Final Fantasy 8... Addition! Episode 2! (aka FF8: The Radio Play)



Laguna: ...so that's why we were all called here.

Ellone: You all seem so down about it! I think it would be fun to write a whole TV show.

Laguna: Do you have any ideas, Elle?

Ellone: No... but I brought jelly donuts!

Selphie: Groovy!

Squall: Whatever.

Ellone: Do you want one, Squall?

Squall: ...I don't need your donuts.

Selphie: See? That's the problem with the game! Its Squall!

Squall: ...

Selphie: If you lightened up a little, you'd be as popular as me!

Ellone: I hate to say it, but she has a point. I mean, its not easy to be sympathetic with Squall. Perhaps a love story with some other characters would bolster ratings...?

Selphie: Exactly! What we need is a show that concentrates on everyone's favourite couple in the game: me and Irvy!

Ellone: Um, I wasn't talking about you two.

Selphie: Sis, don't be silly! No one really cared about Zell and the Library Girl!

Zell: Shut up!

Ellone: I meant Quistis and Seifer.

Quistis: What? You *must* be kidding!

Ellone: Have you seen all the Queifer fics and sites on the internet?

Quistis: I guess, but...

Ellone: Oh, don't be so modest, Quisty! You're one of the game favourites, even if you have little characterization after the beginning...

Quistis: True.

Ellone: So we make another love story, but Squall and Rinoa aren't the main characters any longer...

Rinoa: That's not fair!

Squall: It suits me just fine.

Ellone: ...Quistis and Seifer can be in love, but afraid to show it... or something... and the rest of us can be main characters too!

Selphie: Like a soap opera?

Ellone: Exactly!

Irvine: (grumbling) I liked my idea better.

Quistis: Excuse me?! Why on earth would you put Seifer and I together? That's silly!

Ellone: In case you haven't noticed, you two are number one couple in the popularity polls. I repeat: have you *seen* all the Queifer fics out there?

Zell: Hey, what about the rest of us?!

Ellone: Well, we'll have to throw in some yaoi...

Zell: WHAT?!!!

Ellone: Hmm, Zell & Squall is a pretty popular couple, but Seifer and Squall is everyone's favourite yaoi couple... Oooh, a love triangle!

Squall: ...

Ellone: Yeah! And Zell/Selphie fics are starting to gain popularity, so we'll have to add them as a couple for sure! Now, Rinoa and Irvine will have to be demoted to "plot device" status-

Rinoa: But I'm Squall's one and only true love!!!

Ellone: Try telling that to the Squeifer fans.

Laguna: Elle, this all sounds a little out there...

Rinoa: Nooooo!! I don't wanna be a plot device!!!

Ellone: No, my plan is perfect!

Ward: ...

Kiros: Ward's right, Ellone. You do seem a little out of sorts.

Ellone: I'm PERFEKTLY fine, OKAY?!!

Rinoa: Waaaaah! How can you-- Wait, what did you just say?

Ellone: (nervous) I said, er, I'm perfectly fine... okay?

Selphie: No no no no! I heard you, you said "perfektly!"

Zell: Holy $#17! She's Ultimecia in disguise!

Ellone: Eh, heh heh... of kourse I'm not-- d'oh.

Quistis: What are you doing here?

Ultimecia: ...

Squall: Well?

Irvine: I've got two talents: flirting with the chicks and whooping ass. And I'm all out of pick up lines.

Zell: Don't make me lay the smack down on yo' ass!

(Everyone, including Ultimecia, bursts into laughter. Yes, even Squall.)

Zell: What? What'd I say?

Ultimecia: I'm here to assure my rightful place in history!

Quistis: Not... time compression!

Ultimecia: No, no, nothing of the sort. I just want a place on the produktion team of the FF8 TV show. I mean, I got totally shafted with the game, I was hardly in it until the final battle! Kome on, Edea got more skreen time than me, she got some serious FMVs! And what do I get? Nothing but a load of krappy exposition. Really, even Martine got more lines than me, and who even remembers who he is?

Selphie: Who's Martine?

Ultimecia: Exaktly! I demand some respekt, dammit!

Headmaster Cid: Okay, we respect you, now get off the set!!

Ultimecia: Oh, poo. At least let me make one kouple up, though.

Headmaster Cid: I'm not sure...

Ultimecia: You know, I can still do the whole time compression thing.

Headmaster Cid: I mean, of course you can create one kou- er, couple up! By all means, just leaver when you're finished!!

Ultimecia: The kouple shall be Kiros and...

Kiros: I've got a bad feeling about this-

Ultimecia: ...ME!!! Wai, Kiros-sama!!

Kiros: ...help me.

Selphie: Wait, but why Kiros? Laguna's way hotter!

Ultimecia: I love his name! It just rolls off the tongue... Kkkkkkkkkkiros.

Headmaster Cid: That's not so bad. Okay, so Kiros, in the show you can-- Kiros?

Rinoa: I think he ran away.

Ultimecia: Oohohohohohoho!!! Kiros, my love, wait for me!

(sound of running footsteps and laughter slowly disappears in the distance)

Laguna: Well, that certainly was... scary.

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Okay, this was supposed to have more content, but I decided to post it, cuz I think its long enough. Coming soon: Rinoa and Selphie's crazy ideas!! Woohoo!