Heheheh…they said what

Heheheh…they said what?!

Oh, woe is me!

Voldemort: No! (Sobs.) How could you, you evil murderer!! (Wipes his eyes.) You killed Bambi's mommy!! Waaah!! Oh no…Wormtail…

Pettigrew: What did I tell you? You're not supposed to watch Bambi before bedtime! It ruins your contacts! And these special red snake eye ones are extra expensive, too!

Cho: Hello, Harry.

Harry: (Wearing a hat backwards, sunglasses, and a chain.) Hey ho!! Call me H Doggy Dogg! What up? How's my main man? (Does a funky dance around Cho.)

Draco Malfoy: (Dreaming and drooling.) I wanna ride the pony……

Fred Weasley: We've decided to turn over a new leaf.

George: Yes, we've decided to stop trying to run a joke shop.

Fred: I can see it now! "Monty Python II and the Hogwarts Toilet Seat"!

Scene from Titanic:

Jack: Promise me, Rose, that you'll survive this night…

Rose: I promise Jack…

Voldemort: How touching…it almost makes me want to convert to good.

Rose: (Watches Jack float down to the bottom of the ocean, crying.) I'll never let go, Jack…I'll never let go.

Voldemort: (Clutches a tissue. Reaches for the TV screen.) Jack…oh! (Squirts Visine in his eyes.) Don't go, Jack!

Dobby: Winky, Dobby has found a job for you!

Winky: Nothing will be as good as working for Master!! Waah!

Dobby: There is a job opening in a bar, Winky! Winky can work there and Dobby will be a card dealer in a nearby casino!

Pettigrew: (Browsing through drapes in WalMart) Which drapes do you think will look good with your bedding?

Voldemort: Oh, I just can't make up my mind. I absolutely love those pastel pink drapes, but they clash horribly with my adorable green bunny slippers!

Pettigrew: What about mauve?

Voldemort: Oh no, red makes me think of blood. You know how queasy I get at the sight of blood.

Pettigrew: You know, I plumb forgot about that!

Crabbe: You know, Goyle, I find that quadratic equations are quite stimulating for the mind.

Goyle: Yes, yes, I do agree, Crabbe. I have also found that Shakespeare is quite inspiring. Perhaps you and me should collaborate and create our own tragedy.

Crabbe: You mean, 'Perhaps you and I'

Draco Malfoy: Hey, what are you doing with my copy of Romeo and Juliet?

Goyle: Huh? (Picks nose. Crabbe eats his earwax.)

Malfoy: You two are hopeless. I don't even know how you got into Hogwarts in the first place.

A/N: This is from Shrek. I know that as well as you do.

Voldemort: (Torturing a victim.) Tell me where he is!! Where is Harry Potter?

Victim: OK!! (Sobs.) Okay, I'll tell you! (Pause.) Do you know…the muffin man?

Voldemort: The muffin man?

Victim: (Sobbing.) The muffin man!

Voldemort: (Thoughtful.) Yes, I know the muffin man…that one that lives in Hogsmeade, right?

Victim: Yes! (Sob.) Don't hurt me!

Voldemort: You know, Wormtail, I'm rather in the mood for muffins.

Wormtail: Blueberry ones are the best.