to let her know he was awake and left her to brush the horses in peace. Besides he like hearing her sing. So while she was taking care, Irvine decided to get things ready to go. He already had all of their belongings packed by the time Selphie noticed him and he was beginning to take down the tent.
"Hey there sleepyhead!" She wrapped her arms around his waist, leaving the hard bulge of her stomach between them.
"Sef, you know it's usually you we have to drag out of bed at home, "He admonished her.
She just laughed, "Ok you're right so ah are we ready to start loading up?"
He took a quick look around, "Yeah but 'we're' not loading up. I am. I want you to rest."
Selphie protested, "Why?? Just because I'm pregnant? It'll go faster if I help! Stop treating me like I'm going to break if I try to do anything. It's not fair! Damn it Irvine, I'm going to die anyway!"
He snapped back at her, "Yeah well let's not do anything to speed it up!" But then he saw the diamond bright tears in her emerald eyes and felt immediately guilty. He embraced her and spoke more softly this time, "Ah hell honey... I just don't want you to go into premature labor out here. You know that it's a high risk pregnancy because of the cancer and all. Take it easy ok? For me? Why don't you go explore the area a bit while I pack up. Maybe pick some flowers or whatever it is girls do."
Selphie giggled but she did listen to him and disappeared into the lush green woods, leaving him alone with their horses and gear. It wasn't long before Irvine had the horses saddled up and loaded with their gear. Selphie was no where in sight so he left the laden horse tied up and sat down on a smooth boulder to wait for her. She appeared shortly on the edge of the footpath. Her arms were full of wildflowers and the sun reflected in a halo around her head in a nimbus of light. She looked ethereal and other worldly, almost as if she was already dead and it were an angel he was seeing. Irvine blinked and shuddered in horror at the thought of it.
Selphie dropped the flowers on the ground and waslked over to him, placing her hands gently on his shoulders and shaking him. "Hey are you all right? Irvine you look like you've just seen a ghost."
He pulled himself to his feet, "I'm fine. You just startled me is all. I was just sorta thinking."
She shrugged absently, "Oh have you been done packing for long? Sorry if I made you wait for me. It was just so beautiful in the woods here. I love the mountains so much. I can't wait until we get higher up into them.
He smiled at her bubbly enthusiasm, "Well I guess you can take the girl outta Trabia but you can't take the Trabia outta the girl."
Selphie giggled at his cliched statement, "So are you ready to go? Oh I'm so excited!"
Selphie attempted to climb onto her horse unaided, but her petite size and the unbalance girth of her stomach. So Irvine picked her up and settled her safely into the saddle before untying the horse from the sturdy pine tree. He then freed the other horse and slung himself up into the saddle.
She watched him, part wistful and part jealous, "I wish I was as tall as you are. I feel like a little girl sometimes instead of an eighteen year old woman."
"Sometimes it's a blessing and sometimes it's a curse. Don't worry about it. Besides I don't think anyone could mistake a pretty young woman like you for a child. Especially not when you're carrying one."
They rode up the steep winding path through the woods, for awhile the only sounds were those of the horses hooves clicking against the gravel and mud of the path. Gradually the vegetation became sparser as they climbed higher. Soon Selphie started humming a tune softly under her breath to the rythym of the horse trotting but she said nothing to Irvine and he to her and they rode on in companionable silence. The fresh scent of pine and cedar accosted their noses. It was a change from the air of Balamb, which while clean had more of a salt smell from the sea. Selphie, a native Trabian was used to it but Irvine's Galbadian nostrils had to adjust to the mountain scent. They came to a clear stream and the horses stopped to drink from it.
"The water is so clean here," Selphie said as she watched the horses lap up the water. "I wish I could drink some of it..."
Irvine glanced down at the rippling brook, "Do you want me to get you some of the water? I could if you're thirsty."
She shook her head, "No Irvine, that water isn't safe to drink. At least not for humans that is... the horses are hardy and they can handle it. But the pollution from the mines ahead will probably make the water dangerous. At least I'm just assuming that it would. But thank you very much for offering."
The air got thinner as they gained elevation. Irvine found himself constantly gasping for breath and checked to see how Selphie was doing. She seemed outwardly to be having no trouble breathing and Irvine figured he was just a wimp. He admired her for her strength. He also checked out the horses to make sure they were ok but as Selphie had said they were of a hardy Trabian variety. Selphie was of a hardy Trabian variety and he was proud of her for everything she did.
The path had started going downhill, winding into a misty gray valley. The rushing of the river grew louder as the little stream emptied into it and the afternoon sun was high in the sky above them. The horses slowed their steady pace as they made the descent into the steep landscape below. Irvine thought he saw smoke on the horizon and realized it was coming from the chimney stacks of a factory. There was a town in the distance and they were fast approaching it. Selphie's body stiffened in nervousness on her steed and Irvine yearned to hold her and tell her everything would be all right once they reached this place but he couldn't for fear of being thrown off his horse. Instead he offered her what he hoped was a reassuring smile but when she looked at him he could see the anxiousness in her eyes. Irvine didn't know what to say to her.
The buildings of the town became more distinct as they got closer. All the buildings seemed to be a gloomy gray color, dirty with pollution from coal. Nothing about that town spoke of happiness or even life. Everything seemed dead and it seemed for a moment like everything truly was dead and that it was a ghost town. But as they drew closer they saw a dingy child playing with a ragball in the middle of a street, in front of a scummy looking cabin. The child noticed them and ran away screaming in fright. A woman in a drab red dress and a dirty apron emerged from the house caressing the child who she now held in her arms.
"Who are ya? Speak ya peace and git outta here! We don't like outsidahz! 'Specially when they scare mah Kibby! Go on now! We ain't no turist attraction!" The woman bristled at them.
Selphie looked like she was going to cry but she spoke up anyway, "'My name is Selphie Tilmitt... I'm looking for anyone name Tilmitt. I may have been born here. I'm not angry about being given away by whoever but I just have some questions. So do you know anything?"
The woman's face softened a little bit, "Tilmitt? My name was Eslinna Tilmitt before I married Jed Corsas. My mother gave up a baby for adoption after my father died. Could it have been... you? I suppose you may as well come in. Tie up the horsahs aroun' the back."
Irvine and Selphie tied up the horses at a weathered hitching post around the back of the house and followed the woman inside. "Mama?" the woman called, "We have guests! A Miss Selphie Tilmitt here to see us."
A woman of perhaps 45 came out of a back bedroom. She had graying brown hair pinned into a bun and wore a navy blue, drab house dress. She looked tired and worn and not in the least bit impressed to see Selphie and Irvine or even curious. She glanced at her daughter questioningly but Eslinna simply jerked her head towards the guests in an attempt to get her mother's attention on them. The woman sat down in a ragged green armchair and took out a package of cigarrettes from her pocket. She searched the end table next to her, apparently for a light and looked annoyed when she could not find it. She glanced back at her nervous looking daughter.
"Eslinna! Get me a light! I can't get through the day without a smoke you know. And you know how bad I get if I don't have one!" The woman impatiently rapped on the arm of the chair and Eslinna dropped the little boy on the ground and scampered off to get what her mother demanded. When she returned, she tossed a small matchbook into her mother's shaking hands and trembling, the woman lit her cigarrete and took a long draught.
When she had finally calmed down from the injection of nicotine into her body, she took notice of Selphie and Irvine standing in the doorway, "Oh? So what do you want? Miss Selphie Tilmitt? If that really is your name... Well if it is I don't know what you think you're doing here... I can't help you... I gave you away to Edea Kramer eighteen years ago... Not because I wanted to mind you but because I had to. Your father died in the war, fighting for Galbadia. One of the dark secrets of Galbadian history is that they steal our men for use in their armies... I had too many kids already and I heard about this Edea woman and her orphanage. She was reluctant to take you at first because she couldn't fathom a mother willingly giving up her child. I had to though, I couldn't afford another mouth to feed. Also I didn't tell her but most people in our village have been cursed with disease. Most of my other children have died from cancer. You and Eslinna are all that's left. Miraculously she has so far escaped illness. But her husband is dying and I fear I am too. I wanted you to have a better life and to grow up happy and strong. That's how I finally convinced Edea to keep you. From looking at you, pregnant and with this nice young man, I can see that I made the right choice. Thank you, child, for giving me the gift that every mother dreams of when she has to make a choice like mine."
Selphie looked at Emily Tilmitt like she was about to cry and then impulsively she hugged the woman, "Thank you, I will never forget this day as long as I live. Irvine, I think we ought to be heading back." Without another word Selphie ran out of the house.
Irvine followed her and found her with the horses, "Why didn't you tell her about the cancer? Or at least why didn't you stay longer?"
Selphie looked at him sadly, "I couldn't... She was so happy that I looked healthy that I couldn't crush her like that. I think I've seen enough. I don't know what more I can say without crying. Let's just go Irvine ok?"
He didn't argue with her and despite pleas from Eslinna that they should stay for dinner, Irvine and Selphie left the dismal town of her heritage. Later on they reached a point, high on a cliff over looking the world below. In the distance the lights of Trabia Garden were shining. Selphie stopped her horse, cliffside and Irvine rode up to her.
"Hon, what is it?"
"I just needed to stop and reflect for a minute. Is that ok? I don't know if I made the right decision in going there but I feel more at peace now." Selphie said quietly.
"I think you did make the right choice. As long as you feel it in your heart that you did the correct thing that's all that matters." Irvine looked out at the early evening sky before them.
She nodded slightly, "Yes, I'm happy I got to meet her, my mother. It makes me feel more connected to the world... I hope that didn't make you feel unimportant but you know I never could have done it without you. Thank you Irvine for being my everything. I love you so much for it. I will never forget you no matter where I go."
"I love you too... I will always remember you and the way you looked today. The way you look carrying our child within you and the way you look when you're happy. I'm glad I could do this for you. Help you to fulfill your dream, I mean. If I can't make you well or change the past for you, it's the least I could do to make you happy..."
She was silent for a moment then she spoke, "Irvine? Can I ask you something?"
"Yeah Selphie?"
"Do you have anything in particular you want to name the baby?"
"I haven't really thought much about it.... Why?"
"I was thinking that if it's a girl, I'd like to name her Emily... You wouldn't mind would you?"
"No not at all... I think it's a fitting name for our baby. To name her after a woman who sacrificed so much."
"I think so too..."