Ellone: You all seem so down about it! I think it would be fun to write a whole TV show.
Laguna: Do you have any ideas, Elle?
Ellone: No... but I brought jelly donuts!
Selphie: Groovy!
Squall: Whatever.
Ellone: Do you want one, Squall?
Squall: ...I don't need your donuts.
Selphie: See? That's the problem with the game! Its Squall!
Squall: ...
Selphie: If you lightened up a little, you'd be as popular as me!
Ellone: I hate to say it, but she has a point. I mean, its not easy to be sympathetic with Squall. Perhaps a love story with some other characters would bolster ratings...?
Selphie: Exactly! What we need is a show that concentrates on everyone's favourite couple in the game: me and Irvy!
Ellone: Um, I wasn't talking about you two.
Selphie: Sis, don't be silly! No one really cared about Zell and the Library Girl!
Zell: Shut up!
Ellone: I meant Quistis and Seifer.
Quistis: What? You *must* be kidding!
Ellone: Have you seen all the Queifer fics and sites on the internet?
Quistis: I guess, but...
Ellone: Oh, don't be so modest, Quisty! You're one of the game favourites, even if you have little characterization after the beginning...
Quistis: True.
Ellone: So we make another love story, but Squall and Rinoa aren't the main characters any longer...
Rinoa: That's not fair!
Squall: It suits me just fine.
Ellone: ...Quistis and Seifer can be in love, but afraid to show it... or something... and the rest of us can be main characters too!
Selphie: Like a soap opera?
Ellone: Exactly!
Irvine: (grumbling) I liked my idea better.
Quistis: Excuse me?! Why on earth would you put Seifer and I together? That's silly!
Ellone: In case you haven't noticed, you two are number one couple in the popularity polls. I repeat: have you *seen* all the Queifer fics out there?
Zell: Hey, what about the rest of us?!
Ellone: Well, we'll have to throw in some yaoi...
Zell: WHAT?!!!
Ellone: Hmm, Zell & Squall is a pretty popular couple, but Seifer and Squall is everyone's favourite yaoi couple... Oooh, a love triangle!
Squall: ...
Ellone: Yeah! And Zell/Selphie fics are starting to gain popularity, so we'll have to add them as a couple for sure! Now, Rinoa and Irvine will have to be demoted to "plot device" status-
Rinoa: But I'm Squall's one and only true love!!!
Ellone: Try telling that to the Squeifer fans.
Laguna: Elle, this all sounds a little out there...
Rinoa: Nooooo!! I don't wanna be a plot device!!!
Ellone: No, my plan is perfect!
Ward: ...
Kiros: Ward's right, Ellone. You do seem a little out of sorts.
Ellone: I'm PERFEKTLY fine, OKAY?!!
Rinoa: Waaaaah! How can you-- Wait, what did you just say?
Ellone: (nervous) I said, er, I'm perfectly fine... okay?
Selphie: No no no no! I heard you, you said "perfektly!"
Zell: Holy $#17! She's Ultimecia in disguise!
Ellone: Eh, heh heh... of kourse I'm not-- d'oh.
Quistis: What are you doing here?
Ultimecia: ...
Squall: Well?
Irvine: I've got two talents: flirting with the chicks and whooping ass. And I'm all out of pick up lines.
Zell: Don't make me lay the smack down on yo' ass!
(Everyone, including Ultimecia, bursts into laughter. Yes, even Squall.)
Zell: What? What'd I say?
Ultimecia: I'm here to assure my rightful place in history!
Quistis: Not... time compression!
Ultimecia: No, no, nothing of the sort. I just want a place on the produktion team of the FF8 TV show. I mean, I got totally shafted with the game, I was hardly in it until the final battle! Kome on, Edea got more skreen time than me, she got some serious FMVs! And what do I get? Nothing but a load of krappy exposition. Really, even Martine got more lines than me, and who even remembers who he is?
Selphie: Who's Martine?
Ultimecia: Exaktly! I demand some respekt, dammit!
Headmaster Cid: Okay, we respect you, now get off the set!!
Ultimecia: Oh, poo. At least let me make one kouple up, though.
Headmaster Cid: I'm not sure...
Ultimecia: You know, I can still do the whole time compression thing.
Headmaster Cid: I mean, of course you can create one kou- er, couple up! By all means, just leaver when you're finished!!
Ultimecia: The kouple shall be Kiros and...
Kiros: I've got a bad feeling about this-
Ultimecia: ...ME!!! Wai, Kiros-sama!!
Kiros: ...help me.
Selphie: Wait, but why Kiros? Laguna's way hotter!
Ultimecia: I love his name! It just rolls off the tongue... Kkkkkkkkkkiros.
Headmaster Cid: That's not so bad. Okay, so Kiros, in the show you can-- Kiros?
Rinoa: I think he ran away.
Ultimecia: Oohohohohohoho!!! Kiros, my love, wait for me!
(sound of running footsteps and laughter slowly disappears in the distance)
Laguna: Well, that certainly was... scary.
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Okay, this was supposed to have more content, but I decided to post it, cuz I think its long enough. Coming soon: Rinoa and Selphie's crazy ideas!! Woohoo!
