Things Harry Potter characters wouldn't be caught saying
When they're alone:
Lockhart: Okay! I admit it…I pick my nose when no one's watching me.
Hermione: You want the truth? I pay people to do my homework for me so I
always get A's!
Voldemort: In my spare time, I like to kill people,
take control of people's bodies, and play with Barbie dolls and bunny rabbits.
Lucius
Malfoy: I sew sweaters and send them to
the poor little Muggles in London.
Draco
Malfoy: I practice ballet in my
basement.
Pansy: I kiss pictures of Leonardo DiCaprio and I
throw darts at Malfoy's picture.
Dobby: Dobby uses his wages to be playing poker!
Percy: I throw parties in my office every week and
I don't invite the Ministry of Magic people! Ha! That's what they get for not
promoting me!
Harry: I practice my signature for when I'm grown
up and even more famous.
Ron: I keep a secret stash of money in my pillow
and I do Hermione's homework for her.
If they lived in the U.S.:
Lockhart: What? You've never heard of me?? I'm
Gilderoy Lockhart!
Voldemort: I think I'll consider a career in directing.
Dobby: Vegas, here I come! (Wears a pair of boxers and a tie with
one of those hats the dealers in casinos always wears.)
Hermione: Eating spree! Pass the onion rings! (Sits
in front of a plate of French fries, a cheeseburger, onion rings, and a
milkshake.)
Draco
Malfoy: Ooh la la! Britney Spears! (Holds a long poster of Britney Spears.)
Harry: I need Daily Focus contact lenses. (Stomps on his glasses.)
Ron: I'm going to dye my hair and pierce my ears!
Lucius
Malfoy: I invented the Internet.
Wormtail: I think I'll do the Stock Market…
Dumbledore: I believe I will work on my tan.
Uncle
Vernon: I'm going to work out in the
gym every day and sculpt my body to perfection.
Dudley: Jenny Craig? Hmmm…that's a possibility.
